You Reap What You Sow ~ What about Child Abuse

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Darlene Ouimet

Yesterday I suddenly thought about how abusive this statement is when I think about it through the eyes of myself as a child! You reap what you sow, you get what you deserve. I was raised with this expression. I was raised to believe that whatever was in my life or NOT in my life was my fault. That if I had problems in my relationships with people then it was because I cultivated incorrectly and I had sown bad seed.  I was willing to take that responsibility because I had been taught that it was all up to me in the first place.  I believed that I deserved to be picked on because I thought I was dislikeable. I believed that if I could be likeable, that people would treat me differently. I thought that my mother would be happier if I was more what she wanted as a daughter. I thought my father would pay attention to me, that he would SEE me if I was different. I thought that I was doing something wrong. I thought that I would be loved when I figured out what others wanted. I thought it was all up to me and the seeds that I had sown.

When I was in my early twenties seeking some sort of life for myself I was never really happy, and it seemed like relationships were such a struggle, I believed that it was because “you reap what you sow” and once again I believed that it was me. I accepted that all relationship success was up to me. I accepted that all relationship failure was my fault. I believed as I had always believed as a child, that I had to try harder. If there was a problem, then it was within me.

And as a child I seemed to attract a lot of abuse. I had accepted that as my fault then too.

I don’t think that children have much choice in what they sow.  Did I sow the seeds of deserving abuse? Did I do something to bring that on myself? Was I sexually abused because I had “sown bad seed?” Was I neglected because I had not sown the right seeds? I believed that I deserved the strap that I endured many times; I was told that I deserved it. I was literally brainwashed to accept that I had brought all abuse on myself. And I certainly believed that I did.  You reap what you sow.

Because of this type of conditioning I received as a child as adult, I took this statement out of the context that it was intended to be said in.

One of my boyfriends was violent.  I believed that I was provoking him somehow.  I tried to be sweet and compliant so that he would not get mad at me, but when I look back my mistake was in taking the blame and responsibility for his temper. I thought that I reap what I sow… so I must have sown the seeds that triggered his temper. Just like I believed that I had sown the seeds that caused my mother to have such a temper. 

When I was 17, I had a boyfriend with a serious drinking problem; I thought that I should be able to fill whatever void was in him so that he didn’t “need to drink”.  I felt that his drinking problem reflected my failure. He got violent too and although I was deathly afraid of him, I was sure that I could help him by loving him. That if only I could sow the seeds of love, he would calm down. I left him out of fear but I still felt that the failure of our relationship was my fault.  

Several married men hit on me before I was 20 years old. I honestly believed that I had done something to attract that. I was willing to accept the blame for their behaviour. I must have done “something” to reap what was sown.

In my early twenties I had a boyfriend who cheated on me with other women.  I was devastated to realize that this was going on, but I was way more disappointed in myself then I was in him.  I believed that I had done something wrong for him to feel the “need” to have sex with other women.  I believed that I could to learn to love and accept him enough that he wouldn’t “have” to do that anymore.

People were very happy to let me take all this responsibility. Abusers will always blame someone else for their actions.  And my mother would use this expression “you reap what you sow” to remind me that whatever was wrong in my life, must have been caused from some seed I had sown in the first place.

This was a way of life for me. I constantly searched for the seed I had sown. I constantly looked for what I had done wrong to CAUSE someone to treat me with disrespect and disregard.  My definition of love was very wrong but I had never been taught anything different. I had been taught to be accountable for things that were not my fault. The saying “you reap what you sow” was like confirmation to me that it really was something I had done to deserve the grief and mistreatment in my life.

There is a bridge between childhood and adulthood that many survivors never cross. We go from being abused to being held accountable for all our results in life. In this case I abused myself with the statement “you reap what you sow” more than others abused me with it. Accepting the blame for my results as a child paved the way for others to come along and inflict more pain on me and get me to take the blame for it too.   

The first time I connected that “it was my own fault” was when my mother’s boyfriend came into my room in the night when I was just a young teenager and he molested me. He was trying to get into bed with me when he was caught and stopped by my aunt who was visiting us and sleeping in the next room. My mother denied that it happened. She tried to convince me that I had misunderstood his intentions. She said he was drunk; he didn’t realize what he was doing. 

But it was her final statements that did the most damage. She said “well Darlene, you do have a crush on him” in other words “You reap what you sow”

Please add your voice to these thoughts of mine. Were you conditioned to believe that you reap what you sow, in a negative way such as this?

Exposing Truth; one snapshot at a time

Darlene Ouimet

The Emerging from Broken book is ready for download! If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you, get this book today! This 197 page, downloadable, printable, live linked e-book will put you on the fast track to healing.  Get yours here through the upper right side bar or click this link~ Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing

For related articles visit the blue links in bold print throughout this post.

This expression “you reap what you sow: comes from the bible verse Galatians 6:7 take note: It says “a man” not “a child”. Taken out of context, this verse is used to abuse.  

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90 response to "You Reap What You Sow ~ What about Child Abuse"

  1. By: J Posted: 5th January

    Hi Dendera

    Just wanted to say hi & so sorry to hear about all the pain you were forced to suffer.

    I think you have a very lyrical way of writing – your words evoked many pictures in my mind as I read your post. (It stood out even more from being a short post and still managing to do that).

    I hope that (apart from the painful dreams) you’re in a better place today

    wishing you peace

    J

  2. By: Dendera Posted: 5th January

    I had it all. Emotional, Sexual and Physical abuse. Both parents degenerates. Father and brother pedophiles and beaters and mother a lunatic and a tyrant and a child beater. I wonder how I survived. I thought I was all alone in this. As time has gone on I see there are many like me. But that is the way of abuse…to isolate the target. When I was 18 and my mother did not by law have to give me food I was rolled out the front door unfit for work or love. A long lonely blue hell. Because I believed that I wasn’t worth a dime I did not leave the social geography into which I was born. Met the dwellers who beat wives and all the other treachers. I was often told I was only alive because the pill had not been invented…1950… and how dare I sneak into a womb! So many cruel words my ears have heard that my soul is littered. I am a 60 year old woman now and I have long ago released my tormentors to the infinite. But the pain of memory still comes to me at night when I dream. I was born to a place with no love. My only parent was my make-believe God and my only savior was Time.

  3. By: Connie Posted: 15th November

    Hello – I wanted to tell you how i came to this blog and what it did in my life. I volunteer at a christian after school program and teach kids 4-6th grade. I was planning to teach LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR from Galatians 5:14. In reading further, I found “A man reaps what he sows.” in Gal 6:7 and thought it would be a good way to illustrate, if you want love, sow love…right?…. How NAIVE of me! (Thanks to finding this blog.) As I read your descriptions of how this scripture gets twisted and used to harm gentle spirits, I just lay on the floor and wept for the hurt and became outraged at the lies!!! I realized, God was allowing me to feel just an ounce of what He feels on the subject! Thank you so much for sharing your stories, and know that they diverted a well meaning teacher from planting an idea that could be used against other kids! I basically looked into each of their eyes and told them, “YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW OTHER PEOPLE BEHAVE, EVER!” We are only responsible for how we behave. Anger and meanness are a choice, just like love and gentleness are choices!

    I thank God for Emerging from Broken and I pray for wholeness, that can only come from knowing the healer.

    Doing my best to serve Jesus,
    Connie

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 15th November

      Connie
      Thank you so much for sharing this with me! It is comments like yours that inspire me to keep going and keep writing. I feel validated for my work and my efforts here!
      Thank you so much for listening to your heart and taking that action with those kids too! This is really amazing and wonderful and I am thrilled and blessed to have been a part of it!
      Hugs, Darlene

  4. By: Pinky Posted: 17th September

    @Darlene my computer battery is melted and we are waiting for anew one so I have not been on but I wanted to read this! I fully agree with what you are saying! Cant post long but just wanted to say that.
    This is a mind set that has infected the culture. Bottom line I believe it stems from the illusion that we are God, that we control life! That idea is delusional! Thanks for posting the truth!

  5. By: bjcirceleb Posted: 17th September

    Such an accurate description of what I felt my whole life. And sure as an adult I can have some level of control, but the fact is the only thing I know how to do now is what I was taught to do as a child. I was taught as a child that I was a useless piece of shit and not worthy of anything. I never learnt to have relationships with anyone at all. Then when I am lonely and have all manner of problems the response of the service system is to tell me to think positively and to go and join some groups to make friends. I can only think positively if I have something positive to think about and I can only make friends if I know how to, and that is something you are taught as a child and I was not taught those skills, I was taught how to be abused.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 17th September

      Hi bjcirceleb
      Welcome to emerging from broken. This site is about how I learned to overcome the messages and abuse from my childhood. I learned to re-parent myself and today I am a fully functioning member of society. There is a very big community of others too, who share their journeys and self discoveries and healing here too.
      So glad you are here.
      Hugs, Darlene

  6. By: Pam Posted: 16th September

    Kate, You’re welcome. They will come. Love them and keep steady…

    Love,
    Pam

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 16th September

      Hi Kelly
      Thank you so much for your lovely comments and validation. I know how I healed and I know what worked for me ~ so I am trying to do that for others, to sort of assist or recreate how I found my freedom.
      I know the feelings that you talk about, I had them too. You are doing great Kelly!
      Hugs, Darlene

      Everyone ~
      I just published a new post by our very own Pam Witzemann. In this new blog post, Pam writes about how she learned to SELF ABUSE and it is a powerful post.

      You can read her new guest post here: How I learned to Self Abuse by Pam Witzemann

  7. By: Kate Posted: 16th September

    Pam,
    Thanks so much for sharing from your journey. your children are oler than mine. Can’t wait for some of those revelations coming from the children!!

  8. By: Pam Posted: 16th September

    Robin, I’m always happy when my words help someone. When those words come out of my greatest pains and they turn that pain to healing another, they also do much to heal me.

    Love,
    Pam

  9. By: Pam Posted: 16th September

    Kate, I always thought that when my kids got to the ages that yours are now that I would be done with parenting them but boy, was I wrong! The early adult years were the hardest years to get my kids through. So many things came to a head and we also had more than our share of tradjedies then. Part of it was me being on psycho tropic meds and out of it, making bad decisions but a lot of underlying promblems emerged also. I think you are doing the best you can. The thing with young boys is when they hurt they don’t know how to express it verbally(I think many men are also this way)so they act out physically in all kinds of destructive ways. If they don’t have some kind of anchor, there’s no telling what they may get into. I think as parents, we have to stay solid so they have a landmark when the seas get choppy. It’s hard because it is the time when we are letting go of them, also. I’m glad your son is in counseling. We had a good family counselor also and my kids and my husband and I still go see him sometimes. It helps but there is no quick fix but if you hang in there, keep doing the right things, (no matter what they say to you), I think you will see fruit from your efforts down the road. Don’t beat yourself up. All loving parents make mistakes and what makes them different from abusive parents is the love and the willingness to say,”I’m sorry.” My children like it best when I am an open book to them.

    My children gave me a good example of the anchor analogy when we had our discussion about spiritual abuse. They told me that I am the reason that they still half believe in God and when my faith wavers, it frightens them. I was dumbfounded but also encouraged. They went on to talk about some of the kids they’ve known who didn’t have a working, loving relationship with their parents and how bad they feel for them now even though, they were confused about it and saw those same kids as clamorous when they were younger. Sticking to what I knew was true and loving them through everything they’ve gone through has proved to be of more value than preventing any hard lesson they’ve had to learn. It is so hard when we’ve loved and protected our kids to turn them lose into the world because the world sure doesn’t love them like we do but all of us have had to go through it. Your children are beginning their rite of passage into adulthood.

    I also did alot of reading at that time. I had to understand the diachotomy of the family I was raised in so that I could handle what was happening to the family I created in a healthier way. It was uber painful. When I first started reading about narcissistic families, there were times that I would literaly throw up because of the truth that it revealed to me. I couldn’t take too much of it at once but I needed to read it, face it, understand it, and begin to do things differently. Narcissism is so contagious. I had many learned narcissistic behaviors and points of view and I worried that I was one but the difference was that I realy wanted to get better and be a whole person. Truly malignant narcissists don’t, they think everyone else should be like them. That is when my self confrontation journey began that has ended with my confronting and accepting the truth about my past, and then in confronting my family of origin. The amazing thing about my journey the last few years is how my kids have encouraged me through it. They wanted me to break with my family and not allow them to mistreat me anymore, more than I wanted it myself. It has meant so much to them and they are so happy to have me without the control of a family that never valued me. They felt so much of that devaluation also and I was so unaware of it. I was used to being treated that way and couldn’t see it, they only experienced that devaluing from my family and could see the difference. Freeing myself is also halping them to become more free. It has been a very painful process but one that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.

    Hang in there,Kate. Better days are ahead.

    Love,
    Pam

  10. By: Robin Posted: 16th September

    11Pam
    September 14th, 2011 at 8:10 am
    Darlene, As usual, I read one of your posts and then it settles in and I have a deeper reaction than initially. As an adult, I have struggled with feelings of actually being what my parents sowed. My family used to give me such a hard time about being depressed, anxious, and angry. It was my parents that caused me to first develop these problems and that is the worst of being a neglected or abused child is that we grow into the abuse and neglect and it becomes a part of who we are. Then we struggle all of our lives to overcome the damage. It isn’t much different than a birth defect. You want to talk about anger? I feel very angry about that this morning and also very angry at my family for denigrating me for becoming what they taught me to be. Layers, upon layers of cruelty. Wouldn’t it be something if they actually had enough compassion to realize their mistakes and the excruciating pain that they caused and said they were sorry so that I truly could forgive them and see them receive that forgiveness? It sure would be something if they took back some of that misplaced responsibility that they heaped upon me. I’m not holding my breath and I’m done being the garden in which they sow their seeds of cruelty. There’s nothing else that I can do; but there will always be something inside of me that wishes my parents would really BE parents and do their part to make things right.
    *************

    Oh, my gosh! Thanks, Pam, for writing this. I’ve been struggling with this very issue regarding my pastor and his wife. I’ve been struggling with a way to express my rage and just couldn’t seem to find the words. It seemed like your post spoke the words that were in my heart. You don’t know how much it helped me.

  11. By: Kelly Posted: 16th September

    Darlene,
    I do not know how to even begin to explain to you how much you, this site has come to mean to me, in such a short amount of time… I can’t even describe to you, the feeling of shock,albeit a good shock, but a shock nontheless.. when i come on see that firstly, you responded to me!! secondly, that your response was one of understanding, tenderness and validation!! Basically a positive response. It is a shock each and every time, as each time, i don’t expect to get a response from you,that i am not worthy enough first off for you to read what i wrote, nevermind respond to it.. each time, when i first see that you have responded to what i have said, i usually expect it to be a negative response.. a response telling me that i am stupid, that what i have said is wrong, or completely off base. Each time it takes me a minute or two to even read what you wrote, or read anything anyone wrote addressed to me, out of fear of what i will read. Each time i am pleasantly surprised… I hope that i, at some point, can come back here and not be filled with fear, or be shocked with what i read.
    So, Darlene, people on the site, Thank you so much for being YOU!!.

  12. By: Kate Posted: 16th September

    Pam,
    My oldest is a senior in college and on a good track. I feel guilty because i always felt like i gave him more and better time in our home school, etc.,

    reading emotional vampires by bernstein, and just read last night that a narcissist and a paranoid (which would be my parents and my tendancy) make for a nasty combination and I feel worse for my kids now, but it is good to learn so that I can undo my behavior, as in, stop some of that stuff

  13. By: Kate Posted: 16th September

    Pam,
    I am overwhelmed. My youngest is 16, just totalled his step-dad’s car two weeks ago. The next week, my almost 18yo son ran away from his dad’s and came back telling unblievable stories, and we got him back in school and now on to counseling. My 19yo daughter is now moving in with me in two weeks from far away. Yes, i had three children in less than three years, and they are all on my plate right now. I was just starting to think I shoud get more education or a job, and now I want to go back to bed sometimes. Plus, our moving turck is unloading here tomorrow after we finally sold our home from 1,000 miles away in this housing market. My new husband didn’t want ot force us to move since my kids had been through so much prior to our marriage, and he could travel back and forth.

  14. By: Samantha Posted: 15th September

    Boy, your story sounds familiar. I was molested by my step father. he would always tell me before he molested me that I was ugly and he was doing me a favor. When I told on him…my mother took me to the police and after being questioned in a cold dark room they said their was nothing they can do. So for years after that my mother and I had to try and keep him from coming back. He broke the door down several times and all the police would do was take him back home so he would just come back later. Later I would get into High School and become raped and sexually assaulted. The guy who raped me in HS told me I was pretty before he did it. That night on the way home, I thought then if I am too pretty now I want to be ugly again. I then got married to an abuser who would always say I don’t hit girls. But, the verbal and mental abuse was worse then the blows he tried to throw at me. The words you are worthless still run through my head big. The damage these abusive people do are bad. I know these people were abused themselves and think it is normal to act this way in order to be loved. All they really do is to suck the life out of good people. Just to let you all know you are not alone. We all must break the cycle of abuse.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 16th September

      Hi Samantha,
      Welcome to Emerging from Broken
      I am so sorry that you have been through all this! The world is such a mess.
      About what you shared, this is what I am talking about here; the brainwashing that goes along with the abuse. I had to take a good look at what my belief system had become and how, so that I could overcome those beliefs about myself. The voices in my head telling me that I was worthless no longer have that power.
      Glad you are here!
      Hugs, Darlene

  15. By: Pam Posted: 15th September

    Kate, My kids were very hurt in church. My oldest went to a Bible college and that is one decision that I really kick myself over because of the way he was treated there. Because my youngest felt rejected by the church, he rebelled against it and it made him suseptible to being manipulated by a group of satanists who were a lot older than he was. He met them in college which he began to attend at 16. He once told me that we were hanging around with the wrong people so he decided to, also. It was a horrible time for all of us. We’re all still healing and your perspective as a child in church helps me understand better how they feel.–All this talk made me concerned that maybe they felt like I had abused them spiritually, or that maybe I had. I had an opportunity to talk to both of them together so I asked and to my relief, they laughed at me, then hugged me and we all cried. I know they will heal and they do know that I really don’t care if they go to church and that whatever they decide about God won’t affect how I love them. It just makes me sad and I want my boys to be able to take back what abusive people took from them, their faith. Really, I don’t think it is gone but they have buried it all down deep. It is ironic because I thought I was giving them something that was much better than what I had.

    I raised two boys, they grew up to be good men. I don’t know if I have experience with your particular problem but I care and I know what it is like to hurt for your children. I’m here to talk to, Kate.

    Love,
    Pam

  16. By: Kate Posted: 15th September

    Pam,
    How does what I say help with your sons? I am curious because you brought it up and because I need help with my son right now.

  17. By: Pam Posted: 15th September

    Kate, I know that is something I can’t fully understand because I have only viewed it through the eyes of an adult. I’m sorry that happened to you. I’ve had run ins with spiritually abusive people but I never viewed the church as authority so they didn’t have the same power over me that a helpless child can feel. The things you say help me with my sons.

  18. By: Kate Posted: 15th September

    cowanmagee,
    ME TOO!! son is 17, pray for a good counselor!

    Pam,
    It was both home and church, but church is the “approval of society” in a child’s mind, and perhaps in everyone’s mind, for accepting abusive, devaluing treatment in other settings, home, etc.

  19. By: Vicki Posted: 15th September

    I can’t deny that I like those phrases when it pertains to the abusive person. B/c, if I think they’re NOT going to get what they deserve, I’d never be able to live with what happened.
    I never thought Osama bin Laden would get what was coming to him, and I can’t really say I was saddened by what DID happen. It’s what I wish would happen to my A. Rosemary, b/c she threatened to “beat the shit” out of me for telling what my mom, her sister, did.
    That’s so damn barbaric, that I’ve lost every feeling of even wanting to try to be civil to her.
    People have told me to pray for her, and I only did it once. But after I realized that she’s apparently going to be this way for the rest of her life, threatening people with physical violence for talking, I decided I never want to see or talk to her again.

  20. By: Kelly Posted: 15th September

    Your reap what you sow, you made your bed,now lie in it, you only get what you deserve… All words i heard so many times, from my mother, yes, from myself even more so as the years wore on.. I believed, i deserved all the beatings, all the hurtful words, all the sexual abuses and pains, as if there wasn’t something so inherently wrong with me, then it wouldn’t be happening.. I just have to learn to be good.. i just have to learn to keep my mouth shut, i just have to do better, and all this will stop.. I truly felt, at times, i was put on this earth, to take the abuse, because there was something that i just wasn’t learning, something i was just too stupid to understand.. I just could never measure up to what everyone else already measured to… Thank you Darlene, and every other person on this site.. as i read your words, i feel less alone, as i can finally see others have fought the same fight with others yes, but more importantly, fought the fight with themselves, and are finally, finally winning the fight as we begin to learn, that it is not us that are wrong, it is the people that taught us all this, the people that hurt us, are the ones that are wrong.. the ones that taught us we were unworthy, that are the unworthy ones…

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 15th September

      Hi Louise,
      Seeing past that you have always accepted that it was all your fault.. that is awesome! That was one very huge wall for me. I had to realize over and over again that it was not always MY fault. I had to look at things from many angles. I even looked at things the way that the accusers looked at me. This was a process, but breaking through it was major.
      Thank you for sharing,
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Rise
      Thanks! I am careful about the way I communicate to my kids too.
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Kelly
      You highlight some important things with your comments; The way that your mother communicated to you reminds me of how abuse and control works. One of the things that really helped me was seeing that “they” didn’t follow their own teachings. It was all put on me. I had to realize that all those “teachings” from everywhere, were ALL wrong. I am good enough not by what I do. Those are all the lies they used to control me and that included people in many many places, jobs, churches, school and relatives through out my life.
      Thanks for sharing this Kelly! I love your comments as they remind me exactly how it was and the insanity that I used to live in too.
      Hugs, Darlene

  21. By: Kelly Posted: 15th September

    I was brought up going to church, reading the bible, etc. by my father, my mother never stepped foot in a church as an adult. She didn’t believe in any of it… however, she was very good at pointing things out to me, as not very christian, if i didn’t want to do the dishes in that moment, or if i told my sister i didn’t not want to play with her etc. I was always to put others before myself, in my family, myself and my father were the only ones though, that were to act this way… i was also the only child made to go to church… because, apparently, i was the one who “needed to learn how to behave” i have over the years, tried to do right, tried to go to church, tried studying the bible, tried it all.. the last church i went to was years ago, while i was with my abusive partner… the church knew it was happening, but would be told that as i grew in my love of Christ, my partner (who did not go to church) would see the light in me, stop abusing me, as well as, my light would lead him to christ and the church.. and as the years wore on, i was reminded, that it was my fault, as i did not love god enough, i didn’t grow in the light enough, i needed to try harder, etc. when i left my partner, i also left the church…

  22. By: Tiffany Posted: 15th September

    Hi Darlene, I relate to many of these versions of abuse & neglect. I wasnt brought up in an christian home. But beig the eldest of the daughters, as young as 7, I use to get: Your a smart girl/at times hore, you never do anything without a reason.!” so, I was never given permission to make mistakes, or be silly & play freely as a child. I use to take responsiblity for the family failing system, misfortune that fell apoun our home, or my siblings. Instead of sleeping, i use to stay awake trying find ways to make my father less angry, ways to put a smile on my sisters faces, ways to feel free, and read self-help books at an early age as 12 years old. In my 3os now, even after wonderful healing & restoration through my christian faith. I could not understand why I was not comfortable in confrontation with loves ones, despite my confidence & spiritual wisdom. The holy spirit led me to an article, the writer an abused victim, recommended a book “home comming: reclaiming & championing your inner child” by John Bradshaw. This book has really helped me acknowledge, the way my wounded inner child was contaiminating my life. Through even the husband i chose to marry. After completing, the mediations of all stages of my childhood stages, – I really thought I was done with the grieving process after many years of couselling etc. but this book has really helped my inner child, find peace, answers and is slowly emerging into an wonderChild! New creativity has bloomed, Ive written an poem regarding this breakthrough, and I hope it blessed many:)

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 15th September

      Hi Tiffany
      Welcome to EFB
      I can totally relate to this post! I think that many other readers will too. Thank you for sharing with us.
      Hugs, Darlene

  23. By: Risé Posted: 14th September

    I forgot to mention, that my mother used this same saying with me. Another one I hate that she’d use on me was, “Don’t point a finger at someone because when you do, you have three pointing back at you.” ARRGGHHHH!!

  24. By: Risé Posted: 14th September

    Oh, Darlene … once again, I can so relate to this. I HATE that saying applied to children, especially in abusive situations – talk about confusing the child even more!! I teach my children that there are consequences for their actions, but in no way do I say or imply that they deserve it. As children, this ‘reap what you sew” holds them to self blame for things they should never be blamed for.

    Children don’t deserve being manipulated, controlled, degraded, molested, etc. It’s a tough thing to unlearn – that ‘you deserve every wicked thing done to you.’

    Great post, Darlene!

  25. By: Pam Posted: 14th September

    Thanks for that, Darlene. I also hate spiritual abuse. I agree with everything you wrote. Healing is setting every misconception I’ve been taught aside to find the truth for myself.

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