Why Me? Wrong Answers to Abuse Recovery Questions

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abuse and mental health recovery

Why Me?

I read the following quote on twitter and it really bugged me: If a person who went through domestic violence asks you “Why me?” then answer; “you’ve been put on this Earth to help others who went through the same thing.”

I think not.

This ticks me off because I used to believe this kind of thing; I accepted it as the truth, but today I see it for the skewed way of thinking that it is. If I believe this saying, then I have to believe that there was some grand plan for my life that included me being mistreated, abused, invalidated and devalued. If I believed this then I would believe that abuse is and mistreatment is for character building and actually has a place in our world.

I was not abused because the universe, fate, God or some other higher power had some amazing plan for my life. A plan that included me being beaten down and squished, devalued, mistreated, abused and invalidated for the first 40 or so years of my life, so that I could emerge from the rubble, bleeding and broken and become this fantastic encouragement to the world and make a huge difference.  I think not.

I can use my adversities and the struggles that I had to overcome to encourage others, yes, but that isn’t why they happened. We all want the answer to the question “why did this happen to me?” The answer that this was so that we can use our adversity to help others ~ is just the best answer many of us can come up with, but I often think that the reason we come up with that answer is because we don’t want to look at the real answer. People, sick people, abused us psychologically, mentally and emotionally, physically, or sexually ~ the point isn’t how it happened; the point is that it did happen. Sometimes these people were our parents, OR we are afraid to look at the possibility that our parents knew something was wrong and didn’t do anything about it or didn’t look farther into it. The truth will set you free, but we are deathly afraid of it. Some of us were beaten and lived in horrific situations of domestic violence, often daily. Even witnessing abuse is terribly traumatic. I can’t believe that this was “meant to be”.

Some of us were sexually abused and physically abused and completely invalidated in our own homes by people we trusted, people that were supposed to take care of us and we lived in fear, guilt, shame and confusion.  Others of us suffered sexual abuse by a neighbor, an uncle, aunt or grandparent, and we were coerced into not telling. I can’t accept that this is because God had a plan to use that situation to better the rest of the world in the future. That would be almost as bad as the abuse itself.

Some of us were called stupid, selfish, useless, ugly and all other manner of abusive and devaluing statements against our personhood. Some of us were told called liars, trouble makers, and told that our feelings were “wrong”. ~ do you really want to accept that this was “all God’s plan” for your life? What kind of God would organize the world that way? No wonder there is so much controversy about God. No wonder people hate the very concept of a God. But it isn’t God that decided this would be the way, it is Man who blames God for the outcome of the world.

All of these types of abuse ~ physical abuse and domestic violence, sexual abuse and psychological abuse, and even witnessing any of these kinds of abuse attack us at the core of who we are. They rip away at our individuality and our personhood; they force us to try and deal with things we have no way to comprehend how to deal with; they tear down our chances of productivity and cause damage that we so often don’t realize was the cause as we grow up in years, resulting in depressions, physical illness, mental breakdowns and mental health problems, low self esteem, failure to thrive in life, oh the list goes on.

Every so often I go on a rant. This was one of those times. Thank you for reading; I would love to hear your comments!

Exposing Truth, one snapshot at a time;

Darlene Ouimet

106 response to "Why Me? Wrong Answers to Abuse Recovery Questions"

  1. By: Edward Schline Posted: 22nd March

    I bought into it too and the damaging thing for me was. Well If I suppose that the abuse was meant to happen to me then accepting this as truth meant that my perpetrator was right to do what he did to me.That was a real sticking point for me trying to believe it was supposed to happen to me and that it was a gift for me to cherish, being abused. Then I would also have to surmise that all the time I spent in my life being self destructive was for my beinfit also. Now when I hear the it was meant to be, I cringe and feel frustrated that people actually believe better people are made by such trauma. The perp would want me to believe what he did was right, I just don’t buy it like I used to.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 22nd March

      Exactly Edward,
      It is a load of bull; none of this was meant to be. I think that people say things without thinking about what they are saying. I think that those people are in a fog too. I am glad that I’m not in that fog anymore!
      Hugs, Darlene

  2. By: Lynn Tolson Posted: 22nd March

    It’s interesting to see how this post has stayed alive for months! I bought the lie too. My first therapist told me in a kind and generous way that I survived this pain and suffering for a purpose. She meant well and saved me at the time. I have since come to believe what Darlene so eloquently shares in her essay. There are many other ways to build character and strength than to experience abuse. My mother and step-father dabbled in reincarnation when I was a teen. They believed that they (the untrained amateurs of pseudo-psychiatry) could go into a “trance” and read past lives. They told me that I had Karma to work out with my father, and that’s why he tortured me. In other words, it was up to me to determine what past mistakes I made, to find the vehicle re: my father to correct them, and to be grateful for the opportunity. Talk about spiritual abuse. Yes, I am choosing to share my experiences to let others know they are not alone. However, I would certainly have preferred other methods of achieving a life purpose.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 22nd March

      Hi Lynn,
      This is a horrific account of abuse! I am shocked and sickened by that kind of manipulative justification. WOW.
      I am so glad that you are shareing your life with others ~ this kind of sharing and community is going to change the world as we know it!
      Hugs, Darlene

  3. By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 4th March

    For those of you that subscribe to comments, I have removed the comment about the behaviour patterns of certain primates. We are not primates and it is very damaging to tell survivors to try and accept or even understand the things posted in that comment. There IS no excuse for abuse. I do not allow comments that seek to justify it in any way or that compare human behaviour to animal instinct.

    The very few abusers that do not have self control, abuse right out in public. The fact that they go to great lengths to hide it, proves that they know what they are doing is in fact wrong. Primates on the other hand do not hide anything from the rest of their society.
    I am very sorry if the deleted comment has offended or caused harm to anyone.
    Darlene

  4. By: Edward Schline Posted: 4th March

    Part of what has helped this abuse to exist is the very nature of being isolated. We were all seperate entities for a long time what was established as acceptable to one group of humans varied from other groups and each did not know of the other. Now with the computer age facilicating communications across the spectrum acceptable unacceptable adjustments follow the flow of information. A sickness that was thought to be rare is found to be widespread thus the need for controls. Many times we do not know what goes on behind closed doors next door to our house. But if we know that 1 in 6 males are abused and 1 in 4 females are abused the likelyhood of a group of 100 people containing 20 individuals who know all about abuse is great and this possibly means that every 5 th house has had this activity take place within behind those doors. This is a new realisation for many people and more are finding out every day and this results in addressing this issue more efficiently.

  5. By: Amira Posted: 29th January

    It really makes me sad to see so many people who have been told this absurdity and by people that they trusted to help them and encourage their healing. I dont have much in the way of personal experience on this particular topic, because I never told anyone about my abuse until long after I had my own experience with soul searching about what I did and did not believe about God, and I didnt have any contact with the majority of my abusers after the fact…and only one of them had any religious connection to anything that I was a part of. So for me, it was never about God having a plan, or God allowing it or God “using” my abuse for something good for others….while I do believe that God has indeed helped me to learn and grow from my abuse and to use what I have learned to help others, I do not think it was “His purpose”. God made humans with free will, and that includes the will to abuse, rape, murder, beat, lie, cheat, steal, hate him (him being God), blame him, love him, love others, hate others, blame others for their irresponsibility, and a multitude of other things, every choice we have is OUR OWN, and while God knows those choices at the time of our birth, it is not “his plan” that we suffer, but He also does not go against his own decision to give humans free will so that we only do good and never bad. I feel like that God always wants us to love and honor others and be good to everyone, and that He is extremely saddened by the state of affairs in the world and all the pain and anger and violence that is happening at the hands of men, but to stop it completely would go against the entire premise of him being God to begin with, and violate our having free will and CHOOSING to be and do good people, and for God, allowing us to have the choice to do good and be good and make the conscious decision to worship him, and for him to show mercy on us all, in spite of our faults, and past behaviors and negative experiences like abuse, and to help us overcome this horrible treatment and still grow and thrive is the ultimate expression of his power as the Supreme being.

    In Islam, the one purpose of humans (in the eyes of God) is to worship Him and be the best steward of His grace and mercy that we can, and unfortunately not every person (or every Muslim for that matter) follows through with that and does indeed respect and love others and do so only for the sake of pleasing God.

    God doesnt love the abuser any more or less than the abuse victim, but He does not condone the sin of the abuse in any sense, but that doesnt mean he wont forgive the abuser if there is sincere desire to do good and be a better person, and in our limited human minds, we cant understand or accept that kind of love for someone who has done so much to hurt others, but that only reaffirms that Im not God and cant understand the depth of his love and mercy for all mankind, including me.

    So it doesnt make any sense to me to be mad at God, or blame God, or even connect my abuse to God at all, because its not a “God” problem, its a “human” problem…so I blame society and the people who created the culture that allows abuse and looks the other way and doesnt stand up and fight for each and every person that cant fight for themselves, regardless of social status, race, religion, age, disability, weight, height, gender, sexual orientation, any of it.

    Its something WE have to change, and yes, God could change it, but he would have to revamp the entire premise of human existence to do so, and He already has the angels who do whatever He tells them and never question or do things against what God intends, so why does He want to do that with humans too? How is that giving testament to His power as the Supreme Creator in the same way that millions of abuse victims who still love and believe in Him and treat others well and help people and love and love and love and love even after being treated like shit for their entire lives? How does that bring any glory to God? It doesnt.

    So I cant fault God for my abuse, I can only fault man, and do what I can to be a better person and make sure i dont allow the abuse to continue in my life or in the lives of anyone I have the ability to influence….and that shows the power of God more than anything else I know.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 29th January

      Hi Amira,
      great points! I think that the reason people blame God in the first place is due to the false teachings that we are taught. (spiritual abuse factors in here) We are not taught the truth about God in the first place, and then it is almost natural to blame God for abuse or whatever we suffer. We are not taught the truth in the first place in my opinion, because that would make us equally valuable to the people teaching us who want control over us. and round and round it goes.
      Thanks for visiting this older post!
      Hugs, Darlene

  6. By: Angela Contreras Posted: 26th September

    Darlene what you wrote I really enjoyed.
    I have been told I was special child of God and that is why
    I was abused because I was put here on earth to show others that we can be in a hell on earth and we can help others. I used to belive that for years. Now I have come to see that people have there own will God gave us free will. those abusers who abuse and rape and kill are using their own will. I do not belive in the devil or evil in the way some do. I belive we all have choice on how to live and we can choose are actions. We also can change are actions.
    I do not understand why some of us are abused and why some of die from abuse. It is not my job to figure it out. I have come to see my life I had and all I can do now is live life to the fullest and the only way I can do that is to get honest and go within. I have found the most anger I have is with myself I am forgiving myself for all I have done or did not do. I mean some things are not my fault I was abused I was a child it is not my fault but what is my fault is what I do with it now. I have let the abuse own me take over my life. In my journey of healing I have come to see I do not have to let it take me over I am an adult now and it is not happening to me any more. Yes I get memories and I have to deal with them as they come. I write and share with others I pray and I do self talk to myself positive talk. Any way sorry for going on and on you brought so much up as I read your writing. Thanks you so much more to see and view in your writings.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 26th September

      Hi Angela,
      Please feel free to share all you want. I welcome that here. I am glad that you liked this “rant” of mine. I struggled with self anger too, but I found that in time that also went away as a result of seeing the truth and seeing how my belief system formed as a result of the mistreatment in my life.
      Thanks for being here! Darlene

  7. By: Sharhonda Posted: 17th September

    I’m glad to have read this post! I had to struggled with the teaching in many churches that the things we have endured is because God wanted us to. That its a part of our purpose. It’s like get rich off of your pain, build a life revolved around the hurt you endured. I don’t agree. I haven’t been to church in almost a year after being faithful for many years because the church can’t attack my issues of needing mental health assistance and recovery from CSA. They attempted ways to handle it, and some things helped but nothing could touch the soul. I was aching and I left the church and got better. I love that you took a stand on this. It encourages me to know that God doesn’t intend for bad things to happen to me….
    Good post Darlene

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 17th September

      Hi Sharonda,
      Thanks for visiting and commenting on this post. (one of the most famous posts here on EFB! LOL)
      I left the church and strangely got better too.. I “get it” more now. I told the pastor that I was a better Christian without the church.. and you know I still feel that way!
      Hugs, Darlene

  8. By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 12th September

    Mandy,
    The expression that comes to my mind right now is “YOU GO GIRL!!” Yay! So great to hear from you again and to get this positive update! I love it! We can heal from the damage and we can grow and be happy and productive.
    Thanks for coming back and sharing again!
    Darlene

  9. By: Mandy Posted: 12th September

    I love what you do Darlene!
    And I agree with you on so many levels! I am just so thankful that we can choose to grow and heal…I don’t know if I have said this here before or not…I often visualize a tree that has been damaged in a storm…the tree is still alive and eventually over time it begins to grow over the damage and although it doesn’t look like your average tree anymore it is still beautiful and capable of growing and providing oxygen and life and even enjoyment or a place to rest…I personally don’t blame God for the things that have happened to me..I think that can make people bitter…I blame my abuser for his choice…and while I hate what he did, I am healing from the damage sustained and growing and am able to make different choices in my life because I found the courage to heal and be productive in my life again….just thinking out loud! Hugs back at ya!, Mandy

  10. By: Mandy Posted: 8th September

    I agree with you Darlene! No one is to blame but the person who made the choice to hurt us! I think blaming God is many peoples way of avoiding facing the ugly truth of the matter. That humans can be evil!
    There are several Bible verses that I love to remind myself of when I hear comments like the one you discovered….one of them being: God is Love..our creator never does anything to cause us hurt! People forget that there is another evil spirit intensly at work called Satan who is out there encouraging evil! We all have choices to make and yes we can make our experiences drain us and give up or we can fight and come thru and still shine….

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 8th September

      Hi Mandy,
      Thanks for your comment! We do have a choice and there is hope for full recovery! For me I think that I was unaware that recovery was an option, but when I realized it was and when I woke up, I realized that thinking my abuse might ever be something that God let happen so I can do what I do today, WELL that is just crazy and I am not going to be grateful for it……. my life today however, I am very grateful for!
      Hugs, Darlene

  11. By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 20th August

    Thank you!
    I always helps when I get these kinds of encourageing comments! I try to answer all of them becasue as you affirm, it is so important for people to feel like they have been heard. These are sensitive subjects!
    Hugs Darlene

  12. By: Jenny Posted: 20th August

    I love the fact that you reply personally to each person Darlene and others. It is awesome to feel that someone has heard you and can relate to the seemingly never ending battle of identifying and changing your belief system. Thank you so much for the feedback and insight…truly amazing!!

  13. By: Jenny Posted: 19th August

    Darlene,

    The answer to that question always seems to put me in a really crappy state of mind. It is so difficult always trying to understand or make sense of the horrific things that went on in our childhoods….I wonder sometimes if it is even worth asking….I know I am worth seeking truth but sometimes it seems the truth is simply that the people around us were horrible and that’s it. It had nothing to do with us.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 19th August

      Jenny,
      I totally understand what you are saying here. I look at this a little bit differently now then I used to. It seems as though “it” isn’t worth asking when we have been wondering and asking for a long time. That is where I found myself when I was ready to give up. But how I see it today ~ because I am on the other side of broken now, completely different view from this side ~ is “IT” isn’t the issue, “I” am. The truth IS simply that the people around us didn’t take proper care of us, but knowing that didn’t set me free. Knowing that AND then knowing how my belief system developed as a result of it and then changing my belief system is what set me free. Most of it had nothing to do with me, but I am the only one who can change my life now.
      Please don’t give up the pursuit Jenny. Nothing I have ever done in my life has been SO worth the effort!
      Thanks for your comments!
      Hugs, Darlene

  14. By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 18th August

    Hi Gretchen,
    Thanks for your comments! I like your expression “we can say to the enemy (of our soles or the enemy in our lives) “nice try”.
    Hugs, Darlene

  15. By: jimmy b Posted: 17th August

    Thank you Cory
    Darlene is a wonderful, insightful and truth seeking woman. Darlenes’ heart is huge
    Thanks to you too Manuel
    Our job is to break the cycle of abuse and take responsibility for our own actions

  16. By: Gretchen Flores Posted: 17th August

    Thanks for the rant! Good stuff. People try to find meaning in things to make them make sense. Sometimes things don’t make sense at all. Abuse is one of them. If we feel healed by God, recovered so we can help others that is Gods plan…to heal. His original plan for us was tainted with Adam and eve when sin entered the world. His plan is not for us to be hurt but when we have been, he heals us so we can thumb our noses at the enemy of our souls and say “nice try!”.

  17. By: Manuel Jones Posted: 17th August

    People have to be responsible for their own actions. God gives us freedom but what we do with that freedom is completely our responsibility. If an abuser abuses, then it’s his fault or her fault. Whoever is responsible should be held responsible for the abuse. Do not feel responsible for what happened to you. You are not responsible. The abuser is responsible.

  18. By: Corie Posted: 17th August

    Darlene and Jimmy….
    You are both wonderful people and Thank you to Darlene for giving me hope and insight. Jimmy, Thank you for supporting a wonderful woman in her quest to help us all. He help and words of wisdom keep me going!

    Amaryllis… I totally understand what you are going thru with your mother. I am going thru the same thing. Everyone tries to tell me that I should have a relationship with her and I find I am happier with out her. I am here for ya….

    love and hugs
    Corie

  19. By: Manuel Jones Posted: 17th August

    @Jimmy B- I love your comments and agree with you 100%. Thanks for your post and for your support of your wife’s important work. I like when people tell it the way that it is and stop beating around the bush about these serious matters. This is when the healing starts – when we get to the truth of the matter and stop believing the lies.

    Manuel

    PS. I love your “french”.

  20. By: Rebekah F. Posted: 16th August

    Wow Darlene!
    It is so amazing that you just posted this! I have just gone through this same thing. All along I have thought that the molestations and abuse were all part of God’s plan for my life and that He had it in my life for the reason to be able to help others with the same thing. It never really totally made sense to me, I would think, “if God plans this to happen to people to help others that it has happened to, why doesn’t He just stop it from ever happening and not put it in anyones plan for their life!”. It is a terrible cycle, but I truly believed and just accepted it.
    It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I was doing my personal Bible study for the day when I realized that was the farthest thing from the truth. God NEVER planned for that to happen to me. In fact, it actually hurt Him and grieved Him dearly when it did and also how it has affected my life. God hated that it happened, He did NOT plan it. It was sinful and sick people that did those things to me, it was man’s nature.
    I had always struggled at understanding God’s love for me truly and that was exactly the reason why I struggled with it. I thought God planned for me to be molested and abused! If God really loved me He would never do that! I was right, because He didn’t do that. I now understand God’s love for me and how He wants to help me. It is so amazing to have this feeling now, it’s so wonderful I can’t hardly describe it. Thank you for your articles and for trying to help people get through these hard things that happen to innocent people.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 17th August

      Hi Rebekah,
      I am so glad that you broke free of that terrible cycle! I think that when we are taught the wrong things about God from a young age, it is really hard to change that ~ it has become our truth. And so many of us are taught this terrible fear of God, and that the fear is a good thing, like a respect thing. So we are afraid to go against what we think is the truth, in case God just strikes us down. When I looked at it from that perspective, it was really involved and complicated.
      Thanks for your comment and for your encouragement too!
      hugs, Darlene

      Manuel,
      Carelful with the “french” jokes… you do realize that “Ouimet” is a french name right?? LOL

      Amaryllis and Corie
      The mother stuff is a tough one for sure but no matter how it works out, (or doesn’t work out) there is freedom on the other side. The thing for me was that I made a decision to say no to invalidation and mistreatment. The tricky thing was to define that stuff first. I had been told all my life that I was NOT mistreated.. that I just exagerated or was too sensitive and that I was the problem. I believed it.. so I had to learn and believe what equality, respect and relationship really is before I felt really right about setting those boundaries with my mother and the rest of my family.

      Thank you for all these comments! Darlene

  21. By: Amaryllis Posted: 16th August

    So great having supportive husbands!! :o) I am so thankful for mine too! You guys make great points, as what makes me angry in Christian circles is the expectation to forgive and ‘forget’ – to move on, to suck it up. That because she’s my mother I should work at keeping her in my life which I totally agree with especially when she thinks she’s done nothing wrong.

    I loved reading Steve’s teaching on what forgiveness is – true forgiveness is when the abuser comes to you to repent of their behavior and asks for forgiveness. By abuser has never done this. I have accepted that she’s abused me and I don’t wish retaliation on her. I get so angry when folks think I should be working toward a relationship with my mother simply because she’s my mother. It makes me angry and leaves me feeling frustrated. If I were to let her back in my life without dealing with all the crap, it would be like saying, as Jimmy said, it would be like saying the abuse was okay. And I too agree, NO ABUSE IS OKAY!! Not even a little bit!

  22. By: jimmy b Posted: 16th August

    Love you too honey!! Keep up this important work. People can overcome and survive abuse–keep showing us the way.

  23. By: jimmy b Posted: 16th August

    Beautiful Rant I do agree that we do not go through abuse so we can be examples and witnesses’ to the next generation. What about all the forgotten that didn’t make it past and died or lost their minds or were murdered or committed suicide? Do the righteous think that the ones that didn’t make it weren’t tough enough? Maybe they would not have been a good enough example? This type of shit is nothing more than re-abuse. I believe God does not put us in uncontrollable turmoil just so we can survive to tell our tale and tell others it is OK. NO abuse is OK. No one should have to put up with a lot of the sickness in the world. I applaud you Darlene in telling the truth about abuse–It Is Not OK. I applaud you again in telling us about how our belief systems are formed. And last but not least I give you a standing ovation for having the love and good will, for humanity. To share your stories and rants and experiences. To shed a little light and truth and hope that we can change our belief systems and live a happy, productive and relational life.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 16th August

      Wow Jimmy,
      Thank you so much for all this encouragement. Coming from you ~ Jimmy is my husband and one of my former oppressors ~ this is extra cool.
      Thank you for being willing to listen to me. Thank you for your support. Thank you for doing all your share of this work, so that we can have the relational relationship that we have today!
      Love Darlene

  24. By: Sara Posted: 16th August

    I sooooooooooo needed to read your words today, Darlene… while I’ve never been told that God has a plan for me, I do spend my life ministering to the needs of those less able than I am… it gives me a reason to get up in the morning because, frankly, I am simply too chicken to end it. I keep telling God that my bags are packed and waiting at the door anytime He’s ready to call me home. On my next b’day (and this one’s hitting me HARD), I will be 60 and all the hopes I had for a better tomorrow are gone. Yes, I love my work and I have good friends but that’s it. Those should be the icing on the cake but alas, I have no cake… just icing. I can’t seem to make a better way for myself… I adopted two kids – one is going to trial as a pedophile, the other sleeps all day and is up all night doing absolutely nothing… my husband hasn’t worked in 5 years and we are living, in our handiman special, off our savings basically. I had such potential, even I realized that at an early age but beatings and sexual situations with an uncle on a constant basis shut me down – I became sullen and withdrawn and as a result psychiatrically hospitalized and as a result, lost everything I held dear – which told me it didn’t hold me dear in return. I drank for years to numb the pain then appreciated that that wasn’t a long term plan. Got sober, trained, work my arse off…. ok, enough… I can’t take the notion of paying for the idiocy of my caregivers with my very sanity or life… how DOES anyone do this day after day after day? I am SOOOO tired…. thanks, anyone who got this far, for listening

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 16th August

      Welcome Sara,
      My heart goes out to you and I want to tell you that there is hope. It is never too late to take your life back. I lost hope to when I was in my early forties. I know that is younger then you are, but at the time I thought it was too late to have a life. I thought I had wasted too much time that there was too much water under the bridge. I was chronically depressed with several other complications.
      Earlier today I was thinking about when I was younger, I had all this hope that one day I would “get over it” and I would be okay. I think that as I got older and things just seemed to get worse, that that was when I started to lose hope. When I started to lose hope, I sunk really deep. But I found a way back and I never expected my life to be this great. In fact I only wanted to be just okay. I only wanted to stop wishing that life would end. I only wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere.
      This blog is a collection of little bits of the story of how I came back, how I recovered and how I found the real me underneath all the life stuff that covered up the real me. I found freedom from depression, and I found life purpose and passion and today I live each day to the fullest. I write this blog to share my hope ~ my truth~ with the hurting world. I hope you read some of the other posts and I wish for you to catch some of my hope.
      Please share with us whenever you feel like it.
      Hugs, Darlene

  25. By: Barbara Posted: 16th August

    So true Jan! I think people say it to make themselves feel better. As with PTSD and trauma there’s an orgy of blame the victim & forgive the abuser lately… frankly it makes me sick. I don’t know of one person who CHOSE to be abused – particularly by a parent or caregiver. God does not want it that way – there is EVIL in this world. Incurable personality disordered people who take advantage of others (including children) that have zero to do with God’s plan. And I am sick to death of it was “MY CHOICES” that brought me here. Are they kidding? These people should thank God that what’s happened to me and some of the rest of us hasn’t happened to them… Yet.

    Great rant Darlene

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