Why is it so Scary to Share the Truth about Child Abuse?

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talking about emotional abuse

Sometimes I get emails and comments like the one that I got this week on the post “Mom and Grandma had a Dysfunctional Mother Daughter Relationship”  expressing feeling overwhelmed about sharing stories of the past. The comment said: “I am feeling lost right now. I feel like I have shared way too much here, and I’m feeling very vulnerable. It hurts.”  

Sharing feelings, our pain, our abuse and rejections and stories and sharing about our families makes us feel really vulnerable.  This comment got me thinking about how I felt so vulnerable and scared that I never told anyone about my first blog. There were very few comments, it had very little traffic and even though I was already speaking in mental health seminars, I never gave the name of that website out to anyone.  I was afraid of something.  I didn’t really think that much about what it was. 

Sharing in the first few months of this blog was also scary but it gets easier all the time although  once in a while, sometimes pressing the publish button still makes me feel a little uneasy.

Sharing some of my deepest and darkest moments makes me feel exposed AND it makes me feel like I am in danger. Continued……

In my healing journey I’ve learned to ask myself questions as a way of digging down into my belief system to find the roots of where these feelings and fears come from on any given subject because in doing so it usually helps me to understand why those fears and feelings are still there. 

Incest survivor, Patricia Singleton from the blog “Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker”, also shared her view on this topic. Her  comment came in when I was almost finished writing the first draft of this post, so I thought I would take it as a “hint from the universe” and share it; it is amazingly similar to what I was believe about this particular topic.

Patricia wrote: “When I share something new like I did here yesterday, I face some more of the fear that the abusers put into me to not break the silence of what they did to me.  I think, at least for me, that is why I feel overwhelmed with what I share sometimes.  I will continue to break that silence and share more and more of my story if it means that it might help another survivor to feel not alone.  When we share, it gives someone else the permission to share their stories too.”

For many of us, both as children and as adults, we were not allowed to tell the real truth. We may have had some family secrets that somehow we just knew that we were not supposed to say anything about to anyone else. There were all kinds of things that we just didn’t talk about. I thought that was being “loyal” to my family.  The mere thought of saying the wrong thing was very very scary.

There were a few things outside of family secrets that I did try to tell. Like when my grade 5 teacher was emotionally abusing me. But when I told just a few little things I was discounted, unprotected, called a story teller, and exaggerator and a liar.  I was not protected because I was not believed. Finally a medical doctor had to step in.

Then there was the time that I told about my mother’s boyfriend sneaking in my room that night. I only told because my Aunt caught him and she told first and still I was discounted and then later accused of doing something to have caused it to happen.

Sometimes I said things and I was ridiculed, sneered at or glared at.  Those were warnings. I was afraid of what might come after those sorts of comments and looks.

When I cried, I was told that if I didn’t stop crying, that I would be given something to cry about. (Do children really cry for no reason? I don’t think so, but when I was told that l cried for no reason enough times I believed that I did cry for no reason.)  What that taught me was that my feelings were invalid. That my pain was invalid and that I was not allowed to have feelings or pain. My tears were wrong.

So when I decided to share my life and my past with others, it triggered fears. It triggered fears of rejection; fears of being called a liar, story teller and an exaggerator. Sharing secrets triggers fears of being humiliated, discounted, dismissed and laughed at. Fears of being proven that maybe I am not valid. Maybe I am not worthy. Maybe no one will love me or even like me.  Maybe the abusers were right about me.

It also brings up feelings of being in danger. That danger is close. As I child I learned to guard against danger and not to bring punishment upon myself.  Feelings of being in danger bring up specific fears; that I might be punished; I might get hit, hurt, sent away or all of these things at once. These were the consequences of telling when I was a child.   

And all those fears and thoughts can flash through my memory very quickly. Familiar feelings from the past, flashing, terrifying and tearing down my self esteem, all in a few split seconds and until I really began to understand where those fears were born and raised, I was not able to stop them.  

Please share your thoughts about the fear sharing or the feelings of being exposed. Were there consequences in your childhood for telling the truth?

Exposing truth, one snapshot at a time;

Darlene Ouimet

Note: Click the blue highlighted sentences within the body of the post to read the stories I am refering to.

64 response to "Why is it so Scary to Share the Truth about Child Abuse?"

  1. By: Kellie Posted: 11th March

    Susan Kingsley Smith,

    You mentioned here “I’ll give you something to cry about.” Man! I had completely forgotten it, but my mom always said that to us when we were upset about something that she didn’t think we should be upset about.

    It reminds me once again of how our feelings were not only discounted and ignored, but also the excuse used to cause even more harm! If a child is frightened, or sad, or angry, what the hell good does it do to scare them more just to try to shut them up?! I am so incensed when I remember these things my mother did to me! I think of the little girl I was, and how terribly unfair it was to have been treated that way. I see myself as a tiny light in a fog and my mother kept trying to snuff me out one way or the other. I was never convenient. I hate that! I had a younger brother who was very tender hearted, and if he cried, the whole house came to his aid! Now, my mother wonders why her children aren’t close. What did she expect?! UGH. I could go on and on. I guess it’s journal time. Thanks for sharing and helping me unearth old bones so I can lay them to rest properly.

    Kellie

  2. By: Kellie Posted: 11th March

    Darlene,

    I get butterflies when I post here. To be honest, I think I fear criticism from people who read the posts — although that has not happened yet. Also, the first three or four time I posted, I wasn’t sure what to expect from you, the Boss of the website. (: Lucky for me, so far, I have only found warm reception and kind words of encouragement. I hope that will continue. It is why, when I felt so down the other day, I felt like I had no better place to come than right here to Emerging From Broken. I am happy to have a “safe place” to talk through what is happening in my life. You have all blessed me.

    Kellie

  3. By: Corneilius Posted: 11th March

    Those who abuse FEAR the revelation, so they project that FEAR into those they abuse, and do so in many ways…. they become adept at manipulating others to protect themselves.

    Those who have not faced their own abuse or mistreatment FEAR those who are honest about their abuse or mistreatment because it demands that they FACE the truth of their experience… which they have been suppressing. So the suppress those who cry for help.

    Hierarchy FEARS the honest transparent child, for that child will immediately speak out when he or she feels an injustice, and so Hierarchy demands that ALL children be terrorised into compliance.

    Hierarchy and Abusers are of the same manipulative psychology.

    Bravo! To you, for writing of your own experience so honestly. Bravo!

    Your honesty is a gift and is wisdom.

    The sad truth is that it is ONLY because Survivors have spoken out that the TRUTH is being revealed about how the mistreatment and abuse of children is all too common, and if looked at honestly we can see that this mistreatment of children is at the base of ALL hierarchical power systems, from the personal to the collective.

  4. By: Lynda ~ Coming Out Of The cRaZy Closet Posted: 11th March

    Fi MacLeod:

    “Fear that I won’t be believed because ‘they’ said I wouldn’t be believed.”

    “Fear that no one would believe things so horrific could possibly have happened.”

    “Fear that I will be called a liar.”

    “Fear that maybe I’ve got it all wrong although I know it to be the truth.”

    “Fear of being accused of making it all up.”

    “Fear of being dismissed or minimised by those I take into my confidence.”

    ME, TOO~
    Lynda

  5. By: Fi MacLeod Posted: 11th March

    This fear is so paralysing. It’s fear of many things.

    Fear that I won’t be believed because ‘they’ said I wouldn’t be believed.

    Fear that no one would believe things so horrific could possibly have happened.

    Fear of all the things ‘they’ threatened me would befall me if I ever told.

    Fear that I will be called a liar.

    Fear that maybe I’ve got it all wrong although I know it to be the truth.

    Fear of being accused of making it all up.

    Fear of what will friends say if I tell them the truth after years of evading questions about family etc

    Fear of being dismissed or minimised by those I take into my confidence

    That names just a few of the fears.

    My entire life has been ruled by fear, sheer terror a lot of the time.

    The fear kept me silent for many years and so nearly killed. The fear makes me freeze when I try to talk about the events of my childhood. I feel the fear every time I make a comment and hit ‘publish’.

    I remember how when I first established my blog nearly 3 years ago I was so afraid of being vulnerable and exposing the truth and how it affects me.

    I keep choosing to face the fear head on because I cannot continue to be ruled by it!

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 11th March

      Hi Fi!
      Thank you for sharing your “fear list”. It’s really great, really complete. I can relate to all of it and I know that others can and will too. The fears are valid and come from no where strange, but we have been ridiculed for having fears too, so even admitting fear seems unsafe!
      I made that decision too, not only not to be ruled by the fear, but not to be ruled by the past, not to be ruled by THEM and not to be ruled by the lies.
      It is so great to have you here!!
      Hugs, Darlene

  6. By: Darlene Posted: 11th March

    Sheryl – post #19
    A friend of my family was accused by his step-daughter of molestation and rape. He spent 2 years and 10s of thousands of dollars defending himself from those charges… spent weeks in remand pre-trial, and when the case finally went before a judge, the girl recanted and said UNDER OATH that she had lied because her mother put her up to it, and the abuser was actually her mother’s boyfriend, not her step-father. Turned out, the mother just wanted her son back. My friend, the step-father was the bio-dad of the boy and he had custody because when the mother had the baby, she didn’t want to be bothered with taking care of him, but he had grown up some (he was 6 or 7) and could start doing work around the house like the older girl was forced to do.
    As the story finally played out, the mother had been “renting” her daughter out to men, and was planning the same fate for her son. She still walks the streets, no charges ever having been laid, because of the girl’s original lie – she wasn’t a “reliable witness”.

  7. By: Susan Kingsley-Smith Posted: 11th March

    Lynda; your poetry is so touching; I don’t want to interpret your thoughts or feelings so will only say I get it and am glad you have chosen to share your creative expressions here. This poem reminds me of that place where I was facing the grief about my reality and learning to let go of the pain vs the numbness when I denied or avoided it. Thank you for sharing this:) Many hugs and appreciation….

  8. By: Lynda ~ Coming Out Of The cRaZy Closet Posted: 11th March

    ~Abuse of Innocence~

    in innocence born

    consciousness awakes
    to all things new

    wonderful
    beautiful
    mysterious world

    reaching out

    with eyes and ears and arms
    mouth open

    hungry for life
    eager to explore
    yearning to learn

    stumbling forward on wobbly legs
    bumping hard edges

    falling
    ridiculed
    clumsy-stupid

    why-don’t-you-look-where-you’re-going

    crying

    i’ll-give-you-something-to-cry-about

    battered
    ~ why?

    i didn’t mean to displease you

    i will try harder mother
    i will be better father

    thrown out like garbage
    I-BROUGHT-YOU-INTO-THE-WORLD-I-CAN-TAKE-YOU-OUT

    this is not a test
    this is an actual emergency

    alone-cold-hungry-lost-rejected-neglected

    shattered mind

    broken heart

    dying soul

    pain is everywhere

    pain is everything

    it must be my fault

    all my fault
    they said it was

    clutching my pillow, my only friend

    ~Lynda

  9. By: Sheryl Posted: 11th March

    Darlene,
    Well, that is one thing I wondered!

  10. By: Sheryl Posted: 11th March

    Lynda,
    That poem would make a great template for writing my own story! Thank you for this gift of your own pain and one of the conclusions that you found~!

    Does anyone have any experience of having your children or grandchildren blurt out the “sexual abuse” accusation in the wrong direction and a grandparent or step-grandparent ends up in prison for life? I have a friend that told me that is what happened to her husband and I wonder if there are others??

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 11th March

      Hi Sheryl,
      There is no way to know if that story is actually true; that the child was lying. If you think about the millions of sexual abuse charges where the abuser gets off without any penalty, then it stands to reason that there is a real reason that person went to prison. If you think about the denial that we are talking about on this blog ~ that families refuse to acknowledge the abuse even when there are witnesses, then how can you be sure that this is not the case with this story that you heard? This is an invalidating topic for the readers here who have been told for years that they are lying about abuse and falsely accusing parents and grandparents, or whoever so I would really rather stay away from it. It would be very triggering for some.
      Thanks and hugs,
      Darlene

  11. By: Susan Kingsley-Smith Posted: 11th March

    Lynda; that is a beautiful poem! Thank you for sharing!

    Hi Darlene! (#14) I’ve had such similar experiences as you describe; and I agree…this is a very safe place to practice sharing our truth. 🙂

  12. By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 11th March

    Hi Darlene
    ~ Welcome to EFB ~ out of over 5200 comments, you are the first commenter that shares my name!
    When I look back, I sometimes think that if I had ever been validated, maybe I could have gotten over it. If I had of been supported, understood. It was that bad. And other peoples suggestions about what I could have done differently, feel like I am being blamed for it so they actually add to the distress that is already there. No one can put an end to anything when they are very young. I believed that same lie ~ that I could have done something about it, and because I didn’t, then somehow I consented. That was a very big part of the re-wiring my brain part of the process for me.
    Glad you are here,
    Hugs, Darlene

    Hi Rainbow
    ~ Exactly! Thanks for sharing your encouragement to all of us that have found our voices!
    Hugs, Darlene

    Hi Lynda
    Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece with us.
    Hugs, Darlene

  13. By: Lynda ~ Coming Out of the cRaZy Closet Posted: 11th March

    Past, Present, & Future Tense:

    We are the product of our yesterdays

    the sum total

    of all things good and beautiful

    and all things bad and ugly

    the abuser says

    forget the past

    the past doesn’t matter

    the past is over

    I don’t remember

    therefore I’m not responsible

    whatever are you talking about?

    you lie

    you exaggerate

    you’re overly sensitive

    you’re crazy

    it never happened

    it wasn’t that bad

    and anyway, you had it coming

    you brought it on yourself

    your duty now is to forgive and forget

    so I can do it again

    and be forgiven again

    why did it take so long for me to notice

    the abuser’s compassion

    is only for herself?

    ~Lynda Lee ’09

  14. By: Rainbow Posted: 10th March

    Hi Darlene,

    As always, you get to the heart of the matter. 🙂 I can so relate to the fear of sharing our stories. I agonized over starting my blog. I wondered if anyone would really care about emotional abuse. I wondered if I’d get people telling me that I was over-sensitive or imagining things and should be grateful for all my parents did for me. I too feel fear sometimes of hitting that “Publish” button.

    We may feel horrible sometimes, but we need to appreciate how valuable it is for other abuse survivors to hear about our experiences and our healing. Whether we admit it or not, we all look for validation, the knowledge that what we experienced was real and we’re not crazy or over-reacting. I know I do even now when I read posts on blogs and forums about the abusive experiences of others.

    So perhaps it helps to think about all of those who are looking for validation of their experiences. If we don’t come forward and tell about our pain in all of its gory detail, they might assume that what they went through or are going through isn’t as bad as it really is.

    Stay strong!
    Rainbow

  15. By: Darlene Posted: 10th March

    I don’t often share my feelings with my family exactly because they tell me things like “oh, it wasn’t that bad” and “just get over it already” and behind my back I’m called a liar and delusional – none of them are brave enough to say those things to my face, I think because they KNOW that what happened to me really happened and they didn’t do a damned thing to stop it. Even my husband isn’t as supportive as I would like, and tells me “you should have beaten her up” or even “you should have killed her when you had the chance” he can’t comprehend why I was TERRIFIED of my mother until I was 24 even though I never lived with her again after she kicked me out at 14, and he makes me feel, sometimes like he thinks much of it was my own fault, and that I should have put an end to it when I was very young… he can’t really understand because he didn’t experience what I did, coming as he did from a close and loving family. Even my sister discounted my feelings by leaving my son unattended with our mother when he was young – *I was afraid she would abuse him, and while other family convinced me to let her see him, I insisted that there was always someone around to witness her behavour* – and she lied to me about it… he told me, once his vocabulary could handle the job, that Auntie always left him alone with Grandmother, and she still denies it to this day, 2 decades later.
    It’s only in places like this, that I can express my feelings and memories without feeling exposed and vulnerable.

  16. By: Susan Kingsley-Smith Posted: 10th March

    It has taken me a really long time to be able to talk about myself; my feelings, my thoughts, my dreams and desires, my past. I remember being told the same thing by my parents and my 5 older siblings; “I”ll give you something to cry about”. As I’ve come out of denial and realized my family is my normal, but that it is not “normal” I’ve found so much validation here and in my online communities and been able to learn and share the journey amongst those who understand. I can share my reality and myself here in a way that is not possible in my family who still tells me that to talk about my past is to blame others; those who abused me, mistreated me. From an early age I learned to not speak and am grateful that this is a safe place to do so:)

  17. By: Sheryl Posted: 10th March

    Why it is scary to share your own story? Because everyone you know belongs to a church and is going to tell you how you are somehow WRONG for telling it, feeling it, whatever. You are bitter, you need to do this, forgive, whatever…they kick when you are down

  18. By: Sheryl Posted: 10th March

    “When we share, it gives someone else the permission to share their stories too.”

    LOVE this!!

    “When I cried, I was told that if I didn’t stop crying, that I would be given something to cry about. (Do children really cry for no reason? I don’t think so, but when I was told that l cried for no reason enough times I believed that I did cry for no reason.) What that taught me was that my feelings were invalid. That my pain was invalid and that I was not allowed to have feelings or pain. My tears were wrong.”

    THANK YOU!!!

  19. By: Ellen Posted: 10th March

    Yeah, this is huge Darlene. I’m sorry all those things happened to you. For me, anytime I tell anyone about the abuse, such as a therapist, it’s as if I have to knock through a huge wall in order to do that. Then I feel unbelievably ashamed. Although I also know what happened to me was not my fault. So why all the shame?

    There were huge rules of silence in my family also, rules that never had to be spelled out – I just knew they were there. About many other less serious things than abuse. Something about telling is just breaking so many old taboos – it’s still a shattering experience for me every time. As if the telling was the problem, not the abuse itself. Just backwards it seems. Take care

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 10th March

      Hi Ellen
      I realized that the shame was a product of the way I was groomed to accept the blame and the failures of others. I write a lot about shame in other posts. It was by realizing who was really responsible for the abuse that I was able to let go of that shame that was not mine.
      Thanks for sharing.
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Sheryl,
      This happens far too often in Church “families” because so many of the members live in that same dysfunctional system. The power and control system. And when that system is in place there is no health. And where there is no health, nothing grows, nothing flourishes.
      Thanks for sharing.
      Darlene

      Hi Susan
      Thanks for chiming in! As always you add such clarity. I am so grateful that you found your voice and that you share it.
      Hugs Darlene

      P.S. to everyone ~ My family can say whatever they want about me blaming others, it matters nothing to me. I do blame others! I didn’t abuse myself. I wasn’t born broken. I was not born with any sorts of depressions and coping methods. I had to develop them because some people did bad things to me and in order to survive, I had to figure out how to cope. But now I have taken my life back and I have found my own voice, and I am going to speak my truth until the whole world realizes that we were innocent children and none of us deserved to have been treated that way. This is my gift and it is too important to keep it to myself.
      HUGE SMILES!!!
      Love to everyone! Darlene

  20. By: Bonnie Posted: 10th March

    Speaking out about abuse doesn’t occur often because you don’t know that your upbringing wasn’t normal. It took me the last few years to start to understand things. But, by reading this blog, I realize that I don’t know how my siblings feel about their upbringing either. If they start talkign though, I’m going to ask questions. There’s a lot of things i don’t remember cause I’m the youngest. But, also, since I think 2 of my family members have NPD, from what i’ve read, it would be pointless to discuss anything. i’ve focused on dealing with them in a way that is healthy for me. I haven’t seen any signs of growth in them and if i saw that sign, then I might pursue a deeper relationship, but like I said, I’m not sure they are capable of that. I also like to let people face consequences of their actions. Like, for instance if my aunt doesn’t speak to or visit my mom. Mom tries to tell me to tell them to give her pictures and tells me I shoudl bring them to visit. I just blow that off. But since she hasn’t seen the connection with her treatment of them and the lack of relationship and how SHE should be the one to try to mend fences, it proves that it is pathological. My sister also has not pursued a relationship with my aunt. She asks about one of our cousins who is supposed to be successful and also young and married to a hispanic like my sister. It seems to me that she would pursue that relationship because she wants to enhance her own image. She doesn’t how interest in 2 other cousins that I am living with that are not married or successful.

    My interest also is to model empathic behavior to my neices. So, my behavior will be different around my mom & sister and more open toward neices. I think they notice a difference. Although I speak to my sister at my mom’s house, I do not go over my sister’s house on my own or accept invitations readily. I think if my sister was in a healthy place, she might try to figure out why, but what she does is continue to try to get me to go places that SHE wants to do at a moment notice. She doesn’t seem to notice that she & i do not talk regularly or keep in touch regularly unless I am at my mom’s house. To me that also is evidence of not being healthy. I am learning to express myself and have more empathy in healthy relationships and set boundaries. But it seems like I am living separate lives because I change behaviors with different people. its like I have to hide any happiness that I have cause it could upset the equilibrium of the situation. Like they couldn’t handle it. I’m not being my authentic self with them, but yet they know that I’m going into social work. I wonder as my life evolves how it could merge or if it ever will. My mother is almost 82, so she may never see my full growth as a person. I’m not sure she notices it now.

  21. By: Kathryn Devine Posted: 10th March

    “As I child I learned to guard against danger and not to bring punishment upon myself. Feelings of being in danger bring up specific fears; that I might be punished; I might get hit, hurt, sent away or all of these things at once. These were the consequences of telling when I was a child”.

    Darlene, I/we also constantly walked on eggshells, trying not to make our Mother (in this case) angry, because if we did anything that made her so, the results for us could be devestating. We risked the hairbrush and not only the hairbrush. What really ate at me was if we did something wrong in her eyes the derision that came with it and which often went on for days; the constant reminder that we had erred in her book. She also never hesitated to remind us of our perceived failures even months after the event and often years afterwards. I could never understand it as a child; that even though you were as good as gold, sometimes you just simply couldn’t, wouldn’t be good enough. No matter what you did, she exploded anyway. That really frustrated, puzzled me.

    It was one savage beating with that hairbrush at age four which I will never forget and that all started because our eldest brother was cheeky towards our Mother; something that was Not permitted; the authority of the adult was absolute in a family such as ours.

    I also remember well the phrase I’ll give you something to cry about and of being, of risking being called a liar. You’re too sensitive was another one that was uttered if we dared complain or tell about something that she, our Mother just simply did not want to hear.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 10th March

      Hi Renee
      Thanks for sharing your struggles and your victories!
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Katherine
      This is exactly what I am talking about, that children MUST conform to this unattainable standard or else… and we live in fear of the consequences. And it was WRONG. You should not have gotten a beating with a hairbrush. That was very wrong and it was so important for me to realize that the type of discipline that I got was WRONG. They were wrong to do this to us.
      Katherine, thank you for sharing these examples.
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Bonnie,
      YES~ how the heck are we (children) supposed to figure out that our upbringing wasn’t normal??? This is such a big part of it too.
      Thanks for sharing,
      Hugs, Darlene

  22. By: Renee-A Ressurected Spirit Posted: 10th March

    I wrote in my blog about the fear being so bad that I stuffed my fist in my mouth so it would muffle the cry. My heart beat so hard I felt like it was going to burst threw my chest. I can’t tell you how many times I did that. To this day I can feel that horror. I am reliving it by writing and you know it is ok. It’s ok because my adult self is strong and can protect us. Fear is a little seed that grows and controls our choices. In 2005 I woke up and felt the lord tell me I didn’t need to fear my abuser any more. That fear was gone. The freedom was so overwhelming. Then I noticed all the holes it left inside of me. I asked Jesus what I should do and he said he was filling them up with love. I never looked back. I found out months later the abuser was dying of cancer. I wanted to go to his funeral so I could tell the women and children they no longer had to fear him and that in death and hell he will get his true reward. I fear nothing any more. I make my choices that are not based on fear.
    Renee

  23. By: carol Posted: 10th March

    wow darlene
    i think that the reason i cannot remember my abuse at the hands of my grandfathers, yep they both did it independantly and without the other knowing, is because of two reasons.
    1. my mothers father had invited me to spemd the school hols with them , my family took me and left me there. i felt so loved that week, i was 8yrs old. that week he caught me smoking in the kitchen with his 3rd wife, and he never shouted or told my parents. oh the sun shone out of him for not telling my dad. it was only later i realised the reason he nevr told, he had a secret i was keeping and i would give him up if he didnt tell on me.
    2. i have a vivid memory of being 10, and my drunken father was holding a bread knife to his own fathers stomach sayin gif i ever find out you have touched her i will kill you. right there and then i vowed that my dad wouldnt end uo in jail because of me, and i then made sure that my grandfather could nver be accused of touching me. shame he had already abused me. that has kept what has happened to me hidden away except for a few conversations, that i also have no actual memory of having.
    how can i break those barriers, the 1st one is dead, the second is 92 n sill lying and giving me gifts when ever i have the misfortune to see him

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 10th March

      Hi Patricia,
      ~Thanks for being here and for sharing so much of your experience with myself and the readers here.

      Gabrielle
      ~ YES to everything you said in your comment and one more thing that I didn’t put in my blog post; I have a right to talk about my life. I have a right to tell the truth about it. I am telling the truth. If they didn’t want the secrets to ever be told, then maybe they should have thought of that BEFORE they did the things they did. If you don’t want to do the time, then don’t do the crime. You know when I think of the great lengths and amounts of energy that some abusers/controllers have spent of making sure the secrets are not revealed… it burns me!
      Thanks for sharing!
      Good for you for coming forward and for sharing your story and having a blog! It really does make a difference!

      Hi Carol
      ~ It isn’t about getting resolution through the people who did the stuff or about having complete memories, it is about finding out what your belief system became (about yourself, about love about saftey etc.) about yourself that is the way to break the barriers. For instance, the fact that you feared your Dad would go to jail, that is great information.
      Thanks so much for sharing.
      hugs, Darlene

  24. By: Gabrielle Posted: 10th March

    I can relate to this fear in a big way. I came forward publicly with my story of incest and dissociative identity disorder on New Years and I made it public both on facebook and with my blog- http://youmeantheskyisntblue.blogspot.com/
    I was and sometimes am terrified to press the “publish” button too. But despite my fears of being disbelieved, laughed at, rejected or getting “in trouble”, I have decided that I cannot keep quiet any longer. Scary as it is, we must bring it out of the shadows and into the light if we have any hope of reaching out and helping those who were abused and are being abused today. I try to remember that if I had only known that I wasn’t the only one, it would have made all the difference for me. I want to make the difference for someone else. Keep up the good work Darlene!

  25. By: Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker Posted: 10th March

    Wow! I don’t know what to say except thank you for writing this post. It needs to be addressed because this fear is something that each of us who chooses to break the silence of abuse faces over and over again as we share our stories.

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