This week I am excited to introduce a new EFB community event called “Freedom ROCKS” Today Lauralee shares her story about what Freedom ROCKS means to her. For more information about Freedom ROCKS and how you can participate see the Freedom ROCKS about page. The first global Freedom Rocks event will be held the weekend of May 12 and 13th. Darlene Ouimet~ founder of Emerging from Broken
What “Freedom Rocks” Means to Me by Lauralee Hunter Rivet
Nobody grows up wishing their life would be hell; we expect it to be normal. Well, mine wasn’t. Let’s just say I went to hell and back MANY times. My life was never normal; I grew up around drugs, alcohol and had an incestuous father who molested me. I remember wanting to die, and yes I did try to die but I guess God didn’t want me yet. I hated God at times for putting me in this situation, I blamed him. But that was wrong, because no matter how bad your life is and I can attest to this 100%, you CAN get out of it. There is ALWAYS a way. I never turned to drugs and alcohol, I got off the merry go round and so can you.
I thought of the throwing the rock idea one day after my brother died on October 30th, 2011. The “family” called me, hours later of course, to tell me about my brother. I met with my mother and sister first; after 10 years without any contact with them it was hard. I cried, went to the funeral home, paid for the funeral and then I was in “mother” role again like I had been all my young adult life. I took care of my mother, slept there with her, moved her to a new apartment and took care of her for a month. Then the drama started. My sister who likes to call me princess, I think she has a lot of jealousy towards me, (she is the eldest and I am the youngest one in my family) would talk about my mother and my mother would talk about her and I felt like I had just gone to a gun fight armed with a knife. I was back to the same crap as before. I couldn’t do it anymore; I was done with being talked about and used.
Finally I said to my “mother”; “if you knew I was dying would you come to my house this year for Christmas or would you go to my sister’s?” She said “well obviously to yours” then I said “well call your daughter and tell her you’ll be at my place”
Her response was silence at first, then the big excuses. And that is when I knew I had spent 10 years, waiting, wanting, hoping and wishing my mother could just love me and validate certain things. Thank God this all happened; not my brother dying of course but the rest and it may sound crazy but it made me FINALLY realize that it`s just NEVER going to happen. I no longer waste time hoping and wishing for that. I don’t need negative toxic people in my life.
So I thought about how I could get rid of certain people in my life and out of my mind. The first thing that came to mind was the thought of tying a key to a rock and then throwing it in the river, lake, ocean or whatever body of water is close signifying closing the door and throwing away the key. Then I thought about pollution, so I dropped the key idea and am going to write on the rock (I may need the Berlin wall haha) the names of all the toxic people that I no longer want in my life and mind.
On the weekend of Freedom ROCKS (May 12th and 13th 2012) I am going to take my rock, say a little prayer, think about why I am doing this and then release the rock and all of my emotions towards those people and be free of them. Now this may sound crazy to some people but for me it’s a way of releasing that bond and getting rid of the negativity of certain people.
After I throw my freedom rock into the water, I going to stand back and take a deep breath and let myself feel the weight of the world fall off of my shoulders. I am not sure what type of emotions I will feel; I will keep all of you posted of course but I am sure that the emotions will be strong. I look forward to the day this happens. I am taking my daughters and husband with me to watch and experience this with me. This “throwing of the rock” is very important for me; some may say “well it`s not going to change anything in your life” but they are wrong, for in my mind, and the mind is pretty strong, it will change my life. All those toxic people will be at the bottom of the river for me, where they can never hurt me again.
As I said, I promise to keep you posted here on Emerging from Broken to let you know how it felt and went for me.
Throwing the “freedom rock’ can and will have a million different meanings for other people; as long as it brings you comfort and releases some anger, resentment, bitterness or hurt then it did its job for you.
I wish all of you nothing but peace, happiness and love in your lives, and remember ~ YOU CAN.
A very wise lady here on Emerging from Broken gave me an AHA moment during one of the low points in my life; She told me a story about the crab in the bucket; The crab is trying to crawl out, to get up and away but the other crabs are just pulling it back down because they don’t want anyone to escape to the freedom they themselves would love to have. All the crabs clamoring to get some freedom, each one pulling the other one down as they try to rise higher themselves.
I realized that the crabs were my family. I managed with perseverance to get myself out of that bucket and run as fast as my little legs would take me. I am the little crab that could, the little crab that did and the little crab that would. Thank you once again for that visualization Darlene, you are the best.
Lauralee Hunter Rivet
As always, please feel free to leave your comments for Lauralee or about what Freedom ROCKS could mean to you. For more information about Freedom ROCKS and how you can participate see the Freedom ROCKS “about page” here. Stay tuned for more posts and info in the next week or so ~ Darlene
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