This week I got an amazing comment on the post “The Grooming Process of Discrediting Children and the Cycle of Abuse” that caused my mouth to drop open. I said to my husband Jim “listen to this!!” and I read the comment out loud to him. As I read it, I looked up and saw his eyes open wider and I knew that he heard exactly what I had heard and that he was having the same reaction to it that I had had. This comment is so typical of the types of verbal abuse that children hear that it could have been from the verbally abusive parents play book. It was almost painful to read it. When I was finished, Jim said “holy shit… I can HEAR it, I have heard it…I have been there.”
I read it over again and I knew that I wanted to share it with a larger audience so I have asked Tim for his permission to share it as a main article. I am thrilled that he has given me his permission along with his blessing! So many adult children of abusive parents don’t realize how common this type of ‘lecture’ is and don’t realize how many others have experienced so much of the same type of tearing down. This verbal battering goes on and on and the reader who has been there or has ever witnessed it can HEAR it in the writing.
I had the urge to highlight certain parts, make other parts bold and do a little editing, however (aside from adding a few periods and questions marks) I decided to let the reader have their own interpretation and reaction to it without my emphasis. I am really looking forward to the comments on this one. ~ Darlene
Here is what Tim wrote;
“Here is the sort of verbal theatre dis-played by my parents showing a mark getting made;
“Don’t do that, it’s horrible, you don’t do that, why did you do that? don’t pretend you don’t know, excuse me, how dare you I won’t let you try to begin telling me you don’t even know what you’ve done, because you do, don’t you, of course you do we’ve all told you about this before, haven’t we, in fact too many times, isn’t that right? How many times do I have to tell you people don’t do that, do they, how many people have you seen, none, that’s right so why do you keep doing it ~ other peoples children wouldn’t they would never do anything like it would they, no, so why do you why do you always do it you’re the only one at school like this they tell me they do, your school unless, that friend of yours…. maybe that’s where you pick it all this up from is it, it is, is it? why do you hang around people like that you know other people have been asking me why you decide to behave like this, you know that right so what are we meant to do say what do we tell them, when you won’t tell us that’s a horrible thing to do there concerned, were all concerned about you and we don’t know what to do if you won’t tell us what the problem is are you going to say something now, well, we’re waiting you know by not telling us your lying to us how could you be so selfish, my own child, lies to everybody’s face only a horrible child does that I didn’t raise any horrible children did I, no, that’s right, so why do you do it? Everyone is sick of it, we have all had enough and the lying, how could you, my child my own child lies to my face, I thought only a horrible child would do that, why do you do it? You know better, I taught you, didn’t I, so then why do you always do this? no, its past time you explained yourself people have had enough, and don’t you dare think you can stand here and lie to my face as well, no more, I just don’t know what to do with you I taught you better than this, why do you go on doing this is the sort of thing I don’t understand it you refuse to help me there’s too much going on in my life to put up with it anymore to be honest I always expected this from your sister, not you, never from you, you know better, so why do you keep putting me in this position, I raised you better, and this is how you repay me, behaving like your just some horrible child, everyone will be so disappointed, they will, remember last time, everyone was so… they were all so proud of you, weren’t they everyone was so impressed with you last time they were, and now, they’ll be so upset think about all your cousins they couldn’t wait to see you again, now do you even think about them what will they think when they find out what there cousin does we have to tell them, of course we do I won’t lie to anyone for you that’s a horrible thing to say why would you say that you do to know why,.. yes you do know why, we know you do, don’t we, yes we do, of course we do, we all know, everyone people always know why we do the things we do, don’t we but you already knew that don’t you, so you obviously do it all on purpose because there’s no other reason, is there…. you never think about anyone but yourself do you that’s your problem you’re a horrible little child aren’t you don’t say that about yourself why would you think that about yourself how could you think that we never said that, we don’t say that, ever, do we? No we didn’t, we just don’t say those things, ..ohh its all forgotten if we said something it’s in the past and all forgotten about, forget about it, people always forget, and it doesn’t mean anything anyway, does it, anyway you know what it meant when I said it, so just give it a rest, for once in your life would you, for me, good thought I would never hear the end of it your problems, who do you think you are everyone has problems, no one complains .. but you. I’m weak, everybody leaves I obviously failed you in some way for you to need to hurt people they left us, you know that don’t you they left me with you because of what yo……. you do it all just to hurt me don’t you, we both know you do, why are you so horrible?”
– and this goes on and on round and round until your left confused, exhausted and afraid, knowing this attack came with consequences dis-respectfully talking or not talking back afterwards any and all actions are seen as equally punishable offences.
Thank you Tim for your willingness to share your comment with everyone.
Exposing Truth, One snapshot at a time;
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