The Truth about Being Told to Get Over it and Let it Go


let it goHow many times have you heard the instruction “Just Let It Go”? How many times have you personally been commanded to “let it go and move on”? How many ways is that statement communicated to people who are simply trying to justify their pain? How many insensitive people tell hurt people to “forgive and forget” or to “stop living in the past”? Last week, someone on the Emerging From Broken Facebook page directed ‘everyone’ on the page to “get over it and just let it go” and this sweeping, careless statement inspired me to write from a slightly different view point about the directive “Let it Go”.

In my view today, letting go is no longer about trying to simply forget injustices done to me. It is rather offensive to have been directed to let go of wrongs that had never been acknowledged in the first place. I was being told to ‘forget’ events that were mean, wicked and sometimes even illegal and to stop trying to have my pain validated. I was being told to let go of things that most of the people in my life were denying ever happened to me.

And you know what;

I did let go. Here is what I let go of;

I let go of the idea that successful relationship depends only on me.

I let go of the expectation that things would change if I just tried hard enough.

I let go of the belief that if only I could figure out how to be who they wanted me to be, that they would love me.

I let go of the hope that I would one day be good enough to be seen as an individual with valid thoughts and opinions of my own and I realized that they don’t get to decide how valid I am OR how valid my decisions and opinions are.

I let go of the idea (that I had been brainwashed to believe) that I had no choice.

I let go of the belief that ‘they’ did the best they could and realized that there were many times that they didn’t do the best they could at all. The truth was that I was not permitted to judge their choices for me.

I let go of the idea that something was wrong with me.

I let go of the hope that they would change.

I let go of the resentments I had when I realized that I had a right to have them and that they didn’t come from my delusional imagination. The resentments that I had came from somewhere. Validating where they came from went miles towards my being able to ‘let them go’ in order to ‘move forward’.

I let go of the belief that something was wrong with me when I started looking at what happened to me. I let go of the pain when I validated the pain and where it originated; I was only able to let go of the past when I faced it.

I let go of one-sided relationships that told me I didn’t matter and in doing so I found the beauty that has always been me.

When someone advises you to “just let it go” ask them what their definition of “letting go” is. Get clarity about what they are asking you to do. Ask them to define the word “it”. (And if they can do that to your satisfaction, ask them to tell you how they would suggest you go about “letting it go…)

Ask yourself what letting go means to you.

To me letting go is no longer about trying to forget injustices done to me. I was being commanded to let go of injustices that had never been acknowledged in the first place. I was being told to ‘forget’ events that were wrong and sometimes even illegal and in doing that I was being told to stop trying to be authenticated. I was being told to let go of things that most of the people in my life were denying ever happened to me.

As a result of that, I was trying to let go of the fact that I had been dismissed, invalidated, neglected and ignored. I was trying to AGREE with ‘them’ that nothing bad or wrong had ever actually happened to me and in doing so I was regarding myself exactly the way I had been regarded. As a result of that I was sinking deeper and deeper into depressions, feeling as though I could not breathe and in reality I was fighting for my life.

I was actually fighting NOT to let go of the truth ~ and it’s a good thing too because it turned out that it was in finally understanding that I was not the problem and that letting go of what I was being told to let go of was NOT the answer, that I found the answer. It was in realizing that being directed to “let go” was actually dismissing me yet again, that I was finally able to take my life, and my power and control back, and finally “let it go” and I got over it.

I let go of false hope. I let go of the hope that they would transform in favor of working on my own transformation. I let go of the hope that they would HEAR me. I let go of the hope that they would SEE me. Instead of my hope being in THEM, I listened to me. I heard me, I saw me, I validated my own pain and I began to emerge from the broken life I had been living.

I put my hope in the truth.

I began to breathe.

I began to heal.

I found my true self and realized that I was not a mean hateful person. I found out that I was a hurt, squished person and underneath the wall I had built up to protect myself, was a loving, caring, sensitive and beautiful woman.

And I said NO to being squished. I let go of the belief that unless the people that had invalidated me, decided to validate me, I wasn’t valid. I didn’t need proof that I was valid anymore. I let go of looking at me through their eyes!

I let go of the lies and false definitions of me, and I began to live!

When I let go of the belief that the answer was in proving to “them” that I was worthy and when I faced the truth about what happened to me, I found my worth and all the resentments fell away.

And I said YES to me!

Please share your thoughts with us in the comments. 

Exposing Truth; one snapshot at a time

Darlene Ouimet

The Emerging from Broken book “The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing” is ready for download! If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you, get this book today! This 197 page, downloadable, printable, live linked e-book will put you on the fast track to healing.  Get yours here through the upper right side bar or click this link~ Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing

If you would like to receive updates please sign up by downloading the “Free Guide to Getting Unstuck” on the right hand side bar. If you have purchased the e-book you may have already signed up for updates when you bought it. If you are already getting updates, please don’t sign up again.

Related Posts: When People Treat You like You are Crazy, Stupid or Frustrating” 


216 response to "The Truth about Being Told to Get Over it and Let it Go"

  1. By: Fedup Posted: 10th July

    I have been feeling need to set things straight with people who have wronged my family I don’t care about my own feelings. But do my children’s . How can they then tell me to let it go its in the past it kills me some 20 years on some more recently as 10 everything I had for my kids taken by someone who from start of our relationship set out to amass them selves monetary. That would of been my children’s I’d guarded fought their father for every penny for them met someone who was long time friend and got together trusted but it seemed to her it was a.means to an end. End of their inheritance taken planned to do so by them. Thinkin she was helping protect my girls money my son thrown out of his home at 10 by a friend.everyone says forget it I can’t they hurt my kids finances . They are big good enough to forgive but I can’t this was a nurse Psychiatric nurse helping Mr on breakdown for my daughters terrible treatment by her husband hospitalisation but they say forget it. She took my friends with her painting her self a sad picture of her self spent the money on her new partner holidaying buying nice furniture my son left in rental council properties for 13 years longer till today he still home as I could no longer work due to initial breakdown then a pushy was nurse adds to it takes my home money and self respect . The NHS certainly employs them yes then I had no friends to help me recover from her treatment most worked NHS . We need them vetting more strenuously who gets in there . Then I find iam at mid list people she’s ripped off and run off with others money at least 3 before sold drugs to people recovering from substance abuse . Tried to get other nurses sacked for CD drugs missing 1 cuss she wanted the mess 2 cus she didn’t like the nurse 3 cus colour preduicse well done some people helpers . Ones suppose to be supporting the abused and people crying for help. She is in a field where she can see the vulnerable and with NHS pay cheque at end of day well done NHS

  2. By: Melinda Posted: 6th June

    My mother pretty much said it was my fault for moving out and marrying when I did, but she fails to see that I was driven away from home by the way she and my stepfather treated me when I lived with them. I wasn’t the first girl to marry as a way to escape a toxic home environment and I won’t be the last.

    Years of constant verbal/emotional/mental cruelty that never seemed to end.
    What you said, Darlene, hit home with me about trying hard to change so that maybe then you would be more loved by the people around you.

    That was definitely me too. When I lived with my mother and stepfather, I bent over backwards trying to win their affection and approval.
    But nooo….I was “bad”. I was “lazy”. I was “stupid”. I wasn’t pretty enough or smart enough.
    I was a problem no matter what. Years of this treatment by nearly everyone around me eroded my self-esteem to the point where I feel utterly destroyed as a person.

    I love my mother and I know she loves me, but she made her choice to be with my stepfather and I’ve had to accept that.
    No matter how badly he has treated me or what he has done, she will never leave him.
    So I have to focus on healing my life and becoming whole again.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 6th June

      I hear you. I moved out of the house when I was 17 and in with a guy just to get away from my mother. Men were always more important than I was to her and I believed that was true. I believed that MEN WERE more important than I was and I didn’t even blame here back then. And then of course when my relationship went bad they used it as proof against me. Round and round it went until I finally put myself and my healing first.
      Glad you are here.
      hugs, Darlene

  3. By: Melinda Posted: 6th June


    thank you SO much for this. I really needed this. Your encouragement and wisdom is like the support I never had.
    I have a very long journey to healing and your words are like balm to my soul.

    This moves me because for years, I have been invalidated, which only adds to my pain from the different types of abuse I experienced growing up.
    I’ve had people tell me to “stop playing victim” and “get over it” and “let it go” all too often.

    Even worse are the folks who deny that I’ve ever been hurt or mistreated or experienced bad things.
    Some people have even accused me of lying, which is like being stabbed in the heart because it is just ANOTHER way to shut me down and keep me from speaking my truth.

    So thank you for providing a safe haven where we can talk about things without being judged…and where we can share support and encouragement with one another!

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 6th June

      Hi Melinda
      Welcome to EFB ~ I am so glad you are here! By what you have written it sounds like you have found the right place to read and share!
      hugs, Darlene

  4. By: Jeffry Brown Posted: 2nd June

    Amen this is wonderful. I agree 100% and to me what you have explained here is the true meaning of forgiveness. Because true forgiveness does not change the facts. But frees you up to face the facts!

  5. By: Andria Posted: 1st June

    Hi Dee,

    You have gone through a lot and you are still here. That says a lot about you. I am glad your husband is a rock for you. It is a tough journey going without contact with your FOO, but it gets better as time goes by. It would have been better to be born into a “nice” family, but we weren’t so we have to deal with what we were given.

    It will be good to move to a different town and not be so close to the war zones as you put it. I am glad that you seem to see some light ahead that you can move into. Best of luck while you try on your new life without your FOO.

  6. By: Dee Posted: 31st May

    Hello Darlene,
    Thankyou for sharing your journey with us.

    I am 45, and I am broken. I am sick, exhausted, and, overwhelmed. So disillusioned, angry, disappointed, and tired. Mostly, I feel immense grief, and I feel lost and have no direction, no purpose, no sense of why I am alive.

    My whole life has been an emotional struggle. I have always had nightmares or nigh terrors, always felt like I was going to be abandoned, always anxious, scared and have no confidence.
    Mother is a Narc, only child, jealous, controlling, self-centred, self-righteous, hypochondriac, attention seeker, drama & gossiper, sulky, world-class emotional blackmailer, & manipulator, but apple pie sweet to outsiders.
    Father is critical, belittling, condescending, insulting, but life of the party and everyone’s great mate.
    Ex-husband is disrespected, devalued, disregarded, criticised, insulted, isolated, withheld money, lied to me.

    I have been divorced for 6 years, after 16 years of marriage. He is still being a vindictive annihilator regarding 12 yo daughter. Has bought the 15 yo daughter’s loyalty with money & pathetic sob stories.

    I told my father, my side last November, which was met with swearing, denial, throwbacks etc. I have adored my dad, my whole life, and tried so hard to win his love an approval, but everyone else was always smarter, faster, more successful etc than me. I said hello to him on Christmas Day at my Brother’s house, attended his birthday lunch in February keeping my distance, and have had no contact since.

    My Mother went into full throttle in my Father’s absence. I have always been untrusting, cautious and completely obedient, as the rage is not worth bucking her. She stepped over the line regarding my children, so I let her have my side. I copped a tirade of texts about being ungrateful etc, and her telling me that she has been a wonderful mother, blah, blah, blah. I blocked her. No contact since late February.

    I adored my Brother, and even though I knew he was my Mother’s favourite, she never played us against each other that I was aware of. Our Mother drove him a bit mad with her attention seeking, but since I have not spoken to her, he has not spoken to me. That was very devastating, but I am handling that grief a bit better now.

    It is May now & the ex-husband has initiated a custody increase for Miss 12, but she is of age to speak for herself in our court system. I have now put child support collection in the hands of the government. He is great friends with my parents, and looking back, they pretty much handed me to him on a platter to care for his 2 small children, before having 3 of my own, that he has tried to turn all against me!

    My devoted husband of 3 years has been solid as a rock. He had no idea what he was in for…we briefly separated as I was convinced, through my Mother’s manipulation and grinding me down, that he couldn’t possibly love me, he must have other motives…Well I have been disinherited, and he has come home…he is supporting me & my children, and there is no resentment, just love. My parents had bought an investment property after my divorce, (in hindsight this was to control me, and the talk of sacrifices they were making for me was ganache thick..they could afford 5 houses!!?), and so we rent that house. We are vacating when the lease expires, & moving to another town in the new year.

    So, now I am just trying to get through each day. Mostly I live in pyjamas, and it’s nearly winter so that isn’t a good sign! I live in the small town that I was raised in, and I can’t wait for the change of scenery. I don’t cry as much as I used to. My anxiety has settled. My depression is heavy some days. I haven’t worked for nearly a year. I feel unmotivated, but not as hopeless as I did. I just feel unconnected and uninterested in anything. Last January, April, June, & September, I wanted to be gone, but I feel some glimmer that things may get better now I have disconnected from them, and stepped out of the warzones.

    Thankyou for having me, and allowing me the space to be real without judgement.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 6th June

      Hi Dee
      Sorry for the late reply. I understand the circumstances you are describing. I am so glad that you are here! I felt very much like you up until about 10 or 11 years ago now when I saw a glimmer that things could be different and that perhaps I was not the problem at the root of every relationship difficulty.
      So glad you are here and thank you for sharing!
      Hugs, Darlene

  7. By: Andria Posted: 18th May


    Yeah, my dad went “directly back to what works for him” as well. It made me weary as well, but that is okay. I cannot control what other people do or say.


    Congrats on your mother moving out! When my dad realized that we were not going to put up with his using us on his terms he was gone. He made it sound like we were not good to him and did not treat him fairly; yet he stayed for five years. I bet June 15th won’t come fast enough for you!

  8. By: Hope Posted: 17th May

    Hi Darlene,

    The whole “what I did let’s sweep under the rug” is what’s driving me crazy (just like your dad with your blog). And it’s not just from my family. How come I can say sorry and admit my wrongs straight away and move on, and others just make little things such a BIG deal? It drives me nuts! I know they want all the attention on them all the time…I just can’t be bothered anymore with all this pettiness. And then I get criticized for not spending time on “their” issues, the issues that they have spun in the first place. For me, your blog taught me to not let people get away with their awful treatment toward me.xx

  9. By: didi Posted: 17th May

    ooeee, update btw, my mother is really moving out YES!! As soon as her system registered there is really no basis anymore to suck on with me (and she’s the kind that thrives on any kind of attention, if positive is not possible, negative attention will do as fine). The house became too small suddenly (which is weird because i am more peaceful than ever). She moving away some 40km. Even though i handle her presence quite well, barely seem to be affected, i know i will be better off with her being gone. The final date is June 15th.

  10. By: didi Posted: 17th May

    Hi Darlene, Sounds like my dad sorta. I hear he is so called super sad about me having gone ‘no contact’. (Even shuts down for like 3 days when somebody disses him about his relationship with me) But i’ve gotten no reaction whatsoever to my letter which i sent a while ago in which i honestly explain how my youth was for me, and how i had to crawl for decade or so at rock bottom later in life because of that. Luckily and i am not confused anymore and won’t fall into this trap full of misplaced sympathy towards this self-pity of his. On the contrary, it’s quite astonishing how he would think i’d buy into what he apparently thinks would be an alluring offer for connection, as if i would like to be his free prostitute. I find it really astonishing how people seem to function with this unpenetrable brick of concrete in their heads and how they would think i would play along their game of denial and emotional manipulation, dumping these loads of heavy victim role emotions at me, while it’s because of their own doing, they are their own victim. And luckily it seems to become more like a general phenomenon for me instead of that it still hits me on a personal level so much, even though it’s never nice to encounter these things, because it reminds me of the disconnection that plays a big role here apparently. This world seems like a dense jungle when it comes to these themes. But i just keep the crap at bay with no effort now because of my excellent training and it’s wonderful haha because i get to connect with the real deal all the more because of this.

    And this site rocks, i love this movement that gathers against all this non sense, helping each other out through the fog of all this abusive non sense people and society try to force us into believing. It’s great, love it!


  11. By: Hope Posted: 17th May

    Hi Darlene and Lisa,

    Darlene, maybe your Dad isn’t responding to you as he is reading the huge amount of information you have on your blog and taking it all in and maybe realized how hurtful he really was to you. If not, he is detracting from you coz he is scared of the TRUTH.

    Lisa, you are so right and you said a lot of things I had forgotten about how abusive people are so inconsistent. My father didn’t call me for 6 months after a huge fight we had but now remembers me as my mother has gone overseas to see her mother (who was supposed to be on her deathbed). He is bored and thinks I am going to fill the void.
    I am sick of giving my “supply” of emotion to anyone, I just can’t be bothered to waste my time and energy on people that are not worth it. My time is precious and I don’t intend on giving it away anymore xx

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 17th May

      Hi Hope
      My Dad has emailed a few times recently but he has not mentioned my blog. It seems that he has gone directly back to what works for him which is to just pretend that nothing ever happened and pretend that there was no ‘reason’ for the separation that he said he so desperately wanted to end and would do anything to see that happen. I am not surprised, just a little weary.
      Hugs, Darlene

  12. By: Andria Posted: 24th April

    Yes Darlene, it is the emotions that it triggers. Like you, I was thinking last year that maybe something happened like he died and my sister did not bother to call. I even went on line last spring to see if I could find out if he died. I guess I was looking for some excuse too. But the more I hear stories told by adult children about their elderly parents behavior and remarks I often think and sometimes say, “these elderly folks know what they are doing and saying.” We give them a “pass’ because they are old. I no longer believe in giving anyone a pass. Most of the time people say things because they mean it. I am happy that you don’t let your family’s behavior define you anymore.

  13. By: S1988 Posted: 22nd April

    I’m not sure if I’d receive any attempts of true reconciliation from my family. I already gave them a chance once only to realize they basically scolded me for leaving them while expecting me to be with them. I’m not as quick to give abusive people second chances like I used to be, but I came up with a theory that may explain why they act the way they do.

    I know it’s not good to be caught up in “analysis paralysis” when it comes to abusers, but I can’t help but wonder why they act the way they do. It has always been an aspect of mine. Since childhood, I was never satisfied with vague answers to mysteries, and did my best to arrive to the clearest answer possible. Now, if my family were like my K-12 bullies, honest and sincere with their cruelty, then it be hurtful, but at least clear, and I wouldn’t try to analyze it as much. But, their actions are so mind-boggling I can’t help but wonder why they see me as beneath them one moment, then act as if I’m so special the next.

    The theory I came up with is that they follow a “family loyalty code”, meaning that in their eyes, no matter how despicable a person is, if they’re family, they should keep some contact with them. My siblings are like this with our father. He was cruel to them as children and still bothers them as adults. They despise him, but continue to associate with him. My mother had divorced him years ago and doesn’t like him, but has some contact with him. I suppose since he’s her ex, she feels that he should be in her life somehow.

    I know they think I’m a whiny ingrate for leaving them and condemning their actions, but they never said they hated me, and even sent me birthday emails a few months ago. I rather they didn’t since it seemed so phony. I actually wish they say they hate me rather than pretend to like me, and I think they’re afraid to do that because of this “code” they abide by. They always emphasized the importance of family, but I can’t deal with a mother who blames me for being abused by her, a father who wants to use me as a tool for revenge against his ex, a brother who insults me for condemning his treatment of his sons, and not apologize for it, and a sister who makes excuses for her mother and brother.

    All in all, I doubt they’d change for the better or admit to despising me. If they do happen to abide by a strange code, that doesn’t excuse them since this probable code didn’t do me any good. I guess some mysteries will never be solved, and this is probably one of them.

    • By: Lisa Posted: 10th May

      When family members are narcissists, the treat you horribly one day, and like a princess the next because they NEED your “supply” of emotion. They NEED to see your confusion, your pain, your frustration at their comments and actions.
      No code. Just a desire to destroy what they don’t have: compassion, love, truth, empathy. This is why narcissists and other with Personality Disorders treat us with such inconsistency. They use us for their gain. Making a compassionate person feel like *they* are the actual problem is the easiest way for them to “keep us on our toes”, and make sure we stay in their lives, for their supply.

      • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 11th May

        Hi Lisa
        Welcome to EFB ~ This is true for all people that believe they, their needs, etc are more important than some (but not all) others. Saying NO to this treatment frees us from the prison of oppression and from the false definitions of our value that they have communicated to us.
        Thanks for sharing!!
        hugs, Darlene

  14. By: Andria Posted: 22nd April

    Since Darlene is experiencing her father trying to reconnect with her; I though I would share my story of the same kind. Many of you have read about how my father lived with us for 5 years. My problems with him and my problems with my sister. I never got along with my sister, but it hurt me badly to know that my father did not care for me ever.

    As many here have experienced, I was always the person who made contact the vast majority of the time. Some years before my father got ill I did a little experiment. I called my dad. From the last time I had contact with him I just waited for HIM to call. It took him 4 months before he made contact. I was not having an overt or covert fight with my family at that time. Of course my sister and I hardly ever talked. I got all my info about her from our father.

    Flash forward several years. After my father did his stint in our home, he moves back to the Chicagoland area into an assisted living facility. I won’t go into great detail, but at this time I realize he doesn’t care for me and it truly appears to me that he does not like me at all. I continue with “normal” contact for about 5 months. Then my husband says, ” see if he calls you.” So, long story short: he calls me a little. Then all this crap is preying on my mind so I don’t answer his calls anymore. It takes him 3 months to call my husband to see what is going on. Flash forward several months. I get a wedding anniversary card from him saying that he is sad that we don’t communicate. I write him a letter saying that I am sad too. I tell him we can start communication again, but he has to initiate all of the contact. If he leaves a message, I will call him back. So he calls me. This is in July. He calls me a couple times during the summer, and calls for my birthday. Okay, things are going alright. He does not call during the holidays, but he calls me around the second week of January. This is approximately six months after he wrote me how sad he was about us not talking. So, I get that call in January. He does not call me again until 8 months later in September. I have not made any phone or letter contact with him for that 8 months. He leaves a message on my phone to see how I am doing. Then he calls a couple more times in short succession. I had been feeling bad again that I had to make crazy decisions about sending birthday and father’s day cards. But finally I came to terms with it again. I will have nothing to do with him. It is final now.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 24th April

      Hi Andria
      I might write more about this whole thing with my Dad reaching out again. It isn’t so much the details of that, but the feelings/emotions that it triggers. I have not heard from him again so pretty much the same story as yours. Of course my mind wonders if something happened, and my brother told me that Dad is not always connecting all the dots as he ages. My willingness to look for an excuse for him still lives in me, but at least I am aware of it and don’t let it define me anymore.
      Thanks so much for sharing,
      Hugs, Darlene

  15. By: didi Posted: 19th April

    o & btw laurie, this last sentence of mine just lingered in my mind suddenly, i did’t mean by it that i think you were brain damaged.

  16. By: didi Posted: 19th April

    Saw the last one, pretty heavy patterns with, I guess, the classical narcists, heavy story.

    I had my patterns though, of course with the kind of love that was ‘impossible’ (see relationship with mom and dad), and that is also nice. I got to ‘observe’ some things from a distance but learned so much from it. The only advantage of this pattern is that I never got into an actual relationship with some people. Amongst whom had been real narcissists as well. I am not a virgin btw haha.

    And in work siuations I’ve got nasty stories concerning multiple people that boarder sheer psychopathy sometimes. My good friend is kind of a successful guy in the music industry. And he is an attractive source for parasites whom he has to keep at bay. Something which unfortanutaley did not quite succesfully happen in the past. Real dramatic stories, in which I also got involved, I worked for him and was in the middle of it all. It nearly ended his life at least 2 times because of serious health issues that were unquestionably related. We were like Thelma and Louise at times.

    So I am aware of the stuff you mention, the not being able to be ultruistic. But the stuff from you-know-who is not always coloured because of her narcissistic mindset. And I pick out the moments it may be going on, I trust on that after everything. It also keeps me *sharp* watching her haha.

    And thank you for sharing with me, and no problem for being braindamaged sometimes, we all have that from time to time. Hope all is good now concerning the flu.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 20th April

      Hi Everyone!
      All the website updates are complete! If you encounter any issues/problems please let me know!
      It all went rather smoothly so I am pretty happy about that!

  17. By: Karen R Posted: 19th April

    S1988 #152
    I too was continually reminded (sometimes daily) growing up how lucky I was to live in a nice house and have food and clothes. I had to be verbally grateful or I was considered ungrateful. All the while living in an abusive, neglectful, downright crazy environment. I never saw until 58 how dysfunctionally abusive my family was to me. I was completely brainwashed and lived that way until this blog in 2011. The support here brought me into the truth of my situation.
    Shocking that it took so long. But if you never have any positive feedback, or anyone to point out the truth, other than your faults, you just chug along trying to measure up. I never had any positive feedback from grandparents, siblings, parents, nothing to contradict what I truely believed. Now I know better and have made so many positive changes in my life and relationships…Hugs Karen

  18. By: didi Posted: 19th April

    Btw. I’m not into religious stuff (which might sound like an odd statement), actually not al all, not for the sake of religion. What I am interested in though is how life and awareness are constructed (which embodies pure psychology), which is science to me, and I treat it like methamatics. No loosely based stuff for me and verified with my own experience and/or logic. I love it, can talk about it for hours, so I got some life-purpose-thing here probably.

    And maybe it seems to involve relgion, but to me it refers to deeper states of consciousness that are underying to the state which we are commonly in, and the purest form is commonly referred to as god. But it’s no magic or mystery, and no cheesy gods for me.

    And the thing with moms, I find it brave you went to her at the morgue, could be confusing. I don’t know if I would do that, I also don’t feel there would by anything left I would feel compelled to do so. Not at the moment, but I can also not see how this would miraculously change in some other direction at some point in my life.

    The lies that made me love her are the same lies the kept me sick. And she’s ground zero, if I just take the actual deeds towards me, there is nothing left that I would call love, and i’m not letting her cowardice confuse me into thinking it is actually any different. The recent situation with the house was an excellent exclamation mark to all this. So for me there is no reason for sentiment anymore. Also not for the few times my existence seemed welcomed by her. If i take the general situation of my youth, and the treatment i got while going through hell because of that, it’s just done. i think when sentiment would arise, i would feel that in my case i’d be deluded again in how i perceived her as a kid, as if it was love. Difficult stuff, i’ll just have to see, this is how i perceive it now.

    All the best to you,

  19. By: didi Posted: 19th April

    No problem Laurie, but really not, I like your passion in your point and speak by all means 🙂
    Didn’t see Darlene’s comment before posting mine, she used the word ignorant as well. And maybe the only thing I had problems with that in your view I sort of ended up as ignorant haha. but I kow you mean well at the same time. So that’s the thing that triggered me and for me it’s funny to register how this triggers me, you teach me lessons haha.

    I get your point, also because of your experiences, and therefore reaction in this instance to Teal with those Narcissitic traits.

    But the thing with me is that I’m not such a follower of anyone, also not order avoid anything, I’m against avoiding wmhoahaha, I’m also beyond the point I even would manage to avoid, I’m forced to go sort of all the way without reserve. If i try to keep my eyes closed it will be made sure with precision I will still not be able to avoid till I’m through some wormhole, inside-out. So yes, the ego’s, I see them, and keep seeing them better and better.

    I like you, it’s ok.

    Also no new age fantasies and weirdo’s for me.

  20. By: Conner L. Posted: 19th April

    Thank you for letting me be able to share. It is a relief that I have somewhere where people with similar issues can help me. Thanks

  21. By: Conner L. Posted: 19th April

    Adding to the previous comment, I have been taught that depression is wrong and that there is something wrong with me, and that ‘I have to choose to be happy’…. Is that right?

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 19th April

      Hi Conner,
      Google “emerging from broken” with the words “happiness is a choice” and you will see what I have to say about that. 🙂

  22. By: Conner L. Posted: 19th April

    I am new to the site and reading this has gotten me thinking. Can someone please explain what I should do in my situation? I am currently a senior, and I have been dealing with depression all my high school life. My family expects that I must obey my mother, because she is my mother and knows what’s best for me. I never am good enough, and I have to try harder. Even when I try, it’s ” too bad you need to do this also.” I am constintly trying to improve and stop being selfish. Am I in the wrong? Am I just being selfish? My mom constantly showers my sister In attention and praise, am I just being an idiot wanting attention, or jealous?

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 19th April

      Hi Conner
      You are not being an idiot; this stuff hurts and it carries a message about your worth with it. Keep reading; only you can decide what to do in your situation but you are welcome to share as much as you like here.
      hugs, Darlene

  23. By: Laurie Posted: 19th April

    You wrote in Post #133: It sounds kind of rude after your piece to me, it’s not meant like that, but today I honestly felt I wouldn’t even mind she died. On some level it’s sad, on some level I would’nt know what to grieve for with her specifically anymore.

    I can relate. When my mother did die, I did not mourn her but for one minute at the morgue before they prepped her body. I went there alone to see her body to test how I felt. I touched her forehead. All I saw was a dead corpse showing the signs of aging and brokenness. I did not feel sad, although I wanted to – and I question myself to this day for not grieving a woman whom gave me birth and that I loved so much as a child. I was actually relieved in many ways that she was gone. Yes, I loved my mother and have good memories of her as well, but the trouble she created was a part of the deal with her, especially toward me and my sister. I see the awful affects of her behavior, anger and sabotage in my life to this day. Not the affects of my emotions, but in the direction my life took because of her controlling me/my life when I had no choice in the matter along the way. It led me to the place I am now. A place I tried with all my might to avoid or change the direction through my will and dreams.

    I’m free from her noise and interference and influence that she used against me, or used to support an abusive man in my life. Or helping my siblings support him as well. I watched her instigate hate towards me through other family members. And when I had proof of large bruises, she denied that my ex could be capable of it, saying I just bruised easily.

    I am tired of it all. My mother’s behaviors taught me a harsh, ugly lesson in life: Never reveal what makes you happy or state what you want with abusive, hateful people. They are like missiles out to seek and destroy anything good you have inside yourself or in life. They are poison. I learned to play neutral with them, revealing nothing good that they can kill or destroy, and eventually remove them from my life. I realized that death appears to be the only way to get them out so I can make my life right my way. I do not seek any healing or apologies from them any longer because there is no such animal, and it’s beyond my capabilities to get a true healing with them (because it requires them to see the damage they caused, and they denied it). Them being severed out of my life is the only answer that I can see, and I’m content with that. I suffer no ill effects of my conscience for not feeling sad about my mother’s death. I merely question it to find the answers. Sometimes, I even feel like I can have a better relationship with her now because she’s not here to interfere with her ignorant human thinking.


  24. By: Laurie Posted: 19th April

    I really don’t want to discuss Teal (I’m pretty sure that conversation is over anyway). I learned a lot about narcissism over the years. My mother and ex were narcissists. Nothing they did, kind or otherwise, is ever motivated altruistically. Its always motivated by how they can manipulate others to make them see what they want them to see. It’s part of a bigger picture of them being in the glory of themselves through others. When I caught on to all their tricks, and stopped playing, and called them on it, they kept amping up the abuse to the point of trying to ruin my chances for survival with work/money, take away my children, take me to court, slandered my good character, as well as nearly sending me into the hospital (except I couldn’t afford it, and the police were useless, so I stayed home to heal, alone, while they relished in victory over me, broken in every way). Narcissism is a very dangerous thing, and its what makes them bullies. And it always starts with the frog being thrown in the pot on low heat. I’m pretty keen to it and I will stop it from the start when I see it.

    Thank you for sharing with me, Didi. I trust you are always on a path to your own healing and seeking out the truth for peace.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.