I saw a little saying on Twitter the other day that read ~ “God likes you. A lot. Deal with it” It was a twitter account that was promoting the book, “The Shack” and although I loved the book, the saying itself really bugged me. And not because I am not a fan of God; I am. But it was the “Deal with it” part that bugged me. I felt like saying “NO” I don’t have to “deal with it”. I felt “told” and I felt as though I had “no choice”. Even though this is meant to be a positive statement, that God likes me a lot, I found it to be irritating.
I have the same aversion to being told things like “get over it” I find instructions and directives like that demeaning, as though these people are inferring that I am incompetent, and that I have made the wrong choice where my own feelings are concerned. Those statements often come in larger sentences such as “Oh for goodness sake, get over it already” and there is always an impatient voice infliction attached to them. Tone of voice is used to “remind me” that I must be too stupid to understand “HOW to deal with it” thereby putting the focus back on me, reminding me that I am incompetent, in order to make me stop talking about whatever it was that I was trying to deal with in the first place.
Let’s define the word “IT”. “IT” in this case and according to my experience was psychological abuse, emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse. Get over emotional abuse. Get over sexual abuse. Get over physical abuse. Get over being told in actions and sometimes in words, that you were not lovable, not valued, not valid as a human being but rather defined as an object with no feelings, by just forgetting about it. Get over being told (and believing) that no one could love you, not even God, that you were just a big disappointment.
Being told to “get over it” (abuse) is exactly what I was told when I was a kid. It triggers those same feelings of being WRONG, being powerless and being helpless. I had no choice when I was a kid and I grew up well into my adult years not ever realizing that I did in fact have a choice. And as a child, I bought that lie, that I was the one who was wrong.
It reminds me of when I was told that if I didn’t stop crying that I would be given something to cry about. And I tried to accept the lie that I was crying for no reason. Again I had no choice about crying; if I kept crying I would get “something to cry about”. And I learned not to cry. But worse than that my feelings were wrong and so I learned not to FEEL.
Then my life became a quest to avoid feeling at all and the pain started to get backed up… like a huge stinking rotting pile in the back yard that I just ignored as I continued to get sicker and sicker from avoiding it and from believing that the reason that I was struggling with depression and the past was because I couldn’t “get over it” or “deal with it”. Round and round it goes.
Being told to “just get over it” is devaluing. It implies that I am making a mistake in processing an event. It indicates that something is wrong with ME because I am in still confused about something that has not been resolved. The statement is emotionally abusive. And even when it is used in a positive context, as in the example in the first paragraph, there is a negative left over from all the abuse that was forced on me in the past.
WHY is it wrong to need to have something understood or resolved in the first place?
Furthermore, people who say stuff like this don’t have any solutions; they don’t ever offer suggestions on HOW to get over it or deal with it, because they don’t know how either. They only offer devaluing and thoughtless instructions that remind me of my childhood and how I was never right, never good enough and never entitled to my feelings or to my pain. I was not entitled to realize that I had been wronged. I was always the one who was wrong no matter what the situation was.
And once again this all began in childhood. Being conditioned this way as a child prepared me to accept that something was wrong with me, so statements like this trigger the same feelings of “not good enough” and “what is wrong with me, why can’t I just get it right?” Add that to “powerless and helpless child” and the teachings, feelings as well as the reactions have carried on into adulthood.
Until I learned that I do have rights, that I am as equally valuable as everyone else and that I AM ALLOWED to and NEED TO feel the pain of the past and get angry about it SO THAT I COULD “get over it” (which was how I did get over it) but until I embraced those truths, I was stuck in the sick dysfunctional system.
Please feel free to share your reactions.
Busting through the fog with another snap shot of truth;
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