The Problem with Living One Day at a Time

how to live one day at a time
living one day at a time

“One day at a time – this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone: and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.” Ida Scott Taylor

Isn’t this a lovely quote! I tried to base my life on this quote for many years and I spun my wheels. I beat myself up with it because I could not seem to achieve this “one day at a time” attitude and approach to life but I KNEW in my heart that there was some deep truth and wisdom within it.

But this wasn’t “enough” for me. I could not start there. I am convinced that the reason I struggled for so long was because I didn’t start my healing close enough to the beginning of where I got broken.  I didn’t go far enough into the past.

I needed to grieve over the past. It was the self validation that I had never experienced before that began an important part of the healing process for me.  I wonder if I had actually known any truth in my life, if I had actually had a healthy foundation, if I would have been able to actually apply or implement this quote.

I could not live in the present when so much darkness was still hanging around me, clinging to my heart and weighing me down. I was beneath the light. I was struggling even to breathe I was so smothered by the unresolved past.  

I kept drifting back to the past, and feeling guilty about it.  The past was like an unsolved murder mystery.  We can’t just decide not to pursue the murderer. That would be dangerous. Some things just need to be resolved.  I had things in the past that I needed to look at and deal with.

The future was therefore terrifying!  I had no reason to believe that my future would be any better than my past, especially when I didn’t understand what the heck was wrong with me, why I wasn’t loveable, why I was so depressed and feeling like a failure while sometimes fooling the world with my bubbly personality and when I got older, fooling them with my lovely looking family and respectful children.  WHY was I feeling so lost inside?

So that brings me to the present ~ (not to “today” but to the present the way I thought about it when I was trying to live by the One Day at A Time quote back when I was broken and struggling with depression, failure, and dissociative identity disorder.)  How could I possibly live in the present and make it beautiful when deep down I was lost and sick? And I was consumed about not being able to create a beautiful present and worried that I would have NOTHING worth remembering.  Round and round it went.

Trying to live by this quote was like being deeper in the denial that I was trying so hard not to live in. It was like being trapped in a tornado in slow motion. It was like being held under murky water unable to see who or what was holding me under.   

Before I could stop struggling with the past, I had to acknowledge it for what it was.

Before I could stop dreading the future I had to understand the past ~ find the lies about me ~ the lies that formed the foundation of my belief system and then realize the truth about me.

Before I could live for today I had to have a clean foundation to build on.  I couldn’t start with these neat little solution based quotes until I had actually caught up to the present day.  

And that was the process. 

Once I got my past sorted out I found it much easier to comprehend and even implement quotes like this one.

Please share your feelings about this subject.

Wishing you truth ~ for love will follow;

Darlene Ouimet

other myth busting posts:

Forgive the Abusers? ~ a bit of a rant

 Covering up for Emotional and Psychological abuse

Love is Patient Love is Kind

32 response to "The Problem with Living One Day at a Time"

  1. By: Brenda Posted: 25th October

    This is indeed a great “Myth-Buster” and is is EXACTLY what I needed to read today!!!

    I can appreciate those sentiments as well, (One day at a time etc..) EVENTUALLY but until you go back and connect the emotional dots, to me, it just adds MORE confusion!!!

    Thanks Darlene for making this very important differentiation!!!!

    I want to see if I can briefly explain what has transpired for me recently: Being depressed, I naturally want to isolate because it, well makes life easier, actually. Less triggers, less stress, less confusion.

    So, I made reservations (kind of half-heartily) to go out of town and the time to leave will be approaching in two days. I have been stressed and counting down the days…not in anticipation…but in absolute dread. Not that the people I am going to see upset me…in fact, they are really excited that I am coming! See though, the thing is – is that I have not really been feeling that well physically and in addition to that – I am very stressed about having oversee the care of my cats.

    But I couldn’t even articulate THAT MUCH until today. I was just generally “stressed out” and didn’t know why until I started to (as Tavis Smiley so succinctly puts it..) “unpack it”.

    (What sprang to my mind is one of those balls of rubber bands. Have you seen them? About the size of a baseball.)

    Anyway, normally I would just plunder forward in kind of a dissociative state and make arrangements as best I could for the cats and have that tugging worry in the back of my mind…but I didn’t want to do that this time.

    Instead I *sadly) realized that I don’t really have a dependable neighbor to count on to take care of them. In fact, it is not that I don’t get along with any of my neighbors…its just that the ones I have come into contact with are all about DRAMA and really have big problems in their own lives and I suspect not much time left over to be caring about my cats!!!!!

    So, I guess that take away here is to realize how utterly isolated I am and that perhaps it might be a good idea to seek out neighbors (if possible?) who might be dependable along these lines and vice-versa.

    Gawd! Talk about getting back to basics!!! I have to actually resort to an online chart that literally MAPS OUT the different types of friendships – one of which is the “neighborly” kind…among many others. (It is embarrassing to admit just how alone I am and how, in many ways…I just don’t have a friggin’ clue about some of this *basic* stuff!

    At the moment I am tempted to cancel my non-refundable reservation and take care of myself and the cats walking away with the new insight that it is really, really hard to go through life without a support network of various means and measures…and I guess that I probably wouldn’t have even figured THAT MUCH out unless I was willing to go back and connect the emotional dots and get to the underlying reason(s) for all of the current angst.

    Hard to imagine that I have lived this long without ever having any goals or dreams or hopes. (Astonishing, actually).

    But at least now I can work on attempting to develop some sort of mutual support network for what might seem to others to be just a simple matter of having someone in your life that can oversee an outdoor cat feeder/water container.

    By the way, I don’t know how many other people here have situations like this…but being isolated for so long and not really having anyone nearby (well, I did have one friend – but she died, my other friend lives too far away and my *family* even though only about 15-20 minutes away are such shallow, snooty snobs among other things don’t really relish to having come to the trailer park where I live…) makes it really difficult.

    I guess I have my work cut out for me….(thinking about making neighborly, mutually reciprocal *friends* – IF possible) but I guess that is better than not even knowing where the problem was to begin with ~

  2. By: Vicki Posted: 31st January

    There’s another one of those phrases that ticks me off. Live one day at a time. How many other days can you possibly live if not one at a time? Even when you’re thinking about the past, you’re still living in the present, if that makes any sense.
    I like the answer a comedienne gave to the question. She said she can’t live more than one day at a time, or she’d get confused about which underwear she was supposed to have on.
    It’s a silly reply, but I think the phrase is silly. I’m not about living my life measured out in phrases and platitudes.
    At the very least, as an aspiring published writer, I like to think up my OWN phrases.
    But I get tired of platitudes and phrases and would rather hear the sound of silence than somebody firing 20 platitudes in a row at me. They did that to me at the memorial service for my daughter’s dad.
    W/ the exception of the guy who yelled out during a quiet interlude ‘There’s a suite of rooms in hell waiting for Osama bin Laden and his buddies,’ everything else I heard was a platitude.
    ‘This too shall pass.’ (Really?)
    ‘He’s not in pain any longer.’ (He wasn’t in pain to begin w/, he was murdered at work in Tower 1 of the World Trade Center.)
    ‘At least his death was quick, and he didn’t suffer.’ (How do they know whether he suffered? Were they standing beside him when he died?)
    So I think I like the comment shouted into the quiet interlude best even though it was what some people called ‘highly irregular.’
    It felt like it came from a more genuine source as opposed to the platitudes I heard, which felt painted on.

  3. By: Dolores Ayotte Posted: 19th January

    Hi Darlene,
    I enjoy reading your blog. Although I don’t comment often, I read all your posts. I found this one very compelling and I shared it with my readers today. Thanks for sharing your journey and insights with all of us.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 19th January

      Thanks Dolores,
      I really appreciate you sharing my blog with your readers.
      I like your blog too!
      Hugs, Darlene
      (p.s. I fixed the link to your blog and deleted the second post about it.)

  4. By: Kia Posted: 13th January

    Thanks everyone for your encouragement. I really appreciate it.

  5. By: Lisa Posted: 5th January

    I have read this post and the many comments with interest. I agree with all of you. There is one “place” in my life that I find One Day at A Time helpful…and that is in my recovery itself. And perhaps, instead of one DAY at a time, it should be one STEP at a time. Because I tend to look at all the things I need to heal, need to “fix” and I become paralyzed because I’m afraid there isn’t enough time or medicine or patience in the world to fix it all. And when I add in my own tendency to postpone and procrastinate, it becomes even more daunting. But if I focus on my baby steps, one little thing at a time, sometimes moment to moment, I find it much more manageable.

    Sarah, I am so sorry for your pain. I hope you find this blog as helpful as I have.

  6. By: Sarah Posted: 3rd January

    I find such comfort in your blog. I’m someone who’s just recently figured out..after the end of a toxic friendship that I was hiding behind a friendship to ease the pain of the intense insecurity and loneliness I was feeling inside. I am so grateful for this painful as it is..because when I was forced to see myself alone for the first time in four years..I was able to realize what I had become…a negative and abusive person..and find the road to redemption. I felt so alone until I read this. Everyone else I know seems to have it so together while everyday is a bitter struggle for me as I try to find myself and not write myself off as a terrible person not worthy of love. I lived the biggest lie of all for many years..I lived in a world that was not real..and dragged another person into it. As I struggle with myself, everday I pray for strength and I take such comfort out of knowing that it is possible to is possible to be happy. Thank you.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 5th January

      Hi Sarah,
      One of the things that I realized that made a huge difference in my own recovery was that so much of what had become “negative” about me had it’s roots in the way that I had actually learned to believe who I was. When I was able to change the way that I regarded myself by finding out about those roots, and changing those beliefs, those negative things seemed to lessen greatly and most of them have completely dropped away. It certainly is possible to heal.
      I am really happy that you find some comfort here!
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Lisa,
      This is a great point Lisa, and I think that this is the real intention of the quote. I also struggled with overwhelm all the time when it came to what I had to “do” to heal and ended up falling on my face until I learned to slow down and break things down into baby steps too.
      Thanks for sharing this!
      Hugs, Darlene

  7. By: Gabrielle Posted: 3rd January

    I’ve been chasing the elusive “one day at a time” for more than 20 years and was I ever excited to read this blog! I have always felt like a failure for not “getting it”. It makes so much sense that without acknowledging and grieving the past and with constant anxiety about the future, I have not been able to feel the present. I have felt so guilty for being so unhappy. Feeling like I have permission to grieve frees me up to be able to face the present. Thanks for all that you do Darlene and to all the wonderful people who share on this site. God bless you all!

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 3rd January

      Hi Linda
      Great points as well! Although I think that this quote is trying to encourage people not to worry about things yet to come and stuff like that, it becomes a discouragement when there is so much damage in the past that there IS no present and this quote then becomes about trying to forget things that are unresolved within ourselves and holding us back.
      Thanks for being here!
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Gabrielle
      Sometimes these things just hit me like a ton of bricks ~ things that I have struggled with forever and suddenly I realize that they don’t apply to me because of what is actually in my way. I also needed permission to grieve.. it sounds funny now, but when I look back on my life I didn’t seem to have permission for anything ~ bottom line is that I didn’t have permission to be ME or even just “to be”. I am really glad that you are here!
      Hugs, Darlene

  8. By: Susan Posted: 3rd January

    Fi – someone who had traveled this path before me shared something that really helped me on my own journey; that when I am still “triggered” and have those extreme responses or am avoiding life again that this is an indicator of grief work yet to be done. Its as if nature gave me a scale or thermometer to allow me to pace myself and gauge my healing progress. 🙂

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 3rd January

      Hi Louise,
      This is a great contribution to the subject of this blog post! This is my favourite part of what you said: “I think as much as we learn to face and honour our past struggles, we begin to reclaim our present and the capacity to create and respect our potential. By finally treating that internal wound, soothing it by changing our inner talk, healing it, addressing the pain, hearing it, validating it, and even covering it with healthier actions – cleaning our homes – eating good stuff, playing, feeding the birds. How else is such devastation supposed to get healed.”
      You have highlighted some really important things in your comments~ Thank you so much!
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Susan
      You also highlight some great points. I also came to realize and believe these same things and I LOVE your ending ~ “This is where the real healing began for me and the past stopped haunting my today and preventing me from having the tomorrow that I deserved.” ME TOO. Thanks Susan!
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Fi,
      I do not try to remember the forgotten things anymore either. I have enough memories to know how I got so messed up and that is enough for me to heal with. (I had enough to see how my belief system began and the foundations of how it developed full of lies) The stuff that I am talking about blocking out was the day to day stuff, especially not acknowledging that I was being devalued and treated like I had less value then others. I can tell you that the memories did lesson for me and I certainly have only a fraction of the pain that I used to have.
      Thanks for posting!
      Hugs, Darlene

  9. By: Fi MacLeod exNicholson Posted: 3rd January

    Hi Darlene

    That was a great point about blocking out stuff. There are huge parts of my life and childhood that are blocked out of my mind. It used to bother me big time that that was the case. But to be honest I struggle to cope with what I do remember and can never forget. So I no longer worry about what is blocked out or strive to recall it because it is blocked out for a reason. I hope one day that the memories will lessen as will the pain contained and stored within them.

  10. By: Susan Posted: 3rd January

    “Before I could stop struggling with the past, I had to acknowledge it for what it was.”

    This is such a big deal Darlene. I could not move forward or do any of the “self help” stuff either…until I went back to the past, stopped avoiding the deep anger and buried grief and actually went into mourning for many months. It wasn’t enough to be able to acknowledge that my past was my past…I’d been able to talk about it and think about it -bit I was not able to feel it. I avoided this part of the healing process in so many ways. Until I realized that this is what was meant by “going through it to get out of it”. This is where the real healing began for me and the past stopped haunting my today and preventing me from having the tomorrow that I deserved.

  11. By: Louise Posted: 3rd January

    I found this problem when meditating etc and doing buddhist practises. Nothing seemed to address this inner disconnect I had or heal my ‘I’m bad’ stuff, and actually living ‘in the moment’ has been extremely distructive for me – I do it superbly well. I can shake off minutes as they’re happening – it’s entirely dissociation and NOT ‘valuing the present moment’ rather for me I was devaluing ALL my moments by trying not to feel past present or future.

    It’s a shame because my memory has been really damaged by this way of coping – I’m uncertain how much of it is ‘retrievavle’ or how much I want to retrieve. But in order to gain anything from my spiritual or self development practises I have first had to address the rift at my roots. Like I had/have a tear going right through my psyche; a lot of self development exercises I’ve encountered seem to work from the premise that you already have a basic ‘normal’ level of self esteem. Even the Dalai Lama has said that many westerners have to get over their ‘shame’ complex first before anything else as in this sense there’s a marked differences between us and Tibetan/easter folks level of self identity/value.

    I found that really interesting, how our society itself has to find a level of congruency and self worth and that within that society we are the damaged goods – so we really do have some work to do – approaching normal. And I think that’s certainly been half my problem; I really had no idea how far off normal I was; it’s taken me twenty years to even begin to see the extent of the internal wound that was done to me as penetrating and destructive as any insidious piece of shrapnel. Except left to fester without treatment… So the time continuum we are on is just that, it’s a continuum, it’s not separated into past, present and future – it’s like a calender with no dividing lines. I am all of me from the growing up part to the growing old part to this part right now… I think self value is reflected in how we use time and treat time. Time and wealth and value and respect are so tied up together. And when any part of that self value or self worth gets damaged, all the other parts suffer and wilt and crumble. It’s like that energy vitality which is particularly sexual energy, that attracts and creates and nurtures – gets damaged and that’s precisely the energy we also use to foster health, heal quickly, motivate us, create our purpose. I think as much as we learn to face and honour our past struggles, we begin to reclaim our present and the capacity to create and respect our potential. By finally treating that internal wound, soothing it by changing our inner talk, healing it, addressing the pain, hearing it, validating it, and even covering it with healthier actions – cleaning our homes – eating good stuff, playing, feeding the birds. How else is such devastation supposed to get healed. Otherwise it’s like we’re trying to paint and decorate a building that’s in a ruin without first fixing the holes in the walls, or reinforcing the ceiling; like we’re putting furniture in while there are still no floor boards and subsidence is threatening to pull down the whole place. At least that’s how my whole life has felt. And people are always pushing me to paint and decorate and get a new car and wear nice clothes – metaphorically speaking and not so metaphorically too. It’s difficult dressing a half dead person and smiling at folks and saying ‘Have a nice day’ when you’re insides are falling out onto the pavement and vultures and hyenas are circling you because they ‘know’ at least the truth of how you are clinging to existence.

  12. By: Linda Davenport Posted: 3rd January

    If we truly live one day at a time, how can we notice patterns of abuse from spouses, family members or friends? If we only live one day at at time our lives truly have no meaning. If we only live one day at a time our only goal is to get through that day.

    How can we change ourselves, our circumstances, or very lives if we live one day at a time. I think it is a very toxic way to live.

    If we are not paddling the canoe we are just drifting… with no direction, no destination, no goals. If we have no destination, how will we ever get anywhere?

    I refuse to live one day at a time. I want to notice patterns so I can change them. I want to realize when someone is continually abusive or selfish so I can address the issue and delete the relationship if things don’t change.

    I refuse to drift along with no plan of action. It is no life at all. I definitely do not want my tomb stone to read, “She lived one day at at time.”

  13. By: carol Posted: 3rd January

    some of the quotes posted are really helpful and positive yet some i find are hard. mainly because they go on about how much i have lost due to the actions of those that hurt me. i find these keep me in the loop of blame and angry when i dont usually follow that blame loop very often. i find continually being told how much of my life has been stolen/taken/denied doesnt help me. it is just another part of me that i have to greive for and the post can sometimes make me feel as if all the work i have done had been for nothing. not that that is true in any way shape or form.clinging to what i couldhave shouldhave been is not always helpful, well not to me anyways.

  14. By: Shanyn Posted: 2nd January

    Kia, I echo what Fi said. I’ve been doing some hard work last year and will continue forward but it took me many years to get to this place. The how long isn’t as important as knowing you’ve started. Go gently with yourself.

    Jimmy – you and Darlene have really been so inspiring to open up and share like you do. Thank you so much!

    Fi – your words always touch me, and I’m sending you many hugs and much love!

    Clare – I like how you referred to your healing as a dance, and that you are learning and changing the steps as you go. Very well said!

    Hugs and love…

  15. By: clare Posted: 2nd January

    ” Once I got my past sorted out I found it much easier to comprehend and even implement quotes like this one.” totally agree there.

    I also react to quotes or sayings similar to this, it is not one day at a time. However I have to say depending on the context of a situation it can be. Take things slowly do not rush. For me I needed to understand my past to be able to live in the present and move towards my future.

    I use to have a time limit on my healing as I did not understand the whole process but it just never worked out and I would stress myself out and add to more issues for me. I now see my healing as a type of dance and I am still learning and changing the steps as I go along.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 2nd January

      I love what you posted to encourage Kia. You are right on target! and yes, forgetting isn’t part of it for me either, but I don’t remember with the same degree of pain anymore. There was a time when I didn’t remember most of this because I blocked it out, but I don’t ever want to be there again, because that is a dangerous place to be. for instance: when I came out of the “fog” I realized that some of the people that emotionally abused me (and abuse is abuse, so this applies to ANY kind of abuse) still had access to my children, and to just “forget” would be to be unaware… which would endanger my own kids. I am not trying to forget, I am trying to live fully in love and peace. One of these days I am going to write a whole blog post about the “forget part of the expression forgive and forget” as a follow up to the forgive the abusers rant link that I referenced in this blog post.

      Hi Clare
      I love the picture you create here with healing as a type of dance. Thank you for that!
      Hugs, Darlene

  16. By: Fi MacLeod exNicholson Posted: 2nd January

    Hi Kia

    The grieving will take as long as it takes.

    I think it’s very unhelpful to put a time limit on it. The expectations which religious/spiritual abuse put upon us are also incredibly unhelpful and make our path a much harder and more confusing one to navigate.

    The most important lesson to learn is that it is impossible to forget. None of us will ever forget what happened to us.

    To have that weight of expectation placed upon you is deplorable but I’ve had it many times in many churches which is one reason why I had to walk away from the church but not from God. Anyone who tells us to just let go and forget has not honestly had to wrestle with the hell of child abuse. That kind of thinking attempts to brush uncomfortable and painful things under the carpet and does not help with healing at all. Spiritual abuse is very horrible and just heaps guilt upon us that we don’t need.

    2 years is a very short period of time to be honest and things will crop up that need dealing with. All of us are on a journey. Healing is a journey not necessarily a destination.

    I bet you are feeling very hurt, misunderstood and frustrated, I’ve been there many times myself and it’s a horrible place to be.

    The fact is at the moment you can’t let go, you can’t move on, you can’t move out of the grief – that’s where you are and it’s ok to be in that place – it’s important to acknowledge and validate that.

    There will come a time when you can but that time has not yet come. You are in process and it will take as long as it needs to take.

    This is a forum in which you are accepted as you are, where you are and understood. We’re all at different stages in our healing and I wish you well in your journey!

  17. By: Kia Posted: 2nd January

    I can see your point of needing to grieve over the past. And going back to the beginning of the pain to work forward. But how long will the grieving go on? I’ve been out of an abusive situation for 2 years and still grieve and have things crop up that I keep having to deal with. Spiritual abuse is a big one I have had to deal with. I keep being told that I have to let go and forget what happened. Put it behind and move on. I can’t. I just can’t. And I am frustrated, and hurt and don’t feel understood at all.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 2nd January

      Hi Shanyn
      I LOVE your analogies too Shanyn. I love picture stories and allegory. So vivid and this one really fits. We do need to go through those stages, realizing that we COULD have been helped but for whatever reason we were not ~ we were either ignored, abandoned, discounted, devalued, dismissed…. or some combination of a few of these things, well in order to heal I had to go through the emotions ~ a big one of which was anger. It was wrong what happened to me. It was wrong and I don’t understand WHY it happened, but I in order to heal I had to come to validate myself and I had to also understand that understanding “them” was not going to help me on my journey anyway.
      So in the end of the bone chip picture ~ I found something else: I found the real me, the jewel that was me, the biggest missing piece of all. ME THAT was the pot of GOLD at the end of the rainbow.
      Thanks Shanyn, for who you are and for how you share yourself.
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Fi !
      When I read your comment I realized a few things ~ All my life I had been told to “get over it” and “put it behind me” and I never knew how. When I started this process I realized that I there was a way HOW to do it, but it isn’t the way anyone wanted me to do it. (because it involves putting blame and responsibility where it belongs) BUT when I did it my way and really aknowledged the injustice of it all and that it was not my fault ~ I WAS able to put it behind me. Like Jimmy said, I still have the scars, but they don’t pain me like they used to.
      I love your list! I love that you are here.
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Kia,
      There is no way to answer your question of “how long”. I was messed up for a very long time but on this blog I write about how I got healed by going about the process differently then I had all those other years. I could not just let it go either. I and many others here also had to deal with spiritual abuse and the guilt and shame methods that are used in that kind of abuse . The misuse of scripture, combined with the misuse of information, the misuse of power and authority and the misuse of control. All this added up to the “misuse” of me. The invalidation of me. What accelerated my healing was realizing this truth, and learning how to validate myself, to love myself, to care for myself. I began to realize that I would never be understood “by certain people”. (today I have people though) There is a lot more information in this blog about details of how I did that and stories of how I came to realize what the lies were.
      Hang in here with us. There are people on this blog that started off in huge amounts of pain and feelings of powerlessness who now share their own inspirational stories. There is hope for healing here Kia. I am really glad that you are sharing,
      Hugs, Darlene

  18. By: Fi MacLeod exNicholson Posted: 2nd January

    I must admit I really reacted – big time reacted – to this quote – “do not look back and grieve the past for it is” – oh I wish – if only life was as simple as that. I’ve never dreaded the future because I never thought I had one. But I could never leave the past behind because it never has been behind me – in some ways the past is more real than the present – and the reason I couldn’t leave the past behind was because no one told me how to – just that I had to – but I realise some of the ways to put the past where it belongs are to:-

    – grieve where grief is necessary

    – get angry at what was stolen, what has never been and what can never be because of the abuse

    – uncover the lies that my life was founded and built upon and replace those lies with other stuff which is positive and life affirming

    – tell it as it was, tell the truth instead of living in silent isolation and keep telling till you don’t have to tell anymore

    – not feel guilty about spending time processing the emotions from the past

    Well, I guess that’s my thoughts for now.

  19. By: JimmyB Posted: 2nd January

    Too bad there wasn’t some kind of super worm to go throught the piles..I would have enough to go fishing
    Scars are just a reminder of what used to be an open wound. It is the wound that hurts the most, as it festers away and gets infected. The scars are a reminder of the healing process and what we can do do stay away from getting into a wreck again
    Love you lots too and thanks for having this healing place
    Yes we are having a blog loveafair today!! Love every minute

  20. By: Shanyn Posted: 2nd January

    Darlene – another great post that digs down deep and brings up so much. One line really stuck me though. You said, ” I am convinced that the reason I struggled for so long was because I didn’t start my healing close enough to the beginning of where I got broken.”

    Oh wow…this is so true! This is fundamentally true. I’ve been working backwards, digging through things and peeling back the layers. The things I’m looking for like a forensic scientist are clues that will tell me when I’m getting close to the beginning of where I got broken. Once I know that, the things from that forward will make more sense and then I feel, instinctively, that I’ll be able to move a whole stride forward.

    There are so many crooked paths back to those original breaks, and I’m discovering that they may have healed stronger but they didn’t heal straight, and like a twisted limb that has caused more walking in circles and stumbling and aching pain than I realized.

    That pain, that ache and the realization that someone could have set the bone, they could have prevented it is really pulling me through some old dirt, mud and I’m finding little bones and chips of truth. Once I piece them together I wonder what I’ll find…the missing pieces or something else…

  21. By: JimmyB Posted: 2nd January

    I love how you dig down to the truth..throw the crap up on to the ground beside the hole, sift around through it, sort the good from the bad so we all can see the process of what it took to change your belief system so we can see what it takes to change our belief systems. I truely get it when you say you have to build it from a new foundation before we can continue with healing and recovery.
    I had to do exactly that. If I would have tried to heal from the point I was at when I knew my world was wrong, it would have been patched long enough to slide deeper into the muck and took longer to change what I believed what was wrong with my world. I had to understand my while world was crap. My relationships were null and void, they were broken bleeding on the ground. I had to fix myself in order to see all this and not just put a bandage on a gapping wound of my relationship with my wife and kids.
    I too dreaded the future. I had to step back and take a close look at the present before I could proceed. I dreaded the future because of my experience with the past. I received help with the past so I could go into the future knowing a different, better path to take. This doesn’t meen I still don’t have scars from the struggle from the past but it meens I won’t get more proceeding forward.
    Thanks for your wisdom and encoursgement and so many good things you share.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 2nd January

      Hi Jimmy,
      I really like your analogies. I could write a whole blog post about this analogy of sifting through the good and bad ~ I got this picture of three piles of stuff. The lies, the truth and the lies half lies that needed to be looked at a second time because they were lies mixed with just enough truth to manipulate the truth and cause damage. This is really hard work, sorting this all out, but it is doable and there is freedom.
      I love your final line: “This doesn’t mean I still don’t have scars from the struggle from the past but it means I won’t get more proceeding forward.” Yes.. that is what it means. And it means that we don’t have to feel the pain from those scars for the rest of our lives. And it means that today it is a whole lot easier to live one day at a time!!
      And since I am the wife that you are referring to, in the relationships that was broken and bleeding on the ground, I am really glad that you decided to start digging into that foundation and make some changes. =)
      Thank you for posting today Jim
      Hugs, and love Darlene

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