The Essence of Wholeness


The sun will rise another day

I received this message and question from a reader;

“Dear Darlene,

I love your blog, emerging from broken. I read it every day and I think it is the most ROCKING website going.

Okay, so you talk a lot about wholeness in your posts and it’s in your blog subtitle too. I think I have an idea of what wholeness is, but you seem to have this really rich, deep understanding of what it is. So I am really curious to hear you explain it in your own words. What is wholeness? What does it mean to you to be whole? Does it mean you don’t struggle anymore? Does it mean you have soaring self-esteem? Does it mean you’re never depressed and always happy? I am at the tail end of my own therapy, and peering into the world that waits for me. But sometimes I still have those little doubts that I’m ready, that I’m whole in the same way that you are.

Sincerely, 99% Sure I’m whole too

Dearest Fellow Seeker

Thank you for your enthusiastic encouragement!

When I first read this question I wondered how the heck I was going to answer it, but then I decided to answer a small aspect of it. I am sure that other aspects will be covered in later posts.

I wanted to address your question asking me if I am never depressed and always happy.  I rarely feel “depressed” in the way that I used to feel, but sometimes I feel down. Not every day is a perfect day and life isn’t always easy.  I wouldn’t say that I am always happy, in the way that we think of as happy (although most of my friends would say that I am a pretty happy person).

What I would say is that I always have a sense of peace. I have an acceptance that I didn’t have before. I accept life in the way that it arrives each day. I know that I know how to DO life now.  I don’t just “cope” anymore. I don’t disconnect or dissociate in order to deal with life. I don’t run to bed and pull the covers up over my head in the middle of the day if things get rough. I live. I face what is going on, I deal with it to the best of my ability, and I live.

Nothing changed overnight. It was a process of change and acceptance and getting used to the new way of living, and I continue to thrive and grow.  I learned to trust myself by living in wholeness. There weren’t any shortcuts. In my process, I learned to embrace who I am, and stopped looking for approval from others. It stopped mattering to me what others thought. This is true even with my family and my husband. ~I don’t let them define me by whether or not they approve of me. (My son, at the age of 15, didn’t approve of me returning to work even though my work outside the home was only 2 days per week. His definition of love was that I stayed home and cooked all his favorite meals and focused my energy on him. He needed to learn a new definition of love, and it took me a while to help him with that.)

~ It doesn’t really matter what other people think. I don’t try to apply someone else’s idea of whole to my life. I wanted to be whole like ME, not whole like someone else.  I don’t let anyone else define me either. No one gets to decide my worth.

In closing there is one other thing that I would like add that for me defines my wholeness. My life has purpose and I have a passion for my purpose. I wake up every morning excited to get into the day, sometimes way before I planned to get up!  This feeling of excitement is consistent and following my passion and purpose is fulfilling and rewarding.

That is a very small glimpse of what wholeness is to me, but I hope that it gives you some idea. I would love to have other peoples comments on what wholeness means to them.

Bright Happy Squishes,

Darlene Ouimet

1 response to "The Essence of Wholeness"

  1. By: Splinteredones Posted: 20th January

    I read your stuff with great enthusiasm. We had wasted 12years in CBT for complex c
    PTSD, just recently switched to a specialist in trauma and dissociation. Our life now is very chaotic but pRtsnare beginning to emerge. It’s an insane world in here.

    Your message of hope is a very calming influence. Thanks. And thanks for the follow,we’re honored!

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