self blame

Connecting the Dots about Passive Abuse and the Truth about Lazy

Posted: October 19, 2012 Under: Freedom & Wholeness By Darlene Ouimet 91 Comments

Because of the way that my father hurt my mother with his passive abusive attitudes and behaviours and because of the way that my mother lamented about him being lazy, I related taking leisure time to myself with being passive abusive.

The Roots of Self Blame and Blame Sharing

Posted: August 27, 2012 Under: Self Esteem By Darlene Ouimet 196 Comments

I asked myself if I needed to live in survivor mode anymore; did I still need those coping methods; were they still serving me? Was exactly was this “victim mentality” ~ how did it get there in the first place and did it still assist me or was it in my way? And perhaps the most important question of all; Is it true that I share in the blame for any of the neglect, abuse, disregard, failure to protect and mistreatment that I had been subjected to as a child.

Smile ~ An Example of Belief System Formation

Posted: February 28, 2012 Under: Therapy By Darlene Ouimet 98 Comments

Hearing this stuff made things far worse for me. Hearing their judgments increased my fear of being rejected and of being thrown away. Hearing this stuff confirmed that something WAS wrong with me, (just as I already suspected) and that I wasn’t good enough or worthy enough. If only I could just pretend to be happy and remember to smile. I couldn’t force myself to smile and that make me feel like a failure. My belief system was well on the way to cementing the self blame.

Overcoming that Nasty Self Blame from Dysfunctional Relationships

Posted: December 20, 2011 Under: Family By Darlene Ouimet 68 Comments

I was taught that I can change my thinking by practicing a new thought or belief over and over again, (positive affirmations or positive thinking) the truth was that until I found the original false belief and dispelled it, the original belief was there underneath whatever new thought I was trying to implement. Furthermore the original belief was still my default mode. So until I found the original belief, where it came from and what was untrue about it so that I could change it to the truth, I could not find the freedom and wholeness that I have now. All the “positive thinking” in the world did not change my “default mode”.

You Reap What You Sow ~ What about Child Abuse

Posted: September 13, 2011 Under: Self Esteem By Darlene Ouimet 90 Comments

Did I sow the seeds of deserving abuse? Did I do something to bring that on myself? Was I sexually abused because I had “sown bad seed?” Was I neglected because I had not sown the right seeds? I believed that I deserved the strap that I endured many times; I was told that I deserved it. I was literally brainwashed to accept that I had brought all abuse on myself. And I certainly believed that I did. You reap what you sow.

If Happiness is a Decision WHY Couldn’t I Make It?

Posted: August 02, 2011 Under: Depression By Darlene Ouimet 96 Comments

Today I can decide to be happy but that was never possible with I lived with the black cloud of the past and all the lies that belonged to it. It was in facing the past that I let it go, found peace and regained my ability to choose. Happiness can be a decision now but I rarely think about it, because I am so rarely UN-Happy

The Deadly Side of Accountability

Posted: February 13, 2011 Under: Freedom & Wholeness By Darlene Ouimet 92 Comments

Contemplating Freedom There are several really HOT topics when it comes to recovery. One of them is “accountability” I’m talking about the destructive practice of “self blame” that is disguised as the virtue of accountability. This week I posted the following update on the Emerging from Broken facebook page: “Recovery started with me. That alone … Continue reading "The Deadly Side of Accountability"

Emotional Healing ~ The Courage to Tell

Posted: November 14, 2010 Under: Self Esteem By Darlene Ouimet 21 Comments

When I decided to tell the Chris Story ~ the story about how Prince Charming was a Murder Suspect, I intended to write one post. I intended to keep the focus about my belief system, and highlight the fact that I missed and or ignored the red flags because of learned unworthiness issues resulting from … Continue reading "Emotional Healing ~ The Courage to Tell"

The Beginning of Emotional Recovery

Posted: November 03, 2010 Under: Depression By Darlene Ouimet 39 Comments

When I accomplished something I was told in so many ways that it didn’t matter, it was no big deal, or the credit was given to someone else. This was a big part of my continuing depressions; that I was just so “nothing” and that I didn’t count. I was used to it. Although in … Continue reading "The Beginning of Emotional Recovery"

Depression and Recovery from Mental Health Struggles

Posted: August 02, 2010 Under: Depression By Darlene Ouimet 23 Comments

I have talked a lot about taking a look at the truth in order to realize how I arrived with repeated depression, broken, exhausted and ready to throw my life away in my early forties. I had to look at what happened to me through new lenses. I had to realize that I was innocent … Continue reading "Depression and Recovery from Mental Health Struggles"