Seeking Validation and Understanding from the Wrong People

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Why do we care so much about what everyone else thinks? Why did I NEED to be believed especially by the very people who invalidate me in the first place? I think it is because I was brainwashed very young to believe that everyone else knew better then I knew and that “they” had the ability and the right to define me. They “owned me”. I didn’t belong to myself.

There was a comment on Susan Kingsley-Smith’s post ~ Dysfunctional Relationship with Mental Health Providers ~that has been simmering in the back of my mind since I read it about 5 days ago now.  This comment, although simply put, is really profound and I want to expand on the whole concept of what Mountain is writing about because this aspect of recovery has been so key for me and as well as being a result of doing my recovery work, it was the beginning of the process of transitioning from surviving to thriving.

A note from “Mountain”

“With regards to need and the need to be understood ~ I stopped giving my energy away to people who didn’t receive my love.  I stopped trying to convince other people of my reasons why I did things, the whys of things don’t matter to other people and often leaves us open to judgment which is very painful for sensitives.  Most don’t want to know and most don’t really care.  We do here; I’m talking the outside world.”  You can see Mountains full comment (#59) on Susans Post.

I personally had a huge need to PROVE that I was right. I thought I had to prove that I was justified in being hurt, that I had been devalued and that I had been mistreated. That I was NOT crazy, that I was a good person with good intentions… continued.. I never realized that I was in a deadly and never ending spin; a spin that always served the purposes of those that wished to control me and those who wished to have power over me. As long as I was fighting to be heard and to be right, they had my power. And the bottom line is that I was comfortable believing that they were right; I had always had to prove my worth. That was my definition of love. I didn’t even realize that what was going on was unfair or wrong. Just as Mountain said in her comment, ”I gave them my energy” and for me, my energy was really my life blood.

You may be wondering how I got to the point where I was able to stop giving my energy and my power away? How did I stop that never ending lifelong spin of trying to prove that I was not crazy, that I was not “BAD” that I was not “sick” or lying?

I learned to validate myself. That is what Emerging from Broken is about. I learned that not being believed did not make me wrong. I learned that being invalidated by others does not mean that I am invalid. If people don’t believe me, it doesn’t mean that I am lying.

This might sound easy and I do not mean to imply that all I had to do was decide that I was right and that was the end of that.  I had been brainwashed and convinced over and over that there was something wrong with me, that I was “dramatic” that I exaggerated, that I had misunderstood the intentions of others and all sorts of other lies. As I got older, it was inferred that I was “crazy” and that I was “sick” and that my thinking was backwards. I got married and my in-laws questioned even more than others had done. Even the way that I fed my children was wrong. They knew exactly how to make me stay under their control. I struggled so much that I believed these lies about me were true thinking “how can everyone be wrong?”  When I had serious depressions, those were used as the “proof” that it really was me who had the problem and me that was in the wrong.

Those lies were not undone overnight. This whole thing is a process.  It took digging into the faulty foundation and excavating all the rotting mess that was down there, exposing it to the light and setting it right. It took me looking at certain situations, realizing what really happened, realizing that I had been manipulated and unprotected and then blamed for the results and for my own reactions.  

This was a new beginning for me. I didn’t need them to believe me anymore. I believed me.

Once I established that I believed ME, I finally started to be able to grow in my own self esteem. As that happened, (and it took time) I realized just how much damage was done to me, just how invalidated that I had been and just how wrong that it was. But none the less it happened and the damage had been done and it was time for me to face it and undo the lies that came with it; the lies that manifested as my belief system as a result of it.

And my reactions to all of that were NORMAL. I shut down, developed dissociative behaviors and many depressions manifested in my life, I had a several addictions, I put myself in dangerous situations, I dressed like a hooker; was attracted to dangerous men. I devalued myself and never even noticed it. I had all kinds of reactions and behaviors that resulted because of the lack of self value and from trying to constantly prove my value. All normal reactions to the things that happened to me and the fact that I was not taught that I had any value. And I used all those things as proof that they were right about me.

The beginning of the end of broken for me was when I realized my OWN value and began to really OWN that value without letting anyone else define it or define me anymore.  I no longer  honor the opinion of the very people that defined me as invalid and discounted me in the first place. I no longer give my energy or my power to those people who only want to use me or to keep me underneath them, defining me as less then them so that they can feel better about themselves. 

Today I use my power to empower others and I live with the knowledge that I am a wonderful, caring, sane, smart, valid and worthy person who makes a difference in the world. I am lovely and lovable and no one gets to decide otherwise.  And therefore I live each day to the fullest; with joy and an abundance of energy and happiness as my sidekicks.

Please share your feelings, reactions or your process. The conversation here is always full of healing so don’t forget to subscribe to comments or check back.

Darlene Ouimet

This post was also inspired by the (over 85) comments on “False Normal Systems about love and self love”

The Emerging from Broken book is ready for download! If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you, get this book today! This 197 page, downloadable, printable, live linked e-book will put you on the fast track to healing.  Get yours here through the upper right side bar or click this link~ Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing

 

101 response to "Seeking Validation and Understanding from the Wrong People"

  1. By: beezy Posted: 16th May

    Thank you Darlene, thank you Linda,
    I just can’t tell you what finding this site has done for me. I had a few moments of peace and happiness the day I found it.
    It has given me hope.
    I have some things I have to go through in the next few years and I am hoping that by the time I have finished reading all on this site I may be better able to handle it. Thank you for that, beezy

  2. By: Carolyn Posted: 15th May

    I have only just found this website and every word you write resonates with me. I am currently going thorugh exactly what you have described: realising that what other people think and feel is not my responsibility. It is so liberating realising that there is nothing wrong with me, that i don’t have to justify myself, but requires a lot of work to keep reminding myself that it is true.

    It’s comforting to know that I am not alone in my struggle. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading the rest of your website.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 15th May

      Hi Carolyn
      ~ welcome to emerging from broken!
      Yes, it is liberating to realize it is not you! (me) it is them! I had to remind myself for several years, but eventually that brainwashing came undone. You are certainly not alone, there are millions of us. (and as you will see when you read more, there are hundreds of commenters here sharing the journey too)
      Hugs, Darlene

  3. By: Lynda ~ Coming Out Of The cRaZy Closet Posted: 12th May

    Yes, Darlene, it was a GREAT cry. That’s why I put the smiley face. Thanks!

    I like what you said about the title of this post being “seeking validation and understanding from the wrong people”…. you said: “I am not the wrong people and… you don’t do this out of seeking validation, but what is wrong with getting some!???”

    Absolutely.

    HUGS,
    Lynda

  4. By: Pam Posted: 12th May

    Sorry, I got interrupted. I wanted to finish by saying that when others treated me like trash, I didn’t think it was anything unusual. My parents raised me to become a victim of abuse.

  5. By: Pam Posted: 12th May

    My parents loved to tell the story of how my dad rubbed my gums with wiskey while I was teething. He gave me to much and got me drunk at 6 mos. old. They thought it was so funny that I was sitting in my high chair half conscious with my head rolling. My life was in danger at that point but that didn’t seem to cross their minds.

    When I was four, I had strep throat. My parents didn’t take me to the doctor and I developed scarlet fever. When I developed a rash they decided I had measels and still they didn’t take me to the doctor. My granny came over and was adament that they take me to the emergency room. If she hadn’t decided to visit, I probably would have died. As it was, it took me a year to recover. I had to learn to walk all over again.

    They made me feel like trash. That is the way I learned to think of myself. In the end they threw me away and I threw myself away.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 12th May

      Pam,
      This is exactly what I am talking about. I am so sorry that this happened to you ~ all of it. It was wrong, and by definition in North America at least ~ it is illegal. This kind of mistreatment is so wrong and so damaging, and as you say, they taught you your value. It was in facing this kind of stuff that I was able to take my value and my life back.
      Thank you for sharing,
      Hugs, Darlene

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 12th May

      Lynda,
      But it’s a good cry right??
      Just as I was pressing the submit button on that last comment to you, I noticed the name of the post “seeking validation and understanding from the wrong people” and thought that it was fitting. (that I am not the wrong people and that you don’t do this out of seeking validation, but what is wrong with getting some!??? )
      We can use our power to empower others… that is why we have it. That is the right use of power. That is my intention. I wanted to recognize you for doing it too!

      Hugs, Darlene !

  6. By: Lynda ~ Coming Out Of The cRaZy Closet Posted: 12th May

    Beezy, I was so miserable last October when I went desperately searching online for something to help me, and I stumbled upon Darlene’s awesome Emerging From Broken blog/community. Reading her posts, and the affirming, validating, and enlightening comments from fellow trauma/abuse survivors, is the most healing thing I’ve found. EFB has totally turned my life around. I’m glad you found this healing place, too.

    Lynda

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 12th May

      Lynda,
      You are wonderful in always making new readers here feel welcome! I thank you for that and I aknowledge you for that. You are an encouragement to the others here, and you inspire with your own honest sharing from your heart.
      Thank you for being such a big part of this effort!
      Hugs, Darlene

  7. By: beezy Posted: 12th May

    Hi, I don’t have much time now but just had to say many thanks. I was searching today for some help and everything written above was written for me today. thankyou, thankyou, beezy

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 12th May

      Hi Beezy,
      Welcome to Emerging from Broken, I am glad that this resonated with you,
      Hugs, Darlene

  8. By: nick Posted: 8th May

    Help!…

    I was brought up to believe that everyone else was right and even if I did have an opinion that I was not to be believed unless it concurred with what everyone else was saying. Everyone else was believed to the detriment of my own self!. I had to agree with what everyone was saying, which meant my beliefs changed like the wind back when I was a child, as i would take on each person’s beliefs as I was talkign to them, and then getting contradicted by other people – this really made me self-conscious! and confuddled…

    How do you find what beliefs are instilled in you? I have my parents so strongly influence me, that even when I was arguing with them, they splintered and made my arguments destruct!.

    so when i see the usual help from the therapists I know that I have already tried those things on my parents and have been rejected by them for it.

    Next, my mother wanted to be intimate with me – not sexual intercourse, but everything else related to it, the cuddles, the hugs, the neverending touches when I was out, and when I was 34 I was in the cinema with my Mother, and she touched my hand. I shaked her hand off but she was vigorous and strong and held my hand! – interlinking the fingers!..

    Anyway, I don’t know how to be kind and loving to myself, because when I do, it feels like I’m being manipulated or sexually abused again. I was raped on a school holiday when I was in france, where i was coerced to move closer to my school peer and he mast*rbated me whislt I thought of a beautiful woman…

    that and my Mother never allowing me to speak unless spoken to, has ended up in my running away from women i could have been with, whilst when they want me to speak to them, I’m silent, mute and immobilised…

    so I searched for my american wife online, and had 6 years recovery…

    my dad phoned me at 2am in the morning yelling and seething with anger at me…

    ….and he wonders why I can’t do anything and ‘what’s wrong with you nick’?

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 8th May

      Hi Nick,
      You have found the right place ~ I was shocked to realize that my parents were wrong about almost everything! I had been convinced from a very young age that it was me, always me who was wrong. But they lied in order to control me and manipulate me, and realizing that was the beginning. I never thought that they were just plain wrong! I thoguht I was dumb, stupid; I coudn’t think straight I had been so confused by everyone all my life. Keep reading Nick, the fog lifts in stages. (read the comments too, or some of them; you will realize you are not alone. There are millions of us!
      Hugs, Darlene

  9. By: Renee/A Resurrected spirit Posted: 24th April

    Thank you Lynda,
    Yes the power of words!!! It made all the difference in the world to me.

  10. By: Renee/A Resurrected spirit Posted: 24th April

    I remember about 30 years ago, I wanted to buy my mom a console tv for christmas, her first one. The owner of the store said: Renee is this the one? I said yes but I would have to put it on monthly contract. He stuck out his hand and I took it and he shook my hand and said it’s a deal. I thought ok I need to sign a contract. I left then turned around and went back in and I said Mr. Hughes we didn’t sign a contract, he said Yes we did We shook on it! I stood there dumbfounded. He said with just this look of respect he said Renee you are one of the few people I know that takes integrity to heart and lives it. I hugged him and left in tears. That was the first and only time out of the blue who saw true goodness in me! Me who has been through hell and back, someone saw GOOD in me! I will never forget that day or that man, he validated me as a person of value. And wheither some do not think you need it, and really I guess you don’t but when it comes unexpectantly it is truely a priceless gift.

  11. By: Lynda ~ Coming Out Of The cRaZy Closet Posted: 17th April

    WOW. After I responded to Christine’s comment #13, I then read all of the rest of these posts….. and, WOW.

    Thanks, everybody, for being here and being so AUTHENTIC.

    LYNDA

  12. By: Lynda ~ Coming Out Of The cRaZy Closet Posted: 17th April

    CHRISTINE: In comment #13 you wrotre: “I’m so tired of hearing, “Just stop caring what other people think”. (I hate pretty much anything that follows “just”.)”

    ~ and ~

    “…when others would tell me to “just get over it” or criticize me for being stupid enough to care what others thought, it just heaped more of the same stuff my abusers poured out on me that led to me being unempowered in the first place.”

    ME, TOO!

    Maybe the next time someone gives me one of those unsolicited “just” statements, I will come back with “JUST shut UP!”

    My physical survival as a child literally depended on me being able to figure out what people wanted, so I could PLEASE them. Worrying about what others thought of me was a survival skill that I learned from the cradle, and it has taken me decades to unlearn it. All of those “well-meaning” people who kept telling me to JUST DON”T CARE, only added to my feeling of being WRONG and DEFECTIVE.

    LYNDA

  13. By: Krissy Posted: 17th April

    Great article, as usual.

    A question, as usual. What if the abuser doesn’t criticize you all the time or tell you you are worthless, but actually does praise you from time to time? Ex has been so covertly intimidating and harassing and suddenly yesterday, he was pleasant and “normal”. I should be very well-versed with the cycle of abuse, so why is it “trapping” me into believing that maybe I was wrong, and that he just was very hurt over things, or if I were more friendly instead of detached, I wouldn’t trigger his fear of rejection or abandonment?

    I think that I must have very much “identified with the aggressor” in my marriage to him and took on a lot of his thinking, just like I identified with my mother, and even now don’t feel a lot of anger toward her. I guess my mother taught me to “take on”, or agree with her thoughts whenever she excused herself for her narcissistic/abusive ways, and I had to agree to avoid her abuse, which was instead heaped on other siblings who didn’t have the “smarts” to be compliant. So I guess I was primed to identify with powerful people even when they are oppressive and destructive in their relationship with me.

    Is that kind of what you mean that you believe something that is false about yourself? I have heard you say that over and over again, and I keep asking myself, what false thing did they tell me? Now, I think it is that their (mother’s and husband’s) behavior was excusable and I still had an obligation to be nice to them, even if it damaged me because they were right and I was to blame if they got abusive. Now I have to tell myself that MY feelings and opinions DO matter, and if they tell me I have no right to stand up to abuse, that I am now abusive, cold, uncompassionate, bitter, etc, then THEY are wrong, because their reality is warped. And I don’t NEED them to understand or validate me. OK, sounds very basic, but I need it to sink in!!

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 17th April

      Hi Krissy!

      Abusers know the grooming process and when things go wrong, they return to it. When I stood up to my husband and we went to therapy together, he changed his little tactics over and over again, trying to keep things the way that suited him, instead of working on how he could treat me with equal value to him. It was as though controlling and manipulating me was his life blood. And I questioned myself every time, because all my life I had been trained to believe that it was ME who had the problem, and ME that was wrong, so it was easy for him to turn the focus off himself and back on to me. And he KNEW my weak spots.
      Long story short, I had to really stick to my new knowledge about what he was doing and another thing ~ I told him that I didn’t trust him anymore because of the history of him always blaming it on me. He actually understood that, because he had real moments of clarity about his actions. History is a great source but it seems that abusive people use it way more then I ever did. I learned pay attention. Eventually as I got stronger things sorted out and he did change. BUT it was not like a sudden thing. He tried everything to get me to stay the one who validated him by my compliance, and subservience.

      About your other question Krissy; “what false thing did they tell me” in the post that I am publishing later on today I am am more specific about how I was “told” false things about myself. That post gives a few examples of just how those false things get communicated.

      Thanks for sharing! Hang in here.
      Hugs, Darlene

      • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 17th April

        Hello Everyone
        I just published a new post that sheds light on what I mean when I say that “they defined me”, and what I mean by “fasle things I am told” and the some of the ways it was communicated that I didn’t matter. (Not all communication is verbal)

        Please read this post here: Passive Abuse and Emotionally Dysfunctional Relationships Hugs, Darlene

  14. By: Susan Kingsley-Smith Posted: 17th April

    Darlene; another great post that is right on target! One thing I wanted to contribute that was so vital for my own healing journey…

    “And my reactions to all of that were NORMAL. I shut down, developed dissociative behaviors and many depressions manifested in my life, I had a several addictions, I put myself in dangerous situations, I dressed like a hooker; was attracted to dangerous men. I devalued myself and never even noticed it. I had all kinds of reactions and behaviors that resulted because of the lack of self value and from trying to constantly prove my value. All normal reactions to the things that happened to me and the fact that I was not taught that I had any value. And I used all those things as proof that they were right about me.”

    Over the years I’d turned to others for help to understand what was “wrong” with me, why I struggled so in my relationships and my life. And when I’d turned to mental health professionals and they once again reaffirmed that if I was having problems in my life, then “I” must be the problem. I was told that my “problem” was in my brain – and it was – it was buried in the belief that had been confirmed time and time again in the original abuse and then confirmed time and time again by those I’d turned to for help.

    I believed that when so many others – mental health professionals and pastors no less – were telling me something was wrong with me…that something was really “wrong” with me and I continued to carry responsibility for my very NORMAL reactions to some very ABNORMAL life experiences and that deep sense of worthlessness and shame that had come to consume me.

    It took a lot to leave behind the dysfunctional helping systems that insisted that I was somehow defective and “disordered” (in the religious abuse it was that I was not “submissive enough to my violent husband and that if I was more submissive he wouldn’t “have” to hit me) but it was in leaving that behind and finally connecting with that rare helper that validated my experiences and my coping mechanisms as NORMAL responses to ABNORMAL life experiences that I began to be able to validate myself and find freedom from that deep emptiness that left me feeling so hopeless and powerless.

    For me the beginning of the end of broken was at the same place you describe as when you began to identify your own value; it was when I left behind ALL the relationships that told me that something was wrong with me, especially the “helpers” who were not so helpful, that I began to really emerge from that broken place.

  15. By: bapesaurus Posted: 17th April

    This blog and comment stream is fantastic. I’m seeing myself in all this. I know I have found peace as I’ve progressively stopped seeking validation from others. However, just the other day my 3yo son started to pet my hair while I was putting his shoes on. He said ‘Mummy is soooo pretty’. I scooped him up and kissed him. I smiled, he giggled. It was a very cute moment. I had tears in my eyes. He had made my day. Afterwards however, I wondered about what lesson I had just taught him. How to validate Mummy, how to validate a woman, how pretty = happy. Perhaps I do this more than I think I do….

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 17th April

      Hi Susan K.S.
      Great comment! It didn’t occur to me either that maybe it wasn’t something that was wrong with me but that something had happened TO ME. I needed help to resolve it, to realize it was not something that I deserved, or that I had brought on myself. It wasn’t my brain!
      Thank so much for sharing, and I LOVE your last line:

      Susan Kingsley Smith Wrote:
      “For me the beginning of the end of broken was at the same place you describe as when you began to identify your own value; it was when I left behind ALL the relationships that told me that something was wrong with me, especially the “helpers” who were not so helpful, that I began to really emerge from that broken place.”

      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Bapesaurus and welcome to EFB

      Here is what I think. Your son said something true and from his heart. You didn’t teach him to manipulate. By validating his compliment, you also validated him. We don’t want to teach our children NOT to give compliments. Abusers learn manipulation in all sorts of ways, but usually it is out of a need to survive, just like we learn survival. It is out of having learned the false definition of love in the first place. And I know that you are saying that him making you smile and happy and that a compliment might be all it takes to make someone happy, but if there is no motive in giving one, IT DOES MAKE OTHERS HAPPY! It genuinely made you happy! Lovely! I don’t think affirming him, or loving that he said something sweet, is something to be discouraged. I respond to my 3 teenage children with all the love and enthusiasm that I can. My love for them has no motive, and that is the truth that they pick up. (and hopefully the truth they take forward with them!)

      Thanks for being here and for bringing up this very important aspect!
      Hugs, Darlene

  16. By: carol Posted: 16th April

    wow this is another good one. i struggle daily with what I want to do and what THEY want me to do. i am stuck in the finding me phase which makes living with a bit tricky at times, but i am getting there slowly.
    jeffery you said “Don’t let others define you.” Period. Not in appearance, behavior, thinking or feeling processes. You are you, something special. Allowing others to influence that makes you someone else – and no one is comfortable living in someone else’s skin
    i have tried so hard to give my child options and then backed her if it was approriapte and a few times husband said no because she looked like a rainbow in pink snow boots on a hot summers day. yet it wot she wanted to wear to a party so who am i to stop her. she was 2 or 3 then. at 8yrs old she is opinonated and caring about the world around her. she is bossy and wantys her own way, which isnt good and other issues are showing up in my radar for her. though i dont always think i am worth having an opinion as everytime i express it i get into trouble somehow. the reinforcement didnt push me back into silence like the person was trying to get me to do, i adjusted and learnt how to say what i needed to say in a way they could not take offence to but still clout them with the truth as it is for many survivors.
    it has been the same for me since started uni2 yrs ago. mainly because i didnt fit in with thee others, had too many sharp edges which i hadnt managed to smooth off, yet when i got upset at how i felt i was being treated i was told well that only your preception of the situation and there are others.mmm i deal with my life on how see it and how peoople affect me by their reactions to me and my personality traits. to be fair i am hard work but it has always been me and my behaviour which has been called on and not the reason i was having that reaction.
    im all for personal responsibilty for your individual actions. i also believe that the more offensive behaviours are the ones that i have been trained and conditioned to accept as normal, so NO i will not take the blame for a conditioned reaction to a given situation, but what i will do is go away and think about why it happened but i
    bet the other person wont care about the pain ans upset they have caused me just how it has afffected them. not cool but that is how the majority of society sees someone with issues

  17. By: Sheryl Posted: 16th April

    Fi,
    Before considering going back to “church”, you might want to look at Pagan Christianity, Viola, a timeline of paganism, which happens to be found in churches for centuries, I know it really helped me and my son in 2007 when we found the book. I feel completely free now in that department.

  18. By: Fi MacLeod Posted: 16th April

    Sheryl – thanks for that validation – the message I got was I couldn’t conform because I was rebellious and there was something very wrong with me – but I realise that I was far more aware and in touch with my feelings and my needs than they were

  19. By: Fi MacLeod Posted: 16th April

    justme – thanks, I’ve had to give up on church for the time being until I’m strong enough to face it again and further down my healing journey – even just facing the social questions of who are you? who’s your family? etc – are too much for me to face

  20. By: JefferyW Posted: 16th April

    On this issue we tell folks “Don’t let others define you.” Period. Not in appearance, behavior, thinking or feeling processes. You are you, something special. Allowing others to influence that makes you someone else – and no one is comfortable living in someone else’s skin (being MPD I can really relate to that, LOL!)
    WHY do we do it: Easy – survival. The odd colored chicken is the one that gets pecked to death. Put a white rat in the sea of black lab rats, and you’ll find bones the next day. So yeah: it’s called “Blend for survival – be like them – lest they ATTACK you.” Real simple. The hard part is realizing that in today’s society those qualities (while still inherently dangerous in some parts of the world) – are less so now.
    Kinda like a blog post I wrote says: ask yourself: will this kill me? – before you get upset – or bend to the will of others.

    Be yourself. Another small goal on the path to healing . . .

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 16th April

      Jeffery
      Interesting comparisons here. I think that humans need to remember that we are not part of the animal kingdom. 😉 and that part of the problem is exactly what you have said here Jeff. We just don’t realize that we don’t have to conform in order to live.. in fact it was when I finally said “no more” that I gained my true identity and found true freedom and wholeness. I didn’t realize the power of just standing up for myself, but wow, what a revelation!
      Thanks for sharing Jeffery!
      Hugs, Darlene

  21. By: Sheryl Posted: 16th April

    or just to imaging that you are pleasing them, or at least not dis-pleasing them quite so much,

  22. By: Sheryl Posted: 16th April

    it is like a bad dream or a fog that you come out of eventually. The fog of not knowing your own thoughts or self, and the fog of inserting yourself into someone else and being totally lost to pleasing them.

  23. By: Sheryl Posted: 16th April

    Like I should be spending my energy imagining how I have offended the sensibilities of those who endlessly cut me down!!

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