Seeking Validation and Understanding from the Wrong People

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Why do we care so much about what everyone else thinks? Why did I NEED to be believed especially by the very people who invalidate me in the first place? I think it is because I was brainwashed very young to believe that everyone else knew better then I knew and that “they” had the ability and the right to define me. They “owned me”. I didn’t belong to myself.

There was a comment on Susan Kingsley-Smith’s post ~ Dysfunctional Relationship with Mental Health Providers ~that has been simmering in the back of my mind since I read it about 5 days ago now.  This comment, although simply put, is really profound and I want to expand on the whole concept of what Mountain is writing about because this aspect of recovery has been so key for me and as well as being a result of doing my recovery work, it was the beginning of the process of transitioning from surviving to thriving.

A note from “Mountain”

“With regards to need and the need to be understood ~ I stopped giving my energy away to people who didn’t receive my love.  I stopped trying to convince other people of my reasons why I did things, the whys of things don’t matter to other people and often leaves us open to judgment which is very painful for sensitives.  Most don’t want to know and most don’t really care.  We do here; I’m talking the outside world.”  You can see Mountains full comment (#59) on Susans Post.

I personally had a huge need to PROVE that I was right. I thought I had to prove that I was justified in being hurt, that I had been devalued and that I had been mistreated. That I was NOT crazy, that I was a good person with good intentions… continued.. I never realized that I was in a deadly and never ending spin; a spin that always served the purposes of those that wished to control me and those who wished to have power over me. As long as I was fighting to be heard and to be right, they had my power. And the bottom line is that I was comfortable believing that they were right; I had always had to prove my worth. That was my definition of love. I didn’t even realize that what was going on was unfair or wrong. Just as Mountain said in her comment, ”I gave them my energy” and for me, my energy was really my life blood.

You may be wondering how I got to the point where I was able to stop giving my energy and my power away? How did I stop that never ending lifelong spin of trying to prove that I was not crazy, that I was not “BAD” that I was not “sick” or lying?

I learned to validate myself. That is what Emerging from Broken is about. I learned that not being believed did not make me wrong. I learned that being invalidated by others does not mean that I am invalid. If people don’t believe me, it doesn’t mean that I am lying.

This might sound easy and I do not mean to imply that all I had to do was decide that I was right and that was the end of that.  I had been brainwashed and convinced over and over that there was something wrong with me, that I was “dramatic” that I exaggerated, that I had misunderstood the intentions of others and all sorts of other lies. As I got older, it was inferred that I was “crazy” and that I was “sick” and that my thinking was backwards. I got married and my in-laws questioned even more than others had done. Even the way that I fed my children was wrong. They knew exactly how to make me stay under their control. I struggled so much that I believed these lies about me were true thinking “how can everyone be wrong?”  When I had serious depressions, those were used as the “proof” that it really was me who had the problem and me that was in the wrong.

Those lies were not undone overnight. This whole thing is a process.  It took digging into the faulty foundation and excavating all the rotting mess that was down there, exposing it to the light and setting it right. It took me looking at certain situations, realizing what really happened, realizing that I had been manipulated and unprotected and then blamed for the results and for my own reactions.  

This was a new beginning for me. I didn’t need them to believe me anymore. I believed me.

Once I established that I believed ME, I finally started to be able to grow in my own self esteem. As that happened, (and it took time) I realized just how much damage was done to me, just how invalidated that I had been and just how wrong that it was. But none the less it happened and the damage had been done and it was time for me to face it and undo the lies that came with it; the lies that manifested as my belief system as a result of it.

And my reactions to all of that were NORMAL. I shut down, developed dissociative behaviors and many depressions manifested in my life, I had a several addictions, I put myself in dangerous situations, I dressed like a hooker; was attracted to dangerous men. I devalued myself and never even noticed it. I had all kinds of reactions and behaviors that resulted because of the lack of self value and from trying to constantly prove my value. All normal reactions to the things that happened to me and the fact that I was not taught that I had any value. And I used all those things as proof that they were right about me.

The beginning of the end of broken for me was when I realized my OWN value and began to really OWN that value without letting anyone else define it or define me anymore.  I no longer  honor the opinion of the very people that defined me as invalid and discounted me in the first place. I no longer give my energy or my power to those people who only want to use me or to keep me underneath them, defining me as less then them so that they can feel better about themselves. 

Today I use my power to empower others and I live with the knowledge that I am a wonderful, caring, sane, smart, valid and worthy person who makes a difference in the world. I am lovely and lovable and no one gets to decide otherwise.  And therefore I live each day to the fullest; with joy and an abundance of energy and happiness as my sidekicks.

Please share your feelings, reactions or your process. The conversation here is always full of healing so don’t forget to subscribe to comments or check back.

Darlene Ouimet

This post was also inspired by the (over 85) comments on “False Normal Systems about love and self love”

The Emerging from Broken book is ready for download! If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you, get this book today! This 197 page, downloadable, printable, live linked e-book will put you on the fast track to healing.  Get yours here through the upper right side bar or click this link~ Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing

 

100 response to "Seeking Validation and Understanding from the Wrong People"

  1. By: beezy Posted: 16th May 2011

    Thank you Darlene, thank you Linda,
    I just can’t tell you what finding this site has done for me. I had a few moments of peace and happiness the day I found it.
    It has given me hope.
    I have some things I have to go through in the next few years and I am hoping that by the time I have finished reading all on this site I may be better able to handle it. Thank you for that, beezy

  2. By: Tammy Kevwitch Posted: 12th February 2012

    I can’t believe the similarity of our experiences and the low self-esteem that resulted. My recovery from low self-esteem has included many therapies. Dialectical behavioral therapy has been invaluable – the ability to stay mindful and to radically accept things as they are instead of as I wish they were. I also have learned to stay active in the various 12-step and other recovery groups.
    I also stay busy doing things I love that make me feel good about myself like singing, playing guitar, writing and creating this website that I’m just getting ready to launch to my whole state of Montana. Creating it really made me feel good about myself.
    Thanks for you post. It was awesome!

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 13th February 2012

      Hi Tammy
      Welcome to Emerging from Broken
      Thanks for sharing your victories and some of the positive things you do for yourself! !!
      Hugs, Darlene

  3. By: Emy Posted: 30th March 2012

    Boy I know how it feels to be invalidated. I felt like a puppet. I kept writing letters to the people who abused me and I’d send them articles and my sister would tell me that my words were poison. No matter what I wrote, she told me it was poison. She said she didn’t remember, that it didn’t happen and then made up lies that I did things right to my face. She was horrible and violent but so was father and the family was one big invalidating group. I stopped writing letters. I don’t need her to validate me. I don’t care if her friends say I am bad. I don’t care if people say that I turned my back on my family. They don’t know and they don’t want to know. I stopped needing them to say, “sorry, we were horrible. We shouldn’t have hurt you like that”. I stay away from all of them now. I’ve made a new family. Lots of people invalidate, not just family. If they start invalidating and you are getting nowhere, why bother explaining yourself. It’s better to say, “Let’s agree to disagree” and walk away.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 30th March 2012

      Hi Emy
      I can relate to having felt like a puppet. I think it is great that you no longer need for them to validate you. That was a huge measure of healing and taking my life back for me. The truth is that I didn’t turn my back, they turned their backs on me. And it certainly is not only family taht invalidate! This site is about all abuse and recovery from abusive/controlling people. Thanks for sharing,
      Hugs, Darlene

  4. By: JackieB. Posted: 12th April 2012

    I`m not sure where to begin … I came across your website by accident when I was surfing for something else,I think it was the best “accident” to happen to me in a long while!

    I hit rock bottom a few months ago, my personal situation left me nowhere to hide, I had to look the truth in the face, namely that all the relationships I had ever been in were abusive ones, including a teacher when I was 10 and an alternative medicine practitioner who was supposed to help with my self-esteem issues.

    I broke up with the only man that ever showed me caring, respect and true affection because I didn’t believe I deserved it, and I felt like an imposter when he said he loved me.

    I have memories of my mother telling me how I was unplanned, “a spoke in the wheel” of her plans for the future and a financial drain on the family.

    I was brought up to believe that my opinion counted for nothing and that all adults knew best, from there it was a step to being a target of abuse from a teacher, and my parents said it was my imgination anyway even though I had the ripped clothes to prove it.

    It is a relief to be able to write this and I feel I am among friends here. Your website is a lifeline for me. Thank you.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 12th April 2012

      Hi Jackie,
      Welcome to EFB!! I am so glad that you are here!
      From what you have shared with me you and I have lots in common! This is a large sharing community; you are certainly not alone!
      please feel free to share as often or as much as you like!
      Hugs, Darlene

  5. By: JackieB. Posted: 12th April 2012

    Thank you Darlene, you and so many other wonderful people here have echoed my thoughts and feelings and have given me the courage to add my voice.

    I now carry a small laminated card in my purse with the words

    “If others try to invalidate me, it does not mean that I am invalid. ”

    Your words are a reminder that I have intrinsic value simply by being ME. I am finally starting to believe it.

    Every step I take, however small, is a step in the right direction.

    Hugs,

    Jackie

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 12th April 2012

      Jackie
      That is awesome! That was something that really empowered me; when I finally realized that the opinions of others didn’t matter whatever they thought OR said about me didn’t make it true!
      and I too told myself everyday that every step I took, no matter how small was a step forward and towards ME and my new life!
      Hugs, Darlene

  6. By: Mary Posted: 12th April 2012

    Wow!!! This is exactly what I have been working on. Thank you for such a great article. I was raised in a cult. I am the youngest and only girl in a large family. Women in my family were there to ridicule and emotionally abuse. My mom choose men who abused us both. So finally at 38 I understand after all these years I am a good person. I can love myself. I don’t need anyone’s approval. There are family members who will only have a relationship with me if they can abuse me. Well I don’t need that nor will I allow that to continue one minute longer. And it’s okay to walk away.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 12th April 2012

      Hi Mary
      Welcome to emerging from broken! YAY for you and thanks for sharing your empowering statements!
      I am really glad that you are here!
      Hugs, Darlene

  7. By: Karla Fox Posted: 16th April 2012

    Thank you for explaining to all of us these wonderful revelations….I learned from them and remember them well. I think you have hit on some key points that are necessary to look at in order to heal from “brokenness” and so THANKS SO MUCH! Your writing is great too, by the way!

    Karla

  8. By: Drained Posted: 16th April 2012

    So much of this resonated with me. The the line that really stood out…

    “I struggled so much that I believed these lies about me were true thinking “how can everyone be wrong?”

    Not only was I receiving the invalidation from my Narcissistic, controlling mother but also from other family members and outsiders which reinforced my invalidation. I realize now that the daily bad-programming just set me up as a target: the way I spoke, what I said, my body language, my actions… all conveyed a sort of “I’m not worthy, go ahead and disrespect me,” message. It not only attracted the control-freaks and insecure bullies, but taught even the nicer people to disregard me as well. The vicious circle perpetuated all the false beliefs causing a steady stream of negative reinforcements. I couldn’t possibly feel better about myself with the onslaught of negative reactions I received. Now that I understand WHY I kept getting that bad reinforcement is a big step towards feeling better about myself, which will convey a different message to others. Of course, this won’t happen overnight, but it’s a start.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 16th April 2012

      Hi Karla,
      Thank you so much for your comments and encoruagement!
      I hope you will share your discoveries often!
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Drained,
      Me too… I got the message from everyone and then when I grew up I got it from people who never knew me before. No wonder I thought they were right. But it was belief system that attracted the same kind of people ~ just as you say, you were programed. Your words are wonderful ~ I see such clarity in them. You are certainly on the road my friend to healing and feeling MUCH better!
      Hugs, Darlene

  9. By: Lauren Posted: 17th April 2012

    Thank you so much for this article. You are right, we know who we are and why what happened happened and we shouldn’t be needing validation from the people who didn’t even support us when we were IN the relationships and trying to escape it. How you wrote this really spoke to me.

    We are not who they said we are, we are the salt of the earth people they stepped on to try to raise themselves up. We belong to ourselves and it is us we need to be true to. The more healing the more I realize just how far I fell. Getting up and standing up gets easier through the process. So thankful to God for sending me forums like this to help put the pieces in proper perspective. God bless you!

  10. By: g Posted: 17th April 2012

    thank you Darlene, i am always hearing myself when you “talk”..i love what you are doing..my fault is that i am always kind in a wrong way..me and my siblings were trained to be “kind” in the wrong way of being kind by my mother and our elders in our family .i am the only ONE exposed now standing up for abuses which stemmed way back our younger years by some manipulative people in our circle ,we were trained NOT TO TALK …and now that i am talking and exposed,unlike before that i was already talking about abuses BUt within our circle only, NOw it is bigger because the abuses are more exposed and out to more people, if i had the strength like mine now , i would do talk and talk and talk STILL. I WILL NOT STOP talking no matter what especially now that i am STRONGER.THANK you darlene..G

  11. By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 18th April 2012

    Hi G
    You are proof that we can break out of the dysfunctional box we were raised to be in. I am so glad that you have found your voice, you are stronger, and you are talking now!
    YAY
    Hugs, Darlene

  12. By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 19th April 2012

    Hi Lauren
    Welcome to Emerging from Broken ~ somehow I missed your comment the other day! Sorry for th late response.
    I can relate to what you are saying too. The more I tried to go forward, the more clarity I got. One bit of clarity served as a new foundation for the next bit.
    Thank you for sharing
    Hugs, Darlene

  13. By: Jeffry Brown Posted: 13th April 2013

    Thank you and God bless you forever. You just wrote my story.

  14. By: Ana Posted: 23rd July 2013

    This was an amazing reading for me, I´m in awe! thank you very much for sharing your journey with so much detail, I feel reflected in every single paragraph of it and I´m realizing that I´ve been alone for a really long time. Reading your text and all the comentaries is in itself incredibly healing, you´re not alone and I´m not alone, none of us is 🙂
    Thank you.

  15. By: sandra Posted: 19th November 2013

    GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!!!
    it has been a year and I am still replaying the same story in my head over and over adding an alternate ending. It drives me nuts.
    It all started from a panic attack after I broke up with my bf. We were under a lot of stress, none of us was a saint ….. a week apart I called him up to reconcile. Yes it was mainly driven by fear and anxiety as I had no one but him for the last 4 years. He was my bf, my lover, my friend, my brother, my family. I know not very healthy but it worked and I needed him. He accepted me the way I was and the fact that I was not in contact with my parents. I had my sister but the bond has never been strong and no female friends. We were 2 kids, immature and imperfect but he was no abuser and I was lucky our paths crossed. I trusted him. However for about 3 months under severe stress his personality changed dramatically, I could not recognize him. But again I did get back to him quicker than you could say your own name. Than…HUGE mistake I shared what happened with my sister who shared it with my mother…and they talked me into breaking up with him for good. They “made me” realize how silly imnmature and blinded I was. When I look back I think my mother did it on purpose. Every abuser wants to first isolate his/her future victim. She knew that as long as I had him she could do no harm to me. She started playing nice, for the first time in my life, I thought she changed, it was quite pleasant for a while, still abusive but bearable…haha…I know I have low standards, don’t I? She wanted to “take care of me” after the break up that she created. I really have no idea why I got myself into this situation. I was very weak and vulnerable and at the same time because of the bad time I had with my ex bf I really thought it was for the better. BUT I was going through a transit period in my life and I really NEEDED someone who did know me, someone I could trust. My arguments did not work with my mother. Don’t ask me why I did not do what I wanted to. For the first time I was paralyzed, as if hypnotized, I was doing exactly what my mother wanted me to do, I moved in with her for 3 weeks, I felt like a helpless child. And she used it. She rearranged my whole life, made me literally quit my job (Who does that? and what kind of a mother would impose such a classless behavior on her child?), a job that I loved.
    Don’t ask me what happened to me as I keep asking myself this very same question every day ever since. I know she wanted to ruin my reputation she wanted me to become her servant. I know she is a revengful person. Several months ago she told me things like “how could you quit your job?”, etc. I could not believe. My panic attacks got worse while being under her “care”, once she yelled: “shut the fuck up or you will end up on the street, you have NO ONE but me”. and I did shut up. I do not know why someone like me, who survived chilhood abuse from her hands, became a self- sufficient, confident woman, a go getter, could possibly have such a melt down, a vicitm mentality, allowing her to do and say anything she wanted. She must have had so much fun.
    Any explanation? I got out of the haze eventually but it lasted 6 months- me calling her and telling her everything and than doing every insane thing she was asking me to do, not reacting to her verbal abuse etc. The next 6 months until now …well I am depressed and cannot belive what happened to me….my life is a mess….
    CAN SB EXPLAIN THIS TO ME?

  16. By: sandra Posted: 19th November 2013

    my sister kept telling me: “why can’t you just be single for a while?”
    WTF? When was the last time she was single?
    NO I am not crazy this is normal, yes it is not okay but it is our survival instinct. When you have no family and friends and you find a guy you can trust, no matter how much he aggrevates you, no matter how childish he may be, you stand by him.
    At least that’s how I feel. I know I am capable of great things but without someone I can rely on stanidng behind my back, I cannot do much. Maybe I am prone to dependent personality disorder. Or maybe I am trying to self diagnoze myself with a help of Dr. Google haha.
    I just know that this is how I am. You cannot just have friendly acquaintances, you need at least one good trusted friend, a person you cann call every day, or someone who knows your situation, your weaknesses, someone you call to bail you out when you are in jail 🙂

  17. By: marquis (female) Posted: 27th January 2014

    Therapist and I talked about feeling valued by other people. I told her how I had more people invalidated than me validated me. I had a very small, minute number of people who truly believed me while the rest wanted to burn me at the stakes! I made up my mind to never speak about it anymore because it causes nothing but arguments.

    I was always going to the wrong people for validation and it was always upsetting getting into battle with them all because they couldn’t stick their ideologies in my head and brainwash me some more! As victims, we are already brainwashed as it is, why do these people think they can keep brainwashing us some more? This one support site which is suppose to be an adult site has lost its purpose. I have started seeing 3 yrs ago that these users are calling other users liars, making up crap, etc I saw their nasty abusive traits from their own abusers yet these people are suppose to be helpful!

    One particular family group on there has called me every name in the book and recently they got me so upset that I went off on a lot of them. I told them don’t ask me questions if you’re gonna call it excuses and told them you don’t live in the same state as me and if you’re a visitor that doesn’t count!! It was bad and ugly which lead to my account being closed for a short time and was able to get back on. I asked them do you people miss your abusers or something? You sound just like them and I’ve read your posts/journals your lives are no better than mine don’t care how old you are!

    I love this site and another one similar to EFB that I read which has no back talk or people calling you a liar! Also, people want to be validated and heard who wants to be called a liar all of their lives? Like I said all the time people and their fictional, white picket fences! I watched an old video from Andrew Vachs on Oprah in the 90s and he said why do people feel sorry for someone else’s kids that were abused, but when it comes to your own kids in the family, you don’t believe the abuse? He had a very good point, a point nobody wanted to challenge. He also said it’s the “it can’t happen to me syndrome,” that’s what it boils down too. http://www.wallsofsilence.com/musicvideo.php?vid=de8bac478

    The problem who can we trust and speak to our problems with? That’s pretty difficult especially when people simply don’t care about other people’s lives. My boyfriend is the only person who truly understands me yet never went through what I went through and still going through as he doesn’t undermine me like other people have done. It sucks I keep seeking validation from people who just make me so angry, I am not the type who controls my anger easily I am always the one with the battle ax ready to pulverize the person and get the last word. It just wasn’t easy for me to control my anger.

    I get tired of talking to such negative people out there and would love it if they stopped asking me about my parents. What is there to say? I will be 28 in two days not 12! Why do people always ask me how are your parents doing like I am 12? What am I suppose to tell them? I have told them honestly how they are and these people turned against me!

    People out there seem to know what’s best for you, uhhh, no they don’t!! I wish my parents’ nasty aura would stop following me and wish I could get some real friends who actually don’t believe in what society tells them! I just wanted to be believed, what is so wrong with that? I am gonna learn not to try and give my energy to people who don’t care.

  18. By: johanna Posted: 28th January 2014

    wow. thank you everyone for talking here so openly, it is helping me have continual breakthroughs. I recently became aware of a voice watching my actions ans commenting as though I am talking to some observer ( my mother perhaps?) where I am saying… see I am a good person I have just done this and that, or see I am liked I have friends, people talk to me! its as though I am talking to a ghost trying to prove to her even now at aged 54 that she was wrong about me , that I am ok after all and worthy of love and respect, and not the person she made me believe I was. The fact that I have this self talk shows me how much I am still searching for a witness to my existence to validate my worth. ironically though I spend most of my time alone as having company seems to bring out this trait which I find distressing and privately embarassing.
    The legacy of the complicated abuse of childhood has left me on automatic mode with regard to trying to impress people, so its easier for me to spend time on my own as I cannot seem to help myself in my behaviour and speech when in company. I still seem to either subtly or very obviously crave other’s validation. I understand from what darlene has said and others that this has to come from ourselves first but I find it challenging to turn it around completely.

  19. By: beezy Posted: 10th February 2014

    to johanna,
    I cannot believe someone has written how I feel and so eloquently too. I was beginning to think I was the only person inthe world who felt this way. Unfortunately I have no real answer either so I also tend to isolate myself.
    I am having some small success with just trying to accept myself even when I feel I have behaved in a way that comes from such a needy place, it seems each time I become aware and accept that this is who I am right now, there is a (very small) relaxing of the need to have others validate my existence. My guess is that the small vulnerable child inside of me does not need any more reason to feel ashamed.

    Thank you so much for sharing, for myself I find it so much easier to cope when I am able to tell myself see its not just you who has trouble with these issues, other people suffer too. many thanks beezy

  20. By: johanna Posted: 10th February 2014

    @breezy,
    thanks for validating me! haha , I wonder deep down if that is one of my motives in posting here, still seeking approval from others, especially darlene, (projected mother) gosh its so entangled , and I agree about the self acceptance, I actually just had a really big depressive bout, couldnt get out of bed etc, for two days of agony, refused to answer the phone and then made up stories to those friends about why I was out of range, thought about it and realized that this is part of the shame not wanting to admit to openly to this condition which comes and goes in its bouts despite all my efforts to control, so intead I sent tose few friends an email “coming out” about these episodes as I didnt not want to have the lack of integrity by lying anymore, plus I really want to own this part of me rather than be disgusted and ashamed at my weakness of not being able to pre empt the triggers of the depression and thereby avoid falling into that hole. Any way I felt better, wasnt a big dramatic email, just factual as though I were someone having a diabetic attack. And I agree , just knowing you others out there can relate, as you have kindly done by commenting on my comment, is very valuable to me Breezy and I thank you for taking the time to do so. best wishes jo

    • By: Melissa P Posted: 12th September 2016

      Thank you for writing this and Sharing your story. I’m stuck in the proving just how wronged I was stage. I needed to read this. I’m killing myself, just trying to make everyone see what really happened. Convince everyone of who my “dad” really is. I’m struggling seeing how so many hardships I’ve faced were a very real direct result of him. That I’ve begged for his approval for so long for a while I did think t was all just me. Thank you. You just might of honestly saved my life.

      • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 15th September 2016

        Hi Melissa
        I totally understand. It was when I put my energy into validating the damage done to me, that I began to stop trying to prove to them that there WAS damage and I was able to move on to the healing part! I learned to give myself the approval that I didn’t get from them.
        Thanks for sharing!
        hugs, Darlene

  21. By: Lyndsay Posted: 1st July 2014

    Hi Johanna-I think you’re totally allowed to seek validation from us, we will always give it to you, and Darlene is like a mother, or rather, to me she is a conduit helping me to become my own loving mother, to comfort and heal the broken child inside. I’m sorry you have such debilitating depression, it’s just never ending and so damn unfair!! I hope your friends are as awesome and supportive as mine have been, and are there for you without pushing you to ‘get better already’! I sometimes feel I have the opposite problem-I over share, and that puts me in a vulnerable position. I tell even strangers about my difficult relationship with my parents and that opens me up to a lot of extra abuse, and I also sometimes can’t seem to get off the subject of my mother with my friends, and I worry that I’m being narc myself, or that they’ll get fed up and leave me…lol can I send you some of my eternally open mouth so you feel easier to talk?! Sigh! It’s so not a joking matter is it?! Hugs xxx

  22. By: Carlos Posted: 22nd February 2016

    I am not stupid, incompetent, foolish and most of all I am not a f*****g son of a b****c. Those cuss words were the ones that really hurt, which happened to be what my Dad uttered, when I couldn’t help him re-align a mirror we were placing on the wall. He also raised his hand during that time signalling to hit me, but he didn’t as my Mom was with us. I cried so much in my bedroom tucked under the sheets, for several hours only to have the man himself come and appease me afterwards. At the age of 16, never had I felt so scared towards my Dad. But that, along with all of the other sins he had done, are slowly dying. I admit that I still occasionally picture some “soap-operatic” like confrontations between my abusers but I am thankful towards the Lord for not letting it get to that point (Not very good for the health either).

  23. By: Marquis Posted: 15th September 2016

    I have been thinking about this again. My validation got ruined by now ex-friends made me feel like shit, something about my past which is not something I care to remember. It’s like I am still talking to those who don’t care about validating my needs. My male friend/partner told me I still seek validation, we all know it’s nice to hear how someone cares/listens/etc.

    I don’t even talk about the abuse anymore with people, I may make references about it but that’s about it. It’s like now I am saying ‘well, that’s what happened not sure what to tell you’ is what I am telling people. People shouldn’t ask us anything if they really have no intention of caring or have some kind of understanding it’s just wasting time.

  24. By: margaret Posted: 24th March 2017

    i think there is a reason why vampires are such a popular fixture in the culture—they symbolize people who drain the life energy out of you

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