I am excited and pleased to have my wonderful friend and fellow truth seeker, Carla Logan, guest posting today on Emerging from Broken. There have been some really deep posts this past couple of weeks and Carla shares a summary of her feelings and discoveries using the imagery of “living off the crumbs” and emotional starvation. Carla and I look forward to the discussion and responses in the comments section. ~ Darlene
No More Crumbs by Carla Logan
When we grow up in an abusive home, we learn all kinds of things that are not true. We learn that we don’t deserve love. We learn that we don’t deserve respect. We learn that we don’t deserve kindness. We learn that we don’t deserve affection or even attention. We learn that we don’t deserve to be treated as a human person, an equal. Some of us learn that we don’t deserve to be treated even as well as a family pet who sits on the floor at the dinner table waiting for the scraps of food to be tossed its way. We learn that what we do deserve is nothing more than to be satisfied with the crumbs we are allowed, the ones that fall from that table. The table that we should be sitting at as equals. Warmly and lovingly welcomed. And yet we are not.
And the tragedy doesn’t end there, because we take these beliefs about ourselves into our adult lives with us and we search out relationships and situations that reinforce these beliefs, because it’s all we know and all we are comfortable with, nothing else ‘feels right’. To be treated well does not feel right. To be loved somehow feels untrustworthy, it feels suspect. What does this person really want from me? It can’t be that I am truly worth being treated well, there must be some kind of motive, some kind of agenda. Things get so twisted up for us.
But something happens somewhere along the way. There is this hole in our gut. And it starts really really hurting. And it really starts giving us trouble when we find ourselves back in our comfort zone of being abused, whether physically abused, sexually abused, spiritually abused or emotionally abused. How is it that we can be both comfortable with our treatment and yet have this horrible pain in our gut? That pain is telling us something. It is telling us that what we believe about ourselves is NOT TRUE. The pain is telling us that what we have been satisfied with all this