I am excited and pleased to have my wonderful friend and fellow truth seeker, Carla Logan, guest posting today on Emerging from Broken. There have been some really deep posts this past couple of weeks and Carla shares a summary of her feelings and discoveries using the imagery of “living off the crumbs” and emotional starvation. Carla and I look forward to the discussion and responses in the comments section. ~ Darlene
No More Crumbs by Carla Logan
When we grow up in an abusive home, we learn all kinds of things that are not true. We learn that we don’t deserve love. We learn that we don’t deserve respect. We learn that we don’t deserve kindness. We learn that we don’t deserve affection or even attention. We learn that we don’t deserve to be treated as a human person, an equal. Some of us learn that we don’t deserve to be treated even as well as a family pet who sits on the floor at the dinner table waiting for the scraps of food to be tossed its way. We learn that what we do deserve is nothing more than to be satisfied with the crumbs we are allowed, the ones that fall from that table. The table that we should be sitting at as equals. Warmly and lovingly welcomed. And yet we are not.
And the tragedy doesn’t end there, because we take these beliefs about ourselves into our adult lives with us and we search out relationships and situations that reinforce these beliefs, because it’s all we know and all we are comfortable with, nothing else ‘feels right’. To be treated well does not feel right. To be loved somehow feels untrustworthy, it feels suspect. What does this person really want from me? It can’t be that I am truly worth being treated well, there must be some kind of motive, some kind of agenda. Things get so twisted up for us.
But something happens somewhere along the way. There is this hole in our gut. And it starts really really hurting. And it really starts giving us trouble when we find ourselves back in our comfort zone of being abused, whether physically abused, sexually abused, spiritually abused or emotionally abused. How is it that we can be both comfortable with our treatment and yet have this horrible pain in our gut? That pain is telling us something. It is telling us that what we believe about ourselves is NOT TRUE. The pain is telling us that what we have been satisfied with all this time, these pathetic crumbs that we lap up all around us; the pain pushes us to realize that we are actually deserving of more than this. The pain indicates that we are being starved to death. Our soul is being starved to death. Because the crumbs are not enough to sustain life. The hole in our gut and the pain we feel is a warning that we need more than the crumbs if we are going to survive. Emotionally survive.
When we get to this place, we have a choice: ignore it and die a slow, painful death or come out from under the table that has become our prison and take our rightful place as a human being deserving of what is good in this life; deserving of love and respect and affection and attention, all the things that are true and are found in healthy living and healthy relationships. And making this choice is NOT EASY. It goes against everything that is familiar, everything that is comfortable, everything we have ever known. But it is the only way we will actually find life, real life.
And we have to see this for ourselves. We have to see ourselves sitting at the table. We have to long for it and want it and see it. And we have to fight for our right to be there, and if that means we find another table, then that is what we do.
Leave the house of abuse, (meaning all those people in our lives who have been controlling us in this way) and build our own house, where we are welcomed with open arms to sit in our rightful place among the humans. And once we have claimed our place there, we can begin to invite those who have shown themselves trustworthy, to come and sit with us, and we can eat the good things of life together.
No more controlling, manipulative abuse. No more emotional starvation. No more crumbs.
**Readers ~ I am taking a vacation beginning this week on Thursday, the 31st of March. I am going to Mexico again ~ this time to celebrate with my eldest daughter who is going to be leaving the nest in the fall to attend university. Just her and I for a week in paradise. I decided that for this trip I am not taking my computer. I have made arrangements for the blog to carry on as usual so please continue to read and interact with the guest bloggers. There are some fantastic posts coming up! The emerging from broken facebook page will be managed by my administrative assistant, Louise Brookes. Please understand that Louise is my administrative assistant and that her work is very much about administrative stuff, and not so much about the process that I write about. To protect Louise, I want to make sure that no one thinks that Louise will be standing in for me as far as comments go. The guest bloggers will be managing their own comments and feedback. I will be back on April 8th.
Bright Blessings, hugs and squishes!
Related posts ~ Emotionally abusive statements designed to control (with 103 comments discussion)
Emotional Healing by understanding psychological abuse with discussion