My Mothers Narcissistic Reaction to my Book Idea

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Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Several years ago, I excitedly told my Mother over the phone that I was going to write a book about my process of recovery from chronic depression and dissociative identity disorder.  She reacted with strange sort of hesitation.  She didn’t ask any questions; she didn’t actually acknowledge this information at all.  I was used to her acting this way and I was only a bit more then mildly disappointed that she wasn’t interested.  I had been noticing in my recovery that she sucked the joy out of everything I was ever excited about. A few days later however, she brought it up as a sort of “by the way” conversation.  She said that if she read anything in my book about her that she didn’t like, she would sue me. I was stunned. I was actually speechless I was so stunned.  Why did she think it would be about her? I was so confused about her statement, that I couldn’t think straight.  I called a friend of mine who is a lawyer and asked her for some legal advice about it. 

 When I got over my shock about her reaction and her threat, I was able to look at this in a different way.  My narcissistic mother didn’t ask me about the contents of the book. She just assumed it would be about her. Why would she assume that?   I hadn’t even thought about talking about her in the book yet.  Her reaction is what I call a truth leak.  Continued…..

 My narcissistic mother just assumed my book might be about her or would include things about her that she wouldn’t like to have published because of her guilty conscience. At first I just asked myself “why would she think I was going to write a book about her?”  Thoughts were sparking in my mind. Part of me was thinking about how conceited she is and those thoughts were mixed in with thoughts like “what the heck is she so worried about?” I actually had to think about what she might be worried about, although of course I know what she is so worried about.  I just hadn’t actually thought about writing in relation to that stuff yet.  It took me days to sort those thoughts and feelings out. I felt rejected, mistrusted, threatened, devalued and unjustly accused.  

Later I felt anger. Anger that she always killed my joy. Anger that it was always about her. Anger that I didn’t have a mother who loved me or even one that was interested in me.

 I eventually realized that her reaction was about her, not about me. She was reacting because of her own fears.  It was always her way to make it about me, doing something that was not acceptable to her.  I am not sure if that is true narcissism or just the way that she has always been towards me.

 Because she reacted as though the book was about her, eventually I asked myself if that meant that she actually KNEW that she was causing me a lot of harm? Hard to imagine that she might have known that she was doing some really wrong as a mother, isn’t it? Maybe half her energy was spent on making sure that I didn’t realize that she might have known that she knew she was a bad mother? Maybe that is what the purpose of her keeping me in the “spin” all the time was.  All so that she could be in control and so that I was so busy trying harder that I never realized that she was the problem.

When I think about all the things my mom said to me when no one else could hear I wonder why she made sure no one else could hear.  She said and did sick stuff in from of others, but some of it she never did in public. Doesn’t that imply that she knew some stuff was just wrong?

 A child molester doesn’t strip a kid down naked in a public restaurant. They groom the victim carefully, sometimes publically, but the actually molestation is done in private.  (except in cases of organized pedophile rings or in an abusive family where everyone is involved in the abuse) A physically violent parent doesn’t beat a kid in the middle of a crowded shopping mall. Doesn’t that imply that they know it is not legal? An emotional or psychological abuser will not always tear a child down when visitors are there. My mother could be all sweetness and light. Does that mean that she knew others would judge her if she tore me down in front of them?  It seemed to depend on WHO the visitors were.

 I thought about those points when I was deciding if the adults in my life actually knew better, or if they really did not. If she truly has narcissistic personality disorder, wouldn’t she have been the same in front of everyone? Wouldn’t she come first in all her relationships? Wouldn’t she treat everyone else like they were “nothing” too?  I thought about those things a lot.  She was really great at telling me how to act but when I started to look at her actions, she never lived by her own standards, at least not when it came to me.  

 I will tell you something I realized years into recovery.  Abusers remember more about what they did then we remember about what they did. And they don’t know how much we remember. Imagine sleeping at night with that on your mind? Not knowing what the other person actually remembers about what they did to us or what we saw them do to others or even if the brainwashing was good enough to hold forever.

Was her concern about my writing a book about what everyone would think about her because of her narcissistic self-centeredness, or was it about her fear of being exposed for the kind of mother she really was?  Although my mother fits the description of narcissistic personality disorder, I think it was the later of the two.

Please share your thoughts. I look forward to the discussion on this post.

And guess what?? my e-book “Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing” has been published and selling amazingly well since July 2014.  If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you and you would like to find out “HOW” I broke out of the oppression I lived in, this 197 page, downloadable, printable, live linked e-book will put you on the fast track to busting out of the fog and to healing. I’ve received hundreds of thank you notes from people that have bought my book. Get yours here for 9.97 through the upper right side bar or click this link~ Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing

Exposing Truth; one snapshot at a time,

Darlene Ouimet

134 response to "My Mothers Narcissistic Reaction to my Book Idea"

  1. By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 14th March

    Hi Kellie
    Something that I have noticed that happens when we draw boundaries is that people change their tactics in an attempt to “throw us off”. Very often it works too, because we are so used to them acting a certain way. This “changing tactics” can go on for a long time too. I get this image in my mind of the witch in the wizard of OZ melting when the water was thrown on her… as being how the abusers feel when we take our lives back… they writhe in pain because they have so much of their identity in controlling us.
    Hugs, Darlene

  2. By: Kellie Posted: 12th March

    About the pants….

    There’s a new game my mom is playing now. She has my dad call. My dad who I love but, honestly, we had maybe five phone conversations in the last six or seven years before all of this drama began back in December. Used to be, my mom called me daily. We usually talked for 30 to 60 minutes, and she did a lot of complaining about my dad and others. I did my fair share of complaining too, so I’m not saying I’m perfect. The point is, she NEVER encouraged my dad and me to be close. Now, suddenly, she has got him calling to check on me. Now, I hear her on the other end of the line feeding him questions, comments, and jokes she wants him to pass along. It has happened several times including today. I don’t have the heart to say to my dad, please stop calling me. But, seriously! This hard, hard woman. She told me she was done with me! Why can’t she just be done? I am having privacy manager installed on my phone this week, so they will have to identify themselves before their private number will ring through to the house. I think I’ll be a little more proactive and just start emailing my dad on a daily basis, so he knows how I am. It gives him a chance to talk, but keeps her heinous voice out of my ears. 😛

    Kellie

  3. By: Renee-A Ressurected Spirit Posted: 12th March

    Dear Zoe,
    Sad but true and well written. Thank you.

  4. By: Zoe Posted: 12th March

    Hi Everyone,
    I have read these comments with interest and have spent the time since exploring what this means in my own life. As I often do, when I am trying to get a grasp on something, I explore it in poetry. Here is my result – I wanted to share it with you all because I think so many of you will relate to it and it may help us… who knows!
    **************
    Narcissist

    The eyes reflect totality of deep incomprehension –
    No lashing pain, nor fearsome ire, such blasphemy absolve:
    No Universal other centre, nor other blazing sun
    ‘Bout whom each puny planet must revolve.

    Day by day, reinforcing such self conceited belief
    Each moment twisted carefully to gratify oneself –
    Stroking ego’s ceaseless thirst, fanning flames of self approval
    Preening gaudy feathers of delusional soul wealth.

    Blind devotion, servile adoration taken from each one,
    For wealth of gold and precious jewels is just what‘s rightly due,
    Demanded accolades of fool’s gold and coloured glass
    That will vanish in the dust of what is true.

    For what seems to be sun’s blinding light is but a candle’s flame
    That splutters dimly ‘midst bright shining stars,
    Though gilded frames surround the polished mirror cracks and falls,
    Lying shattered on the sands of false regard.
    ********
    To all of our narcissistic abusers – you are no sun, and one day, one day, your world will crash down around you. And despite what you did, I pity you in that day.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 12th March

      Hi Tracie,
      I asked my therapist how I would have ever known that what my babysitter was doing to me was wrong when I was so young. He said that children pick up on the guilt and fear of getting caught that the abusers have, little motions such continual glancing at the door, or the windows to make sure curtains are drawn… little things like that. I could feel my eyes get WIDE, it was so shocking to realize that was true. My mother never beat me in front of anyone but my siblings. My mother did offer me to men, but she was careful who she did that in front of too. There are many things that abusers don’t try to hide. It really helped me to remember the things that they DID try to hide.
      Thanks for being here and for your comments
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Paulette
      Yes. Mine too. It was still emotional and psychological abuse. (and she found a way to make it my own fault, OR as you say tell me she was kidding) It was more of a “tearing you down while smiling”, when others were around. Humiliation, putting me in my place.. and yes it is MEAN.
      My father on the other hand was a passive abuser. He didn’t pay any attention to me at all. We see those kinds of parents all the time and it is no less damaging and really , it is mean too!
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Zoe,
      Thanks for posting this beautiful Poem
      I love it’s deep and rich tones and all the imagery; thank you so much for sharing it here.
      Hugs, Darlene

  5. By: Paulette Posted: 12th March

    Tracie ~ This really hit me too … the fact that my mother hid it from others on purpose shows that she knew it was wrong. With that said though, in company she would often abuse as well, but done in a way that “I took it the wrong way” or “I was only joking.” NOT JOKING!! I know joking, and her abuse was not in jest – it was MEAN! :o)

  6. By: Tracie Posted: 11th March

    I love so much that you pointed out the fact that abusers don’t abuse in public….and therefore they show that they know they are doing wrong.

    That is such a powerful statement, especially for those who are struggling with guilt feelings over what happened to them, and for people who never heard an admittance of guilt from their abuser….the private abuse, that was the admission. Wow.

  7. By: Sheryl Posted: 10th March

    Barbara,
    NO! I have not heard of that book! Thanks for mentioning it!!

  8. By: Barbara Posted: 10th March

    “I am not obligated to respect. I am not obligated to love either.”

    Brilliant Darlene!! You ROCK!

  9. By: Barbara Posted: 10th March

    Sheryl – have you read the book THE WIZARD OF OZ AND OTHER NARCISSISTS? Might be worth a look for you.

  10. By: Renee-A Ressurected Spirit Posted: 10th March

    Kellie,
    I did something totally different and it may not work for a lot of people. I set up the opportunity to confront her in a non violent way. I told her I was going to talk and she was going to listen. I didn’t scream and yell, because once you do that you just handed the power over to them. And they are going to expect you to loose control. So when I didn’t and I just spoke very meaningfully and I kept to the point of the subject she sat in surpirse and truely listened. Or you can take those pants send them back with a note that says, PLEASE WASH BEFORE YOU SEND ME ANYTHING. Or just don’t have anything to do with her and love yourself.
    Renee

  11. By: Sheryl Posted: 10th March

    Kellie,
    If this doesn’t say it all, at least I could imagine that it would:
    “just a feeling of becoming a repeated victim of her Narcissistic whims and notions.”
    Don’t open the trap door. Keep reminding yourself of why the last few months have been peaceful for you! Create your own environment and pace and keep yourself there.

  12. By: Sheryl Posted: 10th March

    I was working in a mental institution not that long ago, and one of the inmates, in his 50’s, was talking about the abuse he suffered from his family as a child, and how that one day God will make all these things right, and that God will take care of it. I thought, “Now here is some real faith, and the real reason for his depression…”

  13. By: Sheryl Posted: 10th March

    Darlene,
    ” It is like a “training video ~ teaching kids to just accept and be dang happy that they even have a home!”

    My husband just kept saying over and over that they never said a nice thing to her the whole time…and it made him want to cry, and yes, it is a training video
    once I discovered emotional health and relational health, nothing else matters before that!

  14. By: Sheryl Posted: 10th March

    Darlene,
    Yes, it is not my shame, but a sad waste of time in some ways.
    We just watched The Wizard of Oz again last night and I saw the demeaning way that aunt and uncle treated Dorothy and the hired hands, and I guess that we are just supposed to admire these hardworking people. And all she could do is dream of going back there! They treated her like a young child with no sense of her own. The movie presented no reason why she should want to return to that environment. Big deal that Aunt Em sat with her when she had the measles, the professor was WRONG when he told her that auntie had been very kind to her, that was further manipulation by the adults around her. The aunt didn’t have one nice thing to say to her until she was ill…
    Oh, and the aunt couldn’t tell the neighbor lady what she has really t hought of her all these years because the aunt was a “christian”–that is a social group that tells you how you can think and act–so the aunt had agreed to be emotionally abused her whole life and treated Dorothy in the same way, and when Dorothy ran away from home, all she wanted was to return, but not get healthy!

    But, Dorothy was not a child, she was an adult, too, and should have had more to do in her life that balance on the pigpen wall and dream of returning to that environment to play with a dog.

    I now realize that my first impression of Over the Rainbow was accurate, a girl dreaming of a place where there is relational peace.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 10th March

      Sheryl,
      The wizard of oz is a great example of what we are talking about, isn’t it? And it takes some coming out of the fog to even recognize the stuff that you have written here. the age of Dorothy is not known, but the oldest that anyone thinks she was supposed to be according to the information that we do have about the original book, is only 12 and in that case it is fair to think that her only concern is to play. The thing that strikes me about the story is that her life with her abusive aunt was BETTER then the alternative, which was to be lost in the “wilderness” meeting up with witches and other scary things that she had to deal with. Maybe the underlying point of the whole movie is abusive ~ to teach kids that they better accept and respect the elders in their lives, no matter how abusive they are, OR face the alternatives. Face possibly dying. It’s really sick and the more I think about this the more horrified I am that this is a movie that we pass on to children from generation to generation! It is like a “training video ~ teaching kids to just accept and be dang happy that they even have a home!
      Thanks for bringing this up Sheryl!
      hugs, Darlene

  15. By: Sheryl Posted: 10th March

    I feel ashamed right now that I went ot a Christian college and majored in Psychology and they were so concerned about the religious warfare in that field at the time, that we sat around arguing wheter or not it was SIN to be depresseed. How would someone NOT be depressed after being abused in these ways? Why were we not told these kinds of stories?? I feel so cheated educationally. Talk about hiding reality! It happens in colleges as well, at least in mine in the 1980’s.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 10th March

      Hi Kellie
      This sounds like one of those “apologies” without actually apologizing. A very typical tactic to regain control. The confusion, anger and frustration is all normal. The fear of falling back into the trap is normal too! But remember that you have a choice now about what YOU want to do. You don’t have to engage with her at all, if you choose not to. You can send the pants back, (without any explanation) or just ignore that she sent them. You and do whatever you want to do, what ever supports YOU Kellie.
      Keep us posted about your surgery and all the best thoughts and prayers for you!
      hugs, Darlene

      Sheryl,
      From what I understand, schools are no different now then they were then. When I took my training I learned that everything is about diagnosis and treatment. (none of which gets to the root of the problem.) What worked for me, what enabled me to heal was getting to the root of where all my depressions etc. started. That is why I write this blog.
      Your training however, was not your fault and therefore not your shame!
      Thanks for sharing!
      Hugs, Darlene

  16. By: Kellie Posted: 10th March

    Darlene,

    I’ve got one for ya. As if I wasn’t already frustrated, confused, angry, or just tired enough of all of my mom’s lying and criticizing, and her finally blowing up and calling me a liar and telling people that I forcefully ejected her from my house by telling her to “get the hell out” when I did no such thing; then writing me a letter on facebook about what a nasty person I am and she is “done” with me, I got a package in the mail yesterday from her. She sent me a pair of khaki pants that I guess she picked up at a thrift store somewhere with a note that just said, “these have not been washed”. What the HELL? OMG, I have to admit, I am reeling with anger, confusion, frustration, and mostly just a feeling of becoming a repeated victim of her Narcissistic whims and notions. She said she was done with me! Why can’t she just be DONE with me? Why try to suck me back into her maniacal little world for another go round on the same nauseating ride? I could use some encouraging words on this, ladies (and gents if there are any out there). I feel like the last couple months without her have truly been the most peaceful months of my entire life. TRULY. Nothing about me wants her back in my life. I don’t even want to engage her in a conversation about why I don’t want her back. I feel like that would be like opening a small trap door at the bottom of a swimming pool. There would be a sudden wave and no way of closing the door back up. Please, pray for me during this horrendously confusing time. It comes at a most inconvenient time when I’m getting ready to have surgery again and I’m at the height of my anxiety about my recovery from a broken leg. I just want peace for the sake of all that is good and holy! How do you suggest I get it?

    Kellie

  17. By: Renee-A Ressurected Spirit Posted: 10th March

    Welcome Shah,
    You have found the bestest and the safest place to talk! We listen, we love, we talk, we encourage, we learn, and we give hope. I think Im talking out of turn because this is Darlene’s Blog, but that is what we do and welcome.
    Renee

  18. By: Renee-A Ressurected Spirit Posted: 10th March

    Thanks Lynda
    We still feel sick to my stomach and the lonelyness and confussion keeps coming back. We took care of it in counseling and I felt healed but the girls still hurt. I think what helps us, is that there are more tragic abuses other people have suffered, and mine wasn’t so bad. That helps to think that way. When I was in my 20’s my medical doctor diagnoised me with the venerial disease. I remember showing my mom my vigina and she smacked me and said it was because I didn’t keep myself clean down there. I beleived her because I rarely took a bath. If you took a bath that meant any one could come in and sexually assualt me. So I quite taking baths. A teacher who I dearly loved and was so nice to me pulled me aside one day and said the other classmates dont want me in there class because I smelled so bad. Well DUH! I told her I was afraid to take abath. So she told me how to take a “sponge bath”. I didn’t stink again! Back to the medical Dr. He was awesome. He felt body, soul, and mind have to be healthy in order for a person to be healthy. So he started counseling me (by the way made everyone mad at that clinic) he brought out a book and had me look at all the pictures of venerial diseases. I picked out the one I had and he had tears in his eyes because I knew then he beleived my memories. He told me I could only get it through intercourse. Finally someone beleived me! That day was probably one of my happiest because I was validated and I knew I was going to get the three of us some help.
    Renee
    Renee

  19. By: Shah Wharton Posted: 10th March

    Hello – I’m new around here. Hope it’s okay if I rant a little? ;D

    When i told my mom I’d experienced sexual abuse it was around seven years after the event. I’d begun experiencing PTSD – as guys became interested in me my mind seemed to break and i had ‘episodes’ – kind of fits i suppose you’d call them. They were indicative of deeper issues clearly from the reaction of observers and when mom asked what I was doing I told her what I thought it might be. She didn’t believe me first. Then she suggested I go to a ‘looney bin’ then. As this frightened me (I was 14yrs) I didn’t try to talk to her about it again for years. When I had a complete break down and got sectioned (20yrs) she never acknowledged that it was part of the reason, even when my psychologist asked her to participate in family counselling (me, her and my estranged father were supposed to discuss the abuse but neither turned up) Denial, denial denial – unsurprisingly ive suffered dissociative I.D disorder – runs in the family!. Later, I tried to explain after two suicide attempts and still; silence or a grinding jaw of discomfort. She simply will not accept such things happened to me, even now and I’m 39 in April! I stopped talking to her about it years ago though now – Can’t bear the thought that she thinks I’m attention seeking. Like I even needed attention that much?

    Anyway – glad I found this blog. Rant over. 😉 Shah

  20. By: Sheryl Posted: 10th March

    Lynda,
    #60, example of how people become fools by comparing ourselves with each other nad coming up with a “standard”. They have no standard of love/hate, good/bad!!
    Classic, though, no? Someone else’s pain takes my pain away! WOW!~ What was she doing listening to HIS WARPED view of her anyway?? She didn’t understand her own abuse and pain!

    Babara,
    “My NMother died but the mother I should have had never existed.”
    “My life, to her, was not my own. Ever.”
    HOW TRUE!! KEY concept, here!
    I know a woman who says this of her own sister-in-law, that “She lives her life through her daughter!” What a thing for a relative to say openly to others! The daughter, born with physical challenges, died recently, of cancer before age 50. Not a great experience!

  21. By: Brian Baumal Posted: 10th March

    Hi Darlene,

    Thanks for encouraging me to post comments. As a therapist, what I notice in both the original post and the comments is how important our mothers are in forming who we become as adults. Whether or not your mother was or is a narcissist, what I am reminded of, as a new parent myself, is how important all of my actions are to my child’s development and how as adults we can take actions and responsibility to make changes in our lives.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 10th March

      Hi Barbara,
      I did a lot of grieving for the mother I never had too, and I also realized that I never had the mother I should have had and that I never would. About respect ~ I don’t respect my mother at all. I gave her the chance to have a relationship with me; one that was based on mutual respect. She didn’t talk to me anymore after that. I had to take a good look at my definition of respect and realized that I had been taught the meaning of that word, WRONG. Respect is a two way street. I am not obligated to respect. I am not obligated to love either.
      Thanks for being here and for sharing,
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Brian
      Welcome to EFB!
      What you wrote here is foundational for healing. I talk about re-parenting myself a lot. As an adult, I can do that now. I can do for myself what was never done for me. My parents ‘failed’ me. But I no longer have to live under their authority. In realizing that what happened to me was beyond my control then, I was able to take my life back. I can and I did make those changes, and I am free now.
      Thanks for being here.
      Hugs,Darlene

      Hi Shah,
      Welcome to emerging from broken;
      Rant away! I do it all the time! Very telling that they didn’t show up to discuss the abuse, isn’t it?
      Glad that you are here! Please feel welcome to share as much as you like.
      Hugs, Darlene

  22. By: Barbara Posted: 10th March

    You’ve obviously hit a nerve with this posting, Darlene – in a very good way. So many of us need the validation that it was them, not us. It enrages me and upsets me that I, you and so many of us desperately reached out (some still are) for the love, nurturing and unconditional accepted we needed and DESERVED from our mothers – yet there was nothing there.

    I told people, when my NMother died, that I was crying for the relationship I deserved & never had with her. Of course my Nmother had done a lot of convincing others that I was the crazy one; like all pathologicals do. My NMother died but the mother I should have had never existed.

    My therapist pointed out to me my NMother’s pathological ENVY of me over & over until I understood and believed it. My life, to her, was not my own. Ever. She believed it was a construction where I literally got up every day and figured out what to do or say to upset her. I went through 12 years of infertility treatments without ever telling her. When I got disabled she told my ex to leave me because I was now “useless to him.” I understand that my mother was very abused herself but, to my mind, she just passed it on. Whereas I knew something was deeply askew with my thinking and worked hard on piecing myself back together so I did not pass on the abuse. For that reason, it will be impossible for me to ever fully respect my NMother.

    We deserved better. All of us.

  23. By: Paulette Posted: 9th March

    Lynda – love your post, #57!! Well said!!

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 10th March

      Hi Lynda
      ~ Thank you for sharing this story about your mothers reaction to your good news and how she squished you down so badly. (and also the story of your kids getting taken from you ~ you’ve had a difficult life to say the least!) I remember the confusion I felt when my mother made her statement about suing me. I was so “in the fog” that at first I just could not comprehend what the heck she was talking about.
      And the fog lifts in stages ~ it takes a long time. It was about 7 months later or so that I got the idea that I should be the one suing her! (just as you said here) that if she sued me that I would check into suing her for a few things too. Wow.. and that thought was so empowering because I was validating myself, that I was not the doing something wrong here!
      And that is how I feel about it today ~ I write about MY life and how I healed.
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Renee
      I am so sorry that all of that happened to you. What you have written about your mother admitting knowing and saying she was sorry, but still hating you IS confusing ~ you are not alone in that confusion. None of us understand why these things happened and we were not protected, and we all seek to understand. One of the most important messages that I have on this blog is that we don’t have to understand THEM. It is so important to validate ourselves, believe ourselves, KNOW that it was never something we asked for, or deserved. The abuse was wrong. Healing started for me when I finally realized that it was not about me, but about them.
      thank you for sharing your stories; there is so much healing when we share and when we read what happened to others.
      AND, thank you for welcoming Shah ~ you are not speaking out of turn. 🙂
      Hugs, Darlene

  24. By: Lynda ~ Coming Out of the cRaZy Closet Posted: 9th March

    Oh Renee… it does sound very confusing, and crazy-making. How could a mother allow her own child to be abused? How could a mother HATE her own child.

    I’ve been sitting here with my face in my hands, thinking about an 8 – 10 year old little girl with venarial disease. Oh it breaks my heart.

    I just finished reading all the comments here and I’m amazed at how many of us had the same kind of “mother.”

    Back in the late 1970s when I was living in Houston I met a woman through a church I was going to, who told me about finding out that her first husband had been sexually abusing her young daughter for years. Her daughter was an adolescent when she finally told her mother what was going on. This woman, this “mother,” told me that her immediate reaction to learning that her little girl had been sexually abused in every way imaginable by her own father, was to feel…. are you ready for this?…. a huge sense of RELIEF.

    Yes, that’s right, this woman, this so-called mother, was vastly RELIEVED to learn that her husband had been sexually abusing their little daughter for many years. WHY? Because, she explained to me, her husband had put her down all through their marriage, calling her a “whore” and worse, because she had confided in him the fact that, back when she was a teenager, she had gotten involved sexually with her own cousin, a boy who was her own age. Because of her past “incestous” affair, her husband put her down for years, calling her a slut.

    “But what a relief it was to me to realize that he was worse than I was,” this woman told me. “I may have had an affair with my own cousin when we were teenagers, but my husband was doing something far worse, he was sexually abusing our own daughter.”

    HEL-LO??? How narcissistic can a mother get? To feel RELIEF upon learning that her little daughter has been violated, raped, abused, by her own dad for years and years, because “well now that I know he is in fact a worse person than me, that takes the sting out of his calling me a slut.” Good Grief.

    Several years later, I had a tv talk show on one day, and the topic was child sexual abuse. I was astonished to see that the guests on the show that day was this woman, and her now-grown daughter. The show’s hostess was talking with the grown daughter about the terrible emotional toll that being sexually abused by her own father, on an almost daily basis, had taken on her mental health as she was growing up. Then the hostess turned to the mother and asked her, “What was your reaction when you first learned that your daughter was being so horribly abused by your own husband, her father.” And the reply, right there in front of her daughter and for all the world to hear: “Well, my first reaction was to feel a great sense of RELIEF.”

    WHY God allows some people to have children is a complete mystery to me.

    Lynda

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