Loving in the Present vs. the Root of Distress

Beautiful Fishy
Beautiful Fishy


“The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present.”

Barbara De Angelis
Author and Relationship Expert

I love this quote and I believe this statement to be true, however it reminds me of how much I struggled in the past with statements like this.  I tried to learn how to “let go” and “move on” and I although I struggled, I did make strides towards freedom. 

Looking back I realize that until I was able to understand a few key things, I was unable to achieve the freedom that is talked about so easily by so many.  These kinds of statements made me feel guilty and ashamed of myself and became another way for me to affirm to myself that I just was not good enough and that I was never going to “get it”.

I didn’t realize that I was doing this to myself or thinking this way when I read positive thoughts and quotes but I wonder if it has been pointed out to me if I would have realized it? I wonder if I would have realized what held me back and if it might have helped me to look deeper for the root of my distress in order to repair it.

I couldn’t get rid of the anger until I identified the anger. I could not love until I knew what love was. The examples that were given to me were warped. I didn’t know what love was, so I had some big work to do in order to change my warped definition of it. When I got deeply into that work I found the lies, alive and well and flourishing in my belief system making me sick and full of angst, depression and darkness. With help I was able to dig them up and start building a new foundation.

I love quotes. I also think it is valuable to remember that if you feel like you fall short of your ideal self, maybe you have some similar warped definitions in your system?

Darlene Ouimet

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