Inspirational Quotes that Cause Harm saying HOW you Got Screwed Up

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Damaging inspirational quotesI saw a poster on facebook.  It reminded me of the extremely foggy place that I emerged from.  It reminded me of the lies that I told myself in order to resist looking at the truth about my life. Believing this type of statement, (or trying to) became a big part of how I survived. It was also how I beat myself up. 

The poster states: “What screws us up most in life is the picture in our heads of how it’s supposed to be”

~ Survival thinking was: “As soon as I can achieve this standard and realize that my own thinking and expectations are the problem then, I will be able to put the problem (which is really all in my head) behind me.”

~ Self abusive thinking was: “I am a failure at getting over the past because I am the one who is wrong about it; I should be able to realize that my expectations are way out of line.”

Again, The poster states: “What screws us up most in life is the picture in our heads of how it’s supposed to be”

This poster is intended to be motivational and inspirational. The poster is inferring that “fantasy thinking” is the root of the problem. That unreasonable visions of how it should have been “screws us up”.  That this fictional thought in my head is what screwed ME up.

I have heard this type of teaching in 12 step programs, self help books, churches and religious teachings and from countless people.  I learned and tried to accept that my problem was that I longed for some sort of “perfect family” like we saw on television and that there is no such family. I learned to tell myself to “get real” and get over the past. Just “let it go”. I learned and tried to accept that my “expectations” got in the way of my ability to accept reality as though the reality that I was trying to accept was actually good.  As though the bad stuff wasn’t bad but that I had some unreasonable wish for how it was “supposed to be.”  I was conditioned and brainwashed to believe that I was making a big deal over “nothing” and that the breakdown of my mental health and self esteem issues were not only of my own making but also my own fault, my “failure” and my weakness”.  I learned that I had “a problem” instead of that this was all caused FROM a problem that had nothing to do with my choice.

The fact is that my reality was not good. If what screwed me up in life was the picture in my head of how it was supposed to be, then what screwed me up was that I thought I was supposed to be safe and protected. I thought I was supposed to be loved and even nurtured. I thought that I should not have had to live in fear of the next beating or the next sexual assault.  I thought THAT was how it was supposed to be. 

I was caught in a fog spin by these so called inspirational and motivational quotes.  These kinds of sayings and quotes were the things that I lived by. I would have posted this quote 10 years ago without blinking an eye. These so called motivational and inspirational quotes supported me in escaping the truth of what my life was really like.  As long as I was telling myself that it wasn’t “that bad” and that I had the wrong idea about what it should have been like, I didn’t face what actually had in fact happened to me.

And what had in fact happened is NOT the way it SHOULD have been.

It is not motivating or inspiring to try to convince people that they have a misconception about their own lives.  It causes further damage. It adds to the trauma that being mistreated and devalued already caused. It is not helpful when people or organizations try to encourage people to move forward before the actual truth has been validated.  It is abusive to invalidate the truth by teaching that facing it or talking about it is the same as whining and even the same as lying about it.

Facing the fact that things in my life were NOT the way that they should have been was one of the first things that gave me hope for recovery from the issues that I struggled with overcoming. Being told and then realizing myself that what happened to me was wrong, that is was child abuse and emotional neglect, and that it was not something that I should try to accept as being “meant to be” or something that “made me stronger” or fabrications and exaggerations that were “all in my head” helped to set me free. Understanding how much these beliefs held me back was like silky healing balm on festering wounds.

Overturning these beliefs became keys in the rusty locks of the prison I had been trapped in since childhood.  My childhood (and because of this brainwashing, continuing on into adulthood) was NOT the way it SHOULD have been.  It was NOT my weakness, my imagination or fantasy thinking that was the problem; it was that the things that happened to me were WRONG and those things CAUSED the problems. 

I was screwed up because of the way things actually were. 

I found wholeness and freedom by facing the way that things actually were.

NOTE: I spent over 25 years trying to change my thinking about what was wrong with me by accepting that it was ME.  It only took me 3 years to find freedom and wholeness by facing the root causes of my struggles.  

Please share your thoughts and insights with me and the other readers here.  Remember that you do not have to use your real name in the comment form. Your email address will not be shared and only the name you choose will show up in the comment thread.

Exposing Truth one snapshot at a time;

Darlene Ouimet                                       

Related Posts ~ The Problem with Statements like “Get Over It” 

~When Inspirational Material triggers Self Blame

Emerging from Broken on Facebook

62 response to "Inspirational Quotes that Cause Harm saying HOW you Got Screwed Up"

  1. By: Amber Posted: 3rd December 2016

    Hi Darlene, You are wonderful and I am happy to tell people that! My message came right from the heart, In fact, I tried to post four hearts at the end of my last message, but they printed as question marks instead! Well, there is no question at all that you are the absolute best!!

  2. By: Amber Posted: 2nd December 2016

    Sam, Darlene’s blog was what set me on the right course to healing after a long time fe time of trying to figure out ” what was wrong with me” so I could change whatever it was that was wrong and I would then be loved and life would be wonderful. But, I could never figure out what was wrong with me. Finally, three and a half years ago I was reading reviews of a book about narcissistic mothers, and one person mentioned Emerging from Broken as a great resource in her comment. So I went to this site for the first time in May 2013. I started reading and I was absolutely floored when I first read the idea that a person could be groomed by their parents and other people such as teachers to think they ( meaning the child, student etc.) are the problem. For the first time in all of my decades of life, I was introduced to the idea that I might not be, and never was the problem! I then went on to learn that there was a whole false belief system that I had been groomed to accept. I believed I was less worthy than others. I believed I had to try to earn love that others who were ” better than me” got automatically. I had many issues about being female and being ” less than” just for being a girl, because I was taught this by my mother. I didn’t even pick up on the inconsistency that she didn’t apply the less than status to herself, just to me. I didn’t think I had the right to speak up about poor treatment. I was the subservient family member who did all the work that others ( who were superior) shouldn’t have to be bothered with. I carried these beliefs into adulthood and was bullied at work and even in my neighborhood. Then, Through reading the blog, I learned to challenge the false beliefs. I remembered incidents from childhood that had cemented the false beliefs, and I sorted through these things. I learned that I do not need to grovel to people in hopes that this will bring me love. And I realized that those kinds of people are NOT the ones I want in my life. I gave up on some people who were rude to me no matter how nice I was to them, and I don’t bother with them now. I stopped inviting people for dinner who decided years ago that they were entitled to dine at my house without reciprocating. And I am starting to say ” no”. I still have some fears of confrontation, so this is what I am working on now. I find myself asking if I am better off not speaking up and being upset and resentful, or should I push through the fear ( that they will get mad and discard me) and say what I want or need. I used to always go for saying nothing and being resentful, but now, more often I am opting to speak up even while afraid.
    I think you came to the RIGHT place for healing. It will take time, but it is very much worth it. We each have our own unique journey, but Darlene’s blog is a wonderful guide. Best of luck on your journey!

    Darlene, I haven’t commented on here for a while ( I do visit your FB page daily!) but I have stayed the course on your healing path. Setting boundaries is my newest triumph, even though there are still times I feel fearful doing this. One of the newest things I’m noticing is peoples’ reactions to me having a boundary. Some back off for a a while because they don’t know how to handle it and others have disappeared. But my favorite people are the ones who enjoy seeing the changes. Thank you once again for sharing your journey on here and on FB. You have helped me get to where I am now, and where I will be further along. I know you have helped thousands of others as well. Much love, Amber ????

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 3rd December 2016

      Hi Amber!
      Great to hear from you! I really appreciated what you wrote to me here. Thank you so much for this update and for all the lovely things you said about my work and my message here. I LOVE hearing the results that you are getting in your life and on the road to healing and freedom!
      Hugs, Darlene

  3. By: Amber Posted: 2nd December 2016

    Sam, Darlene’s blog was what set me on the right course to healing after a long time fe time of trying to figure out ” what was wrong with me” so I could change whatever it was that was wrong and I would then be loved and life would be wonderful. But, I could never figure out what was wrong with me. Finally, three and a half years ago I was reading reviews of a book about narcissistic mothers, and one person mentioned Emerging from Broken as a great resource in her comment. So I went to this site for the first time in May 2013. I started reading and I was absolutely floored when I first read the idea that a person could be groomed by their parents and other people such as teachers to think they ( meaning the child, student etc.) are the problem. For the first time in all of my decades of life, I was introduced to the idea that I might not be, and never was the problem! I then went on to learn that there was a whole false belief system that I had been groomed to accept. I believed I was less worthy than others. I believed I had to try to earn love that others who were ” better than me” got automatically. I had many issues about being female and being ” less than” just for being a girl, because I was taught this by my mother. I didn’t even pick up on the inconsistency that she didn’t apply the less than status to herself, just to me. I didn’t think I had the right to speak up about poor treatment. I was the subservient family member who did all the work that others ( who were superior) shouldn’t have to be bothered with. I carried these beliefs into adulthood and was bullied at work and even in my neighborhood. Then, Through reading the blog, I learned to challenge the false beliefs. I remembered incidents from childhood that had cemented the false beliefs, and I sorted through these things. I learned that I do not need to grovel to people in hopes that this will bring me love. And I realized that those kinds of people are NOT the ones I want in my life. I gave up on some people who were rude to me no matter how nice I was to them, and I don’t bother with them now. I stopped inviting people for dinner who decided years ago that they were entitled to dine at my house without reciprocating. And I am starting to say ” no”. I still have some fears of confrontation, so this is what I am working on now. I find myself asking if I am better off not speaking up and being upset and resentful, or should I push through the fear ( that they will get mad and discard me) and say what I want or need. I used to always go for saying nothing and being resentful, but now, more often I am opting to speak up even while afraid.
    I think you came to the RIGHT place for healing. It will take time, but it is very much worth it. We each have our own unique journey, but Darlene’s blog is a wonderful guide. Best of luck on your journey!

    Darlene, I haven’t commented on here for a while ( I do visit your FB page daily!) but I have stayed the course on your healing path. Setting boundaries is my newest triumph, even though there are still times I feel fearful doing this. One of the newest things I’m noticing is peoples’ reactions to me having a boundary. Some back off for a a while because they don’t know how to handle it and others have disappeared. But my favorite people are the ones who enjoy seeing the changes. Thank you once again for sharing your journey on here and on FB. You have helped me get to where I am now, and where I will be further along. I know you have helped thousands of others as well. Much love, Amber ????

  4. By: Sam Posted: 1st December 2016

    The level of invalidation I have experienced in the search for freedom from my past really did a mind job and although I was coming out of the fog it was a google search a month ago that changed everything for me.

    One therapist insisted that we should “move forward” and “not spend so much time in the past”.

    Another said I should consider being happy over right.

    And of course I had spent a lifetime seeking justice being told to “jsut get over it” and ” was I still holding on to that?” . I didnt need a pity party. I needed resolution. validation.

    Thank you Darlene. Thank you thank you Thank you. God Bless you . My life has changed in a very short time through reading Darlene’s experiences and journey to freedom. I believe I can be free too.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 2nd December 2016

      Hi Sam
      Welcome to EFB and thank you for sharing. Your comment is a blessing and validation for me.
      Thank you and I am so glad you are here!
      Hugs, Darlene

  5. By: Coco Posted: 28th February 2015

    I have a whole wall full of laminated quotes. They only make me feel like a failure because I can’t achieve the “state of mind” that I have been trying to achieve for years now. I felt guilty having a temper tantrum over them and saying “for today I can’t do it”. I read once that our emotions are like the seasons, but “westerners” just wanted summer all the time. I guess pills help summer remain… This past 2 weeks, my partner and I were examining the works of “self help” authors- arriving at the conclusion that they are more geared towards middle class main streamers. They certainly couldn’t be effective for people like me (PTSD, agoraphobia, anxiety disorder, panic disorder, eating disorder) and most likely a few other labels could be assigned by the medical profession if they worked at it – probably clinical depression too!! Mores specifically, most seem to be geared towards negating the “normal” range of emotions, such as irritation, anger, sadness etc. basically all the emotions that makes one feel “bad”. My partner made an interesting observation when he quipped that the authors who write this searching for enlightenment and want to share the story do so for money. Otherwise they would be living in their cave in enlightened bliss. I’m not sure if I agree with him, but food for thought!

    Whilst considering all of this, something magical happened. I found “emerging from broken”. I took a week “off”, read Darlene’s books cover to cover and started reading all the threads. Finally I feel I’ve come home. I’ve been no contact with FOOs for 18 months (but I prefer to call them fools). I’ve struggled with guilt every day. This week I achieved peace finally and came to terms with quite a few things. A long way to go, and much more to share in this safe and respectful environment (yes I was in the shadows reading for a week most of the site to make sure I would be safe). I have read many comments out to my partner, where we cried together. He is so committed to me and my “recovery”, although we have agreed to call it reaching peace. We have both been struck at the sharing, kindness, compassion and respect that fellow contributors give to one another. A welcome relief to what is often seen in other forums.

    After a lot of reflection and self examination I feel an overwhelming freedom. I have finally given myself permission (guilt free) to place the blame squarely on the abusers. There is a lot more work to be done, but I remind myself at this beginning of this journey Darlene’s quote “success is a series of accomplishments” (or words to that effect). So for today, I will take this accomplishment and liken it to one small step taken to glue back my shattered self.

    Whilst I think I’ll hold on to the quote “scars only tell us where we have been, they don’t dictate where we’re going”, I think I’ll leave the rest thank you!

  6. By: Tanya T. Warrington Posted: 15th February 2015

    I can relate to being spun out by a quote that just doesn’t go well with abuse recovery. The writer or speaker who delivers the trite phrase intends to inspire but has no idea what their statement may mean to someone who is trapped in abuse or who is recovering from years of abuse.

    So many such quotes assume that we can control outcomes–if we just have the right attitude. A child trapped with abusive parents has no power or control to stop abuse. A child tries to find some way to reduce the abuse (I hid and tried to be a perfect good girl) but no efforts produce freedom from abuse. Even an adult trapped in abuse has a tough journey to recover some sense of ability to break away from an abuser. Abusers are experts at dis-empowering their victims. No attitude adjustment will save a child from the devastation of abuse. No attitude adjustment alone is adequate to protect even an adult victim.

    I haven’t liked it when I feel really upset by some philosophical statement that is popular but totally non-helpful in abuse or in recovery. But the wrestling match that follows always seems to lead to a healing place. Figuring out why it upsets me, encourages me to examine buried feelings. Verbalizing why the message is harmful to me and others helps me to stand up for self and for other abuse victims. The end result is that it adds more clarity to my understanding of abuse and its damage and it encourages me to reach for continued healing. I have been strengthened by the wrestling matches.

    I am proud of each of us who has questioned sayings. We are working through the damage caused by abuse and seeing truths about ourselves and our recovery process. Being survivors and overcomers allows us to choose what we will believe, what we will tell ourselves, how we will treat ourselves and how we will allow others to treat us. We can choose! What a wonderful gift of recovery–we are no longer helpless and trapped–we are free and have choices.

  7. By: Eva Posted: 17th January 2015

    Thanks for this article! I like your point on how quotes like these are escapes.
    When I read motivational quotes like, “happiness is a choice” or quotes having to do with thinking more positively, I think these people are trying to avoid dealing with something in their lives. So, they just put on a fake smile and say they are happy.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 18th January 2015

      Hi Eva
      Welcome to EFB ~ Glad you are here, thanks for sharing,
      hugs, Darlene

  8. By: jm Posted: 6th July 2012

    I call it the “happy police”. I think there is a mass cultural delusional and “unrealistc expectation” for people to be perpetually happy. It’s as if we have been brainwashed into buying the commercial as the expected reality. In our culture, no matter how justified it may be, anger sadness or depression are just not acceptable emotions. If you are experiencing them, you are doing something wrong and you should see your doctor for a pill or “just think positive”. Why are we as a culture denying such a large chunk of human emotion and experience? It’s almost as if we have put a new face on “pull yourself up by your boot straps” and remarketed it for further profit. It is very similar to the beauty culture in which we are not pretty enough, skinny enough or wealthy enough to deserve to be loved…if only we tried harder, dieted more, exercised more bought more of such and such product, then we could have the glossy magazine of starving vacant eyed women as our reality. This is mass insanity in my opinion. In the same way…if only we smiled more, looked at things in a positive light, moved on etc. etc. …then we would have that happy, sucessful, love filled life that we deserve. And most importantly we wouldn’t bother anyone with our messy “negative” emotions. Who decides that they are negative? I don’t buy it.
    I had an extremely abusive childhood and have tried for years to just move on and get over it in various ways, so that I can have that happy life that a better outlook or attitude promises. At this point I have come to the conclusion that if I am having an emotion…there is a reason and it is neither wrong or bad, it simply is. And there is not one single person who can tell me how much time I am allowed to grieve or be angry about the things that happened to me. If there is someone in my life who can’t deal with my emotions…they don’t belong in my life. I will no longer “buy”, make no mistake this is what it’s all about, making a profit off of people not feeling good enough, the mass delusion that I must fit my emotions into the happy box in order to be acceptable. I will no longer wrap up my anger in a pretty bow so that I am a more palatable human being for anyone. I will no longer conform to the culture of perpetual happiness and total denial of the “normal” human spectrum of experience and emotion.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 6th July 2012

      Hi JM
      Welcome to emerging from broken!
      Very well said! This is a very big part of what this website is about! Validating the self and finding ways to move forward without discounting the abuse or invalidation of the past.
      Glad you are here
      Hugs, Darlene

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 15th July 2012

      To MS at “Not Happening”
      Fake people with fake email addresses go into a warning pile in the back end of my blog.
      It is obvious by your comments that you didn’t actually read the post but I thought you should know that I don’t publish comments that are only meant to stir up trouble.
      Darlene

  9. By: SMD Posted: 21st February 2012

    Hi Darlene,
    Thanks for letting me know that it’s okay to be in the process and I will do something, when I’m ready. I agree with you that mutual respect & equal value is important. Sorry to hear that everyone walked away from you & your family. They lost out! I think that is my biggest fear. My brother is “done with me”, because I called him out, on ignoring me & my kids during the Holidays. He played favorites with my sister’s kids. What IS hurtful is that, his actions tell me we are not worth it!….I will continue to process my experiences through my grid of Truth.
    Thanks for sharing your experiences with family!
    Sincerely, SMD

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 21st February 2012

      SMD
      It was my biggest fear too and that fear kept me in the grip of their control for many years. The funny thing was that when I faced it, when I said no more, it was quite quickly that I felt the freedom from all the opression and the truth became more clear by the day. but that is another story!
      Hugs, Darlene

  10. By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 21st February 2012

    Hi SMD
    Totally mixed messages from that counselor. I always remind myself that most of them can’t help but put things through their own grid of experience and through the grid of their own belief system. I felt that same tug of war with parents, in-laws and even my husband. In the end I decided that I would set my boundaries, and that they have a choice. All of them except my husband chose to walk away; they didn’t like our boundaries. BUT back then the boundaries were very simple; mutual respect and equal value. The truth was very hard to face; it was very painful to accept that I (we) was not even worth that.
    Remember ~ it is okay to be in the process. I didn’t do much before I was totally ready!
    Hugs, Darlene

  11. By: SMD Posted: 21st February 2012

    Hi Darlene,
    I also had a well meaning counselor tell me, that I have “unrealistic expectations” & “magical thinking” regarding my mom and she encouraged me to “keep visiting” & “you were loved”. Well, I’ve known I was being emotionally abused. I was trying to cut ties with my family and I kept telling her that. She told me, that I “really don’t WANT” to cut ties.

    She did say, to expect my mom to “bite” because that’s what dogs do. Well if a dog is that DANGEROUS, isn’t it logical to stay away!..I was told to go towards my mom but at the same time she inflicts harm?..I knew that was a mixed message. I did cut ties with the counselor and find another counselor, who was listening to me. However, she also said, that I don’t WANT to cut ties with my family either. I was confused and trying to have some relationship with my parents and limiting my visits. I see now, that I was looking to the professionals to give me permission to cut ties and I also needed encouragement and strength to do that. That was 4 years ago, and I still visit my parents, although I’m limited with my contact and set boundaries with them.

    It’s like a tug of war inside me….Should I stay or should I go now…actually, that’s part of a song by Stray Cats lol….I don’t know what it’s going to take for me to say Enough is Enough….My parents are good at hooking me in, by being good to my kids. My mom is treating me better, but I never know when she is going to lash out at me, and my radar stays up. My recent counselor told me, that when I do visit and there is any upheaval, to just say goodbye & go right then & there.
    Sincerely, SMD

  12. By: Dana Posted: 3rd February 2012

    What this quote means to me: We need to let go of our “ideals” and trust that God is the one in control. We are a species of controllers. We think we know what our lives should look like. The truth is, we don’t know. I have come to realize that everything happens in God’s time and in God’s way. I do the work, I do the trusting, I do the loving, I do the giving…and in the end, God helps me on my path. We must relinquish contol – put our trust and faith in our Lord and Savior. I don’t think this quote is harmful. I think it says it all. (Jeremiah 17:7)

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 3rd February 2012

      Hi Dana
      Did you read what I wrote about the quote? Perhaps you could expand on “how” you do what you said is the answer. In my case you are telling me that the fact that I was abused was God’s will and that I should accept that? Do you think that I should have wished that my life was not filled with abuse and disrespect towards me? That the problem I had (past tense) was that I was not submitting my control to God and that is why He didn’t help me when I was being abused? I don’t think you understand the reason I disapgreed with the quote.
      Darlene

  13. By: Pinky Posted: 23rd December 2011

    J, Thank you! I just saw a show with Susan Summers on Dr. Oz she had breast cancer and had to go to Tokyo for effective treatment. I am glad God is with me! Thanks for your thoughts!

  14. By: J Posted: 23rd December 2011

    Hi Pinky,

    I meant to reply to this one ages ago but obviously didn’t make it back here (to this post I mean, not the site)

    Anyway I just wanted to share my feelings of shock at your description of the procedure — something’s just not right when the cure’s worse than the illness!!

    Very glad to hear you’re cancer free now! I hope your back is improving too.

    Take care!

    J

  15. By: Pinky Posted: 7th December 2011

    @Joy thanks for asking. I have been cancer free for 2 years not in remission but cancer free. But an interesting fact to know in case a loved one ever gets breast cancer is that during the initial stages of breast cancer women feel good if not great because they are on an estrogen high or estrogen over load. Once the cancer is removed the estrogen that caused it is removed and then there is a feeling of sickness sometimes or pain. But for me they injured my back. There is a barbaric procedure called a stereo tactic core biopsy. NO pain killers are allowed since you have to cooperate with the doctors. I had \5 of them. It is much worse than cancer itself and cancer surgery. I told my new surgeon if ever needed I will never have one again! She said okay. Anyway you put your boobies through a hole in a table laying on the table, a mammogram is under the table (the process can take 3 hours) some women have bled to death and some have gone psychotic on the table not from cancer but from the procedure cancer is nothing this is gruesome. Anyway the machine compresses your boobie they take pictures tell you dont breather and stuff. My cells were not in my breast tissue but in the cell wall. PLus my breasts are considered small size 34 B. THey couldn’t get a picture so they would push my back, if you jump your breast can rip off your body or you can bleed to death, since they couldn’t get pictures because of the location of the cells, and it took 3 hours a piece and I had 5 of them, the girls or women some over 300 pounds would sit on my back so they could get a picture. Plus I couldn’t breath. They were all about 300 pounds at least. I am about 125 pounds. So needless to say they injured my back. Doctors want to ignore it because they dont want me to sue them which I have no intention of, long story as you see but that is a part of my back injury.
    The law suit as far as going to court is over but they stalk me at home, on line everywhere. They are a fact of my life. Yes it is beyond horrible. I owe my attorney so much. It took so long for it to end as far as court goes. The judge went into hiding over the summer then came back and got reelected. Thanks for asking. I wish you well in court as well.

  16. By: J Posted: 6th December 2011

    Hi DisturbedAngel,

    I totally agree, it should NOT be too much to ask! Hope you can have some success with finding people who treat you as you deserve to be treated (not to mention treating yourself how you deserve – often also very hard I find)

    Hi Pinky,
    I’m glad at least you don’t have to go to court right now – that sort of ongoing abuse within legal system must be truly horrible. It sounds really positive that you feel more peaceful in your own rehabilitation.
    I’m really sorry to hear of all your health problems, and really hope that your back improves real soon. If you don’t mind me asking, did the surgery help with the cancer?

    Take care of yourself!

    Hi Joy,
    the broken record is back! 🙂 THinking of you and hope it’s all going ok. Sending you love and light and strength!

  17. By: Pinky Posted: 2nd December 2011

    @Joy, thanks so much. It got better for a while (its been going on since 2002) and basically they are a bunch of rich abusers who pay off judges. The judge went into hiding for a few months it made the news and everything then she came back and got reelected fro 14 years. As far as court goes because my elderly attorney stepped in right now I dont need to go to court. But they (a bunch of attorneys one judge) because they made the top judge who was good step down and a few extremely wealthy civilians including one of Forbes richest men are still stalking my every move. But the only choice for me is truth. Thanks for caring. ON a side note of legal abuse there was a news story that I have no connection to that the rape victim now has to pay her rapist back! http://www.insideedition.com/news/7287/woman-paying-spousal-support-to-husband-who-raped-her.aspx
    I do believe that full justice is not found on earth only on the other side of eternity. I agree the injustice system. Right now I have a serious back injury from a hospital from breast cancer surgery. I am not mad at them they wee trying to save my life. But if I was even inclined to sue I would not. The courts are fixed and all of the judges in NY know me or know of me. I would never get justice there so it is more peaceful for me to just do rehabilitation on my own. I wish you well in court!

  18. By: J Posted: 30th November 2011

    Hi Joy,

    There’s nothing for you to be sorry about in my view (even if you had been hiding from the site).

    I have days where it seems almost impossible to leave the house. I don’t think usually I’m even hiding from anything specific, maybe it’s just needing to “recharge my batteries” or something.

    Anyway still thinking of you – take care!

    Hi Pinky,

    that must have been terrible! I really like the quote you mentioned and what you said about getting “caught up” trying to be positive. In fact I think I’m going to put the quote in my “inspiring quotes” file. Thanks for sharing!

    I haven’t thought of the “justice” system (I sometimes think “injustice system” would be a better name) in the terms you use before (ie legal abuse) but I think it’s a very good description of what many people’s experience.

    I really hope things are less crazy for you now than what you described. I can’t imagine what it must be like to deal with that sort of s**t.

    J

  19. By: Pinky Posted: 30th November 2011

    @Joy I do not have time to come on as much and doing a lot of self care myself and I do not know your history as I dont come on often but I just read your last post and having been trough a never ending court case that made International news where I was called a whore they bribed the judge and on and on and on it would sound like science3 fiction if I explained it it was so bad that Dr. Phil taped my story followed me for 5 years and then didnt air the show because his legal team was afraid to get sued. I feel for you whatever your case is about. Mine was so crazy it wasnt about anything except covering up the truth. But most of the opposition we face is bottom line someone in denial covering up the truth. Joy I will pray for you and as a breast cancer survivor I can say for sure ,dont pressure yourself to be “positive” The truth isnt always positive and will cause others to oppose you but in the end it is healing and about expectations I dont believe in being a clone of anyone’s thinking about court or anything else. I have seen so many breast cancer survivors get caught up in trying to be “positive” Then they blame themselves and get depressed if they are not. Self care is very important at this time. Hugs and prayers! This is from a woman who runs the blog Overcoming Sexual abuse and I like it so much it is on my page on Fb.
    “I don’t judge my thoughts as positive or negative; I filter them as truth or lies.”-
    Christina Enevoldsen
    I wish you well in court! As a survivor of so many kinds of abuse I think legal abuse is by far the worse for me. xo

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