I Organized my World around Trauma and Abuse


psychological abuse

“Most people have been mistreated to one degree or another in their lives, but the experience of being mistreated alone does not cause someone to develop a victim’s outlook. It is only when a person is abused and then left to deal with it on their own that the victim mentality begins to form. The abused child begins to organize his/her world around the wound.” Mic Hunter author of “Abused Boys the Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse”

This is so true and it is such a good point. In my experience this is not about any one kind of abuse; this statement is true for all types of abuse. It is also important to understand that it does not matter how many times we experienced a trauma or traumatic event. If we did not have help to deal with it at the time, the consequences are deeper, greater and more difficult to live with. When we are children, we have no choice but or organize our world around the abuse.  We have to accept it somehow; there is no other option. When we can’t fathom the “why” did this happen we can easily sink into depression, develop behavior problems, physical illnesses, nightmares and all sorts of other manifestations result. When we can’t make sense of what happened or is happening we find other ways to cope.  

In my case, coping methods often caused new problems, and I developed coping methods to deal with coping methods, all because I thought they kept me safer; I had childhood depressions, I got physically ill, I withdrew, I made up stories to get attention. (which made it easy for everyone to say that I was the problem in the first place) I was too young to deal with the abuse myself and when my thinking started to derail, (as it is bound to do when we are coping with overwhelming burdens on our own) it just got worse.

Not being seen as an individual who had emotional needs, just by itself, is cause to develop coping methods. If not being heard, not having a voice or trying to have a voice and having no impact is devastating to an adult, how much more so devastating would it be to a child? It is no wonder that we develop coping methods. It is understandable that depression, eating disorders, ill health, stomach aches, nightmares, nervous habits and behavior problems develop.

I tell a story (Psychological abuse ~ How Self Doubt Grows) about how I was not protected from a psychologically abusive teacher when I was in grade five which clearly represents the progression of the struggle to be heard and protected. I had to deal with and process this psychological abuse on my own. I didn’t come up with TRUE conclusions. I sunk into a depression and got really sick. Because this situation was not dealt when it started, the teacher, the abuser, got away with it and her devaluing attitude and psychological abuse towards me got worse. I concluded that my only course of action was to ‘try harder’ to win her favor. 

Abusers enjoy watching their victims struggle to suck up to them. As a victim I thought it would work to bend myself into a pretzel for the controller or the person who was abusing me (this is true for physical abuse, sexual abuse and all psychological abuse) and as a victim I believed when it didn’t work that I just needed to try harder, work harder to find the right “key” the right way to prove that I was worthy of the abusers love.  Abusers become like a puppet master, enjoying the game of seeing just how far the victim will go to please the abuser. Just how much of the spirit of this victim can the abuser break? It is as though the abuser establishes their own value by how much control the victim gives them and how hard the victim tries to be what they want, but it never ends. It is never enough. These puppet masters always want more.

When I began the process of looking at the things that happened to me and how I processed them as a child, and then looked at how my belief system developed, I realized that in some ways it was the after effects that were the most damaging in the long term. So many of the beliefs that I adopted as the truth, were developed because no one helped me deal with anything. As children we cannot deal with any kind of abuse or devaluing behavior on our own with any kind of effectiveness. As adults we must remember that we were merely children and it was not our defect, nor are we to blame, that we could not overcome the traumatic event on our own.

Please contribute or share your feelings about this post.

Exposing Truth, one snapshot at a time;

Darlene Ouimet

31 response to "I Organized my World around Trauma and Abuse"

  1. By: Faine Posted: 26th May

    I have begun a video series to help fix my own broken and can relate to so many of these comments above… SIGh.

    If anyone else has any videos they have made could you share them with me? I would like to hear and see what others have survived.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 27th May

      Hi Faine
      Welcome to EFB. Thanks for sharing your video link.
      Hugs, Darlene

  2. By: Roshani Posted: 26th August

    Beloved Darlene! ” ARRANGING MY WORLD AROUND THE TRAUMA! ” …… It is such a truth!! This it is exactly what i had also to do , beleiving that this is LIFE!!! But now i am discovering slooly ….. slooly all the LIES that i had to undergo …..and now i realize that what i have lived up to now , it was not really living life fully ….it was not life at all …but has been just what i could do left by myself , with all my pain and suffering of the sexuale abuse!!! So i have builded my life on the blocks of lies …..and this can not last long ! Now in my life it is feels like after a Tsunami ….all the Old that i have tried to build with so much effort …all has been destroyed…all it has been taken away from exsistence …without that i could do anything …..and now i have to rebuild all my New Self…all my values …all my life , but with the blocks of the Truth! So now i have to arrange my world not around the Lies but around the Truth …..but it is overwelming me often …also because it is so painfullto discover that i had to build my life on lies and often also so much Anger comes up to me for this , anger towards the others, the collective that they impose this to us , but also anger against myself to have believed all these lies! So this is the point where i am now in my recovery path and for me sometimes it is so difficult to controll the expression of my anger in words and actions , the most addressed to the unfortunate person who is cloose to me in these desperate moments! And the most of the times this anger it is addressed to Innocents ,like my friend and therapist with whom i live! It is not absolutely what my Heart wishes to do …but all the repressed anger of my life , comes out of me like bullits! I feel very desperate with this meccanism that i would like to break …but i am not able to do ! Darlene…you can help me and give me some suggestion or exercise to stop that?Thank you so much to lissen to me! Love and light! Roshani

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 27th August

      Yes. Rebuilding is key. That is what I did and my life is 100% different and 1000% better!
      Hugs, Darlene

  3. By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 20th September

    Hi Kevin,
    Thanks for sharing your story here. My heart goes out to you, however all I can offer you is the community here and the other blog posts that I have written about how I overcame abuse, depression and my own low self esteem. I did a lot of things too I felt really bad about, but those things were part of the whole web that I was tangled in. I had the help of a thrapist to sort all of this out.
    I believe that you and your wife can move past this and be happy again, absolutly and that it is never too late to untangle the past.
    Hugs, Darlene

  4. By: Kevin Posted: 20th September

    I was psychologically abused by my parents. When I was younger I was always told it was okay to lie to make yourself look better or to keep from hurting others. Anyways, my mind-set has changed since I have been married but the effects of what they did to me has affected my life and marriage in a way I hate. When I met my wife I told her I was a virgin; however, I had had sex one time before. It was with a girl who was also very manipulative, just like my parents, and she convinced me having sex with her would show I cared for her and was there for her. I was extremely hesitant to begin with but I stopped the incident after 30 seconds because I felt horrible, and have tried to bury the memory of it. After 4 years of marriage and 5 years of being with my wife, I finally came clean of this experience because it would eat at me everyday. Now I know my wife cannot trust me and I do not even know if I can trust myself. I have been dishonest about other events in my past because I was ashamed of my childhood and felt I needed to make myself look better than I am, but none to this extreme. I know lying is wrong but I feel the abuse my parents, and past acquaintance had on me, has kept me entangled in this web of lies. I do not want to lie to my wife, and my admittance of this has made us both extremely sad, angry, embarrassed, and disappointed…how do I move past this? Can my wife and I move past this and be happy again? Please help because I do not know what to do.

  5. By: IAmEchad Twitter Posted: 14th August

    I was on a radio show today that addressed these same issues. As soon as it’s posted online, I’ll let you know. I learned a lot and things I knew were reaffirmed. I believe it’s something that many here would benefit.

  6. By: Amaryllis Posted: 13th August

    Shanyn ~

    I just read your post and could so relate. I had to exclude my mother from my life ten years ago – hardest decision of my life by the way – but I knew I had to, to protect not only myself and my sanity, but my three kids as well.

    I am sure you will find a lot of what we experienced to be SO MUCH THE SAME! If you want, you can read it on my blog. My heart goes out to you as I can honestly say, ‘I know how you feel!’

    My blog is http://amaryllisbliss.wordpress.com

  7. By: vikki hamann Posted: 13th August

    The abuse I went through as a child left impressions in my mind that were so ingrained and left me in such a state of terror and trauma that I had to establish a fantasy world that I could escape to. The family I came from was extremely violent physically, and the verbal attacks happened on a daily basis. There were several men who sexually abused me on a regular basis. My mother had many male friends visit when my father was at work she was also an alcoholic and these men supplied her with alcohol. I am surprised that prostitition was not a choice as I was certainly programmed for that profession. I have found it very difficult to have a healthy relationship with males as I was a caretaker in the bedroom and always felt like a hore even when I was married. It took years to reprogramme my mind and free myself of the false reality I had set up in order to just survive. I needed the fantasy life my mind had establish to stop myself from totally insanity and death.
    My addictions were a blessing, without them I would have died in my teen years for sure. Thank God for the pain that lead to recovery. When the pain became greater than the fear, only then was able I to recovery. The death of my daughter Robyn, was the begining of the painful journey back to life for me. Robyn was the gift from God that brought me back to life everlasting love my precious daughter xxx

  8. By: Corie Posted: 13th August

    It was not easy but I was so tired of the anger and hatred that I lived with everyday. I also knew that I had to move on and stop trying to have a relationship with people that didn’t accept me for who I am. I couldn’t have a relationship with anyone who would hurt me or my child. So in forgiving I was able to move on with my life and not feel guilty for not wanting to be around the people who supported my abuser. So I guess in a way….Forgiveness was a way for me to separate myself from them. I was able to let go of guilt that was not mine to carry, even though I didn’t know that at the time. My family was very good at guilting me into sticking around and I hated it.
    I had alot of issues with my belief in God at this particular time in my life especially when it came to why? Then after alot of soul searching, after beating my head against the wall, after not being able to live my life…I knew that I needed to change something. So that is where I started. It has been a long hard road and I still have a long way to go. But it was definitly a good start. I had tried to fix things in my life and then forgive but then he would abuse me more so that didn’t work. So I forgave him first, let go, said goodbye, and never let him hurt me or my child again. I felt like once I did that I could be me!
    I hope that helps.
    Thanks for giving me a place to tell my story!
    Love to all

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 13th August

      Thank you! You have a wonderful story and I feel blessed by your sharing it! I can relate to having to combat feelings of guilt. That held me back for so long! I was so sure that everyone else was right and I was wrong. I have never heard forgivenss expressed quite like this, but I love it! you wrote “Forgiveness was a way for me to separate myself from them.” I never looked at it that way before. Thanks so much for coming back and expanding on your first comment!
      Hugs, Darlene

  9. By: Shanyn Posted: 13th August

    “as a victim I believed when it didn’t work that I just needed to try harder, work harder to find the right “key” the right way”

    Oh this was me, and sometimes I fall into this – too easily, too hard and too deep. I tried everything to be ‘better enough’ for them to stop hurting and start loving, to stop judging and start accepting.

    Sadly, the past few weeks have shown me that there are times when you just have to understand where you fit in the hierarchy of some people’s lives, and that you can move away from that and stop giving them the power to hurt you.

    It was a hard thing to realize – I would never be able to change enough, bleed, cry or die enough to be ‘enough’ for them. I can only be me – and move ME away from THEM so that their scales and measures don’t infect the other people I love. Including my son, whom I protect from them and I wonder if they even know why?

    I escaped to books, music and my self – sometimes so far and deeply away that I had to feel pain (self inflicted) to come back and live again. I was once told if I was a calf I’d have been bashed on the head because I was useless…that and so many other judgement stuck for years and years and made me think I had to be and do more, to try harder to achieve the impossible for the goal of the unattainable and give them what they want by failing.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 13th August

      Your comments today brought tears to my eyes. I winced when you said that you had once been told that had you been a calf you would have been bashed on the head.. oh God.. and we beleive them. We believe that we are who and what they (adults) say we are. It defines us and becomes our definition of ourselves. I can hear the hurt, the pain in your realizations that you have to move away from the people that have casued you this pain. It isn’t easy to give up the hope that they will finally see you for who you are.. finally affirm your value. I know.
      Thank you for your beautiful touching honest share today. You have shared your pain and the painful truth, and thank you for concluding that you are enough, that you do not deserve the labels that they have placed on you.
      Love, Darlene

  10. By: Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker Posted: 13th August

    Darlene, you bought up some feelings and thoughts for me on sleeping. I understand that those who are depressed feel the need to sleep a lot. My sister does this even though she is on medication for depression. I don’t see them working for her but that is her decision to make, not mine.

    Sleep has never felt safe for me. Even today, after all my years of working on myself and my incest issues, I have trouble going to sleep a lot of nights. I have this belief from childhood that the nighttime is not safe. I guess that comes from too many nights of being awakened from a light sleep and being motioned by my dad to follow him to another part of the house to be raped again.

    Someone had to tell me that what he did to me was rape. Since it wasn’t violent, I didn’t see it as rape. I guess what makes it rape is that it was against my will. The many times I tried saying no, it didn’t matter. I was ignored. My wants and needs as a child were both ignored.

    Nightmares, which I don’t have often anymore, are another reason that nighttime and sleeping didn’t feel safe. Many nights I will still be awake waiting on the dawn to appear so that I can go to sleep and feel safe.

  11. By: Diane Posted: 13th August

    I agree with Nicki, I believe God is the only reason I survived my abusive father. I too fantasized and dissociated from the event as I was being raped. I’d stare at the ceiling, and count spots, if in a building. I remember reading magazines while being raped too, if they were available, just to block out the pain, and the humiliation. As an adult, many years past the abuse, I still cope by controlling what’s around me to the best of my ability. I don’t trust ANYONE. That has become MY coping mechanism. Faulty, I’m sure, but it seems to be the only way I CAN deal with people. If I HAVE to, I CAN be around people; but I prefer NOT to be. I agree completely, if the trauma is NOT dealt with, it just worsens, and spreads throughout every area of your life, like an untreated cancer that metastasizes. I also experienced the emotional abuse that often goes along with the sexual; to intimidate so the victim won’t feel good enough about themselves to speak up. That leaves a scar of unworthiness that prohibits the victim from having the nerve to seek out help, to even trust a therapist. As Corie mentions, I believe forgiveness is a necessity for our OWN sakes. Like you say, forgiving takes a weight off but it’s not the same as forgetting. That will NEVER happen. And, Corie, I understand the staying away from your family. My family didn’t support me either. In fact, my mother insisted I allow my abuser to visit my children, along with her, or she wouldn’t visit either. She died last year, my children are 16-26. She never saw the 16, 20, or 22 year olds at all, and only saw my 23 and 26 year old twins once. She never changed her mind, nor did my abuser, my father, insist she include us in her life without him. I feel for the lack of your mother, etc. And I never heard any validation from my father that he was in the wrong, or that he was sorry. That leaves its scars as well. I don’t feel as though freedom is always attainable; I think sometimes, some of us, just have to learn to push it back, out of the way, in favor of more positive thoughts. Thanks for the place to vent!

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 13th August

      Thank you for sharing your difficult journey. So many others that are reading in silence, will be empowered by realizing that they are not alone. That this horror happened to others too. You mention so many things in this comment. The way that you dealt, the controling what is around you.. all of that is so much of what so many of us learn to do to cope. I am sorry that your parents never validated you. I know how that feels, my mother also walked away from me when I stood up to her, but I understand today that she rejected the truth. It is so much more her loss then it is mine. It really does leave a mark though. I really hope that you don’t lose hope for freedom. I had lost hope but now I know that it is possible to find it. Great to have you here. Please keep sharing with us.
      Love Darlene

  12. By: Nikki Posted: 13th August

    I created many coping methods but not just for the abuse, but I had some family tragedy as well there was at one point as a child that I experienced true starvation (so much so that my kid brother looked like the poster child for feed the children) one of my coping methods was that I built within my own mind a fantasy world, where I was accepted, where I could accomplish wonderful things without failure and in my fantasy world I was loved for who I am…

    And to be honest the abuse that happen to me wasn’t just with my dad but there were many others. I refused to let the hurt show, I became passive and really didn’t think I was worth fighting for. So i built a wonderful fantasy world within myself one in which i felt real and special and one were my voice was heard… so yea that was the way I coped with everything until I got older and then I started self-medicating …

    this year I have been free of the addiction of self-medicating for 8 years. I don’t depend on drugs or alcohol any longer. I am now learning the wonderful truth and accepting me for me … I use to have that backwards I use to think that others had to accept me before I could accept me.. this isn’t true though.. it matters not who accepts me or not as long as I can accept me then I am free!

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 13th August

      Your last line is the biggest key truth for me! “It matters not who accetps me or not, as long as I can accept me then I am free”. The goal for me (not that I realize it at the time) was to take my value back from those that had defined me since little. Every day now I gaurd against going back to someone else’s definition of me. Realizing and setting straight the lie that I wasn’t worth fighting for, was very key in the process of getting my life back.

      Thanks so much for your comments.
      Love Darlene

  13. By: Corie Posted: 13th August

    I Love all of comments and posts that I read on EFB and FB. I am seeing others put into word what I never could. I wanted to post a lifechanging thing that helped me after 23 years of abuse. My hope is that by posting this comment, in some small way, it will help others, even if minimally. It may seem to be the hardest of all things to do and it was but it was the most rewarding and helped me move on with my life. I heard a saying that stuck with me, I didn’t believe it at first and thought that I could never do it…..”You have to forgive the person who abused you….Do not forgive them for them…Forgive them for you…When you don’t forgive them, they keep control and power over you….When you forgive them for you..You get the power and control back…They can no longer hold power over you….When you don’t forgive them for you, your anger has a hold on you and prevents you from moving on….”
    My abuser was in the courtroom, pleading guilty to abusing my son, when I said this exact statement to him and after 23 years I took my life back. I no longer hid from him, no longer tried to do anything to make him accept me. It was a start. It didn’t make it all go away and I still have no contact with anyone that is related to my abuser including my mother, sister, or grandmother. They didn’t support me. That is another issue that I am trying to deal with….
    Don’t misunderstand I may have forgiven him, but I did that for my Peace, for ME! I do not nor will I ever forget what he did to me or my son! But it was a start to the healing process.
    I hope this helps others and you have all helped me!!!
    Love and Blessings,

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 13th August

      Hi Carol!
      You reminded me of something else that I found out on the journey when you shared about your curtains and having to peg them shut. I used sleeping and hiding under the covers in very destructive ways for many years and all of my extreme depressions involved way too much sleep. When I was in the long process of recovery I used to try not to crawl into bed when things got overwhelming. But then one day I just thought, well sleeping or napping isn’t the worst coping method in the world… (neither is reading or pegging curtains shut) so I gave myself permission to go to bed when things were too tough to deal with. Once I gave myself permission, the need to do it got less and less. Eventually, I would crawl into bed in the afternoon, but I would not sleep~ Instead I just took comfort there. I thought about feeling safe there. I never crawl into bed like that anymore, but I would if I needed to. Some of these coping methods are comforting, like a good book or movie, and don’t have to be destructive. The permission thing was really the key for me. Giving myself permission to do something that made me feel safer as long as it was not self harming ~ which is a whole other post!
      Thanks for commenting! So great to have you here!
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Corie, great to see you here.
      Thanks so much for your comment and for sharing the beginning of the healing process that impacted your life. Can you tell us “how” you were able to accomplish this forgiveness? I think that is where I got stuck when I tried to forgive. (As many of my readers know, forgiveness for me came after I took my own life back. It was the end result rather then one of the keys to healing, but I KNOW this is not true for all of us. For many of us it began when we were able to forgive but I would LOVE it if you could expand on this a bit. )
      Thanks for sharing a part of your powerful story. Sounds like the forgiveness set you free from a very long and difficult road. It is so great to have your contribution here today!
      Hugs, Darlene

  14. By: carol Posted: 13th August

    when i was 14, i think, i used to peg my bedroom curtains shut, did it for about 6months before i had this idea that it wasnt normal n i shouldnt be doing it. it took me about another 6 months to get down to one peg, but icouldnt let that last one go for about a year and to this day hate having a gap in my cutrains that the outside can see into the room. mmm i have many coping stratagies, sleeping being the one i used the most as a teenager. books also gave me a way out when stuck in my bed from fri t-time to school monday as punishment. it stopped reading for a while buthave recently brought myself some books, brand new ones and refused to feel guilty for spending some money on what i liked to do. huge step forward or what? thanks to darlene n christina for your bekeif in yourselve so we can learn from you and others like us how to overcome the hrudles that face us all on the road to recovery of ourselves

  15. By: Diane Viere Posted: 13th August

    “When I began the process of looking at the things that happened to me and how I processed them as a child, and then looked at how my belief system developed, I realized that in some ways it was the after effects that were the most damaging in the long term.”

    Seems impossible to believe–doesn’t it. But you have brilliantly hit the nail on the head (again!)

    We are lured into believing that our newly developed coping mechanisms are good because they work. Yes, even unhealthy coping mechanisms work. And yet, while they may be a temporary fix…when they cause us additional harm…they must be discarded…crushed and tossed aside! They are poison!

    The real sadness is if we don’t understand this, WE become our own enemy.

    IMPORTANT, IMPORTANT, IMPORTANT observation Darlene!

  16. By: Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker Posted: 13th August

    I hide from the abuse and its effects upon me as a child by escaping into books and TV. I learned to shut out the noise and chaos of my day to day life as a child by getting lost in the words of books. I loved to read. I still do today. I could get lost in a movie on TV for an hour or two and forget what my life was really like. I loved school because it removed me for a few hours each day from the presence of my abuser. School was a safe place for me. For a few hours each day, I could excel at something. I worked hard at being the teacher’s pet so that I had some attention that was positive even though in some ways, I still hid my real self deep inside because there was always the possibility that I still wasn’t good enough.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 13th August

      Hi Patricia,
      Isn’t it amazing how many things we used to hide in! I escaped into books too. (and sometimes today I still do that, but it isn’t a negative thing anymore like it used to be) I guess the big thing for me was to realize why I needed so many escapes. I sought help for the escape addiction that I had, but I stayed away from revealing too much about what I was really escaping from. I thought that I was running from me, but really I was running from the definitions that others had put on me. I had to find the real me under all that. I am so glad you are one of my friends on this journey.
      Love Darlene

      Hi Diane
      Welcome to EFB and I am SO glad that you stopped by and left your insightful comment today! You have spoken such deep truth here with your comment. (I am stunned at the depth in the comments on this post actually, wow) And it is not just the coping mechanisms that become problems. Getting rid of the coping mechanisms isn’t the answer unless we right the wrong truth that caused us to run to a coping mechanism in the first place! PHEW what a process, but there is freedom at the other end and that makes it so worth it.
      Freedom Rocks! Darlene

  17. By: Paulette Posted: 12th August

    Having only endured emotional and verbal abuse to the extreme, I remember just withdrawing and as a teen and I remember starting to exhibit obsessive compulsive tendencies which was noticed by one of my sister’s friends. Because I was afraid of being labeled a ‘freak,’ I stopped. It took awhile to stop though as I remember how doing something like moving my foot from one side of my slipper to the other side 4 times before putting my foot in made me feel like I was in control. It gave me a sense of power – as though I could control my actions. I did this with door locks and light switches as well. I think it also gave me security. It made me feel ‘in control’ of my life which was really not under my control at all. When I stopped doing that – I started withdrawing – it was easier to live in my private world that no one else knew but me. I remember feeling safe there. As I got older and life got busier it became harder and harder to live there … so then I tried to get into the lives of others – but even then I was (and still am) very cautious. Not having that ‘secret place’ to withdraw to just brought out other stuff in my life which eventually led me to that place where I had to deal with what was peering out from ‘under the rug.’ I still long for the security I never really had … and am praying that God will restore to me the security I need which I know has to come from Him.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 13th August

      Hi Christina!
      I love how you put this ~ “we are left to build with lies”. Well actually I love the whole thing.. it is so insightful and so true! ” The lies just never hold” and I think that is why eventually we fall apart.. in my case I just could not keep rebuilding with faulty material anymore. I had to clear out that rubble and build with the truth.
      Thanks for this wonderful comment!
      Love Darlene

      You have also shared amazing insight in your comment! I can totally relate to all of this. I tried coping methods that didn’t work, and then traded them for another coping method too. All of them lead me to withdrawing too! And then I tried to be other people.. (well I adopted several personalities with my dissociative identity disorder) but even then I wanted to be “other people” mistakenly comparing their outsides to my insides. My security eventually came from all these discoveries. From continually seeking to be who I am, to know the truth about WHY I used and needed so many coping methods in the first place. And because of that, I know that God has answered my prayers.
      Love Darlene

  18. By: Christina Enevoldsen Posted: 12th August


    I’ve heard that phrase before “arranging my world around trauma” but I never understood it very clearly until reading this blog. It makes sense now. We are meant to construct our lives with ‘truth blocks’. The truth gives us a solid foundation so we can live life without questioning our value or identity. But the abuse gave us false messages that destroyed the truth and with no one to help us restore those blocks of truth, we are left to build with lies. But the lies aren’t solid material so our house-self keeps falling down, leaving us to scramble to rebuild with the rubble of lies. The lies just never hold, so we are trapped as a slave of the rebuilding process, never able to live freely until we discover the blocks of truth.

    I’m so glad to be on the journey, collecting my truth blocks and reconstructing myself!


  19. By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 12th August

    Hi Nicole,
    Yes.. fantasy is another coping method. I got stuck in my fantasy world for many years before it ceased to help me anymore. We have so many coping methods ~ the human mind is amazing. Without our coping methods we would not have survived, so I am grateful for them, all of them, and I had many. Today I am grateful to be eliminating them! Life is so much better now that I am facing everything in truth, the way that it really was, the way that it really happened. I am thriving instead of coping.
    Thank so much for your comment!
    Hugs, Darlene

  20. By: Nicole Posted: 12th August

    Coping…hmmmm I suppose I can relate to that. One way I coped was inventing a fantasy world that I would drift to when I was being raped or shortly after the rape. In this world everything was the way it should be and I was treated as a human being instead of an object. I also coped by hurting my dolls or disassociating. The pain was too unbearable to deal with alone so a lot of times I denied it even happened which caused me to go into a deep depression because I knew it wasn’t true. I knew I was being abuse but because no one else cared so I tried to block it out as well. I tried to please my abusers all of the time trying to get on their good side thinking if i did they wouldnt hurt me. Sometimes this worked but most of the time it didnt. It wasnt until I hit my late 20’s that I got the help I needed. The attention I needed. The love I needed. I still seek a better support system but I am doing a lot better than I was. I squeaked by life using humor or violence…humor to keep people from seeing my pain and violence and aggressiveness to keep others at a distance. How one is able to deal with abuse as a child is nothing more than a complete miracle. God helps children who are hurt to overcome and survive. Yes those of us who were abused are so strong to endure that all alone but I question if we were really alone completely? Some dont believe in God and that is their choice but I do and although I felt alone and felt I had to deal with everything on my own, I didnt.

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