Being in the moment… facing the fear… not letting others define me… standing up for myself. These are doors to freedom on my path of wholeness. It’s Christmas and I’ve been buying gifts, receiving gifts. Giving and receiving… A couple of weeks ago I was playing piano at the ballet studio I accompany at and they were making up a dance to the song “Little Drummer Boy” (performed by Josh Groban). I was brought to tears, which surprised me. But the beauty of the music and the story in the lyrics triggered some deep emotions.
In the middle of the song, the little drummer boy decides to present himself exactly as he is. He plays his drum and gives all that he has to offer in that moment. All he has to offer… Whether or not it was a virtuosic performance or a stumbling attempt at rhythm, it was his best at that point in time. Somehow he wisely knew that giving his best in that moment was a better gift than waiting to give something more refined or perfected in the future…
Having developed some strong perfectionist tendencies, I find great encouragement in realizing that what I have to offer (particularly in my relationships) in this moment is all that I have, and it is the best that I have. And it is enough. One of the biggest lies that I lived in was the lie that what I have to give is not enough. Still at times, fear tempts me to look into the past at my mistakes or to peer into the future for some kind of idealized “me”. But as I go along this journey, I see that it is impossible to move forward with this belief. Taking the next step, and the next and the next, involves a continuous giving of exactly who I am right now. My best right now, IS enough to give. And it is complete in the point of time it is given.
As the moments pass, my best will change. I will try, and succeed or fail, and keep trying, keep learning, keep stepping, keep giving. And as I do this (put “feet” on giving my best), my best will become more seasoned and rich. But this will be because of my own deep growth- not because I’ve decided to TRY harder. This Christmas, as I interact with friends and family, I will give my best. With the knowledge that it is good enough, I will give it joyfully.