If you have not already downloaded my complimentary Guide to Getting Unstuck on the Journey to Emotional Healing, please grab a copy of it now! There is a box in the right hand side bar here>>> just fill in your first name (or any name you wish to use) and your primary email address and you will be sent the download link. In this 9 page mini booklet I answer some of the most popular questions that I get here on the Emerging from Broken blog, privately through the contact form and on the Emerging from Broken Facebook Page.
Welcome to the discussion page for the Guide to Getting Unstuck on the Journey to Emotional Healing.
As you may notice when you read the guide, there is a common thread expressed through the most popular questions that I get asked. Behind the questions is the belief that the people who have been authority in our lives are ‘right’. That if the people that have authority in our lives say in words or with actions such as disregard or disrespect, that we don’t deserve better or that we are not worthy, then for some reason their opinion is not questioned as much as it is ‘accepted’.
This is because for most of us it was communicated to us from a very young age that ‘they’ know best and that ‘they’ are right and that ‘they’ are not to be questioned. This belief is linked to the belief that ‘without them’ we may not survive. As an adult I had to work very hard at realizing that I COULD survive; through facing the origins of my belief system and how it was formed I was able to see my own strength; I was able to take my life back and learn to love myself and take care of myself. I learned this by seeing the truth about why I believed that I was ‘less important’ and why I ‘accepted’ that my needs were less valid than the needs of others. Seeing the roots of why I believed this about myself enabled me to see that it was a lie and that I was just as worthy and valid as everyone else on this planet!
People in authority are not always right just because they are in authority. I had not considered that truth when I was a child and growing up because of my dependence on those people. Going against the adults and caregivers in my life threatened my survival and therefore my life. That was true then. Seeing that it was no longer true was a huge part of how I was able to take my life back and overcome the manifestations of trauma, abuse and neglect. (When I refer to the manifestations I am referring to the resulting struggles such as depressions, post-traumatic stress disorder, dissociative identity disorder, anxiety, eating disorders, low self-esteem and a few other common issues.)
There is another common belief expressed behind these questions; it leaks out through the questions how many of us had never been taught that we have the right to have boundaries and how habitual it is to accept that our feelings are not valid. I was taught that I ‘had’ to accept things the way they were. The funky part of that teaching is that many of the things I learned to accept were truly unacceptable but they were so normalized that I didn’t know they were wrong; in some cases the treatment was even illegal. I had to learn right from wrong when it came to the ways I was being treated and I had to learn about having healthy boundaries.
These basic rights issues come up over and over again and part of healing and taking my life back was about realizing that I had a right to be happy, I could actually think for myself with my own brain, I could say no and although it took a while for me to stop feeling like a horrible person for saying no, once I really validated that I have rights and choices and found out why I thought I didn’t have that right, it got much easier. I don’t live under obligation anymore. I live in truth.
I finally realized that I did not need to be validated by the very people who invalidated me in order to be okay. I learned how to move past those old stick points and validate myself by seeing the truth about what happened to me and how I LEARNED to see myself.
I am creating this page for the purpose of discussion about the Guide to Getting Unstuck on the Healing Journey. Please feel free to add your comments, express your feelings and discuss the questions that are covered in the Guide here. Remember that you may use any name you wish to use on this site and that only the name you post in the comment form will appear and be seen by others. Your email address is private. The URL box is optional for people who have a website of their own and would like to be identified with their own site. If you don’t have a website please leave the box blank. I look forward to reading the comments in this discussion!
Exposing Truth, one snapshot at a time;
The e-book mentioned in this guide has been published! If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you, this 197 page, downloadable, printable, live linked e-book will put you on the fast track to busting out of the fog and to healing. Get yours here through the upper right side bar or click this link~ Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing