It all depends on the foundation. For so long I worked high up in the rafters, trying to fix this, trying to fix that. Looking out the windows… obsessed with looking out the windows at expressions, reactions, actions, small gestures. Painfully anguishing about getting the details of living life right. Had to get it right, had to get it right…
I hired an inspector. “What is wrong with my house?” I asked him. “It isn’t working. The top is swaying back and forth it’s so heavy, everything in the middle is creaking and groaning. I’m in a constant state of motion sickness!”
He did some in-depth analyzing and said, “It’s your foundations, friend. They’re built with the wrong kind of stuff. You believe you have to act ‘right’ in order to be right. You believe most everything about you, the real you, is wrong. A foundation like that won’t work for you. It’s no wonder everything from the ground up is trying so desperately to tear away.”
He showed me what a good foundation looks like. “In the context of building material, let’s consider one of the most famous carpenters in history, Jesus. He defined himself by saying, ‘I am.’ Not ‘I do’, but simply ‘I am.’ It was the same ‘I am’ kind of stuff that God looked at on the 6th day and described as ‘GOOD.’ Your identity is made of the same stuff. You are. And the stuff of you is just as good as the stuff of anyone else. Forget about perfect in this lifetime, but know that it’s good.”
So I took my foundations to task. I stopped focusing on upstairs and started digging, started putting this truth into place here, this truth into place here. For quite some time, I looked like a big hole. But that was okay. Tall buildings need deep foundations. When I wanted to despair at my lack of “visible” progress, I just reminded myself of that again and again.
They’re really coming together. They will require maintenance work forever, but I’m fine with that. I have this feeling of peace that comes more and more frequently. My house is settling into these new foundations, like a pair of really great shoes with stellar support. Ahhhhh…. NOW I can move around! Now the motion sickness is passing. Now my windows let light in and my doors open and close in healthier exchange. And now I can work on my “heights” with clarity, excitement and true purpose.
There is freedom in the foundations.