Emerging from Broken ~ The Greatest Adventure is Healing



Healing from child abuse

freedom ~ my grown son T.

I was not always who I am today. I was not strong. I was not independent. I was not an individual. I was not often happy. I was not a voice in the darkness and although I always had a desire to advocate for others, I was not effective.

I had to become effective in my own life before I was effective in the lives of others.

I was a victim. Some would rather I say that I was a survivor but in truth when I started this process I was still a victim. I was still a victim because I was still oppressed. I was still under the law of other people. I was still compliant and obedient. I was still defined by those other people and my true identity was suppressed.

I was lost, withdrawn and depressed. I was owned by many and disrespected by most.  I had three kids and when my oldest, who was 12 at the time started to treat me like I was ‘crazy’ and started using my depression as proof that I was crazy ~  just like his father (my husband) did, I knew that I had reached the end of what I could cope with. I was giving up on the fight for my life. The only decision that I had to make was how I was going to end it. I had to decide if I was going to escape, or if I was going to fight to find the solution one last time.

At first I had decided to leave my family. I thought that my husband and my three kids would be better off without me because I believed that I was the problem. I believed it deep down in my heart and soul because that was the message that I had always been given, all of my life and I never thought not to accept that message anymore.  The truth had been distorted for me since the beginning. I didn’t even question the truth as I knew it.  I believed the problem was “me” and I really believed that if I left my family, their lives would be so much easier; so much better.  I decided out of love for them that I should quietly go. But something nagged at me and today I know it was a glimmer of “the truth”.  It was NOT best for anyone if I were to just go.

I realized that for a very long time I learned to do what others wanted because I had been so totally convinced that what they wanted for me was ‘right’ because I had been so manipulated all my life. This was part of taking my life back from my oppressors. I started to look at what might be right for me. I started to think about what I might want and what was ‘best’ for me. I learned that most times “best” is best for everyone and not just best for me; it always comes down to the motive. What had happened to me most of my life was never best for me; it was just what someone else selfishly wanted.

As I started to look at HOW I had come to believe that the problem was me, I began to realize that I had been controlled and manipulated all my life by people who asked me to “try harder”. Trying harder was a default mode for me. As long as I believed I was the one that had to “try harder” I accepted that success in relationship and whether or not I was loved was all up to me.   

I write about “Emerging from Broken” from real experience. I lived functioning at a fraction of the level that I function at today. I survived living under the oppression and suppression of others. I survived by believing that if I did what “they” want and if I am who “they” want me to be, I would be loved. I was so brainwashed in victim mentality (that if I did what they wanted they would love me) that I could not see a solution other than leaving the world that I lived in.

I found a way to leave the world that I lived in by facing the damage that had been caused to me. I didn’t have to “go” anywhere. I literally stepped out of it by seeing how dysfunctional and harmful that it had been and still was.  I learned to validate my pain and declare that I had a right to my feelings, I had a right to my voice, I had been wronged and it WAS NOT my fault.   I finally owned my truth and discarded the lies that I had been encouraged to believe my entire life by realizing exactly what those lies were and how those lies were all designed by others who wanted to keep and maintain control over me. I learned to take care of myself emotionally.  I learned to love myself. And through all of this, I found myself. I found the original me and I embraced myself. I welcomed myself into a whole new world and a whole new existence.

I stayed with my husband and my children and we rebuilt our lives. I took the lead even though it was a fight for the first two years. No one in our home wanted anything to change but I wanted healing and I was willing to risk everything in order to obtain it. In my victim mentality I had actually taught my husband and kids to disregard my needs and even my opinions by disregarding them myself. They didn’t trust that I could model “emotional health”.

My husband had to do his own healing work and he did; I finally embraced the truth that it takes two to have a relationship and I was finally able to communicate that to him. I was no longer willing to carry the burden of relationship all by myself. We repaired the damage that had been done to us all of our lives and that we had in turn passed on by accepting and living in those false definitions of love. When our individual healing work was underway, we worked really hard to repair the damage and dysfunction in our marriage relationship and then in the relationships that we had with our three children.

Years have passed since I made the decision to face the pain and take my life back from the people who stole it from me. I live, really live each day now. Our three children have flourished living in the truth and without the oppression of the lies that we all used to live buried under.

Welcome to Emerging from Broken; the greatest and most rewarding adventure of my life. I look forward to meeting you on the journey from surviving to thriving.  

This article has been an emotional one for me to write. Tears sprang to my eyes several times; my determination to face the pain, acknowledge the damage, heal and take my life back surprised even me. I did not know that I had this amount of strength and persistence when I started this journey but today that is how I know that you can do it too.

As always, please share your thoughts.

There is freedom on the other side of broken,

Darlene Ouimet

And now you can read all about the foundation of the healing process all in one place! ~ The Emerging from Broken bookThe Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing” is ready for download! If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you, get this book today! This 197 page, downloadable, printable, live linked e-book will put you on the fast track to healing.  Get yours here through the upper right side bar or click this link~ Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing

Categories : Freedom & Wholeness



In my present class..the present chapter is talking about the effects of parenting styles on children . According to the book, there are four different types and the results are positive or negative depending on the parenting style used in your home.

The four types of parenting authoritative, authoritarian, permissive and uninvolved ( Berns, 2006, p.152).

I thought if you don’t mind ..I would share since..it shows so much. what is being talked about here. CHildren really are products of the environment in which they are rasied:


The authoritarian parenting style is marked by these characteristics: expects strict self-control; behavior of the child is measured against absolute standards; obedience and respect for authority and tradition are enforced. A child brought up in this type of environment is likely to be: discontent, withdrawn, fearful, distrustful and aimless (Berns, 2006, p.153).


In the permissive parenting style there is no control, no demands. The child is allowed to act on impulse and whim. Permission from the child is asked on certain policies. The child of such a parenting style may be: impulsive and aggressive; lacking self-control; find it hard to act independently; and lack explorative skills (Berns, 2006, p.153).


The uninvolved parenting style shows no control or demands of the child. There is an indifference shown regarding how a child acts or speaks. A child from such a parenting style may have low self-esteem. He/she may also have attachment and emotional problems. The child may exercise very little self-control and have poor social and cognitive skills ( Berns, 2006, p. 153).

What do you think of what we are learning about the effects parenting has on children.. I know the classes along with my therapy are producing alot of aha moments for me.

BTW 7 more classes to go and I have my BA in psychology and then its on to the Masters 🙂 yaya..

I owe alot to Darlene and her good blog too..it’s really a very therapeutic tool ..Thank you thank you .

Love and prayers.



I have become so use to being the victim too.. I thought I was stuck.. I thought .. there is no way out.. IT’s my lot in life.. But.. it’s not where i have to stay unless i choose to.. Diagnosis, labels and stereotypes have no room in my book.

Thanks so much Darlene:


forgot one the most important one for parenting types: LOL below :



For the authoritative parent the characteristics that are shown are: controlling but flexible; demanding but rational; warm; receptive to ideas a child may have; values discipline, independence and individuality. A child brought up by such a parenting style may be independent and self-controlled; content; imaginative; and cooperative (Berns, 2006, p.153).


after just coming back from my first grief counseling session. I am inspired by what you have reviled about your life,and am encouraged by it…maybe a light at the end of the tunnel


Hi Joy
Thanks for sharing the parenting models you studied. They seem typical enough don’t they?
Congrats on your schooling!
Hugs! Darlene

Hi Kelly
Yes. (in my opinion) there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
Hugs, Darlene


Darlene,I’m glad you were able to find it in yourself to fight for yourself. You’re such a strong woman that it is really hard for me to picture you so beat down. I’ve been there and there are days when I think I’m nearly done with this process only, to find a new layer of damage to undo. Because of you, I keep going. Thank you for sharing your life with me and all the others who read your work.Love you, Pam.


I swear you literally have been writing my life’s story… I can not even tell you how closely our live parelle
Thank you for being You! You really are shining the light of truth on the wounds that hold us captive.


This sums up my journey for the past 8 months. When I found myself in the ER with a panic attack, it was the aha moment of change for me. I had some more panic attacks but I was working my way through. My whole life was deny deny deny. It happened move on. I finally admitted to myself I was emotionally abused. I finally admitted I was born and raised in a doomsday cult. I am finally getting to the root of so much shame and anger and fear and depression that has ruled my life.
Thank you for this website. So much of what you have written resonates with my soul. It is ALL so healing!

I found a way to leave the world that I lived in by facing the damage that had been caused to me. I didn’t have to “go” anywhere. I literally stepped out of it by seeing how dysfunctional and harmful that it had been and still was.  I learned to validate my pain and declare that I had a right to my feelings, I had a right to my voice, I had been wronged and it WAS NOT my fault.   I finally owned my truth and discarded the lies that I had been encouraged to believe my entire life by realizing exactly what those lies were and how those lies were all designed by others who wanted to keep and maintain control over me. I learned to take care of myself emotionally.  I learned to love myself. And through all of this, I found myself. I found the original me and I embraced myself. I welcomed myself into a whole new world and a whole new existence.


Hi Pam
Thank you for your lovely words and your support here in EFB. I love your comments and the value you always contribute. I still find layers too, but they are not so hard to look at or deal with anymore… its like housework. It’s an accpeted part of life for me now to find the layers and polish them up.
Hugs, Darlene

Hi Suzanne
Welcome to EFB ~ I am really glad that you are here and so glad that you can relate!
Hugs, Darlene


Hi Mary
Thank you for sharing your journey! Funny how those scary situations serve to wake us up. Thanks for sharing your victory here!
Hugs, Darlene



Another great post. I am especially resonating with the feelings you had that you should just leave and your family would be better off. Instead you healed and then everything started to become much better for your family. This is so helpful to me when I start to think that things are hopeless. No, they are not!



Hi Sophia!
Exactly! Because this path that I took had such a positive ripple effect in my own family, (and in other families I have seen) I am convinced that it is personal healing that will have that same ripple effect in the world. I think personal healing will be what changes the face of child abuse and depression in the future. Things are never hopeless. Thank you for sharing and adding your hope to this too!
Hugs, Darlene


when i first found you darlene, i was struggling with the way my mother made me still be a victim. she wouldnt accept my version of events and how they had affected me. no it was her way, her standards and her values only that counted. i wasnt allowed as an adult to have my own life style or opinions, especially as i learnt more for my course. yet you helped me to stand firm and say. look i believe this, this is how it affects me and this is what i am doing about it. it not about hurting her it about healing myself, and how i look at family and love. i didnt and still dont wish to pass on my issues to my child, and i have impacted negatively on her emtional growth. yet on the other hand i have spent ages trying to put right the maladpaptive coping skills that me and my husband have passed down to her.
my husband’s family is horid to him, and his father well, his parenting skills or lack of them shows through all the lads in the family, so not only have i had to drag myself down that healing road, i have dragged him along too, i couldnt change if he didnt. he tries to keep us in the old ruts, making it harder for me to heal, but im getting there.
many thanks to you and all your help all those years ago, as it has made me determined not to be told ‘i dont not know what i am talking about’ i do, and soon will have a paper qualification to match some of omy life experiences. not there yet, a work in progress. but the prohress has been upwards and outward, just need to get the inside upto speed now, lol


Hi Carol!
Yes! It is not about hurting anyone else no matter what they say! It is about healing and changing my belief system about how love works. I felt that way with my husband too; at first I told him he didn’t have to do anything but he had to let me embrace change… but that didn’t work. Pretty soon there were things I realized in our relationship too that were not acceptable. And I got there… and then he got there too. Yay for your determination! Determination and persistence have been my two best friends! I am so glad you are here.. you are one of the “originals” here. You started commenting very close to the beginning of EFB and it is so fantastic to see and hear the changes in you since then.
Hugs, Darlene


i onow darlene, i can remember where i was when i found you, and wow have i changed in my though patterns lol. much to the consternation of others. but where as before i might have bent to please them whilst doing what i wanted to, if poss. now i just say, sorry i think you are wrong and i am right and unless you have walked in my shoes how dare you dismiss my experiences. this change isnt noticed by people who are getting to know me know. but those who have been watching from afar, aparently the blossoming has been preety spectacular. not that i always see it, but i have had people who are amazed at what i have been through, what i have done and where i want to go. and that is a good feeling to be honest


Darlene … Your blog and the work you do is phenomenal and had a great deal of positive influence in my own healing.

Joy – I love what you shared about parenting styles. And through much work and having taken a parenting course when my oldest was about 2 years old was the biggest lifesaver for me not wrecking our kids!!

Our parenting style really is:

For the authoritative parent the characteristics that are shown are: controlling but flexible; demanding but rational; warm; receptive to ideas a child may have; values discipline, independence and individuality. A child brought up by such a parenting style may be independent and self-controlled; content; imaginative; and cooperative (Berns, 2006, p.153).”

And it shows. My kids are their own person and we celebrate who they are as individuals. We have rules – but not so many that the kids feel completely restricted – they have a good many age-appropriate freedoms. My oldest two are in their teens now and they couldn’t wait to get part time jobs … and their imaginations are amazing!! They have no interest in drugs or alcohol (and I hope this never changes.) Just seeing these positive attributes in my kids makes me feel, after reading the above definition of an authoritative parent, as though I am doing something right – for them!! My biggest fear was being a mom like my abusive mother was – it is evident that I am not her and will never be her.

Abuse – especially when it originates in childhood, is so damaging – it strips the heart and soul of anything remotely beautiful. I knew I never wanted to do this to my kids. I wanted them to be able to be free to be who they really are which is something that was always denied me. My kids were not moulded to suit me … they have been moulded to suit who God has intended them to be, and my heart fills with joy at that.

No child should ever grow up having to be someone else, they should never be ridiculed for being who they are, they should never be made to feel ashamed for who they are. Man, I really need to write a book!!!! 🙂


Thank you for writing this message. The timing is impeccable. I’ve had to be in my mother’s presence recently, due to circumstances beyond my control. I realize I have fallen back. I have lost ground. I have pretended everything is okay in her presence to keep peace. I know no other way.

It seems the acting and her very presence and watching her perform has really halted my progress. I have lost sight of my voice, my right to be heard, my value, etc. Almost like I’m catering to her again. Like I’ve gotten off the path I was on that was going in the right direction. I don’t cry or mourn, I just don’t feel any power again…. like I’ve relinquished my power to her once again, because I’ve let my guard down in holding her accountable. I had to go to family functions, and I’ve spent time with her because my grandma was sick. I feel like I’ve totally relapsed. Your post here brings much reassurance that I have rights, and I’m slipping in acknowledging them. It could not have been more timely. It seems like if I don’t have those thoughts in the forefront of my mind, I easily slide back. Diligence is the answer I suppose. I felt so much better inside when she wasn’t around. I felt energy and power over myself. I’m sad to say that today, that has waned. She recently sent me a mushy thank you card for caring for my grandma. She mentioned some things in there that she knows are dear to my heart. She used those things to reach into my tender side ~ in hopes I would continue to brush her accountability under the rug. It is sickening. I really don’t know what to do at this point. I feel like her presence zaps my power. Like I’m attached as an appendage again. No individuality. I have no idea how to stop surrendering my power to her, if/when I am forced to be in her presence and go along with pretending everything is okay. Really, I do that so as to not ruin someone else’s experience. For example, my niece was married today. I don’t want to drag out family drama or hold my mother visibly accountable on my nieces special day. UGH!! I feel stuck!! It will get better though. After the end of May, I will be free of her again. I intend to resume accountability the minute memorial day is over.

Thanks for all you do, and for sharing this heartfelt post.


Hi Rise
It is great to hear from parents who are working to make sure the cycle of abuse is not carried on within their own families with their kids!
We can make a big difference in the world this way!
Hugs, Darlene


Hi Mimi
I have been there; I don’t think you lost your voice or your power.. When this happened to me is was like I was “watching” a movie of the truth and I just wasn’t ready to comment on it yet. The dysfunction gets cemented into the belief system and it takes time to get it all unstuck and reformed. The belief system (created to keep us safe remember) actually whispers in the back ground ~ “don’t stand up, it will turn out bad”. I went through periods of staying silent. It is just a part of the overall process on the journey!
You will figure this out. (I did)
just a suggestion; print your comment here out, and read it over to yourself in a few days…(it might take a few weeks) you have written some insight that you may not be aware of. It is really great information for you.
Love Darlene


Beginning to Heal For Real!
I have had to stop the “All the good I have done… and all the bad (she) or they have done.” I was so feeling sorry for myself, letting the anger and hurt fester inside.

Healing has begun in 2012 because I now think about all my good qualities and talents, and recognize I can’t change the personalities of abusers. But I can change how I react, and they can’t take away my good qualities by criticizing, de-valuing, or ignoring me.

I also distanced myself from Christians who preach the “Thou should and shouldn’t” but show no compassion or love. They are phony and dangerous in their “Ministry.”

Every day is a struggle because of the negative voices and my depression. I am aware of certain times of the month when I feel the hormones acting up, so I have to work extra hard at getting out of the “Black Hole” lol

I stopped believing a pill*, a drink or another person could make the wounds heal. God can help me heal, (so I don’t feel selfish anymore when I pray for myself.)
*(I still take my anti-depressant pill daily.)

I go to counseling, but the counselor is not going to heal me.
Just as my body has antibodies and enzymes to heal physical wounds,
I have the tools (spirit, determination, resolve, love) within to heal myself.


I do agree Darlene, there is freedom on the other side of broken. I can relate to your experience closely. I do appreciate you sharing,it’s very encouraging and your story help shine a light of hope. There are key words in this writing that made me pause and think. I’m in my journey of healing also. I often see myself in stages. I was victim when I was being sexually abused as a little girl and the trauma left me with an illness(dissociative amnesia). In my adult life I’ve thrived in the survival stage, looking and searching for answers, trying to understand this illness and what caused it. Now at an age where I will be soon 48, I’m in the more than conqueror stage. I’m facing the answers, facing the pain, living in my truth and walking in victory. I’m living to be all of me. I’m learning to live with the grief that came with losing the little girl and I’m accepting that it happened to me. Yes, it gets really tough at times but I know that I can do this, I am doing this, living in freedom…Thank you Darlene for sharing your experience. I’m always so encouraged when I read your thoughts.


Hi D.C.
Yes, it is possible and each of us does have the tools within to heal ourselves.
Glad you are here,
Hugs, Darlene


Hi Will
Thank you for adding your thoughts here in this way! I love your contribution to this post and totally identify with your words.
Hugs, Darlene


Thank you for your reassurance. I don’t do very well having to pretend everything’s fine. It also sends my mother the wrong message ~ that I’ve forgotten the lies. She clearly (based on her behavior), thinks she’s back in the “game” and all has been forgotten. It’s frustrating to keep the truth suspended until a better time. It’s coming though. Right after memorial day. I will print this and keep reading it. Thanks for your insight, as always.


Hi Mimi
Yes, it is coming and it will come in it’s own time. I didn’t overcome all this stuff overnight. It was a process. And when I made my decisions when I was ready to make them, they stuck! (with me) ~ Remember when I said the boundary is drawn in the heart and when I got it ~ they got it. When I knew without a doubt that the relationship was not fair to me, and insisted on equality (equal value) for me as well, they knew that they were not going to treat me like crap or second to them anymore. That is when they have to make a decision about having a relationship with me or not.. That was when the “game” stopped.
(my parents chose not… but not all do)
Love and hugs, Darlene



Every time I step back over to your page, another timely reminder that, although I am not where I would like to be, there is still hope for me yet.

The question I have been asking myself this week is why? Why am I the one who seems to be required to do all the bending and all the changing and all the adjusting to try to please other people who never seem happy anyway? Why would I do all of this? I think I still have that feeling that somehow they will one day approve of me if I just go that one next step and do what they will like. I am starting to realize that I will never take the final step into making that other person (or people) happy. If they aren’t happy in their lives regardless of how I live, they will never be happy and it really isn’t my responsibility. At all. I am praying that this will seep into my heart deeply enough that I can begin to say no before the trouble starts rather than saying a half hearted Yes and running into problems along the way.

Thanks again as always for everything you do! Light for the journey out of darkness.



Hi Kellie
Oh I asked that question so many times too! One day the answer hit me; I don’t have to be the one! They just say I do. They trained me to be the one.
and I too had that feeling (a wish perhaps) that one day they will approve. But it has faded now. (a bonus result perhaps!) by the way you are writing I would say that this IS already seeping into your heart… it takes time. I saw the truth in stages and I acted on it in stages too.
Thanks for being here!
Hugs, Darlene


My friend asked me to forward this to another friend. Next thing I’m forwarding it to one more friend who happens to be a relative. I am finding this site helpful and just know that others’ do, and will. Thanks to all you lovely ladies for sharing. My story is too long. I am a work in progress, yet!


Hi Terre
Welcome to Emerging from Broken! I am glad that you are finding the site helpful!
Hope you will share often. Please feel free to share whatever you need to; long is not a problem here.
Hugs, Darlene


Hi Everyone!
I published a new post today called “To Confront or Not to Confront ~ when Talking does no good”
Here is the link: http://emergingfrombroken.com/to-confront-or-not-to-confront-when-talking-does-no-good/


I have come through the abuse but I still live with the after effects..and have developed stronger boundaries..my greatest obstacles are feeling like I don’t deserve love, success or money..that I am somehow ‘bad’ and ‘unworthy’..that I am destined to live alone and in poverty..I can’t seem to move forward, no matter what I do..therapy..prayer..I feel better for awhile but I am unable to face the world again..I feel like I am ugly and stupid..and will always be ‘not good enough’ and ‘unacceptable’. I have tried to move forward, with everything in me..as soon as I try..I feel an overwhelming feeling of oppression..it tells me tht I am not good enough and I had better no even try to be..I feel like something is controlling me life..I can feel it holding me down..but I don’t live with the abusers anymore..I want to live again..not just exist.


Hi Claire
I know exactly how you feel. This whole website (well over 300 articles) is about how I felt like that and how I overcame all of it. I found out where all those feelings about myself originated. Where the “broken” happened. There are reasons that we believe that stuff. Not living with the abusers didn’t set me free, finding out what the trauma had casued me to believe about myself is what set me free. I hope you will read more of the articles here. Clarity comes in stages.
Thanks for sharing
Hugs, Darlene


Cameron Bayliss – Medium/Clairvoyant
You are the only one who has the power to let the past go and to move on with your life. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says or does, only you have the power to take control of your life. It is incredibly empowering when you get to the stage when the past does not control your future anymore. You are relieved of yo…See More


burden of anger freeing you from your previous self destructive behaviour. You may find at this point that you are able to help others who are going through the exact same thing you did. You have gotten your life back. You are liberated from the past and you are finally truly free. You have gained unbelievable confidence in yourself and the world around you. You have moved beyond suffering. It is one of the greatest lessons we can learn during our lifetime.


I just had to share


Hi Kelly,
Thank you for sharing this empowering quote!
Hugs, Darlene


It was interesting to read this blog today. After struggling for a while with my mood steadily slipping, and starting to feel like “they’d be better off without me” and wondering how to go about it, like you I realised it was not what I really wanted to do.
I am still searching within myself for the means to encourage that little voice within to speak louder than the negative thoughts. Meantime, I took the (for me) big step to accept anti-depressants for while, to quieten the worst of the negative thoughts and give me – and my family -a bit of a break. I have come a long way already in this journey, I think I am just a bit worn down – the exhaustion is intense.
At the same time I can see that this too will pass. I am hoping this is the real bottom of the pit, and from here on I can truly start to climb out of this mire and get a life!


Hi Libby
There were so many stages of “worn down” and exhausted~ I know where you are coming from. Almost the whole first 2 years was really exhausting for me. And it passed! I reached a point when I knew that although the process is up and down, I would never be as down as I was. (and that has been true for me ever since I realized it about 5 years ago now.) I have also never exp. that level of exhaustion as I did through those first 2 years again.
Life was waiting for me on the other side and wow, the exhaustion was so worth it!
Hugs, Darlene


Darlene and Libby,
I have been wondering about exhaustion myself. I know at one time Darlene, you said you required more sleep in the first few years. I can look back at 2011 and realize some extra sleep was needed in the really dark times of last year.

My question is, there are times when I lay down to take a “nap”, and I wake up 8 hours later. I am so puzzled by it. It can happen when I don’t seem to have anything really eating at me. Perhaps it’s eating at my subconscious mind. Then, after being up a few hours, I can go back to bed and sleep all night. An extra hour here and there is easy to understand. But, like 14 hours of sleep in less than 24 hours?? Is this the way it happened for you? I am trying to keep track if it happens directly after contact with my mother. Two instances have happened after being in her presence. Now that I haven’t seen or talked to her in two weeks, it hasn’t happened. I am puzzled as to how or if she drains me THAT much! It’s incredible the sleep I get sometimes. I don’t like it very much. I am about keeping moving and having energy. Anyhow, just curious.
Peace and love,


Hi Mimi
YES that is how it was for me too. The 8 hour nap not so often, that was not possible with kids, but I could sleep for 2 or 3 hours in the day and then sleep 8 or 9 at night. I could not believe the exhaustion! Sleep was one of my biggest symptoms of depressions too, so it scared me when I was that tired in the healing process. For me it had nothing to do with contact with others, it had to do with how much I was processing and comprehending… how hard I was working on healing… in short it had lots to do with breakthroughs, but the breakthrough was the bonus at the end. (although most of the time the breakthrough came with some extra energy.


Hi Darlene & Mimi,
The same thing was & is happening to me in regards to needing extra sleep! Last year, I was sleeping the morning away & still going to bed at night, before midnight. I was exhausted all the time & definitely chalked it up to a symptom of depression, however, I was processing a lot in therapy and still managing to take care of my childrens’ needs.

I was in survival mode, but after this past year ended, I feel like the fog has lifted slowly in uncovering the truth. Lots of sorting out & putting the pieces together of my past & how that relates to my mental health and the damage done to me, by my Family! It’s been an eye opening process this past year and definitely more so, since coming to this site. I feel supported & more grounded. Writing truly makes a difference in getting the feelings & thoughts out of my head & down on this site. Also, continuing to work hard with my own writing & in therapy.

Even though, I get so tired, I’m also finding more spurts of energy for longer periods of time, throughout the day. My sleeping schedule has been altered, since I’m writing into the night & early morning. You could say I’m obsessed lol, but I know it’s part of the Healing Process for me. After the kids are asleep, is a better time to focus my energies on myself. I’m glad I have that time. I think this has something to do with rewiring Darlene talks about. I realize I didn’t get damaged over night & it’s going to take some time to heal! Like you say Darlene, it will be “Worth it”! I look forward to recovery!!


P.S. I too get more tired after contact with Family. Sometimes I feel it for days afterwards. It comes in waves & can be triggered by stress. I have to set boundaries & limits in order to cope. However, the healing work is so important too! Sorry for the rambling again…I just can’t seem to leave my comments short lol


Hi Darlene;

Have written on this site before and it is good to talk to you and see how you are still trying to help people work things out. I have been in a situation for the past few weeks with someone who is “disabled” a woman who is a few years older than me but because of a long drug-related background, she is barely able to function. So in the time I have been here, I have been trying to do the same for her as I did for my mom, caretaking kind of stuff, sometimes pretty heavy and other times I feel bad for being here. But you know, it hit me tonight that I was allowing myself to be manipulated, again, the same behaviors as my Mom, almost exact, and to get out of the situation it is going to be really important to detach and make sure I keep my own health up so that it is possible to leave. For example, she smokes over a pack a day and I, being an ex-smoker, will have one once and awhile probably because I am so surrounded by the tobacco smoke (codependence?)– it has been hard to say no. Anyway, it is crucial not to become part of their dysfunction so that we can remain separate from the situation and take care of ourselves. At first it seems like they are being kind to you but after awhile, you can see it for what it is, then it takes your own strength to pull out. I have not taken care of myself since I got here and many times have been emotionally and physically exhausted…the situation repeats. I think it is true that lessons repeat themselves over and over again until we learn what it is we need to learn.
Take care


When I first came out of the fog that surrounded the way that I veiwed my family, I was exhausted from encounters too. It was like my brain was working in overdrive trying to process whole years of things in a few hours!
Hugs, Darlene
p.s. long comments are very often where the breakthroughs live..


Hi Missn
Nice to hear from you! Over the years I have seen myself drawn back into similar situations too, where I was somehow being taken advantage of again and although the details were different, the bottom line (that I was being treated as less valuable) was so similar…. All of that is such good information though; today I rarely get sucked into any thing related to dysfunction. The more awareness I have the quicker I see those little red warning flags and make sure my boundary is in place. Thanks for sharing,
Hugs, Darlene


Mimi – there was a time in 2010 when I could’ve slept (and sometimes did) for 20 out of 24hrs. As memories and flashbacks intensified, so did the fatigue. Two years on that has stopped – mostly. I can’t relate it to specific events like you can, but it went on and on for months. I think it improved after I got into therapy, and had an outlet for all of the stuff that was fogging my brain and sapping my energy.


Hey All!
There have been a lot of comments lately from readers who think that the trauma that they went through was not as bad as what others went through. That inspired me to write a new post about it
You can read it here: “My Abusive childhood wasn’t that bad because His was Worse” http://emergingfrombroken.com/my-abusive-childhood-wasnt-that-bad-because-his-was-worse/
Hugs, Darlene


I just want to add that I also go through periods of seeming to need a lot of sleep. I once read that this is a common reaction for people who are recovering from brainwashing! Interesting.



Sophia … I find this interesting … maybe this is why if I sit longer than 5 minutes I start falling asleep … could it be that my brain just wants to rewire itself?? 🙂 I’d like to think so.



It makes sense to me. I feel like the combination of good sleep, good nourishment, and exercise are essential to supporting me in the healing and learning process, and I am learning not to feel guilty about giving myself these.



Sophia and Rise
YES Sophia ~ or to put it another way, I am PROUD of myself for giving myself this kind of love and support! For almost 2 years I had to “give myself permission” to have a nap in the afternoon if I wanted or needed one. Sleep in the day time was something I always felt SO guilty about and beat myself up over it so much. We farm and live in a farming community. How dare I get more rest than anyone else! I hid it and I was so ashamed that I wanted extra sleep and when in depression sleep was one of my greatest escapes/coping methods. So when I began to heal and got so tired all the time, I was afraid that “sleep was the proof” that I was once again in depression and I fought it! Finally I started to look at it from a self care stand point; I told myself even if it was “a coping method” there was nothing wrong with it; it was not going to hurt anyone. I assured myself it was self love and self nurturing. Sometimes I pictured big arms holding me while I rested. Eventually, I would go to bed in the afternoon, and not sleep! I only needed to rest. I am sure today that it was due to giving myself permission to do whatever I needed to do to take care of me, that enabled me to come out the other side of this! I am a huge fan of self care!
Hugs, Darlene


Hi everyone,
I have some guilt for taking naps too. I’ve had to try to give up the guilt… not always successful, but I do sleep when I need to. I think mine could be allergy related too. A combination of things really.

When I sleep that deep, where it can last hours and hours, I always have vivid dreams, not necessarily good or bad, just vivid. The sleep is so deep it takes a near earthquake to wake me up. In class, there would be times I couldn’t stay awake. I am not that kind of student at all. There were a couple of days in each semester where it was like I had narcolepsy. Staying awake was almost impossible.

Right now, I’m going through a period of inibility to sleep well. I’ve been hitting the caffeine pretty hard, so I know that is a large part of it. It’s also that I don’t want to sleep. I hate being so fatiqued I can’t function. Feels like life is passing me by if I’m lethargic and sleeping.

I’ve had a new reality blindside me in the last week. I sobbed and sobbed. On the upside, It only lasted about 4 days…. the sobbing part. Now, it’s like I have a hangover from it. Like I wake up to my new reality a little shaken, but determined to move through it. As I type, I have rollers in my hair, haha!! I’m meeting a sweet friend for the afternoon. And, the temptation to ignore self care isn’t really that strong (surprisingly). Not nearly as strong as it’s been during other events. I think I might be learning how to bounce back a little quicker. Either that, or I simply don’t give a crap anymore. I just want to care for ME!! I’m happy to even have that desire!!

Love to everyone,


Sophia, it makes sense to me too since reading your post. So often, those of us who are abused are taught that its selfish to do anything for yourself – and this has been the hardest mindset for me to overcome. I still struggle with guilt when I treat myself well. It’s getting better, but its always a struggle – even getting a nice haircut or buying myself clothing (which doesn’t happen often) is a guilt-stirrer and it shouldn’t be. 🙂


A new book I’m reading called “Healing The Shame That Binds You” by John Bradshaw is so validating & differentiates between healthy & unhealthy guilt & shame. It has a chart showing the “Shame-Guilt Contrast.” Healthy or Appropriate Guilt is accepting adequate responsibility for our behavior & the “felt sense” is “I made a mistake” & “I feel bad”…Unhealthy guilt is “I can’t make a mistake”…I was taught toxic/unhealthy guilt- perfectionism & the false belief is it’s terrible to make a mistake, which is not logical!…We are all human & make mistakes.

With Healthy Shame, is knowing we have limited responsibility & power The power comes from “knowing limits.” the “felt sense” is “I can & will make mistakes”…”it’s normal & can be remedied”. Toxic/Unhealthy Shame is “No responsibility & failure of choice”. The “felt sense” is “I’m a mistake; it’s hopeless & I’m worthless”. After reading the differences with shame & guilt, I realize I vacillate between healthy & unhealthy guilt & shame. That is a big part of my struggle & faulty thinking & feeling. I do turn my thinking around but find myself programmed into feeling unhealthy shame & guilt, which comes from my family!

My conclusion is that the toxic guilt & shame is at the core of mental health problems. This occurred to me with doing my own healing work but this book validated I was on the right track. I also realize that I’ve been teaching my kids healthy guilt & shame with their bad behavior. Toxic Shame is the sense of being bad but healthy shame is not internalizing the feeling of being bad, but that you will make mistakes. I have to remind myself of this…Automatically feel the unhealthy definitions. Wow this is eye opening! & again my tendency is to call myself stupid for NOT knowing this, but How could I know this, since I was NOT taught this for myself. I’m so glad I’ve been teaching the healthy way to my kids. Now, I have to focus on myself!…This is so important in my recovery!….Just wanted to share my discovery with others who are struggling too.


I can never relax enough during the day to take a nap even though I’ll be too sleepy to keep my eyes open. I’ve been taking DHEA supplements and a Stresstab vitamin (lots of Bs) and I think that has helped the fatigue problem. Menopause & financial issues were contributing to the tiredness along with the mother drain.

Does anyone else have the problem of the morning brain overload of worrisome thoughts? When I wake up in the morning, it’s like all my worries are super-intense, as though they’ve been building up while I sleep and then dump on me the moment I open my eyes. It’s an awful feeling of dread and negativity and it’s hard to drag myself up and face the day. It dissipates once I’m up, but that morning wake-up is ROUGH.

Speaking of those worrisome thoughts, I was feeling a moment of peace outside with my dog. It was quiet, I was enjoying nature and then the flood of worries came over me. I’m thinking that this is a result of more bad programming again in my upbringing. Whenever I found an activity I was enjoying: Reading, art, writing, playing piano, watching a movie… mother would intervene and find some chore for me to do or ask if I did my homework (or whatever). Especially if I was giggling or laughing, she figured whatever I was doing must be bad and it must be stopped. I’m trying to get over the guilt I feel for participating in joyful activities. Anyone else have that feeling?


I Drained.
I have had those problems. I would say take more of those moments outside with your dog! I spent huge amounts of time outdoors in my healing process. I rode my horses for house, waked my dog, sat in the garden… And I had to teach myself not to feel guilty. I had to realize where those messages originated, and override them with new truth. I had conversations with those voices in order to get through all that.
Hugs, Darlene


I absolutely have experienced that first morning sense of overload. Not constantly in my life, but enough to recognize it as anxiety for myself. I struggled with panic attacks in my early 20’s. I became nearly housebound in a matter of days. I struggled for a couple years trying to get it arrested. It was horrible. I was on the maximum daily dose of xanax that can be prescribed…. just to function. I’m not advocating or discounting drugs for anyone else. I only know that at that time in my life, I couldn’t sit still long enough to process any behavioral modification. I had to get it under control before I could process it and know what it was for sure in order to handle it. I was successful in that I don’t have panic attacks anymore. I haven’t for 20 years. I do have anxiety in other forms though occasionally. It has morphed itself into something that will take me off guard at times. Still, it’s nothing like it was 20 years ago.

20 years ago I also learned about G.A.D – generalized anxiety disorder. It is described as a lingering sort of below the radar sense of anxiety. With a panic attack it’s very much on the radar. G.A.D. just hangs around quietly right beneath the surface. I know I can succumb to that if I’m not self aware.

All this to say, when I have struggled with anxiety, the mornings were always the worst. Anytime there is an abrupt change in my brain/mind’s activity, as in from sleep to wake, I am more likely to have anxious thoughts and feelings, and sometimes a sense of doom. Another example is waking from surgery. I wake in an absolute panic. I have never discussed this medically or psychologically with anyone to confirm the brain activity theory. I’ve just lived with it long enough and researched it so much, that this is my personal conclusion.

I have found so much hope here. Since I had such bad attacks 20 years ago, it forever changed me. I’ve never been the same as I was before that time. I have read that Darlene completely overcame anxiety and panic. I have incredible hope that at the end of my process, I will be forever free of the uncomfortable symptoms.

Also, when I was in the throes of all that anxiety, there was no way I could take a nap in the daytime either. I was usually hovering on the ceiling. It can be COMPLETELY overcome though. I know that now, and I’m looking forward to it.

The way you describe waking in the morning is precisely the way I would describe my own mornings coping with anxiety. It always got better and brighter as the day went on. I got more relaxed as the day went on too. By the time evening came, I felt like an entirely different person. I hated going to bed for that reason. I knew waking would bring it on again.

Best of everything to you.


I like the mention of this book by Bradshaw about false guilt and shame … I need that!!


Thanks Rise!..Hope it Helps!!…I just started reading it and it’s chock full of information. Also, we are all in different stages in the healing process, so what works for one may not work for another. It’s worth looking at though.



Sounds like your grieving spell was beneficial! I realized at one point that it doesn’t go on forever when I start to cry, the body and soul give it to us in ‘doses’, I think. Maybe clearing that out of your system helped you to get to that new level of self-acceptance.



That’s very helpful. I have begun to differentiate between these various feelings without having a name for them. There are some urgings from within that want me to take action for my own benefit, and that is distinct from the implanted demons of self-hate.



I sometimes wake up feeling flattened and overwhelmed. Going for a nice walk helps, but since it often comes after intense dreaming, I think I need to examine and process the dreams more than I have been.



Thank you Mimi, Sophia and Darlene. Yes, I definitely have had anxiety and panic attack issues since I was 9 yrs. old. My grandmother was on “nerve pills” all her life and her daughter (my toxic mother) was on anxiety meds most of her adult life, so I don’t know if it’s a genetic curse I have, or learned behavior or just another side effect of having a Narcissistic Mother or a combination of all 3 influences. (Geez, I’m screwed.)

I’ve tried the herbal remedies which did nothing for the stress. I occasionally took the mild dose of Xanax which somewhat helped but made me so sleepy. Tried MANY anti-depressants but couldn’t stay on them because of extreme stomach issues they caused (they didn’t help my mood or stress anyway). I’m hoping with the revelations, support, healing and moving past the mother issues, that I can at least lessen my anxiety. I have found painting and drawing very therapeutic but sometimes I’m too down, angry or stressed to focus on it or feel creative. Nature and my animals seem to help. Thanks for your comments.


Thanks for your positive feedback! I didn’t have a name for my feelings either, and that makes me feel sad. It’s just another example of how I was taught Not to acknowledge my feelings and Not taught the difference between healthy & unhealthy feelings.


Hi Drained & Mimi,
I can definitely relate to feeling morning anxiety & sometimes dread starting a new day. I’m slow moving & slow to process, in the morning. I’ve always felt better, as the day goes on. I call myself a night owl not a early bird. I have more energy in the afternoon, and I think that has been the reason I liked working 2nd shift, over the years, as opposed to 1st. It was suggested to me that a B-Complex supplement would be beneficial for the nerves & to increase energy. I started taking them a few weeks ago & I do feel more energized throughout the day. I also went back to taking a Multivitamin, Magnesium, Vitamin D & Calcium supplements to help with my overall health. My doctor ordered Magnesium for my chest pain/ arrythmia. I just chalked my chest discomfort to anxiety but after blood work, my magnesium was low. I’m feeling better, since taking it and will need to recheck my level again to see if my magnesium increased. Now, if I could only get my weight down, I’d feel a whole lot healthier. I’m not obese, but overweight by 20+ lbs. Yikes!…It didn’t come on over night & it certainly won’t melt away over night. Wish I had a magic wand though lol.


I think you’re right. The mourning was beneficial. It always brings me a tiny step further when it’s over. I actually did take care of myself today. Some days, that alone is a victory!! Thanks for your comment.

I’m reading a sample of the book you mentioned and thinking of downloading from iTunes. I would like to have it in audiobook, so I’m going to check amazon for that. I love audiobook format. I work on renovations in my house while I listen. It sinks in well that way for me. Thanks for the recommendation.

That is something that has eluded me…. where did this anxiety come from? My mother would say I was born a nervous person. (I won’t mention what she was born as, haha). Then, there was instant upheaval when I entered the world. My mother says that’s when my dad went full tilt with alcohol and violence and sleeping around. She was pinned down with three kids. He became more free to do what he wanted to do. So, I think that tension and fear from birth must have contributed. As years passed it got worse. There was no energy to put toward nurturing or comforting, or loving each other. It seems like we were just in survival mode, my sisters, mother and I. I know all that contributed. When I got to be around 12 years old, my mother’s disapproval of me really started to emerge. I have few memories before that, so this is loosely stated. my dad left when I was 11. There was financial burdens, depression, coping problems, anger and fear, all lingering in our household. I know all these things were big contributors. I was just on the edge of my seat all the time. My mother’s hatred for me became more apparent all the time in my early teens, and my inability to measure up was reinforced on a regular basis. Of course…. I wanted to please her and that put me on pins and needles because I couldn’t do anything right, and she made sure I knew it. That disapproval from her and the nervousness that comes with trying to do something right, knowing you’re being judged and micro-managed… is a recipe for disaster and anxiety. I am so hopeful that as I become more accepting of myself just the way I am, the anxiety will melt away. If I know nothing else, I know judgment and disapproval from my mom played a huge part in my anxiety. She badgered me about it too. She would say it’s time to get my shit together. She told others I was doing it for attention, and I was impossible to talk to or deal with. That helped a lot… thanks mom!! Anyhow, I’m hoping that my brain chemistry isn’t so screwed up that I can recircuit things to a more peaceful response to life. It has plagued me long enough. I have given it and my mother the power to manage my life. I resolve to get beyond that and be my own manager, no matter what anyone else says. I hope through the processes, you too will be forever free of the anxiety.

Love to all,


This article is powerful! I see so much of myself in this…and with my relationship with my husband…how it used to be all of the time, and how it is so much better…but still areas to work on between us. I am so happy for you Darlene that you did stay and that you fought to make the changes in yourself and with your family…and that you are all doing so well today! It is an inspiring message.
I do see…yet not totally yet…how I have been trained and conditioned to carry the burdens of all relationships….and I am beginning to break off of myself the chains of that bondage. I never used the terminology that you use , so it is very thought provoking for me…..you give the words to the feelings I never knew how to define…or something like that!…and it is so enlightening! I never realized until I began reading these articles and comments from everyone how MUCH of a bondage I have been in. I really related to you about the guilt you used to feel for taking naps! Me too! Or guilt if my house wasn’t spotless or if the dimmer I cooked wasn’t quite what everyone else wanted, or if it wasn’t the right temp. Or guilt if I complained or even if I didn’t agree with what someone else wanted and I dared to stick up for what I wanted….and I would back down because of the way they treated me. The rare times I hung in there to get what I wanted, I was looked at like she is such a b—-. One “breakthrough” I have made with my husband is that now I refuse to accept responsibility for HIS happiness or discontent. He treated me…just like my family …as though I was the one who needed to be happy all of the time or he couldn’t be….or if I didn’t wait on him hand and foot when it came to his meals and how they were served to him (wanted me to put on his salt and pepper, but would complain if it wasn’t to his liking) (wanted me to butter his toast, pour his beverages, etc) . Anyway…what is amazing to me is how I have somehow recreated the same thing over and over in my life…and you are absolutely right…it is because of the lies I believed about myself…that I am still believing to some extent.


Oh, how this attitude from men enrages me. We are supposed to be servants?!!! Rather than wives? But to them, that term is interchangeable. ARGGGHHH! No wonder I held off on marriage until I was 49. When my husband starts veering into that territory, “Wife, you are here to serve me”, I have to set him straight. It’s sickening what society, certain religions, and upbringing teaches us.


Hi Diane,
oops… I am glad that you realized that it was not cool to have to do that kind of stuff!!
Hugs, Darlene


Drained, thank you! I know …it is disgusting . I think because I lived in such a terrifying…to me it was!…home and everything was so tightly controlled, I learned how to serve. My dad also catered and served his control freak wife and I probably picked up some lessons from him. He used to be neglectful, angry,abusive etc with me, but I pitied him because of the way she would emasculate him. I HATE women who do that to men so I decided I never would do that to my husband. Because I didn’t understand myself and my unhealthy ways of believing, I ended up falling into that servant mode…and he had issues from his past that had him treating me that way too. I was so miserable, but at least we have that area mostly straightened out. I am like you now…he leans a bit too much back into that direction and I set him straight ! He still would love it if I served him all of the time, but I refuse. It certainly makes it difficult to just do something because I wanted to….but it is zoo much happier than it ever was. I don’t feel guilt nearly like I used to…in fact, I can get a bit feisty now too! My husband promised me to clean the kitchen floor and for about a week I waited and he still didn’t…even acted like I was burdening him. So I poured a can of sugary soda on the floor when he was gone and let it dry so it was nice and sticky….but I put down a “path” of foil for myself to walk on. He got home and walked on the sticky floor and that very night I had a very clean floor! Lol. So I do feel good about how far I…we…have healed so far.


Diane, I vowed not to be like my mother who bossed, controlled, nagged and demanded things her way. My submissive father catered to her to keep the peace (and he drank a lot, too, hmmmmm, I wonder why…). Unfortunately, that backfired on me because my husband started to take advantage of me and little by little started getting more bossy, pushing it a little further to see how far he could go. I finally woke up and realized I was going too far to the opposite extreme in not wanting to be a demanding control-freak like my mother and ending up being too submissive! It’s finding that balance. It’s tough.


Hi Everyone
I published my mothers day post! I did it early because of the freedom ROCKS event this weekend!
This post is about how my relationship with my daughter made me sink into a deeper understanding of my non relationship with my mother…
You can read it here:
Hugs, Darlene


Mimi, I so connected with your first comments (dated April 15th)- feeling like I “have lost sight of my voice, my right to be heard, my value, etc.” when in their presence. I too “get mushy thank you’s” for showing up/attending family functions. Those mushy comments are to imply that I did this for someone other than myself – since “she” gave me a special invitation – my whole purpose must have been to please and honor her. She used those words to “prove” her power and control over me – to show those around us that I am her puppet. “I feel like her presence zaps my power. Like I’m attached as an appendage again. No individuality.” EXACTLY!
I want a relationship and closeness with my family, but I must insist on healthy boundaries, acceptance of who I choose to be, and respect for MY beliefs without trying to suck me back into the ‘dictatorial cult’. I really don’t want to go back to where I was for the first 40 years of my life.
We must stay strong and “diligent” in our quest.


I can look back at that post you’re speaking of, and see how much different I am even in this short amount of time.

As of today, I am no contact with my mom. I have told her and my stepdad just a few days ago, that they should have no further reason to contact me. I haven’t heard from them since.

A lot has happened in the past few months (since April), and the revelations just keep coming. So do the extremes ~ in my mother’s behavior and quest to squish me. I’m stronger now, and her BS doesn’t tend to affect me ~ at least if it does, it’s a fraction of what it once was. I’m beyond thankful for that!

Hope to see you again!
Love and Peace,


The past few months have been very interesting. June was the worst.
I don’t feel so hurt and angry anymore. Mom wants and needs attentionand will do anything to get it. I don’t spend much time with her……..I talk on the phone and see her when I feel like it. She has lessened the “Barging in on my time…..kitchen……life etc.

I see her as a child that never really got what she wanted. In spite of the negativity, I can see when she is trying to manipulate or start a dramatic event/conflict. She has mellowed out quite a bit.
I don’t know how many years, moths or days she or I have on this earth……I don’t feel guilty anymore…….I am who I am and like me or not I deserve respect….love…..and peace. I am fighting to hang on to any amount of peace that comes my way. If she wants turmoil and chaos so be it. The bullshit is not sticking to me or soiling my space anymore. Hallelujah Just keep on keepin on. And I am thanlful for the ways she trys to show me she care but I will not feel obligated or beholden to her or anyone…..Except GOD!


I don’t know how many years, months or days she or I have on this earth. MONTHS NOT MOTHS LOL LOL


That is great, thanks for sharing.
Hugs, Darlene


I am speechless… I was desperately searching for a reason not to give up. Thank you.. Youve spelled my life out in the paragraphs above. I have struggled daily on my journey to figure out Why am i just so D*mn hard on myself? Why cant i get it? Why i try sooo hard? Why am i so extremely miserable if anyone around me is not happy? (even worse if what i try to do doesnt help them) Ive wanted to run away `or die (not really) but i felt that if i didnt exist they could be happier, less stressed. I feel as though i must earn my keep or PAY my way EVERYWHERE i go, even in my own home. it is as though i apologise for existing.. My husband and children notice. So do i. Thanks again, for the Ah-ha moment.Bless you.


Hi Katherine
Welcome to EFB ~ Yay for the breakthrough! In this site I try to share what I have learned about how I was held back by talking about the roots and how I exposed them to myself so that I could take a look at the false beliefs and set them back to the truth.
So glad you are here!
Hugs, Darlene


Thanks for the warm welcome Darlene. And thanks again for outing the dark lies many of us have unknowingly accepted as truth. im Looking foward to getting out of this invisible cell block, and finally feeling the sunshine and breathing fresh air ..unlabored(without panic attacks). I thought it was just to late to enjoy life again (im 40) now i realize that my dream of peace of mind and healthy mindset are not impossible.


I thought it was too late too! I mourned the loss of my younger life and the loss of time; the loss of me. And that was good for a time, but then one day I realized HEY ~ I have the REST of my life! I am over 50 now and I still feel that way! I still have the rest of m life. I LIVE every day.
Hugs, Darlene


Thanks Darlene, you have no idea what this means to me…


Thank you for repeating this message, that we are not stuck being who we were led to believe we were, playing a supporting role in THEIR lives. That we can become authentic and direct our own lives. Today was a wonderful day for me. I was able to go into a crowded public place with my kids and not freak out. A friend I was with pointed it out to me! I was able to get my kids giggling (no tickling involved, just relaxed enough to be silly). I can hear their laughter ringing in my ears and it feels wonderful. I needed to hear that I wasn’t cursed. Thanks so much!

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