Do my Parents Have a Right to see My Children if They Don’t Love Me?

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12399970_10201138795870244_1750274099_oThis time of year can be really difficult for survivors of dysfunctional family dynamics, and survivors of any kind of childhood trauma, abuse and or neglect. The same applies to the situation for adult children who have been or are currently dealing with narcissistic mother or narcissistic parent issues or abusive and emotionally unavailable parents in general.

I get lots of email from people asking me how I dealt with the whole ‘going no contact’ issue. When this time of year rolls around, those questions are triplicated. There is just something about Christmas that triggers us to wonder if we are in fact the actual problem when it comes to strained relationship with members of our families and something about this time of year makes us revisit our self-doubt whether we have already made the decision to go no contact or if we are simply trying to sort out if we even have a right to feel discounted or if we imagined the whole dysfunctional family thing.

In particular at this time of year, I get asked to address parental rights when it comes to our children and their relationship with our parents, their grandparents.

Because I have been putting everything through the ‘truth grid of understanding’ for so long now, there are things that are much more obvious or logical to me now, then they were 10 years ago and today I look at it this way;

My parents treated me with disregard. My mother and father have very different relationship styles, my mother is verbally abusive and dismissive and much more overtly abusive and my father is more covertly and passively abusive and therefore also dismissive and both of them feel entitled to treat me however they want to but the point is that my children witnessed the way they dismissed me.

Because I accepted the way that they treated me, my children received a specific message about me through the way I was regarded. My children saw people treat me like I was not important. They saw people treat me like my feelings were invalid; they got the message that it was okay to treat people that way and they got the message that it was okay to treat their mother that way. Perhaps even worse than that, they saw me try to please these people in spite of the way they treated me! They saw me ‘accept’ that treatment. Since I have come out of the fog in this situation, why would I want those people around my children?

People tell me that their parents would never hurt their children. I wonder why adult children believe that their parents would be so wonderful to everyone else and that they (as the child of those parents) were the exception to the rule when it comes to the truth about who their parents really are when it comes to the way they treat people? But then I remember that I know exactly why we believe that.

When we are kids we are convinced that WE are the problem. We are brainwashed to believe that we are deficient, that we are somehow defective and that if we were not defective ~ if we were ‘different’ our lives and their feelings towards us would have been different. We are convinced that if only we could have been the children they wanted then we would have been loved. We believe that our parents would have loved us if we had been good enough. We believe that if we had been the children they dreamed of, smarter, more beautiful, more loving, more compliant, less of a burden, then we would have been treasured, loved, accepted, celebrated and secure.

Since we don’t see our own children in the ways our parents regarded us, we can’t imagine that our parents would ever treat our children the ways that they have treated us. Because we see our children as the wonderful treasures they are, we can’t imagine that our parents would ever judge our children in the same ways they judged us so we don’t see any danger in our children having a relationship with our parents if we decide that we are no longer going to have relationship with our parents. (This also applies in the case of our drawing boundaries with our parents and they refuse to respect those boundaries and therefore it is actually the parents who have walked away.)

And here is the thing ~ sometimes our parents don’t judge our children in those ways but how are we to ever know what they are going to do? Perhaps they are grooming our children in a different way and for a different purpose. I have heard horrendous stories; grandparents who have filed for custody, and won by convincing the courts that the parent is unfit. I have heard of grandparents who have turned children against parents, grandparents who have used grandchildren to help them overpower parents oh the nasty list goes on. Sometimes it won’t serve the purpose of the grandparent to treat the grandchild in the same ways that they treated their own children. The dangerous thing about this is that people who do things with a motive that has anything to do with control are unpredictable!

People tell me that their parents “love” their grandchildren. But what is loving about treating that child’s mother or father with disregard and disrespect? Where is the example of love in that treatment?

People tell me that one or both of their parents are narcissists, but they forget that a narcissist is a narcissist ~ no matter WHO they are dealing with. Narcissists are only interested in themselves, so in that regard, what is their interest in relationship with your children? Think about it carefully. Some parents want to be ‘right’ so badly that they will try to discredit you when it comes to your children for the sole purpose proving that they are right about you; so right in fact that your own children have turned against you. (The same applies to spouses who turn the children against one parent.)

It is important to think about the truth when we are making decisions about our own children. I realized that I am the parent. I realized that I had a choice even though I had been convinced and brainwashed that I didn’t have a choice. I had power, even though I had been convinced that I was powerless. I had to reject that lie and take my life and my choices back.

There is no obligation just because the word family is involved. People who don’t care about me, are not good role models for my children. People who treat me as though I am nothing and call me crazy are going to communicate their judgments about me to my children, even if those judgments are non-verbal. And as most of us have experienced first hand, sometimes those people are really convincing.

Think about it this way; whose fault is it when we decide that it is best for our children not to see our parents? Why did we have to consider that decision in the first place? Parents may accuse that we are seeking revenge when we decide that when it comes to our children we are a package deal. Just because our families are saying that we are seeking revenge, does that make it the truth??

Here are some questions you can put through the truth grid this holiday season;

Ask yourself if you were seeking revenge, what you would be seeking revenge for, and then ask yourself it is really revenge you are after, or peace?

What is your motive for standing up to abusive family? My motive came from the desire for relationship based on love and mutual respect.

Ask yourself if you were loved and valued, would you even be considering going or staying no contact?

Ask yourself if your parents don’t treat you in the action of love, are they loving to your children and if you believe they are loving your children, think about how a parent who rejects their own child communicates love to the child of that rejected parent.

Ask yourself why it would be ‘best’ for your children to have a relationship with your parents if that relationship is independent of you. 

It has always been through my examination of the truth that I have found the true answers that set me free to be me and to reclaim my life and my emotional health.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to those who celebrate! Peace and love to all those who don’t celebrate.

I hope you will consider sharing this post in support of people who may be struggling with difficult family dynamics this holiday season. As always, please feel free to share your comments no matter what they are about. This is a very supportive and safe space.

Exposing Truth, one snapshot at a time;

Darlene Ouimet

Have you seen The Emerging from Broken bookThe Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing”? If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you, get this book today! This 197 page, downloadable, printable, live linked e-book will put you on the fast track to busting out of the fog and to healing.  Get yours here through the upper right side bar or click this link~ Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing

91 response to "Do my Parents Have a Right to see My Children if They Don’t Love Me?"

  1. By: Nadia Posted: 23rd December

    I tried visiting for only ” short periods of time”. Nothing good came out of that. I was verbally abused because of that too! NOTHING was GOOD ENOUGH.

  2. By: Annie Posted: 22nd December

    Thank you for this post. I don’t have children (yet?) but when I do my parents will never see them. I was as damaged by witnessing my narcissistic grandmother’s treatment of my mum as I was by the way my parents treated me (my dad is an aggressive narcissist and my mum is the emotionally vacant kind). It gave me so many wrong messages about what relationships should look like.

    Family is meant to be the blueprint for the rest of your existence in the world. To teach you how to be. anyone suggesting I expose my future children to their so called grandparents is not someone I wish to debate with. It’s not their place to comment. So you don’t need to explain when they trigger your guilt!

  3. By: Kris Posted: 22nd December

    Hi Lori,

    I like what your therapist said. In other words do what is best for you this time around. Take care of your own self and stop caving into their demands that are sick to begin with. Amen to that!!

  4. By: Lori Posted: 22nd December

    Thank you for posting this, and for all the responses. After 40 years of psychotherapy on how to deal with an abusive mother, and hearing her abuse my nieces and nephews, I called it quits on visits and holidays with her. And yes, no phone calls either.The guilt played around in my head a long while until I was told by a therapist, “I visit my mother just enough so that I won’t feel guilty when she’s dead.” I love my mother, but I only visit now for short periods of time and when I feel strong. Not visiting my mother is first on my list under “self-care”.

  5. By: Nadia Posted: 21st December

    Darlene I would like to Wish you and your family a Very Merry Christmas.
    Thank you for helping us all thru this journey of finding peace and love within ourselves.

  6. By: Nadia Posted: 21st December

    Darlene, thank you for this post. My 25 year old daughter is feeling the “guilt” of not seeing her grandparents this Christmas. I have given her the freedom to do so, but now that I have read your post, I am worried about the aftermath. My NM is a narcissist and cares only for herself. Everything is for her benefit and no one else’s.
    I don’t feel sorry for her, especially during this time of year. She was and always will be a miserable women, who for some reason felt no love or affection for me.
    My eldest son wants nothing to do with her and my youngest doesn’t like to talk about it.
    I think my 25 year old daughter feels bad for my Dad who has dementia. She was very close to him and it hurts her to see him deteriorating. I believe it’s a blessing in disguise and I also believe that my NM drove him to drink and have have mini strokes, which then lead him to get the dementia. She almost drove me crazy and last September was the day I had a meltdown and also a breakthrough. No more. Enough. I always question myself because she is my M and because my dad is ill. Then, I remember what she has put me thru since I was 12 years old. Darlene…how do I tell myself that even though she is my M and Dad is ill that it’s okay for me to have No Contact.

  7. By: Pinky Posted: 21st December

    I Darlene its Pinky from FaceBook.I dont see a share button can I share this on FaceBook?If so how?Thanks for your help! I recently suggested your blog to a few people one is that Make a Wish Girl i want to protect her identity since she is a minor and a man my hubby used to work with who was abused by his wife. I saw the vidoes of it.
    I had to wait a long time to hear back from disability to see if they would approve it. I have it but for a time period I am not sure of. It could be a few months or a year. It depends on their work load. So anyway saying that to say I will send a donation!

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 21st December

      Hi Pinky
      I just realized that my share button for social media has gone missing! I will check into that.
      Meanwhile, I guess you could share it from the FB page (it is there now) or cut and paste the URL??
      Thanks for wanting to share it!!!
      hugs, Darlene

  8. By: Poppy Posted: 21st December

    Darlene thank you so much for this. I’m really struggling at the moment and this is just what I needed to hear. Thank you and happy holidays!!

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 21st December

      Hi Poppy
      Glad you are here and glad that my article was comforting!!! I had a feeling that it might be a good time to write on that topic!
      hugs, Darlene

      Hi Nina
      There was a time that I felt guilty too, extremely guilty and I wasn’t the one that stopped contact! I felt guilty just for asking for respect. Ahh I don’t miss any of that!!
      Thanks for sharing,
      hugs, Darlene

  9. By: Hobie Posted: 21st December

    I have made so much progress being away from my family, I’m still relieved that I won’t see them this year. My memories of being on the outside looking in even when I WAS with them are clearer than ever.

    I allowed, even encouraged my children to continue relationships with my family when I was estranged years ago, though I did eventually go back. My children as adults now treat me pretty much the way my mom & siblings always have.

    When my one daughter kicked me out of her life, I didn’t even know how to reach her children without her cooperation, but have since been further criticized for abandoning them. The relationship my children have with my family was made possible by MY efforts. Now I regret that.

    But I’m finding more real friends and real love as I leave the dysfunction behind. DNA alone doesn’t make a real family.

    Hobie

  10. By: Nina Posted: 21st December

    Thank you for this powerful reminder. I am not “no contact” with my parents but was able to move across the country from them 3 years ago and it has helped so much! My mother is controling, manipulative and plain mean sometimes. My dad always takes her side. Sometimes visits from them can be difficult, but managable since exposure to their insanity is in small doses.

    There was a time that I felt guilty for moving my children so far away from their granparents. My boys (12 &13) are old enough to understand what I’m talking about with the way they treat me and it makes them upset to witness it when they are here. My daughter (7) is still a little too young to understand but visits from Nanny and Pop is all she’s really known. Also, when we lived in the same town, any time my daughter (then 4 years old) would spend time with my mother she would come back to me with a horrible attitude towards me…hateful and rebellious. It was so strange.
    So many miles away is the perfect excuse to stay away from them and I have been so much happier. My life has been much more peaceful.

  11. By: Kris Posted: 21st December

    Darlene I loved the questions that you provided us to ask ourselves in regards to our motivations behind not seeing our FOO. They are truth seekers that will only bring us good and help protect us from those who WILL hurt us if we allow them too. We have to remember that the only one’s who changed on this journey are us. Our family members are still caught up with their sick ways of thinking and no good will ever come out of that for us or for those of us who have children. Thanks for providing us with the necessary tools that can help save us from a world full of more pain originating from our FOO’s.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 21st December

      Hi Kris
      So true, that we are the only ones changing on this journey. They have a choice.. they could have real relationship based on love and mutual respect. But they have chosen to stay in the muck. And that is not my problem anymore.
      Thanks for sharing,
      hugs, Darlene

  12. By: Marie Posted: 21st December

    Thank you Darlene I will let you know how the case goes, I made statements last year and this year with police and social workers , the next step is the court date and facing the abuser- I will look him in the eye and I am not afraid anymore. The sad part in all of this is that my little boy ended up being abused by his cousin because of the secrets , it always ends up being played out by the next generation (if you read the book ‘family secrets’ by John Grisham it would shock you), I went straight to the police with my boy and he has also made statements and will bring his abuser to court, I am heartbroken this happened to the child i swore i would protect now matter what, his cousin was in a position of trust and abused my child. This time though when my son told me what happened to him I completely supported him to tell me, then the police and now court, heartbreaking, I am hoping we broke the cycle now but It cuts so deep that my boy was abused, his cousin is way older and should have known better

  13. By: Kris Posted: 21st December

    Hi Marie,

    I am happy that you are giving your self a voice that your abusers silenced for so many years. In January I was asked to speak about this Experiencing God class that I did earlier this year and it is turning out to be my testimony. I too will “out” what my parents did to me. I am hoping it will bring me more freedom as well. I know that only good will come out of what we are doing because we are no longer allowing our abusers to dictate how we live our lives. My heart goes out to you for having to endure so much pain. My mother used to bribe me with money and “things” too. That is what Christmas is all about for her. Filling that big empty void inside of her self and using me to do it with. It worked for many years. Now I see that it was mostly to make her self feel better then ever about making me feel good. My mother never provided me with the basics…no time, no warmth, no comfort, no understanding, no “real” help, and most of all no genuine love. Just blame blame blame that whittled my self esteem and self worth right down the toilet after all those years of hearing it right along with my identity smashed to smithereens due to developing DID in order to survive that toxic home that still reeks havoc on my life today 49 years later.

    We shall overcome. The victory is ours. I will continue to love my parents from afar even though they don’t see it that way but then again what do they really know about “true” love anyway???

    Peace,
    Kris

  14. By: S1988 Posted: 21st December

    I don’t have children, and don’t plan to, so at least having my kids used as a pawn against me wouldn’t be an issue. My mother hasn’t done this with my older brother’s children since they’re so enmeshed anyway, but I wouldn’t put it past her to do it with my potential children.

    I do have three nephews, though. I’ve been an aunt since I was 10 because of the large age gap between my brother and me.

    When they would visit for the summer, they were treated punitively by my mother, and when they would call their parents, they were told not to tell them about being punished. My brother and sister-in-law would’ve approved of it anyway, so I don’t know why she feared them finding out. What hypocrisy. I didn’t think much of it then since I was a kid myself at the time, but now I recognize how senseless and disturbing it is.

    Now, all three of them are teens, and the oldest one will be a legal adult within months. Since they have been brainwashed all of their lives to “stick with family”, I wonder if they’d either hate me for not having much of a relationship with them, or they’d adopt a “neutral” position like my older sister, and claim to care about me, but say I’m wrong for not being involved in the family. If that’s how they would feel, there’s nothing much I can do about that. I can’t and shouldn’t control how others feel about me.

    My older sister doesn’t have kids, but I think it may happen in the next 5-10 years. If that occurs, I have a feeling that my potential baby niece/nephew would be used as a pawn to get me to be involved with them. (This is sort of happening already with my nephews.)

    Maybe this would sound a little hard-hearted, but while I do fear for him/her if he/she comes to be, at the same time, I feel no obligation towards the potential baby or my nephews. After all, no one chooses to be an aunt or uncle, so why am I treated like I have to be their second mother? People choose to be parents, therefore they’re more important to a child’s life than extended family members.

    Oh well. I suppose I rather be seen as a “bad aunt” to them, than expose myself to toxic family members to prove how “good” I am.

  15. By: Andria Creighton Posted: 21st December

    Oh my gosh Karen R, what a horrible story. I don’t have children, but like you I am the scapegoat. It is always your fault.

    I am so sorry about your son’s death. It is so sad. Your mother may have felt some guilt since she was still justifying her actions.

    I hope you have a nice holiday. You will not have to prove your worth to your family. That is a good thing.

  16. By: Karen R Posted: 21st December

    When our son was growing up he would spend summers with my parents. Age 7-15.
    They had a good relationship as far as I knew. He loved going there.

    Until I was 58 and went no contact with family I was the defective scapegoat who needed to prove her worth. All dysfunction was blamed on me but I was tolerated out of the goodness of their hearts.

    When young John turned 19 he got in with a bad group and stole from us numerous times and was really making super bad choices.
    My parents took the stand that we were picking on him ( we were the bad guys) and he went north to live with them.

    He used them, did drugs, stole from them etc. They finally put him out, called me up and raged at me as if I was responsible for his actions and required I make good on the money he had cost them.
    Even though they had taken his side against me when I had initially tried to tell them what was going on, I was blamed.
    They never had any relationship with him again.
    Once they decided you were “no good” then they were done with you.
    Jump ahead 10 yrs. My son & his girlfriend stopped by my mothers house when they were on a trip up north. She spoke to them thru the door and wouldnt share my brothers address. Sent them away. Then called me to justify her behavior.
    8 months later he was dead and she was still justifying her actions.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 21st December

      Hi Marie
      It makes me sick when I hear people ask for protection for the abuser/perpetrator. What about the victim??? The message of “don’t tell” is horrific; it defines us as nothing. Good for you for doing what you needed to do for you. I admire that so much. Please let me know how it goes with the court case.
      hugs, Darlene

      Hi Karen
      Your story is chillingly familiar as well. This is such a clear case of parent entitlement and parents who think that they are the only one’s in the world that can’t do anything wrong. Not much to miss about that situation, is there?!
      Thanks for sharing,
      hugs, Darlene

  17. By: Marie Posted: 21st December

    Thanks for posting this Darlene, it is year 3 of ‘no contact’ and funny enough nobody in the toxic circle is seeking me out to apologize or see how I am. The children don’t miss them because they rarely saw them anyway, and when they did money was shoved at them instead of time or real connection. Money was used to silence me for a long time too but that emptiness never left me despite that form of help- we will give you money if you don’t tell was the deal- Now 3 years on I am waiting for the court case to happen because I have told, I have told about the uncle who abused me as a teenager, the rape and the dirty old neighbour, trauma after trauma that I told my parents and their reaction was ‘ it will kill my sister please dont tell’ the rapists family are ‘our friends’ so please be quiet, and I listened, I listened to them all my life and it destroyed me as a person, carrying all that was too much and I finally had a breakdown at 40years of age and it became a case of tell or die, me or them and I chose me. I am hoping 2016 will be the year I stand in the dock and face the abusers , I cannot wait, I am ready for this- and then, when it is over I am going public- because I was told not to tell for so many years I am going to tell the world what happened to me, name and shame them all and blow the secret out in the open like it should be.
    Merry Christmas to you all,

    Let your truth guide you no matter what others say

    M xxx

  18. By: Bibi Posted: 20th December

    Happy Holidays, everyone!
    I would just like to add that it’s not only narcissist relatives that will do this ‘devaluation’ of you & possibly your children. Relatives with ‘borderline personality disorder’ will do this also, they will cross any & all boundaries but don’t you DARE cross theirs. With BPD it’s all about ‘me, me, me’ & therefore they feel they are justified in crossing your boundaries & even resorting to tantrums & bullying to get their way. I had to learn that one the hard way.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 21st December

      Hi Heather
      Asking myself what my motive is has been a huge way to support myself in the healing journey.
      Thanks for sharing, hugs, Darlene

      Hi Bibi
      Yes, this really has nothing to do with narcissism or any other personality disorder; it has to do with people who believe that they are more important than other people. It has to do with the false belief that the one with the most power and control is the most valuable instead of the truth which is that all people have equal value.
      Thanks for sharing,
      hugs, Darlene

  19. By: Heather Posted: 20th December

    Thank you for the reminder that Christmas is hard for everyone. You are right. I only wanted peace. If I wanted revenge,it would have been a lot more creative than asking her to leave me alone and then realizing I just didn’t have anything left to say to her. I think it is that Christmas was more important than me. It makes it hard. It is supposed to be about peace but it has become about reliving some kind of 1950s fantasy world. ?

  20. By: Hope Posted: 20th December

    I had to go no contact with my whole family, following my NM’s death. People in my family accused me of horrendous things (untrue) in the middle of last year. When I tried to communicate with cousins and my godmother about what had happened they were not very supportive. I have gone NC with my whole family (probably 20+ people) and this will be my 2nd Christmas alone. The hurtful part is that I have 3 children who are not ready to go NC with my family because of all the monetary perks. They still enjoy Christmas for all the gifts they are going to get. When they come home on Christmas they go to celebrate with their father’s family (my ex). All in all, I am alone for 3 days. Last year I tried to arrange get-togethers with friends and they did not work out, leaving me feeling very sad. So this year I have made reservations in a very nice hotel near the ocean. I’m going to try doing things that I love, like sitting near the ocean, reading, crafts, and enjoying some nice meals out. It’s still difficult when the children come home and talk about their visit, but I’m hoping that with the time away that I will be better equipped to listen. Merry Christmas to everyone! I forgot to mention that my sister’s husband is a narcissist.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 21st December

      Hi Keira
      I am glad that this article validates you! I love your response to people who think that family are entitled to have relationships no matter what, just because they are ‘family’. Great response!
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi Hope
      I am sorry that you are all alone for the second year in a row because of the dysfunctional family system. I love your plan to do things that you love to do. That is a wonderful plan!
      Hugs, Darlene

  21. By: Keira Posted: 20th December

    What a validating article! Thank you! … When ‘well meaning’ people ask me “why can’t your relatives at LEAST get to see your kids. YOU don’t have to go, just send the kids… They ARE family” I respond with: “If I feel like the environment is not safe for ME to be in … What kind of mother would then knowingly send her children into such a place? Especially knowing the depth of damage that I have had to overcome from them?… My obligation is to keep my kids safe. Even if it comes at the cost of having take an unpopular stand.” … Reading this article will hopefully help others realize the motivation for no contact is to protect against abusive behavior and not done out of spite. Ultimately we just want to surround ourselves with a safe, supportive, healthy family … sadly sometimes we have no choice but to just make our own ‘chosen family’ … But either way – we’ll be okay. Stay strong EFB family! 😉

  22. By: HeatherN Posted: 20th December

    I don’t have any children, but I watched my father, who is very dismissive and doesn’t connect or get involved emotionally in any of our lives – me or my siblings. That is hurtful enough – but I watched him with my nieces and nephews – and he treats them according to how he feels about one or both of their parents, which is not fair at all. He is mad at my sister, so her kids get treated like crap. He doesn’t like my brother’s ex-wife, so he ignores my niece. It’s bad enough that my siblings are repeating the patterns that we experienced growing up, but because they choose to let their children be around our parents, they get it from not just their parents, but from their grandfather as well. My mom does some stuff with the grandkids, but she mostly ignores them when they visit too.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 21st December

      Hi LeeTheGirl
      Yes, the answer is obvious when we are seeing through the understanding that all people have equal value.
      That is really awesome that your siblings have not pressured or judged you!
      Thanks for sharing,
      hugs, Darlene

      Hi HeatherN
      What you describe is horrible and having said that it is also shockingly typical!
      UGG. Thanks for sharing,
      hugs, Darlene

  23. By: LeeTheGirl Posted: 20th December

    It’s a fair question, I guess. But I like to think the answer is obvious. A decent parent wouldn’t want to have their children exposed to toxic people, attitudes or enviornments. It’s as simple as that. And what would the message be if we did force them to be around these people? That their behavior is excusable because they’re family? That’s why you must suffer their presence every year, little Timmy. Family isn’t some magical word that changes a bad situation into anything else, in fact I think it makes it worse.

    I haven’t spoken to my parents for about two years, but my siblngs still hang around with them. They’ve been great and understanding and not pressuring me to contact my parents and I appreciate that more than words could ever possibly convey. But they still hang around my parents and, as a result, so do my young nephews. I worry fairly regularly about they way they may act around the kids. Before I left there was more than one instance of my father becoming frustrated with and yelling at one of them when he was only a toddler. I should have broken his nose right then and there but I didn’t. If I somehow ever do see evidence of mistreatment again, I will do something about it. I can promise that.

  24. By: d ch Posted: 20th December

    My NM treated her 1st Grandchild well until The mother, (my brother’s ex) did not thank her for the gifts given to them. After that NM was mean, critical, and refused to babysit, meet my niece at the school bus…..Then was pissed off when I did those things she refused to do.
    Then NM cried about no phone calls cards or gifts for her from grandchild or mother at Christmas….. She pushed them away, “punishing” them for not doing what she expected one time.

    Her motives for doing and giving were to make grandchild and mother beholden to her, and to reinforce her views on how “uncaring” my brother was. (Nice thing to do to your young grandchild huh?)

    When she cried about no grandchildren in her life, I thought to myself, she treated them like shit, when things weren’t the way she wanted.

    Wouldn’t let her teenage granddaughter visit and stay during summer vaca.
    And now there is NC from them.

    I’m sure they picked up on her dysfunctional behavior. Thank God!

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 21st December

      Hi Andria
      Thanks and Merry Christmas to you too!
      Hugs, Darlene

      Hi d ch
      Isn’t it interesting when these people behave that way and then cry when people leave them?? What the heck to they think is going to happen??
      Thanks for sharing,
      hugs, Darlene

  25. By: Andria Creighton Posted: 20th December

    Merry Christmas to everyone! Thank you Darlene for creating this supportive and safe space for us to share our stories and do our healing work.

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