Difficulty Crying or Feeling Ashamed or Afraid of Crying



stop crying or I will give you something to cry about
on the rocks

“I had a lot of trouble crying; sometimes I needed to cry so bad that I would watch a tear jerker movie by myself so I could get a few tears out. I still have trouble in this area but I have been able to keep going forward anyway. Other than a tear or two, I can’t cry in front of anyone. This comes from not having PERMISSION to cry in the past. I am happy to say that this has not prevented me from healing.”  Darlene Ouimet

I have always had trouble crying. I have not thought about this as deeply in the past as I have been thinking about it lately. I knew that crying made me feel bad about myself. And I have come to understand through the emotional healing process the different ways that I was not given permission to ‘feel’ when I was growing up.

When I post these types of quotes on the Emerging from Broken Facebook page about difficulty with crying or the inability to cry, there are always a lot of comments from others who share about being told not to cry and about being hit or punished for crying. Some people experience an intense fear of starting to cry and never being able to stop. Some share that like me, they have real difficulty crying and many share having both difficulty crying and shame for crying or even shame for wanting to cry.

The message I got when I was a kid was that I didn’t have a right to cry and that my feelings were wrong and the message was that I was exaggerating or lying about my pain whether it was emotional pain or physical pain. I too was often told that if I didn’t stop crying I would be given a reason to cry ~ (said to me by the person who had delivered the blows) when I was crying because I had just been hit with a belt.  Recently I realized that this issue goes even deeper than the fear of crying, shame over crying and the fact that I had been threatened and punished for crying.  

There was another message I received by being told to stop crying that was even more covert than then the messages about my worth or lack of worth and even more manipulative than the message about my rights or lack of rights;

The deeper message that I got about crying was that my emotions, my pain and my hurts burdened other people. I came to believe from being told not to cry, for being told that I had no REASON to cry, and that if I persisted in crying that I would be given a ‘real reason to cry’ that my crying was hurting someone else and that when I cried it was a problem for someone else. Even if I was crying because I had been spanked with the belt, or because I was hurt, my crying was causing further damage and I believed that the labels of ‘inconsiderate’ and ‘self-centered’ applied to me because of that message.

Today I associate crying with harming others instead of with a necessary release of emotion or an expression of physical or emotional pain. I came to believe that if I cried I was ‘making matters worse’ and not just for myself but for the people around me. For a little girl who believed that compliance and obedience was the only way that I would ever be loved, causing a problem was not the way I wanted to go because that went outside of my survival mode and my survival mode was keeping me alive.  

The truth is that I HAD a reason to cry when I was told not to cry but no one cared about my reasons, no one validated my reasons so I learned to invalidate the reason for my tears myself. I learned that I did not have the ‘right’ to cry that I was not permitted to cry, that I didn’t deserve to feel or to hurt, and I put all that info into the grid of understanding I was developing about myself, right alongside the other messages about my worth (or more appropriately messages about my lack of worth) that I received as a result of neglect, abuse, mistreatment and the dismissive lack of interest in me as an individual from the adults in my life.

My self-esteem was not nurtured; it was in fact deprived.  The damaging message was not only that I did not have ‘permission to cry’ and not only that I didn’t have ‘the right to cry’ and that my ‘need to cry’ was denied me, it was also that my feelings and my emotions were harming to others.  This message (that I was a burden to others when I had feelings and needs) caused me to believe that I was not significant, not worthy, and therefore not valid as a person in the way I believed that other people were valid.

Through understanding this deeper message that my reasons for having difficulty crying had to do with the message that my tears were a burden to others I noticed  that one of my reactions to feeling like I am going to cry is anger. Anger at myself! I have used anger at myself to stop the tears from coming. And this is exactly what my abuser did to me. She used anger and threats of something worse to follow if I didn’t stop crying in order to MAKE me stop crying.

About two years ago I fell down the basement stairs and landed in a weird position. I still have the bruises and dent on my lower shin were I hit the cement landing. It was a really bad fall and was very painful and I started crying as my husband my son rushed down to help me. For my child who was 19 years old at the time, I tried to hide that I was hurt. I didn’t want to scare him or make it worse for him. For my husband I tried to act like it was my own fault and that I had been careless and stupid. I even commented on how terrible it was that I had crushed the bag of chips that I had been carrying at the time as though the crushed chips was the ‘real tragedy’ here and not the fact that I had fallen and was really hurt. I distinctly remember the rage that I felt towards myself in that moment as I choked off the tears and stopped crying. I stopped crying by reprimanding myself. I told myself that I had been careless and stupid and the fall was my own fault and I had ruined a whole bag of chips. I stopped crying because I didn’t want to hurt them. I didn’t want to burden them with my pain. I didn’t want to admit that I needed anything. I stopped crying because when I was a child I learned that I was wrong to cry and I was taught to suck up the pain so I didn’t get a worse punishment ~ because it was ‘proven’ to me that crying only makes everything worse and that my crying was a problem for other people.

In order for me to move out of my many coping methods and thrive in my life today, it has been extremely important for me to find out what the false messages I was given in childhood were and where they came from, in order to change them back to the truth. These false messages about crying were no different than the other lies I had learned to accept.

The truth about crying is that there is no shame in crying. Although some people do use crying to manipulate others, I have never done that and there is no guilt associated with my need to cry.  I am not a burden to others. I am not going to be punished anymore for crying and if someone reacts to my tears in a way that disrespects me or devalues me, today I know that is not about me and I do not have to accept their reaction as the truth about me. If their reactions are mean or negative and warrant a response from me, I am no longer afraid to stand up for myself. Crying does not define me as weak. Crying does not define me as ‘looking for a worse punishment’ or as ‘looking for attention’.  Crying has value and can add value to my life. I have a right to my emotions today and crying is a wonderful expression of many emotions and an important way to release emotion and is nothing to be ashamed or afraid of.

Please share your thoughts about crying. Is crying difficult for you? How do you feel about your tears or lack of tears.  What formed your belief system about crying and what were the messages that you got about crying? When you are working on this, here is one more little tip; sometimes my reactions (or feelings) to other people crying are also great clues to the messages that I got about crying; I took a look at how I felt when other people cried. There are lots of ways to dig into our belief systems when it comes to getting to the bottom of where we got these messages.

Exposing Truth ~ one snapshot at a time;

Darlene Ouimet

The Emerging from Broken bookThe Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing” is ready for download! If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you, get this book today! This 197 page, downloadable, printable, live linked e-book will put you on the fast track to healing.  Get yours here through the upper right side bar or click this link~ Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing

Related Post ~ Stop That Crying or I will give you Something to Cry About”


227 response to "Difficulty Crying or Feeling Ashamed or Afraid of Crying"

  1. By: Helpingmyself Posted: 21st April

    d ch, your experience sounds so familiar. When I was a child my mother would take my bedroom door off the hinges, and start doing things to make me cry. As I cried, her anger and rage would escalate. She would make me sit there in a chair and look at her while she screamed at me, her pupils so tiny, flashes of a smile would sometimes show on her face…foam flying from her mouth like a rabid dog. She kept that up until I cried so hard that I threw up or passed out. Then I remember she would take my little sister (2.5 years younger) downstairs and apologize to her for how horrible I was, then do something like make cookies or doll clothes with her. It is funny how she never ever did this when my dad was home. Only reported to him how horrible I was to her when he got home from work.

    I know that the body keeps track of emotional trauma, and that it will manifest physically if not properly dealt with. My body has turned on me so badly. My neck and lower back cause me great trouble-I have severe arthritis and stenosis, pinched nerves, autoimmune disease etc. and have literally gone bankrupt because of it. My life seems to be in ruins and I am trying to dig out, trying to find some reason to live and to be happy. I just realized less than a year ago that my physical ailments could very well be all of the emotional pain manifesting itself. When you are never heard or validated, and constantly shamed…it takes a terrible toll. I would have rather been beaten physically. Of course my N mother has pain in her neck too! Poor thing.

    Darlene, I have to thank you for your website and all of the energy you put into sharing your journey. I found you one day when I did a search for “why doesn’t my mother love me”. I felt I was at a dead end, that nothing could help anymore, that all the books and websites just repeated the same things. This place is different. Your insight is so in depth and intelligent, and for those of us who think so much, trying to work out every last detail, it is so helpful. I think that your work here is saving lives.

    My post got a little off topic I guess. Sorry about that.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 22nd April

      Hi Helpingmyself
      Never worry about “off topic” ~ this whole website is set up for people to be able to share whatever they need or want to share. I am so glad you are here and thank you for sharing. Your story is horrific and powerful at the same time. Thank you for validating that ‘this place is different’. Because I had tried everything else myself, when I found an answer I became very passionate about sharing it and this is how EFB came to be!
      Hugs, Darlene

  2. By: d ch Posted: 21st April

    To Helpingmyself, If NM caused my tears, she enjoyed it. These last few years, as I stood up to her more, (NC now) if she pushed my buttons to cause tears or angry outburst…”I always knew you weren’t right in the head”
    Bullshit….she isnt right in the head!

    Last year I was kinda weepy from physical pain….She asked what what wrong, then she said dont cry, then talks about someone else’s illness.
    **My tears should stop – she did not cause them, and my physical pain did not matter. Thanks So Much N Not-Mother…….

  3. By: Helpingmyself Posted: 20th April

    D ch, my mother took great pleasure in my tears, and ridiculed me more when I was in a state of happiness, joy, success, etc. I looked through all our old photos recently, and I realized that in every photo, even when everyone else was happy, I looked sad. Very sad. Even in my school photos from very early on. My happiness is still ridiculed or minimized by her if I allow her to see it. I guess I never felt safe or secure emotionally. My sense of shame and unbelonging is extremely deep and affects every aspect of my life. I am 40 now and working hard on learning how to love myself.

  4. By: S1988 Posted: 20th April

    I have to admit it’s been years since someone has seen me weep. I usually do it in private. I, too, find it embarrassing to do it in public. Not even my close friend who lives in Iowa has seen me shed tears. Maybe one day, I’d be comfortable to cry in front of her and others I feel safe with.

    • By: Kendall Roemisch Posted: 11th January

      I am not sure if this is the same thing. I can not cry in front of my husband for 11 years. I don’t feel he’s comforting or understanding. So I go hide in the bathroom. I’ve told him, and it starts an argument. And I know fear turns into anger. Sometimes I cry cause I’m sad, worried, scared. A death. And I do not feel him consoling enough for me. I don’t feel Embarrassed, I still feel alone, so I’d rather be alone…. I did not have some horrible childhood. Or was told not to cry. It’s mainly in front of him…

  5. By: d ch Posted: 20th April

    Dear helpingmyself, do you feel like a “freak” because someone ridiculed or criticized you for crying? I hope you get the help you need.
    I just now am learning it is ok to fall apart and cry around people.
    when i try to hold it in….i get very sick.
    I dont like strangers to see me cry….just a select few that i feel safe around.

  6. By: Helpingmyself Posted: 20th April

    When I get like this, I run away and hide so nobody sees me. My husband and teenage children can’t understand what is wrong.

  7. By: Helpingmyself Posted: 20th April

    I don’t know for sure what it is; if it is cumulative effects of PTSD, crushing depression, emotional dysregulation…but I cannot suppress my tears in certain situations. Any time I am feeling strong emotions, either positive or negative, I start to cry and cannot stop. It becomes an open dam, and usually devolves into uncontrollable sobbing. My world is shrinking because of this spectacle that I am increasingly unable to control. Sometimes it has gotten so bad that I have created hypertensive emergencies trying to hold back the tears. The grief I am experiencing is so deep and intense I feel that I should go off by myself and get it out of my system before I should join back in society. Something is triggering me so strongly. This has caused me to feel like a total freak and alone in the world. I am wondering if it is time for me to seek inpatient assistance.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 20th April

      Hi Helpingmyself
      There are times where all of this is overwhelming and it is really wise to speak to someone and seek inpatient services so that we can get some peace and reassurance. I hope you do what you need to do when you feel this way. There is no shame in being overwhelmed.
      hugs, Darlene

  8. By: Confused person Posted: 19th April

    I relate to all this and have recently (@50) started to wonder why I won’t cry or show any emotion in public, to friends or family. To stop myself crying I inflict pain on myself like sinking finger nails into arms or hands secretly so no one will see. And the confusing part is I can’t remember my childhood, so I don’t know why?

  9. By: Concerned Mama Posted: 22nd March

    Hi Darlene, We have a 14yo dtr who has great difficulty allowing herself to cry. We’ve always encouraged healthy expression of feelings and she is very demonstrative of her feelings…… except sadness. It is as though she feels shame and won’t allow the tears to come out. She is overcoming perfectionism and has more self-control than I will ever know in my lifetime and perhaps this is related. I’m wondering about steps to help her let out her tears when she needs to.
    Concerned Mama

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 23rd March

      Hi Concerned Mama
      I am not sure how to answer this question in one paragraph; being there for her and creating permission for her will help a lot. My inability to cry was very much linked to not being able to trust that I would be safe if I did. (this was of course due to the message I got when I DID cry as a child)
      Hope this helps,
      Hugs, Darlene

  10. By: Gin Posted: 16th January

    ” I’m trying to pay attention to the “triggers” that move me to tears. Not to prevent them, but to learn about “me.”

    What a great idea– I have difficulty crying about things I wish I could cry about. But there are decidedly things that make me cry. I was reading a children’s book last night and I was a puddle of tears. It would be interesting to look at what it was that did that for me… Thanks for the post!

  11. By: DXS Posted: 13th January

    I don’t allow myself to cry in public because of the “cry like a girl” thing. Thus, crying is negative, and being a girl is negative. I hate these messages.

    I do not lose any respect for a guy who cries. But I still cannot bring myself to cry in front of people.

    I am sometimes moved to tears. I’m trying to pay attention to the “triggers” that move me to tears. Not to prevent them, but to learn about “me.”

  12. By: Kris Posted: 13th January

    Crying terrifies me. I do not cry in front of people. My mother is one of those who uses crying(wailing) to get attention. She was so emmbarrasing to be around when she would go off because she wanted something. I was never allowed to cry when hurt, broken arm and leg, I was told to suck it up, all while she was wailing to the nurses that she didnt know how she was going to pay for my injuries.

    When my son was born he was really sick, had open heart surgury at 13 hours old to repair a heart defect, the night after his surgury at 3am I woke up when I heard a woman’s wailing and thought to myself it sounded an awful lot like my mother. I was allowed to go into the nicu anytime to see my son so I left my closed room, I walked down two halls through three sets of closed fire doors and into the nicu. There she was surrounded by the nurses and doctors that were supposed to be taking care of the very sick infants. they were holding her hands, hugging her, talking to her while she wailed about how she didn’t know what to do. I never asked her for help, she never helped with my son at all through all the therapy, and doctors appts. She just wanted their attention, taking from the kids that needed it.

    This is how she was with my sister too. my sis had asthma really bad, I remember very clearly my mother doing things to my sis to cause her to have asthma attacks just so she could take my sis to the hospital to get her dose of attention from the staff while my sis was hooked to the nebulizers.

    I feared her wailing, if she didnt get the type of attention she wanted or enough of it I would get beat when we got home. I knew the nurses were placating her, they would look at each other and roll their eyes as they were walking away from her. They knew she was faking it but their jobs said they were supposed to take care of her. One nurse even told me as they were leaving the room that they felt sorry for me and my sis having such a drama queen for a mother. No one ever turned her in though.

    I still have trouble showing emotion. I am afraid of emotions especially those that involve crying. I cant attend wedding or funerals because I get overwhelmed by the emotions and I dont know what is a safe amount to let out. Several friends have died in the last few years and I have lost the friendship of a few of their spouses because I didn’t go to the funerals. I don’t know how to tell them why. when I see someone crying in public I have to leave the area, the fear and panic that sets in is too much for me to handle.

    I have been called stoic but I am not. Inside I am a fluttering, panic stricken mess, too afraid to show what I am truely feeling for fear of being hurt.

    Thank you for this blog, reading it has validated me in ways I have never been validated. It has allowed me the ability to go NC with my mother for the last 16 months. I haven’t been a part of her craziness for awhile now and I am starting to heal.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 16th January

      Hi Kris
      Welcome to EFB and thanks for sharing. I understand what you are sharing here. I am so glad that you find the writing here validating too.
      Thank you for sharing,
      hugs, Darlene

      I try to pay attention to triggers too and use them to dig into what the trigger is related to.
      It’s a great way to go forward!
      hugs, Darlene

  13. By: Pamela Posted: 11th January

    Sorry Darlene. Had somewhat of an epiphany from what I wrote earlier. Since I didn’t heal up from mistreatment in that relationship (brutal father/daughter), then I of course unknowingly attracted a version of my father in a mate. Tho there were differences and similarities in the types of abuse, I have now experienced the trauma for a second time. Fortunately, I escaped that situation. But am going thru a difficult period of healing the old, the new, and the fact that my father or extended family cannot even validate the illness I fight daily (Lyme disease). Even tho he took care off mother, who had it as well and died without being properly diagnosed. I most likely contracted this in utero. I am working with a therapist, and have just really begun my childhood healing process, which is very upsetting to me becuz I am already 47 years old. Had I not experienced that abuse as a child, I am surey life would have gone very differently. I have three gorgeous daughters, from my marriage so that is the upside. It’s hard to imagine ever having a “normal” life and a healthy adult relationship. Thank you for sharing your truths and experiences. And for allowing us to share puts here. Most of what I experienced growing up, my rageaholic father, and his insistence on shoving his religious beliefs down my throat, were and still are family “secrets.” When I had to set firm boundaries with both parents a few years ago, I was and am still seen by aunts and uncles as “the mean one”. People love my dad and he is a much better grandfather than he was s father to me, partly because I told my mom when my first daughter was born that if he even once thru a tantrum in front of my kids, he would never see them again. A few years ago he went completely off on me again, and so I did not see him for awhile. He is on his best behavior now, but I don’t really trust that this is forever. Thx again Darlene for holding the space for us to express our truths.

  14. By: Pamela Posted: 11th January

    I actually woke up needing to cry from a dream I had this morning. But had a hard time doing it because I was mad at myself for having the dream, and then mad because I felt like crying. I didn’t realize all of this until I read your post…that I was actually mad at myself for both things. And that I was also afraid that if I started, it would be too loud and disruptive even though I was the only one home. I realize today that I had also been threatened bye dad not to cry so my mom wouldn’t be further upset, as if she wasn’t already from his the tantrum he took out pm me. I had stuffed all this down, and literally had forgotten how painful that was, and how detrimental toy emotional and physical health. Not sure why he thought he had a say into feelings or emotions, but he definitely didn’t validate me, and really tried on a regular basis to try And mold me into someone that wasn’t me at all. I definitely wasn’t daddy’s little girl, his princess, or in any way cherished. I was a nusance to be dealt with, someone to take all his anger out on, someone to energetically and physically push around. My current relationship with him is strained and is hard for my brothers to understand because this wasn’t their experience with him. Myself and my were his primary beating posts.

  15. By: Eileen Posted: 11th January

    Crying is showing weakness and that is bad. I become vulnerable and people will know they have affected me. I must be stoic and strong and hide my emotions. I’m glad you brought this up I can see that any emotion whether positive or negative is bad to show. Good subject for my next therapy session.
    Thank you for all you do! Your courage to speak out has healed so many…

  16. By: d ch Posted: 11th January

    I cried so hard today…..It hurts so bad! Then I got out of bed and wrote my feelings down.

    I finally did it! Used my creative energy to help heal!


    I love the written word.
    (NM could never understand or appreciate my creativity.)
    I hope you all will.
    Please, I need as much support and good words right now.

    Contacted an old friend today too, who has an elderly NF.

  17. By: jacquie Posted: 11th January

    I’m 56 and still have difficulty crying in front of people even my husband. As a child I was told stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about. Or i,m attention seeking looking for pity. My step mother used to say poor little cinderella , who do you think you are . Yes I was taught I had no right to cry . I dont believe that now but the old feelings can still break through at times. We are relearning to nuture our inner child.

  18. By: Nona Posted: 11th January

    I was just talking with someone who is in recovery who related that I keep talking about my losses and sad experiences (lost family, family of origin issues, not validating my grief or being upset about something, minimizing why I am sad about something). I have had trouble getting past issues with my family of origin and moving on. Perhaps, I still need to let out pent up tears from tragedies I have encountered, missed opportunities for a decent relationship with some family members, not having children of my own, building a good support system and “getting a life. I hope to find a way to get the tears out that will heal from this stuff to the extent that I don’t need to talk about it anymore. Also, the following brings up old wounds from the past with my family of origin: Visiting or sharing on Facebook with the nicer members of my family who are nice people but do not seem to comprehend the depth of the dysfunction in my family. There is a no talk rule about the serious problems of abuse that occurred when I was growing up. However, the next generation appears to be healthier than the one I grew up with. But seeing them have a shared history is painful for me because during the years they built a history together, I was ostracized by my family of origin, to the point of not learning about births, weddings, divorces, or the death of someone in time to attend a funeral. I was not invited to one sister’s funeral and then blamed for having my own memorial service and inviting everyone, being told that I did this to have a better service for my sister. They acted like I was told beforehand when I wasn’t! To this day, I don’t understand what happened. Furthermore, I usually found out about a death after the funeral was over. At first, I let things go, and did not confront people who had ostracized me; then whenever I did confront something, either I was told I was twisting the truth or was not invited because another family member was angry at something I did. Like many here, I have had a hard time finding people that really “understand.” I have a few understanding friends, and for that I am lucky. But to get a strong support system and a good social life have eluded me. Some of my friends get tired of hearing about my family, and not really knowing how to comfort me or get past the grief. I think I have stuffed a lot of tears; and I identify with people here who have been told not to cry in various ways. Now, I tend to cry over frustrating issues, probably less important than huge grief issues and perhaps this is because I am letting out previously stuffed tears. I am still searching for a way to get past this. When I am busy doing arts and crafts or research that I love, I am happy and joyful. When I am isolated and beset by annoying life issues, I feel sadder. When circumstances isolate me or phone calls are not returned, I feel like I am not lovable to other people. I hope some of this makes sense. I hope I am not rambling too much. May be I need to cry for a couple of years?

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 11th January

      Hi Nona
      Welcome to EFB ~ the key for me was to realize where “the broken began” and how it impacted my beliefs about myself. Realizing how false my belief system was is how I changed it back to the truth and finally stepped away from the pain. My first ebook (in the upper right side bar of this site) contains the foundation of how I did that. (and there are over 400 articles in this website too. 🙂 )
      Glad you are here, there is hope!
      hugs, Darlene

  19. By: rose/rory Posted: 11th January

    ive been looking for answers as to why i couldnt cry and this resonated with me strongly. lately the urge to cry will build up like a sneeze but try as i might i cant bring myself to cry. the few times ive succeeded it lasted only a few minutes and i never felt better afterwards. its especially upsetting to me because just a few years ago i would cry all the time, for hours without stopping. as awful as it felt back then i miss it now.

    i recognize now the emotional abuse my mother put me through, telling me i had no reason to be crying, that she should be the one crying. i remember the shame of crying in front of my friends only to look up and find them staring at me in obvious discomfort.

    the only time i can bring myself to cry is when im with my best friend, and its only because when i ended up crying in front of them by accident once, but they were so understanding and supportive, and i felt so comfortable and at home around them.

    its still frustrating not being able to cry when i need to or having to break down in front of a friend. but yeah. thats my story i guess.

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 11th January

      Hi Frustrated
      Welcome to EFB
      Although the tears are healing, my healing started way before the tears. I have written so much about this in this website.
      There are MANY avenues..
      I wrote this post a long time ago now, and since I have found my tears! I don’t cry a river yet, but I can cry now.
      Thanks for sharing, Hugs,,

      Hi Rose/Rory
      Welcome to EFB
      What I said above to “frustrated” applies in your situation as well. Don’t worry, healing happens differently for different people. The important thing is to keep trying to discover what is in the way in order to move forward.
      Hugs, Darlene

  20. By: Frusrated Posted: 8th December

    My therapist feels my pain I think. She wells up with tears or reacts the way I should be reacting when I talk about memories. But i still can’t let the emotions of anger and sadness go. She so badly wants to help me. I can tell her anything now but not sure how to just let it go

    When I’m alone I cry, or watch a tear jerker. And that’s when I need somebody. I really want to be hugged and comforted. She can’t hug me when I want it. Please tell me the tears will soon come. It’s been 5 months of bimonthly sessions

  21. By: Natasha Posted: 26th November

    I almost cried on the bus when a neighbour told me her cat was going to die, I think we both wanted to break down and cry on each other, but it would be soooo embarrassing to have done in public.

  22. By: Zack Willis Posted: 24th October

    I read the first page and feel I’ve found out aliittle more about my own psychosis I’m 19 and well I’m rather confused if I just cry for attention or not I was told mostly as a child the same things about crying a lot by my parents and teachers dad was the worst at it In fact he and my mother divorced because of the way he treated me and my siblings since then ive tried to make amends with him he has worked on himself and feels he just wasn’t really capable of having to deal with four teenagers which I can’t even fathom how hard teachers I was also told for as long as I can remember that I have asbergers syndrome and I went with that until my frist year of highschool I mean the fact that I had difficulty learning in school so this explains the careless structure of this comment spelling and grammical errors includeded keeps me lingering on the fact that I may be but to tell you the truth I don’t know what to believe anymore I feel like my mind is so cluttered with all of the things people have told me and all the things I’ve told myself like I put myself down a lot and people tell me not to do that and then I feel like when I put myself down it upsets people because I m trying to justify my faults or mistakes I’ve made one but it doesn’t stop there I should have mentioned this earlier but for sometime in my younger years I was your typical pothead and when I got in highschool I stopped to focus on school and in hopes my deperession would clear up cuz I heard that its not good for people who were depressed this was in turn difficult cuz I had made a lot of friends and memories that I fondly will remember for the rest of mylife but it also taught me a valuable lesson no one is invincible and everyone gets caught or left “holding the bag” I’ve just started communtiy college and I hope to pursue a career in anything to do with either ancient history or helping troubled youth however I must hold of on my “majors” till university currently I’m trying to finish remedial courses required for me to further my education and I just don’t feel like I am ready to be part of the “real” world

    • By: Darlene Ouimet Posted: 25th October

      Hi Zack
      Welcome to EFB ~ There is lots of info here and lots of sharing from others. You may find some answers.
      hugs, Darlene

  23. By: Numb Posted: 12th October

    I want to cry and get angry so bad in therapy but I just can’t. I have journalled. I was suicidal in grade 12, I regret choices made. I’m angry that I got hurt, not believed and felt I had no where to turn when I was at my worst. I need to find a way to tell my therapist all this. Any suggestions?

  24. By: Amy Posted: 10th September

    As a child, I was taught that crying was wrong, and that children like me had no right to cry. If I did cry, whatever had caused it was “my fault” and I was only crying to try and stop others from being angry. The same applied if I ever said I was sad or scared, or said something bad had happened. I was always making up stories, lying, exaggerating, imagining things, being silly, manipulating the truth…I learned to be silent, to not tell anybody anything remotely negative, to make sure nobody ever saw me crying. I still do this. It’s like a physical barrier; my tear ducts feel blocked and words stick in my throat. I cannot express sadness, anger, fear, grief, nerves, illness, worry, anxiety and the like. The side effect of this is that I am unable to feel joy, happiness, pleasure or similar emotions. I understand them, but am incapable of experiencing them.

  25. By: Alicia Posted: 24th June

    I recently found this website and I just have to say it’s been an inspiration and an eye opener for me. I’m currently going through a difficult time in my life (pushing people I love away while allowing the pain to creep in) and reading through your posts has really given me hope.

    When I was younger it was never OK to feel. Feeling was taboo in our house. My dad’s favorite line was “If I wanted to hear whining and crying I’d go to work where I could get paid to hear it”. My brother’s and I constantly got the “If you don’t stop crying I’ll give you a reason to cry” line. I don’t think I was every physically abused but I can’t be sure because I’ve blocked out so much of my childhood that I only remember bits and pieces. I have horrible nightmares about abuse but I’m not sure if they’re true or not. I know the pain I feel about being shamed for my emotions is real but I’m so scared to hurt the abusers. I’m not sure if that’s normal but it scares the living daylights out of me.

    I just want to thank you for all the amazing posts. I’m slowly reading through those I feel relate directly to me and it’s truly helping me. Thank you again.

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