To Heal from Emotional Damage Know what the Damage Was

The biggest obstacles in my way were avoiding looking at how I used by others, how I was objectified and not considered to be equally human, and how I was failed by others. By avoiding looking at the truth about that, I was able to excuse the damage they caused. I excused them because I had to. As a child, survival is of the utmost importance and if we start complaining about the people who are failing us, but are also in charge of our welfare, it is a pretty sure fact that we are not going to survive.

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Self Esteem ~ How did YOU Learn YOUR Importance?

Eventually the child is expected to have self esteem and if they don’t there are a whole new set of labels assigned to them. BUT where do they get the self esteem and self value from in the first place? And if the adults in their lives fail to instill that sense of value in a childs life HOW does a grown up child change that misunderstanding? I tried affirmations and positive self talk for YEARS, without success until I discovered the foundation of my self esteem, and changed the lies that lived there.

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Being Validated, Making a Difference and the Ripple Effect

So often we seek validation from the wrong people believing that if only we are "good enough" to the ones who originally made us feel "not good enough" then we will finally have the validation we seek. There is a difference between positive validation and manipulative validation from controllers and abusers. When validation comes from the abuser, only the abuser gets validated.

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We are Taught Don’t Get Raped instead of Don’t Rape

We live in a society that teaches “don’t get raped” instead of “don’t rape”. And we wonder why we are so filled with guilt and shame when we get raped. We mistakenly believe that we somehow didn’t prevent ourselves from getting raped. It's as though the weight of the crime should be shared between the victim and the perpetrator or even worse that the weight of the crime rests mostly on the victim.

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