Breaking Through the Fear of Speaking About Child Abuse by Kylie Devi

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I am pleased to welcome Kylie Devi back to Emerging from Broken. In January of 2012, Kylie wrote a guest post about having been sexually abused as a child and how much trouble she had getting professional help dealing with it. There were some unforeseen results due to her sharing this information however and this new post is about her abusers confronting her about that blog post and her reaction to that confrontation; how it froze her and how she got through it. It will be helpful for you to get the whole picture by reading her original blog post first. Please help me welcome Kylie back! ~ Darlene

 

stop the silence about child abuse
Kylie Devi

Breaking Through the Fear of Speaking About Child Abuse by Kylie Devi

In January of this year, I wrote a blog post sharing my experience with the “get better industry.” I shared how I felt that traditional psychology and social work failed me when I really needed it. And how I pulled myself out of the trenches of the horrors of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse as well as a ten year battle with drug addiction.

The belief I shared is that any industry designed to help me “get better” is only going to thrive when I don’t get better. An example of this is that the medical industry doesn’t thrive when nobody is sick, seeing doctors, or buying pharmaceuticals. Therefore, they are invested in people being sick. Make sense?

My main purpose for sharing this blog post was to reach out and say, hey, we all have our own unique path to healing… and it’s really awesome when we can share with each other too. For me, both of these are implicit – we have to do the work ourselves, but it is so powerful when we can participate in communities full of people who are also “doing the work.”

I do believe it was received that way by many people who read it, but there were some other people who weren’t too excited about what I had to say.

In February, I got a phone call from my main abuser saying: “I read your little blog post, what are you doing? Trying to get attention? Who abused you, and why am I hearing about it in this way?”

(I would like to say that “your little blog post” was kind of comedic to me, since this is a highly trafficked website that has helped thousands of people.)

And then 3 more phone calls from my other main abuser.

Phone Call 1: “Kylie, we got a phone call today about your blog post. Someone in the family has read it and we really need to know what is happening and what is going on here. It’s really obvious that you are accusing someone in the family of sexually abusing you and since we know that isn’t true we just want to find out what is going on with you.”

Phone Call 2: “Kylie, one of your aunts has read the blog post and she can’t sleep. She hasn’t been able to sleep in 3 nights. She is so upset.”

Phone Call 3: “Kylie, one of your uncles has read the blog post and now he is wanting to beat up the person you accused in your article.”

Kylie: “I am really sorry for all the drama this is causing for you. I genuinely was trying to help people. I do whatever I can to help people heal from what I have overcome and been through. I had no idea it would cause anyone else any stress or pain. I was very conscientious not to point any specific fingers, so I’m not sure why people are making these assumptions about who abused me.”

What?!?!

Yes, I really said this.

And here are the truths that I derived from this series of phone calls that catalyzed a frozen, scared 5 year old girl paralysis within me.

So much that I actually stopped working on a book on overcoming sexual trauma that I have been working on for over 10 years. I stopped commenting on EFB and OSA Facebook pages and sites. I stopped offering the recovery-based courses that women were participating in with life-changing results.

In short, I stopped speaking my truth.

I silenced myself.

Truth #1: A part of me was still terrified of my abusers.

Truth #2: I was disconnecting from my own truth to protect them, STILL.

Truth #3: I felt like I had done something wrong by speaking my truth in a public forum.

And it was another survivor’s writing that woke me up to this.

On July 8th Christina Enevoldson of Overcoming Sexual Abuse published the following post

The Truth About My Abusers Threats

What really moved me about this post was that Christina identified the part of her that was still afraid, the child or voice inside that had been groomed to respond with fear… but that in identifying that voice inside, she also saw the reality of her adulthood, of her responsibility in her own life, about her desire to speak the truth, and how no one can stop that. She was bold and brave in the face of fear and threats. She had taken back her power from these people. Or at least, this is how I interpreted what she wrote.

I literally stopped in my tracks when I read that post. 

Once I realized what I was doing, I decided that it was time to reassess my recovery process and get a little extra support, and so I did that. I started posting much more heavily on all the recovery forums online because I needed that. I started working with Darlene doing some coaching to work on the very specific blocks I was experiencing. This helped me to see EXACTLY where I was at, so I could make recovery and life affirming choices from a space of self-love and self-care rather than from reactivity to the genuine shock I felt when I realized what I was doing to myself.

And in that process I realized I had done so much work, and in doing that work it was really time to confront the abusers and stop pretending like that they have some kind of mystical power over my life. I didn’t want to be in the grips of fear anymore.

So I did.

I do not believe this is a necessary step for everyone’s healing, and I would definitely say if you are going to do something like this have A LOT of support.

What I learned about myself in this process:

  • ·         I do not exist for anyone else’s pleasure, I am not another’s property.
  • ·         I have the right to speak my truth, at any time, in any situation. There is no time or place where it is not okay, or not permissible, for me to speak what is true for me, as I had been groomed to believe.
  • ·         My levels of self-love and self-care are not influenced by what others think of me. I love myself and I will provide care and protection to myself. The child in me needed that from another, but I am capable of providing what I need, even if that need means needing something from somebody else. I am interdependent and dependable.
  • ·         Other people’s emotions are not mine to take care of. I am not responsible for my abusers’ horrible feelings and beliefs about themselves. I did NOT do that to them. It was not my fault.
  • ·         I am not internally flawed. I have shortcomings, and when I become aware of these shortcomings, I can transform them into a higher level of relating with myself and the world. 

I realized that in beginning to speak about my abuse in an even more public way than ever before, I was making major strides in my own recovery. And when the abusers saw that happening, part of their abuser identity began to crumble.

“We can’t control her anymore! Who are we, then?”

I don’t know who they are with or without abusing me, and it doesn’t matter. I know that my identity no longer exists inside of the abuse box that they created, the one I had no other choice but to live in as a child.

Just like the medical industry literally fuels itself with disease, the abusive system also requires a certain fuel. This mostly consists of me giving my power away, of me believing limiting thoughts about who I am…

Things like “I am not loveable,” “I am powerless,” “I have no voice,” “My voice is not important,” “I have no right to speak,” “Nobody believes me anyways,” “I deserved it…” these beliefs fuel the system.

But the worst one for me was the one I discovered in this process, that Christina also shared overcoming….

“I’m going to get in trouble if I tell.”

What does trouble look like now that I am a 33 year-old woman?

It could look like legal battles. It could look like some kind of harm done to me. I realize that someone who would harm a child is not above retaliation.

But I am not a child anymore. I have resources. I have the ability to keep myself safe. And I for one, am not willing to be silenced again. My life story is a powerful stand that anyone can heal from trauma and addiction and live a meaningful, enriching life contributing value to the lives of others.

No one can stop me from being that story. No one can stop me from telling you that story.

I’m not shutting up any time soon.

Kylie Devi

Please share your thoughts, reactions, feelings and comments with Kylie and the EFB community.

Bio: Kylie Devi is a writer, healing artist and internet marketer who is passionate about mental, emotional, political and spiritual freedom. You can connect with her at www.facebook.com/kyliedevi if you care about any of the aforementioned things.

Related Posts ~dysfunctional family law and family belief system

~ sexual harassment and freezing in fear

85 response to "Breaking Through the Fear of Speaking About Child Abuse by Kylie Devi"

  1. By: kylie Posted: 9th October

    Hiya Bipolar Bear! Great to hear your perspective, that there is a bit of plot missing for you…

    After the blog post reference to Christina’s blog post (which was awesome) I wrote about confronting my abusers. That was the action that was taken after the realization was made. For me that consisted of writing a very detailed 4 page email that I sent. When it was responded to with denial, I decided not to engage in more conversation about it. So that is what happened.

    It might not be as exciting as late night tv but it is my story 🙂

    Kylie

  2. By: Tricia Posted: 9th October

    Kylie,

    I am moved by your journey in life, your wonderful outlook, the way you inspire other people and your most AWESOME personality!! I am inspired on your decision to share your experience in your own healing so that you may also help others with their healing. You are such a wonderful person Kylie you inspire me to be a better person! Love you lots!!

    Tricia

  3. By: Bipolar Bear Posted: 9th October

    I was enthralled until I read up to Christina Enevoldson of Overcoming Sexual Abuse post “The Truth About My Abusers Threats”.
    So what happened? Did you respond to the abusers again? Did you turn your back and walk away? I realize that the details were not posted and I’m not looking for lurid details but what is your specific stance as far as dealing with them if they call? Is this just a story that is unfolding? I guess I’m looking for follow-up.

  4. By: kylie Posted: 9th October

    Patricia,

    I found that same thing curious! Darlene and I had a few good laughs (I think it was laughs, was it?) over that very same thing!

    I am strong and courageous! Thanks for pointing that out. We all rock.

    kylie

  5. By: kylie Posted: 9th October

    Caden,

    Thanks! If you are the same Caden that has been writing about the same topics than I also want to say I really appreciate your writing and what you are sharing with the world. You are truly gifted… as we all are 🙂

    In regards to…

    “I know that my own abusive family members all thought that way and would be horrified if they saw me standing up to that power structure; after all, if we can empower ourselves to go beyond that, then they might be next”

    I find this very poignant. I think most power structures, and people in them, are deathly afraid of exposure. At the same time (and I think you said something like this too in your blog post) I don’t do any of this for, or about them.

    It’s about me and you and Patricia and Jai Maa and Darlene and everyone who is brave enough to say “Enough is enough of the bs…” I’m not playing the game anymore, I’m not willing to wear masks anymore. This is real, this is raw, its uncensored and its not going to stop until I die.

    I think you are awesome.

    k

  6. By: kylie Posted: 9th October

    Pam…

    I resonate with so much of what you shared!

    “People get away with sexual abuse because society works so hard at silencing victims.”

    Yep! Sure do… I wrote a 50 page paper on that in college, and it was SO intense, because the whole time I was researching and writing about “the politics of silence” I didn’t tell ANYONE about my abuse!!! The irony was… well, ironic.

    And then you write:

    “I was silenced for decades and I wonder, at times, if I will face legal reprocussions from speaking out.”

    I had the same concern and I did some legal research as well as spoke to my lawyer friend, and with the information I gathered I realized I was pretty much okay, and even if I wasn’t I decided to not let that stop me. I am not afraid of persecution or prison. I dont believe its in my future but Im not willing to let it stop me from inspiring people such as yourself to believe in yourself even more and go even deeper with your healing process.

    Thank you for your courage, honesty and vulnerability!

    K

  7. By: kylie Posted: 9th October

    Dana,

    I understand feeling conflicted about cutting off family ties and how that will effect other relationships, ie) your daughter. I am happy to know that you are standing up for yourself and doing what you know is right! I love that you brought up anger too, because it is something I was soooo uncomfortable with for so long! And we have that right, to be angry, thank you for the reminder and I wish you the best in your healing journey. It’s so awesome that you are here 🙂

    Kylie

  8. By: Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker Posted: 9th October

    Congratulations Kylie. You have done some major growing and healing to reach this place in your life. You have taken your power back from your abusers and they aren’t going to like that at all. Awareness of all that has happened to you in the past 9 months is the beginning. You have the strength and courage to stand up to anything that your abusers dish out to you.

    What I find curious is that you didn’t mention any names in your first post but everyone that contacted you or was upset seemed to have some names in mind for who your abusers were. People aren’t as blind as they want us to believe when abuse of a child is involved. They are the ones who should be ashamed for their inactivity in protecting you as a child. You have done nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud and hold on to your voice. Recognise the fear that shut you down after the phone calls and know that with awareness it can lose its power over you. You are strong and you are courageous. Stand firm in your healing. You are worth it.

  9. By: Caden Posted: 9th October

    Kylie, I loved your previous guest post. It’s very telling that these people lashed out at you for merely mentioning that you were abused. It speaks about their guilt, and how I’m sure they were threatened by your challenging the ‘get better’ industry and the idea that therapists are authority figures which the poor, lowly mentally ill population needs to shut up and listen to. I know that my own abusive family members all thought that way and would be horrified if they saw me standing up to that power structure; after all, if we can empower ourselves to go beyond that, then they might be next. While if we spent decades of our lives with therapists that only offered chimeras and false solutions, then the abusers would benefit a great deal.

    It’s so great that you’ve posted this in the same space where they originally found your words and attacked you as a result. If they don’t like you talking about your life, your emotions and history, then they don’t have to read it, they don’t have to type your name into google or pursue whatever path that brought them here. Years ago when I had a website that didn’t even talk about abuse, my mother and other relatives wrote me angry letters about it, as if they owned me and I wasn’t allowed to express myself in any way which they disagreed with. It’s so important to cast away the control and intimidation they once used against us and break apart those old patterns.

  10. By: Pam Posted: 9th October

    Kylie, Thank you for this wonderful post. I relate to it on so many levels that I know I can’t comment on all of them. I’m grateful for your bravery and determination to not be silenced. People get away with sexual abuse because society works so hard at silencing victims. I agree with you that we should be able to talk about the reality of our childhood and not be made to feel that we must protect people, both those who abused us and those who are embarrased to be related to an abuser or a victim. I hope that more victims find their voice and make people understand the full damage that sexually abusing a child causes. Jerry Sandusky’s sentence is a maximum of thirty years. He should have received a multiple life sentence, one for each child he raped. I know those little boys will be living with the personal damage he inflicted on them for the rest of their lives.

    I was silenced for decades and I wonder, at times, if I will face legal reprocussions from speaking out. Because of what you’ve written and the courage it took to write it and keep on writing, I am emboldened to not back down, not sit down, and not shut-up. I know there is great power in the voices of victims. Our voices have the power to change people’s attitudes and make the sexual abuse of children more rare. Right now, I believe it is epidemic. People don’t like to talk about it or hear any details but it’s past time to bring this kind of abuse into the light. Every time I hear a Michael Jackson song on the radio, it makes me so angry. The children he hurt were silenced to protect an idol. His voice is the one that should of been silenced. I’m rambling…stay brave, Kylie. I know from experience that being about to shout from the rooftops the truth of what happened to me has been an important piece of helping me heal but I also, believe it does even more to help other victims and prevent others from being victimized. It’s important work that you are doing and you deserve a purple heart for fighting in what is a silent war against children.
    Pam

    Pam

  11. By: Dana Posted: 9th October

    Good for you.

    My mother lost custody of me when I was three and a half, in a Southern state, to my Navy (though remarried) father. Shouldn’t have happened–but did. To this day no one will tell me exactly what she “admitted to” that “cut her own throat” before the judge. I know neglect was involved but not what all else, and I have almost zero memories before age four.

    We’ve had an off and on relationship ever since. This culminated in my maternal grandmother’s death in May 2011 of which no one advised me, not even a maternal cousin of mine who was on Facebook and who posted about her new baby after Mawmaw’s death occurred.

    I got angry, I posted about my anger on a blog I was keeping at the time, and then I got an angry letter from my mother about all the awful mean things I’d said. (I assume my ex-MIL printed off my blog post and sent it to her, since my mother’s not Net-savvy–but that’s another story that doesn’t go here.)

    Oh no she din’t.

    I wrote her back and listed book, chapter, and verse on all the messed-up stuff she has done to me my entire life. I mean I really let it fly at her. All the things I’d never had the guts to bring up to her, because I’d rather have a flawed relationship with her than none at all.

    I guess she either read it or tore it up unopened, since it was never returned to me. I haven’t heard from her since.

    And that’s fine. I regret that my daughter will probably never know her maternal grandmother–but if Mom would rather s?!t on me than face the facts and straighten up, I guess I didn’t need a mom anyway.

    And that’s the facts I *know.* Ceiling Cat only knows what else she’s having to live with. I don’t envy her at all.

  12. By: kylie Posted: 9th October

    Hi Ann, thanks for sharing where you are at! YOU are the superhero! Much Love, Kylie

  13. By: kylie Posted: 9th October

    Debby,

    First of all I want to say I am so grateful that you are in tears because the power of being able to feel what we are feeling WHILE we are feeling it is the greatest (or one of the greatest) gifts of doing this work! That’s AWEsome!

    I love that you brought up the point of being intelligent, smart and creative and because of abuse tending towards destruction. I can SO RELATE to that. I was always really smart and in highschool I started getting Ds and Fs and being drunk in class. I am so grateful that I managed to pull myself out of that downward spiral and that you have also.

    I am really inspired by what you have been able to accomplish! You deserve the life you want.

    Most abusers will deny abuse and that’s why I felt I had to write this. We are so not the crazy ones! Its such an abuser story to tell us to be grateful for what they have done for us or given us and completely turn the other cheek when it comes to accepting any responsibility. And for me freedom comes from accepting responsibility. I know that I have hurt a lot of people in my life and I admit that.

    That little girl has so much to say and making peace with her will set you free!!!

  14. By: kylie Posted: 9th October

    Jai Maa,

    I am so honored that you have shared that with me and that my process of opening up and sharing has helped move your creativity through a fear space.

    You have been an unbelievable force for healing in my life and in the life of so many that I am truly touched to have been of service to you in any way.

    It’s been a helluva journey, right? And I am so grateful to have you as one of my best friend sister types. You are such a powerful testament to healing and you did it in the same way as me – basically, never ever ever giving up and fighting like a manic warrior goddess haha! Love you girl.

    I can’t wait to read your book and i will help you in any way that I can to get it out there loud and proud. Thanks for being you!!!

    k

  15. By: Jai Maa Posted: 9th October

    Wow, Kylie,

    I am so proud of you and inspired by you. I experience you as courageous, powerful, and willing to help the world heal by telling the truth of your process. I support you completely and I want you to know that you have given me the inspiration to write about my child abuse. I have been “sitting on” a book I have wanted to write for years, but have been afraid to give the whole truth because I have actually made peace with my abuser today. This is the most important part of the story, yet, I feel afraid that I may hurt this person in sharing my journey of recovery from child abuse. Your willingness to share your truth has given me the courage to share mine. Thank you.

    I love and support you,
    Jai Maa

  16. By: Debby S. Posted: 9th October

    I am in tears. I was abused – sexually, physically, emotionally, mentally – in my childhood, to the point where I had no self-esteem, even though I am intelligent, smart, and very creative. I have been through 3 marriages where I gravitated towards men who were like my abuser (father) and the marriages ended up in shambles, with me being deeper and deeper in a pit. I have overcome much in my life, from raising three daughters with no financial support, putting myself through college and graduating at age 45, moving out of government housing and off food stamps to become totally self-sufficient…now I am an art teacher and an accomplished musician and I financially profit from both.

    I recently moved back into my little hometown in a rural community. No one knows of the abuse my brother and I suffered as children…everyone thought we were a ‘perfect’ family. What they didn’t know was that we were scared to death to be anything other than that. What really touched me about your post is that my family denies any abuse ever happened…my grandmother tells me I am crazy – that my dad put a house over my head, food on the table, etc etc and I should be grateful. But the truth is…that scared little girl is still on the inside of me and in a sense, still rules my decision making. I don’t know if I will EVER be able to confront my father. I have been in counseling too – some of which was very helpful and put me on a road to recovery. I have stalled though; and I don’t know what to do to jumpstart myself. I still have a long way to go – but I know I have to make peace with the little girl inside me.

  17. By: kylie Posted: 9th October

    Nikki – You are a powerful stand for truth in your life and your immediate community and I so appreciate that… Thank you!!!

    You sharing with me what you have really affirms that the work I am doing in writing and being honest is definitely what I want to be doing, regardless of others reactions!

    We have to do so much work to get to the place where we can even confront our abusers. And then what? It opens up a whole new deeper level of healing. So I am glad we are opening this dialogue and offering support to each other.

    🙂 Kylie

  18. By: kylie Posted: 9th October

    Thank you Judy 🙂 And James…

    @Juan… I also appreciate your sentiments… I definitely don’t want to encourage sympathy because I don’t experience myself as a victim today. I don’t want to discourage your positive and encouraging sentiments, I feel it is important to make that distinction though.

  19. By: Juan S Posted: 9th October

    Hi! Great read! great to hear there are others fighting the good fight.

    My deep sympathies and admiration go to you, for overcoming what you have.

    🙂

  20. By: Nikki Kluj Posted: 9th October

    Kylie,
    I’m so glad to see this new guest post!

    I know I don’t really know you, but you’ve been in my thoughts for some time now. I read your guest post in January and found it insightful and helpful. I could relate in so many ways. Being raped as a child, being a recovered alcoholic, spending too much of my life in and out of therapy that mostly didn’t help and sometimes devastated me further. I “liked” your FB page soon after that and watched as your FB posts faded.

    I didn’t know why, but I assumed you were going through something difficult. Again, I can relate. When I started simply sharing articles about child sexual abuse and blog posts from OSA, my family started going bananas. I then wrote a small note telling all of my facebook friends that I had been abused as a child (without saying who my abuser was) and included statistics and links to supportive websites in case anyone I knew had been through something similar and was suffering alone. I wanted them to know that this happens to so many people, we really aren’t alone and we truly don’t have to keep our abusers secrets for them any longer.

    My main abuser, my father, essentially said the same thing your main abuser said… “What are you doing? It is foolish to air your dirty laundry out like this. Tell me who abused you so that I can take care of this. Then you can keep this in the past where it belongs and forgive. That’s what is best for you.” DISGUSTING!

    Ultimately, I told some people in my family that he was my abuser. I told those who have children, children who spend nights in my parent’s house. And I told my mother and brother, the two people I thought I had the most phenomenal genuine relationships with, the two people in the world I thought would believe and support me. I was wrong. After disclosing chaos ensued.

    My aunt called and asked why I was trying to destroy my parents lives. Her daughter messaged me and said her sister was distraught, disturbed, depressed because of my accusations. My abuser father contacted me to inform me that I was terrorizing my mother.

    This may change at some point, but I don’t feel a need to confront my abuser. He knows what he did. There is nothing I can ever say to make him know or understand how his actions then and now devastated me. He’ll never know the depth of the pit he left me to climb out of alone. He’s a liar. He’s twisted. There is no point. I wrote him a letter as part of my own healing. I won’t think I will ever send. I’ve cut him and all of his supporters out of my life completely.

    I feel strong, but I also feel so much of what you describe in this post. I also silenced myself after hearing what my family had to say about me telling the truth. Your words here are so important and inspirational. Thank you for your courage!

  21. By: James Portocarrero Posted: 9th October

    Yano a theme that I have been working with in my practice this week is ‘recognizing the past karma for what it is and overcoming it with enlightened awareness’ .. Jesus said “If someone strikes you on the left cheek withhold not from him even the right”.. Meaning that all that we experience is a trial from God, and simultaneously related to our own personal journey and karma.. And this is exactly why it’s so important that you brought this out into the light so that it can be resolved .. Try to maintain your grace and remember to not ‘dive into the river of water, but dive into the river of fire.. because the river of fire is actually water, and the river of water is actually fire’.. Just trying to pacify everything or to go with our same old approach is not enough, these experiences are meant to give us the tools we need to explode through our limitations and fears and barriers.. Good luck and Godspeed!

  22. By: judy Posted: 9th October

    My first thought after reading this blog was Wow! Thanks so much for sharing. Abusers always fear the truth. I applaud you!

  23. By: kylie Posted: 9th October

    Thanks Darlene! It’s always an honor to be able to share my process with your incredible readership 🙂

    I appreciate your insight and of course you were a part of this process in my life, so thank you so much for everything you have done for me and for every life you touch on a daily basis.

    It is true that I was not trying to point fingers in that first post, and yes, a total “truth leak” as you like to say that the reaction was so pointed in that direction, or focused on “blame,” when that wasn’t my point at all…

    I would be a total liar if I said I didn’t have anxiety or fear about sharing this today… but what I admire the most in the recovery community is when people don’t pretend. I have come a long way on the healing journey, and I have miles ahead to walk as well. So here I am as a testament to the fact that anyone who has struggled with addiction and abuse can recover and fully, and the fullness of that recovery will be determined by the degree that they are willing to take responsibility for their process. And at the same time, if I pretended that that meant I never experience fear or anxiety about things such as sharing my story in public, knowing it could lead to further attack or aggression (and it probably will)… then I would be lying to you all.

    I am experiencing anxiety about this… but today I am a woman of integrity and honesty and my life is about serving and helping others to heal by being transparent. I am not a “healer” but how I choose to help is to put out there as much as possible what I have been through and how I overcame it. Others can take from it what they can. And that’s an awesome thing.

    You rock & hugs to you too 🙂

    Kylie

  24. By: DarleneOuimet Posted: 9th October

    Hi Kylie

    I am really excited to have this ‘follow up’ post on; welcome back and thank you for sharing all of this here.

    I love how you have highlighted the reactions of the abusers, and then your reactions to them. There is so much revealed about how the cycle of abuse works and the reasons why the silence is kept for so long in the first place. We are groomed to fear, groomed to doubt ourselves and our truth and groomed to doubt or rights as human beings. We have the right to expose crimes against children.

    From the first email from one of your abusers there was that old pull and the expectation of ‘respect and control’ was so evident with the phrase “I read your little blog post” ~ I thought this was such a demeaning and devaluing way to address the fact that you were talking about what happened in your childhood. And even more interesting was the fact that your original post was about seeking help and not at all about anything specific pointing any fingers at any one person.

    I love these lines in your post~ “Just like the medical industry literally fuels itself with disease, the abusive system also requires a certain fuel. This mostly consists of me giving my power away, of me believing limiting thoughts about who I am…
    Things like “I am not loveable,” “I am powerless,” “I have no voice,” “My voice is not important,” “I have no right to speak,” “Nobody believes me anyways,” “I deserved it…” these beliefs fuel the system.”

    And this line is my very fav. “ BUT I AM NOT A CHILD ANYMORE”
    Yes. I empowered myself for at least a year with that same statement.

    This post is PACKED with great information and insight into how the dysfunctional system of abuse and misuse of power and control works to keep vicitms thinking like victims and in the fear of speaking.

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey Kylie!
    I am looking forward to the conversation on this one!

    Hugs, Darlene

  25. By: Ann Posted: 9th October

    You go, Kylie!!! You are so brave and such an inspiration. Just reading your thoughts has moved me further in my journey. It can be so hard to tell the truth. Currently, I am trying to stand up for myself in the midst of my mother’s belittling comments. Will succeed one day in not be paralyzed when she “zings” me. You, my friend, are a superhero- Kylie, the lioness. Thanks so much.

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