Being Validated, Making a Difference and the Ripple EffectBy
Earlier this week, in the midst of a difficult day where it seemed that everything required my time and attention and Iwas really short on time, out of the blue I got this comment. I got a comment from a lady telling me that my blog, Emerging from Broken; my work made a difference to her and then to the grade 4 through 6 students that she teaches.
The timing could not have been more perfect for me. It was the lift I needed. I speak about “the ripple effect” and I long to make a big difference in the world and although I get tons of fan mail and excellent validating comments on my blog every day, this comment is about a difference that I made when someone stumbled across my work. She understood my message and she changed her message. That is really validating.
You can read the post here: “You Reap what you Sow ~ what about Child Abuse?” Here is the comment from Connie.
“Hello – I wanted to tell you how I came to this blog and what it did in my life. I volunteer at a Christian after school program and teach kids 4-6th grade. I was planning to teach LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR from Galatians 5:14. In reading further, I found “A man reaps what he sows.” in Gal 6:7 and thought it would be a good way to illustrate, if you want love, sow love…right?…. How NAIVE of me! (Thanks to finding this blog.) As I read your descriptions of how this scripture gets twisted and used to harm gentle spirits, I just lay on the floor and wept for the hurt and became outraged at the lies!!! I realized, God was allowing me to feel just an ounce of what He feels on the subject! Thank you so much for sharing your stories, and know that they diverted a well meaning teacher from planting an idea that could be used against other kids! I basically looked into each of their eyes and told them, “YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW OTHER PEOPLE BEHAVE, EVER!” We are only responsible for how we behave. Anger and meanness are a choice, just like love and gentleness are choices!
I thank God for Emerging from Broken and I pray for wholeness that can only come from knowing the healer.
Doing my best to serve Jesus,
I write a lot about self validation, self care and self love. This is the goal. Sometimes I make it sound like being validated by others serves no purpose but what I mean to say is that being validated by others is not the whole answer and that being validated by the abuser is what so many of us seek due to the false belief that the person who devalued us can restore our value if they finally value us. That is a terribly damaging false message. It keeps us working for the abuser and the only one who gets validated IS the abuser.
Before I was able to validate myself love myself or accept myself; before I was able to even KNOW myself, my pain was validated by someone who heard me. There is nothing wrong with being validated. My interaction with my readers is based on my belief that we all need validation. It is manipulative validation that you have to watch out for!
I wanted to share this with my readers because all of us are in this together. When we learn the truth we share the truth if not through our voices then through our actions. Sometimes we don’t even realize how much we are changing or growing just by realizing the actual truth.
Thank you to Connie. Thank you for sharing this story with me and with the other readers here. I too am doing my best to serve.
While I am on the subject of being validated for the right reasons; I got another great comment this week challenging all my readers to send me a donation. I support emerging from broken out of my own pocket. There have been monthly expenses since the beginning as well as the thousands that I spent on my education before I started this site. I gave up my paid work to build this website because I wanted to reach a larger audience with my message. The traffic and comment numbers exploded and I needed to hire technical help to keep the website safe. My plan was to give myself an 18 month window to build EFB and then take clients again so that I could pay the bills and contribute to my family income. That was over 2 years ago now. Between writing the posts and keeping up with the readers/commenter’s and all the private emails I get, I have been having trouble finding the time to get back to generating an income. Every month I receive 700 to 1000 plus comments and I spend a lot of time reading and answering them because being heard and believed was the first step in my own recovery.
And now I really need to have an income again and I am asking for help. I work full time on this website to deliver this message. I have a passion for my readers and for sharing this truth about how I overcame depressions and all the issues that manifested in my life by finding the roots of the problem and where I got broken in the first place.
If you find value from reading what I write and if you can help in anyway, please consider using the donate button on the right sidebar to make a contribution. Thank you AnnaLyzza for initiating this challenge. I don’t think many saw it since it was in a comment thread, but you inspired me to make a public appeal about it.
With love and gratitude to this whole community;