When Inspirational Material Triggers Self BlameBy
I was watching a motivational video clip that someone shared from You Tube and something struck me “icky”. Something about it was just NOT motivational. It was near the beginning when the speaker said “but somewhere along the line, you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you that you are no good. And when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame….. ” The speaker goes on to say “let me tell you something you already know. The world aint all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.” And the video goes on to inspire and motivate people to take their broken lives back.
Okay, this ticks me off. At first I wondered why it hit me so hard; I felt my heart react in the way it does when I hear abusive statements. The speaker is speaking in a similar way to the way that abusers speak, but that wasn’t what was triggering me. This video really is intended to be inspirational. It is the famous speech from one of the Rocky movies and in some ways it really IS inspirational; The message on this video is that we were born to be great and that we can rise up and overcome anything that we have been through. That we can fight back, that we can “get over it” and that we can win at life and realize our full potential.
So why did it hit me like a punch in the gut? And how come only about 5% of people who hear this stuff can implement it into their own lives and benefit from it for more than a few minutes? Well here is what I think;
It is the language that the speaker is using that is all too familiar to me. After the intro about how you were born to be great, He jumps straight to “but something happened” “You changed”
And this is the first problem; I didn’t change by choice. I HAD to change, I had to survive. I was a child! I stopped being me because NO ONE allowed me to be me in the first place. This began to happen to me when I was too young to have any opinion or understanding about it.
This is the same thing as people thinking that we grow up and suddenly we have a choice on how we live, because we are adults! But we were not equipped for life in the first place. We were not raised with the right understanding of self love, or any love at all. There is a step missing between devalued, unloved and abused child, AND you are an adult and you have a choice.
This video reminds me that this was the way that I was brainwashed into believing that everything that ever happened to me was my own fault. It is that the speaker says that I LET this happen. It isn’t that I LET someone tell me that I was no good. I didn’t LET that happen. I had no choice.
When self help books and motivational materials tell me that the problem started when I let someone tell me that I was useless, at some level I know that it means that this was a lie that I accepted about myself, but at another level, the deep down subconscious level where my belief system rules, I hear that IT IS MY OWN FAULT because I LET this person tell me that I didn’t count.
And again, the truth is that I never had a choice but to believe it, because I was way too young not to believe it. I was way too young to ignore it, or to refute it or reject that statement. Just like in my forgiveness rant, when I said that there is a missing step in the whole forgiveness arena, this message also leaves out a very important step on the journey to taking our lives back. We have to validate how we lost them and validate to ourselves that it was not something we had any choice in, or something we LET happen. The reason that this video hit me like a punch to the guts is because I relived all those times that my spirit fell because I was told and I believed that I was really to blame for my situation. And I was about 8 years old when I finally accepted that my lot in life was all my own fault. And I had no way to rearrange that belief into the truth.
Communication has so much to do with the way that we use our words, and the way that we perceive what is said to us. The reaction that I had was subconscious. It was that “feeling” that something wasn’t right. That familiar feeling that *I* could have prevented the abuse in the first place. This has so much to do with how our belief system has developed. I think that when inspirational material is presented like this, many people, especially victims like I was, hear it as permission to beat ourselves up again. Deep down I heard it as just another reminder that this is “my own fault” that I am the worthless one because I LET this happen.
Here is the link to the video that I am referring to. “Be Great ~ Powerful Beyond Measure”
Exposing Truth, one snapshot at a time;
The Emerging from Broken book “The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing” is ready for download! If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you, get this book today! This 197 page, downloadable, printable, live linked e-book will put you on the fast track to healing. Get yours here through the upper right side bar or click this link~ Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing