We are Taught Don’t Get Raped instead of Don’t RapeBy Darlene Ouimet
We live in a society that teaches “don’t get raped” instead of “don’t rape”. And we wonder why we are so filled with guilt and shame when we get raped. We mistakenly believe that we somehow didn’t prevent ourselves from getting raped.
And some of us even question what others “did” to get raped because we are so conditioned to think in terms of “don’t get raped, instead of “don’t rape” ~ as though the weight of the crime should be shared between the victim and the perpetrator or even worse that the weight of the crime rests mostly on the victim.
And the weight of the crime should not be shared. There is no excuse for rape.
When we are treated unfairly or unjustly we try our hardest to understand why someone would treat us that way and when we have been told that we get what we deserve or that everything that happens to us is our own fault, we look for what we did to cause it. If this brainwashing is done well, then when we are beaten black and blue, we believe that we did do something to deserve it. We will even look for what we did to deserve it. And when we have been conditioned to try SO HARD to be perfect, the things that we think we do so wrong make little sense to the rest of the world; Left the toothpaste cap off the toothpaste? Left the toilet seat up? Forgot to put a coffee cup in the dishwasher? Phoned 5 minutes late? Didn’t realize he was in a bad mood?
Growing up this way becomes our normal. But it is a false normal. We become desensitized to the truth. We become accepting of mal treatment and disrespect. We have no idea that we deserve better. How would we have learned that?
We live in a society that teaches “it’s your own fault” and we wonder why we take the blame for everything and believe it is our responsibility to fix it.
We live in a society that teaches “don’t retaliate”. And when “don’t retaliate” is taught, “don’t fight back” is what is learned. When we teach “don’t fight back, we also teach “don’t stand up for yourself”.
What is taught is what is learned.
We live in a society that teaches “trust” someone until it is proven that you can’t trust them. But then we are also taught the conflicting lesson that it is our own fault if we get taken advantage of. We are told that we should have known better or that we placed ourselves in danger, therefore either we deserved what happened or we brought it on ourselves.
We are taught that relationships work in a way that they don’t work. We learn things that we never should have learned; in ways we never should have learned them. False things that we think are true.
Emerging from Broken is about unlearning those things. It is about separating the real truths from the false truths. It is about sorting out those mixed messages and conflicting teachings and embracing the real truth so that we can live in freedom and wholeness; thriving instead of just surviving. It is about flourishing with our faces held up to the sun.
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A mini snapshot of truth on the journey to wholeness
If you would like to have a peek at where I am going to be this next 10 days, check out the webcam at the resort I am visiting.