One of the first things that I learned on my journey to wholeness was to stop blaming myself and to stop searching for and finding a justification for every single person who ever hurt me. My common phrase was “in all fairness to my mother… she was a single parent”… or “in all fairness to my boyfriend I did slam the door right before he grabbed me and slammed me into the wall”. AS IF what I did or what the circumstances were, justified the abusive actions of someone else.
“Pain that has been hidden for years suddenly becomes unbearable. Anger once successfully repressed begins to surface, causing those who have been abused to become abusive themselves - either to others or to themselves.” The Right to Innocence
"I was afraid of anger. The few times that I got angry before my process of recovery, I remember quickly going from feeling anger to feeling powerless. I did not give myself the right to be angry. In my mind’s eye I see a spineless, droopy shell of a person, rather like a rag doll, void of any real emotion. Tossed about by the world and its people; everyone had more rights than I did, everyone was more important than I was, everyone had a right to their feelings except me... and that makes me angry." (but that was then and this is now... see my ebook for the how)
"I learned that the expression of my emotions was more about her mood than it was about mine and therefore my only option was to accept that the only way that I could hope to avoid punishment was to figure out how to make sure that I didn’t upset her or make her angry. “I” was more about her than I was about me."
"Sometimes you need to hang on to someone else's hope, someone else's peace and sanity while yours is under siege. Do it. Courage, hope, faith, sanity, peace...they all come and go. Borrow them from someone else's supply until your own comes back in." Linda Mundy