I want to encourage you and assure you that it gest easier. Each year got easier as I grew in clarity about the truth. Each year the freedom and wholeness I gained from standing up for myself and validating my worth for myself, expanded. There are days that I feel sad, and there are even days that I question my own decisions but then I ask myself “what is the alternative” and “what was I really asking for” and then I can return to the peace that I have found via being my own advocate.
Darlene Ouimet author of e-book Emerging From Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing
“When I got away from the mess and stood back to take a look at what my life had been, I noticed that very often when I increased my efforts to ‘win their love again’ it backfired; it was as if my trying harder validated to them that I was willing to keep trying harder to prove that THEY were worthy.” (always about them….) Darlene Ouimet Author of popular e-book and blog Emerging From Broken
“In reference to “she doesn’t get it and she never will” ~ I had to let go of trying to explain because the fact is that she didn’t want to get it. I had to finally look at what was best for me moving forward in my life and for my children. I had to think about the person that I wanted to be and to be the example that I wanted to be. I had to think about my own worth and how hard it has been to believe in that worth when someone was treating me like I was not worthy."
Darlene Ouimet ~ Author of Emerging From Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing
“My mother often said “just wait till YOU have kids Darlene, then you will see how hard it is. Then you won’t be so ungrateful. Then you will see what I have gone through.” My mother threw bible quotes at me too. My kids are now 25, 23 and 19 and although I understand my mother’s motives (using fear to control me and get me to comply to her wishes and accept her judgments and to shame me for daring to defy her) for what she said to me, I don’t have any of these dysfunctional relationship problems with my kids. I believe this is because I didn’t treat them the way I was treated in the first place. I did not place un-reasonable expectations upon them. I did not discount their needs and squish their emotions. I did not disrespect them, neglect them or define them as having lesser value than myself. I am their mother and it is my job to fill them with self-esteem and teach them self-love. I have not taught them that love is compliance and obedience to me or to other adults. I have taught them love by loving them. I do not expect them to respect what was disrespectful. I taught them respect by respecting them, their needs and their feelings.” Darlene Ouimet author of the popular e-book Emerging From Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing (see the website)
It is re-abusive when parents are told about (or are aware of) sexual abuse and don’t take any action against it. It’s like doubling and tripling the abuse itself. It is abusive to minimize the pain of another ~ think about how damaging and confusing this is if the child (adult or not) is ignored or disregarded by their own family. Darlene Ouimet