"It is painful to be discounted and unheard. One of the things that I write about is how I finally let go of that wish to be “loved” and heard by the same people that hurt me. I finally realized that it would not be the answer or the solution. I realized that the healing was not going to come from anyone saying they are sorry or from the people that hurt me finally validating that it really did happen. I no longer hope that one day I will be heard by them. I believe this “letting go” happened when I was heard and validated by ME." Darlene Ouimet ~ Author of website and e-book “Emerging from Broken; the Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing”
And isn't this exactly what "they" wanted me to believe... "Subconsciously, I came to the conclusions that If I could not cope with life, (and this is a biggie) then I had to let other people handle things for me. I had to agree with their opinions of me, (because they could handle life) and I accepted that I could not possibly have a valuable opinion. I couldn’t be right, I couldn’t know my own thoughts and feelings; I believed that I was paranoid, that I was over reactive and always wrong...." read more here:
"I had been taught growing up that I was nothing without “them” that I needed “them” (people, relatives, adults, teachers) in order to survive. I had been taught to depend on these people for my value and to try harder to obtain that value. Controlling manipulative people always ask for “more”. They want more effort, more proof of submission, more time, more love, more compliance. The more that I tried, the more THEY felt validated. And today I realize that fact is about them; they used me to validate themselves. They made me jump through hoops to prove their own value. They asked for more and more because their own self esteem was so low. AND I believed that if I could make them feel good about themselves, then I would feel good about myself. If I could prove their worth ~ then I would HAVE worth. That is what they taught me. I had no choice but to believe it. There was no other option presented to me."
Darlene Ouimet from the popular e-book "Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing"
Celebrate YOU as this year comes to a close;
~Celebrate that you are on the journey to wholeness.
~ Celebrate that you are willing to face the pain and to see the truth about where it actually came from.
~ Acknowledge the child that you were, and remember that children are not born broken or evil. Give yourself love.
Darlene Ouimet Author of “Emerging From Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing”
There is such a danger in thinking that our situation is so unique that nobody would ever understand why unlike them, we can't recover and take our lives back.
The danger is to ourselves. As long as I believed I was doomed to be stuck in abusive situations, I was. As long as I believed that it was different for me, ~ it was. As long as I thought that there was no answer, there wasn't. It was when I believed that there was a way out, that I just had to find it, ~ that is what made the difference for me. I had to change my thinking. I had to find a glimmer of hope and I did that somehow. Because it worked so well, but I had trouble finding that glimmer, I created the EFB blog. I wanted to provide that glimmer of hope for others. Believing that there WAS a way for me to overcome all of this was one of the first keys that got me started on my journey to wholeness.
Darlene Ouimet ~ Author of popular e-book "Emerging from Broken; the Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing"
Abusers don’t love by the same definition of love that they apply to others. Survivors of emotionally abusive relationships have been programmed since childhood to accept that one-sided relationship as “normal” but it isn’t normal; it is dismissive and demeaning and not related to love at all.
Darlene Ouimet ~ Author of website and e-book "Emerging from Broken; the Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing"