The Problem with Living One Day at a TimeBy
“One day at a time – this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone: and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.” Ida Scott Taylor
Isn’t this a lovely quote! I tried to base my life on this quote for many years and I spun my wheels. I beat myself up with it because I could not seem to achieve this “one day at a time” attitude and approach to life but I KNEW in my heart that there was some deep truth and wisdom within it.
But this wasn’t “enough” for me. I could not start there. I am convinced that the reason I struggled for so long was because I didn’t start my healing close enough to the beginning of where I got broken. I didn’t go far enough into the past.
I needed to grieve over the past. It was the self validation that I had never experienced before that began an important part of the healing process for me. I wonder if I had actually known any truth in my life, if I had actually had a healthy foundation, if I would have been able to actually apply or implement this quote.
I could not live in the present when so much darkness was still hanging around me, clinging to my heart and weighing me down. I was beneath the light. I was struggling even to breathe I was so smothered by the unresolved past.
I kept drifting back to the past, and feeling guilty about it. The past was like an unsolved murder mystery. We can’t just decide not to pursue the murderer. That would be dangerous. Some things just need to be resolved. I had things in the past that I needed to look at and deal with.
The future was therefore terrifying! I had no reason to believe that my future would be any better than my past, especially when I didn’t understand what the heck was wrong with me, why I wasn’t loveable, why I was so depressed and feeling like a failure while sometimes fooling the world with my bubbly personality and when I got older, fooling them with my lovely looking family and respectful children. WHY was I feeling so lost inside?
So that brings me to the present ~ (not to “today” but to the present the way I thought about it when I was trying to live by the One Day at A Time quote back when I was broken and struggling with depression, failure, and dissociative identity disorder.) How could I possibly live in the present and make it beautiful when deep down I was lost and sick? And I was consumed about not being able to create a beautiful present and worried that I would have NOTHING worth remembering. Round and round it went.
Trying to live by this quote was like being deeper in the denial that I was trying so hard not to live in. It was like being trapped in a tornado in slow motion. It was like being held under murky water unable to see who or what was holding me under.
Before I could stop struggling with the past, I had to acknowledge it for what it was.
Before I could stop dreading the future I had to understand the past ~ find the lies about me ~ the lies that formed the foundation of my belief system and then realize the truth about me.
Before I could live for today I had to have a clean foundation to build on. I couldn’t start with these neat little solution based quotes until I had actually caught up to the present day.
And that was the process.
Once I got my past sorted out I found it much easier to comprehend and even implement quotes like this one.
Please share your feelings about this subject.
Wishing you truth ~ for love will follow;
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