The Courage to Write about Emotional Healing


courage to write, abuse recovery

I get asked a lot about “how” I can write what I write. Occasionally I get asked if I use my real name and if my parents are still alive.  I get a lot of private emails expressing shock, admiration or awe and appreciation for the courage that I have to write the things that happened to me. So this post is about why I do what I do.

Darlene Ouimet is the name that I was born with. My parents are both still alive. My father is aware of this blog although I don’t know how often he reads it. If he told my siblings about it, then they know about it too. I don’t know if my mother has found it yet but I wouldn’t mind if she reads it.

Emerging from Broken is about the truth; it is my story and the reason that I do what I do is so that others can realize some of the ways we come to believe that we have caused our own pain and that we are somehow defective compared to other people. This blog is about overcoming depression ~ sometimes lifelong depression, by looking at the root causes and how confused we got about those roots. It is about overcoming trauma, sexual abuse, physical abuse, child abuse, psychological abuse, dissociative identity disorder, bi polar, post traumatic stress and every other mental health issue that you can think of. It is about freedom and wholeness and how it is possible to life a full life, and it is about thriving instead of just surviving. It is about emotional healing.

I write because what happened to me was wrong. The sexual abuse, the emotional abuse, the domestic violence, being put down and walked on and bulldozed over was wrong. The way that my parents regarded me was wrong. The way that I was abused and mistreated was wrong and it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t cause it and I didn’t deserve it and other people need to know that what happened to them was wrong too.

When I went through the process of clearing the old foundation and building a new one, I found out that I believed a lot of things that were not true about myself, and those things were in my way.  I realized that I was having depression after depression because of those things that were in my way and when I got them out of my way, my whole life changed. I write a lot about my Mom; my mother was not one of the things in my way; it was what she taught me about myself that was in my way. Some of the belief system she passed on to me were in my way.  When I emerged from broken, I was excited because I thought my mother would want to live the rest of her life free from chronic depression too.  But that was not the case. She didn’t want to hear about my victory. I don’t think she acknowledged it at all. She just thought maybe I was having an affair with the therapist. (Remember I told you that she taught me that my only value was sexual.)

I didn’t ask my mother to leave my life, she left it because she didn’t want to live in a system of mutual respect. She liked the control she had over me. Well that is my version anyhow. Her version would be different. She might think I write for revenge, but this blog could just as easily be seen as a love letter to her. That is my version anyhow.

So to answer the question how can I write what I write ~ well it is the truth that set me free. If I can touch just a few others with that truth, then I have lived for one more purpose. If I can trigger a memory or a thought that strikes a chord with someone else, that enables them to realize a lie that they believed too, then I have done my work for that day. I believe that the freedom I live in today is a rare gift that I believe was intended for each of us to have. I think that gift was taken from us by abusive and controlling people who misused their power. I am passionate about sharing this message; often I feel almost driven to share it.

Sometimes when I hit the publish button on a blog post I feel a bit sick. Sometimes I am scared that my mother will fly into a rage and blame me for her fragile state of mental health, as though my truth has the power to kill her. Sometimes I feel sick because of the fear I had as a child of my abusers and their power over me and the belt my mother used and back then I knew that my parents had the power to decide if I lived or died. But today I don’t believe that anymore; I know it isn’t true anymore. So I write. I write to remind myself that I am free and how I became free and I write to tell others of this sweet freedom and the heady experience of emerging from broken and living in fullness. I write because it reminds me that I am alive and what a gift that life is when for so many years I was dead.

Please share your thoughts, struggles, victories or anything else you would like to share,

Darlene Ouimet

Categories : Freedom & Wholeness



The freedom in sharing your truth is so liberating. Not caring what others think is such a wonderful place to be. I still have struggles and pains in life like everyone else, but my past does not get in the way nearly as much and i have come to truly love myself. Still sounds strange coming from a woman who spent 40 years trying everything under the sun to punish, hurt or kill herself, but it is happening and I am loving it. Thanks Darlene you are an inspiration.


I can totally relate to what you have written here. I often too get that sick, anxious feeling when I post a blog or do a blogtalk radio show and for almost the same reasons as well. For me to write and to share the truth it has been freedom for me.

I am thankful that you do write and that you do share what you share with all of us. I am thankful that you are willing to stand up and be about the truth. Which in this world is a very rare Diamond! It amazes me to even how for the most part that some Mental Health Professionals often sedate people instead of getting to the root of why a person is in the shape they are in.

That is why I love your blog so much is because you go to the root the very heart of the matter and that is what we need more of.

I love you very much my friend and thank you again and for being courageous and such an encouragement but above all thank you for being you and letting us all get to know you as the wonderful person that God created you to be! God Bless! ((((Hugs))) <3



It surprises me how many people, especially family, believe that the reason we tell, and write and help other survivors is to get revenge or to hurt them. What kind of a person do they think I am? Did they ever really know me? What would be the purpose of hurting someone else? How could I hurt someone else, especially when I have lived in pain my whole life?

I can only assume that they are hurt, because they won’t tell. They are holding the secrets of my abuse. Instead of agreeing with me, when they know the truth, they hold it in and deny it. They feel ashamed of what they know and deep down, they blame themselves. Until they tell the truth by telling the secret, of my abuse, they will continue to use their coping skills. The sad thing is, is that they don’t have to hurt any more, because I already told the truth. No matter how upset they get, no matter how much it stirs the pot, the truth is out and they can be free themselves, and love themselves, just like I do. But they, want to keep the secret of my abuse.



Good, brave post. The more honesty comes out about what we’ve each gone through, how it hurt, how we got through it and where we are now, the more our voices will reach to others who do not yet know what the healing journey looks like. Brava to you!

As for “family” (the “f-word”), they will do with your words what they will do; not your problem. Keep telling your truth. – Namaste, Libbe.


Hi Pamela,
This is so true! and it is so great when we can live without the baggage of the past and really love ourselves. I found out that I really don’t need the kind of love that I thought I did from my family, I really can take care of myself. Thanks for sharing your victory today Pamela!!
Hugs, Darlene

Hi Nikki,
Thanks Nikki!! You are such a blessing and such an encouragement to me too! I like being called a “rare diamond” and yes, being me is a wonderful thing to be!!
Hugs, Darlene

Hi Patty!
You make such great points Patty. I think that when people believe that we talk from a standpoint of revenge that it stems from when they are so convinced that the victim is really a trouble maker and a lair because they just will not live in the truth. (I think they really do believe that kind of stuff) and that is why they make insanne statements such as “Why are you doing this to me?”
and no, they don’t really know you or me at all. Not at all.. that is what I finally realized. They didn’t see me. They NEVER saw ME. I am also pretty sure that my mom is not only keeping the secret of my abuse but keeping the secret of her own abuse too. The sick sick cycle just keeps on going until someone stops it like you and and so many others are doing.
Thanks for being here… you always shine a new light on whatever I write!
Hugs, Darlene

Hi Libbe
Welcome and thank you. You are so right! The more we can share and unite our voices, the more we can reach others ~ this is my passion, to reach as many as possibly in order to share the message that healing is possible! Thanks for being here!!
Hugs, Darlene
p.s. I was going to write a blog post with that title one time “family is an f word” LOL


Hi Darlene,

Thank you for starting this subject, as it is one I have struggled with a lot as well. Finding our voice to say what was stifled for so long is difficult. About 5 years ago, I was at a point of breakdown because the past had finally caught up with me, consumed me, and it was all I could do each day to get up and not feel like I was being swallowed by the day. There was a defining moment in that with my father which was the last straw, so to speak, which instantly propelled me back to a child again. It was then that I realized that I still feared this man, even though I was in my mid-40s and he in his late 60s at the time. But still, he had the power to control my emotions with every bit of totality as he did when I a child. I knew then that I had to get help.

A few years of therapy later, and my world opened to ideas that I had never considered. False beliefs melted away into seeing realities that would have seemed impossible to belief just a few short years before. Old ways of thinking were erased from the tapes that had played over and over in my head through the years.

I considered long and hard as to whether to talk with my parents about the sexual abusers who had abused me as a child. In the end, I decided against it, and know now that I will never tell them about it. In talking with a therapist about it, he asked me what I thought there response would be and how I thought it would help my recovery. I knew exactly what their response would be, which is that my mother would turn it into all about her and tell me how much it hurts HER and how I should have told her then, blah, blah, blah. There would be zero words of consolation to me, I know. My father would most likely simply no say anything, since he doesn’t relate to people on “feelings”. So, my answer to the therapist would be that it would benefit me in no way whatsoever, and would actually leave me feeling worse off. So the answer was obvious – no disclosure to them.

I remember for so long thinking that my older brother (who avoids pretty much any family contact) was “the problem” because he didn’t come around for family gatherings, etc. I talked to my therapist about it and he said “Why would he want to?” That was a very significant moment because it caused me to finally question what I had believed up to that moment about the dynamics of this family. My brother was the one who was RIGHT, and I was WRONG in my thinking!!!

Darlene, you said “…what a gift that life is when for so many years I was dead.” That just sums it all up so nicely. 🙂


I thank you for writing what you do. You can not imagine the number of people I have referred to your site and they have come back and thanked me for it. It has set them free to write about their own experiences too. It truly is the truth that sets us free. And perhaps it free others in your life too. 🙂


Thanks for being a “Super woman” fighting for hope, encouraging freedom and bringing truth of wholeness.
Eddie I hear you! I myself was mid forties and still cowering. I had to become free so I could be a man instead of a little child quivering with fear. I had to become a man so I can be an example to my wife, my son and my girls. I had to learn the differance between the lies and the truth and learn to love myself befor I could love others.
Thanks again Darlene–it has turned into a great community


Hi Eddie
I can totally relate to your post.
When I look back and realize the control that my mother had over me and how shut down my father was that I excused his lack of interest in me and blamed myself for it, I am actually shocked.
I had a defining moment with my Mom too, but it took me a few more years to get help, and then suddenly when I was in therapy for almost 2 years it all clicked in my head, that I deserved better and that it wasn’t me. (as you said; a whole world opened to ideas that i had never considered.)

When you talk about your mother I kind of smiled.. I originally wrote that my mother was is so self centered that she would probably think that I am doing this to get revenge… but then I deleted that part. My mother also makes everything about her… Everything was about her… she was the queen. She went on and on about how my father left her.. how hard it was on her.. but never did she consider that he left US too. (Okay I better quit cause I feel another rant coming on! LOL)

My father is very passive but also doesn’t do feelings. I feel like I have never had a father. I have a lot of childhood memories of trying to get his attention. It is shocking, startling really, when we begin to see the truth for what it is. Amazing we survived. I am so glad that we are here for each other now. =)

Thank you for sharing your life with us Eddie. When I read your post I told my husband that he would relate to it when you shared so candidly about how you realized your father controlled you and your emotions because that was my husbands story too. (and I see that he left you a comment too)

Hugs, Darlene

Hi Jennifer,
Thanks for sharing my blog with your friends! More then anything else I want to help people to find some freedom ~ and like you say, the truth is the best way I know!
Hugs, Darlene.

Hi Jimmy
Let me just get my cape adjusted here…
Thanks for commenting.. it means a lot to me that you read my blog and that you take the time to contribute to it. (and I have watched how long it takes you to type !! so I know you go the extra distance! ) Our lives have changed so much, and you are a much better example to me and the kids. Thank you.
Love Darlene


Beautiful, as always, Darlene! I read to know that I am not alone… and I am not crazy. I read to see what it’s like further down the road of healing. I read to feel connected to individuals who seem to “get” me more than others.

I write to see the concrete words in black and white… so that I cannot deny how I feel and am forced to deal with the emotions rather than ignoring them. I write because it helps me sort my thoughts and get them out of my head. I am truthful in my writing and share even the worst of choices I’ve made because the truth is the truth whether I admit it or not and someday we will find ourselves in a place where lies and excuses are not allowed. I choose not to be afraid of the truth.

Thanks so much for your courage and honesty!
~Aerin (ToHealTheSoul)



Thank you for the beautiful post. Your comment: “I believe that the freedom I live in today is a rare gift that I believe was intended for each of us to have. I think that gift was taken from us by abusive and controlling people who misused their power.” really hit home. I think living in freedom is truly a rare gift. After 40+ years, I have been able to feel freedom for a few fleeting moments. Oh how I long for a time when the chains will be broken and I will live in freedom like a “normal” person. It is something I am striving for every day and the reason I continue my healing process. The road is rough but so worth it. Thank you for your words. It gives me inspiration I will make it some day.


Keep on writing Darlene! You have helped so many of us in so many different ways. I have come to love the truth no matter how painful it is at first it is so worth the freedom I feel knowing I am no longer living a lie. You are incredible and I just love your blogs ((hugs))


I’ve read this post several times now and it makes me want to stand up and cheer every time. I’m thrilled that you’ve found your purpose and I’m thrilled that your writing helps others gain the freedom to find their purpose. There’s so much power packed into these posts!
Hugs to you, my friend! Christina


Like you Darlene on my blog i do much the same sort of revealing stuff because it’s me, my life and how I feel. Sometimes it’s hard to write some of it because it’s just so personal but I think part of healing is being able to talk about YOU!

I write in a different style but sometimes, like your blog Darlene, I have a topic I write on. It’s very therapeutic.



Hi Aerin,
Not alone and not crazy were big ones for me! I need to be connected to others on the journey because we are not often at the same places at the same time which means we can learn so much from each other. =)
I love what you wrote about why you write and about the truth. Those are words to live by! I also made a decision that I would tell the truth, even when I thought that it would reveal something bad about me and my choices ~ that is part of the stuff that set me free too!
Thanks for being here!
Hugs, Darlene

Hi Hold fast,

I searched and and I strived for freedom for a very long time, but it paid off and as you say, it is so worth it. I have every reason to believe that you will make it one day! There is no reason to think otherwise!
Welcome and thanks for being here and for your comment,
Hugs, Darlene


Hi Nicole,
Thanks for you wonderful words ~ they are such an encouragement to me to keep doing what I am doing! I love what you say about the truth too. “it is so worth the freedom” YES!!
Hugs, Darlene

Hi Christina,
Whoo hooo for standing up and cheering! And I like how you pointed out that this writing can help others gain the freedom to find their purpose! I think about that a lot too because I found my purpose so close to the other side of broken and I live my life within it everyday!
I am so thrilled to have met you on this journey Christina and that we share a passion for wholeness and healing!

Hugs, Darlene


Hello Darlene,

I love your blog, and it hits so close to home. You have illuminated some startling truths for me!

Thank you,


Ms. Ouimet –
THANK YOU, for bein a voice for those are are still livin in abuse. THANK YOU, for bein a voice for those who are afraid to speak of what happened to them. THANK YOU, for bein a voice for those who’s lifes’ have been shattered into many pieces for what took place in their childhood. THANK YOU Ms. Ouimet
Sincerely from the debts of my entire heart,


Thanks Susa,
I am honored by your comment and I appreciate you posting today. =)

Thank you ~ this is such a beautiful encouragement and I am gald that you are part of this and that you wrote this particular post today Jackie, because really I wrote it for the readers; all the readers and maybe especially for the ones who sometimes find it hard to speak about what happened to them and for those who were shattered by the abuse and difficulties of a brutal childhood.
Hugs, Darlene

The comments on this post have brought me so much peace and support, I am really blessed.


Darlene ~ Congratulations on finding your truth; the truth that set you free from the bondage of what the world calls “mental illness”. The labels identify only the symptoms and until we dig down to the root cause we are only putting bandaids on wounds that will fester and in time take our lives – in one way or another.

Thank you for having the courage to write and share your truth; the light you are shedding on the path is lighting the way for many to begin to find their way and live their own truth.

It is through the isolation and shame that we feel as though we are defective I think; we keep the secret and are shamed into silence. Through this community we begin to see that we are not the only ones, we begin to see the lies we believed for so long; we find hope and healing. Thank you again for following your heart to share the message that it is possible to get to the root cause of these debilitating issues and live a full, free life.


Thank you for sharing your healing process with others. As a therapist, I like having this blog to recommend to clients and friends who have been through similar pain and hardship. Your blog offers hope and instruction on how to move forward in the healing process. Keep it up!



You said a lot in your comment, esp. in the last paragraph. I think there is much power in community; realizing we are not alone, and realizing how many feelings, how much shame, fear, etc. that we have in common ~ and our individual stories of struggle and victory, all go towards that healing. I am really thrilled with what is happening here on this blog and look forward to the future!
Thanks for being part of this Susan and for sharing your truth and for your amazing blog too!
Hugs, Darlene

Thank you for the lovely compliment and for refering others to my blog. I really appreciate your doing so and for identifying as a therapist. When I worked along side a therapist as the director of client relations and also speaking in mental health seminars, I realized that I was able to really assist in the therapy process when I told of my journey to wholeness, and that is why I decided to create this blog. I have a passion for what I call “assisting the process” of healing.
Hugs, Darlene


Readers ~ especially Jamie; I just unpublished your comment

If you want to advertise your work on my blog, please ask me and tell ME about it first. If I approve of it and think it will be useful information to my readers, I will endorse it. I don’t work this hard to advertise work that I am not even familiar with. I have a very large readership, and they trust me not to promote something that I know nothing about.
I don’t mind when you put your URL in the box to link your comment to your own site, that is great, but when your whole comment is about your work and trying to drive traffic to your site, including links to that site~ then that is a little unethical.
p.s. I am NOT talking to my regular readers who sometimes leave a blog URL Link to a particular post they want to share. I am talking about businesses who are trying to make money from my blog because it is very high ranking.



I just love you…you are so inspiring….I am so glad you are here to tell your story!!! Every time I read your blog there is something that you say that resonates with me and my experience, it just amazes me.

The reasons you write are the very reasons I feel I have to share my story as well. Any kind of abuse is so isolating, and that is how the abuse continues. I have a voice and it is powerful. I have choices now when I had none as a child. What you write is so powerful and I believe in that power. All of the people in your community are a testament to that. I hope you are proud of yourself for standing up to the people who abused you and tried so hard to obscure the person you really are. I feel a sense of pride and strength when I read your stories. I don’t question why you write, I know why you do, and I can truly appreciate your purpose.

Thank you.


Hi Jenny,
Thanks! Wow, I should write this kind of post more often, it’s good for my ego and a self esteem boost! LOL (I still need those once in a while!)
Since you asked me, yes, I am proud of myself. (and that took a long time because I was not comfortable with self aknowledgement at all) I am proud of myself for my persistence when it came to doing the healing work, ~ we all know how hard it it! I am also proud of my blog and that I had the courage to do it! I had a blog a few years ago that I was afraid someone would read, so I didn’t even share it on my facebook page! LOL I have come a long way and I am really glad that I decided to share my victories, my struggles and my truth with everyone and to live in my purpose.
Thanks Jenny, so glad you are here too!
Hugs, Darlene


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I feel sick almost every time I hit that publish button too! Going public like this is not easy but it is very therapeutic. We get to finally stop keeping all the family secrets, purge the shame that doesn’t belong to us and realize there are many people out there struggling with the thoughts we learned about ourselves from people in our past who had their own agendas. We are not alone like we always thought! My mother rarely reads my blog either. She doesn’t understand why I would air “dirty laundry” and is probably embarrassed and/or believes I am blatantly lying. She is a master at re-writing history. Some of her siblings do read it. I’m glad you write about the truths that we “shouldn’t” talk about. It brings awareness and a sense of community. Great post!


Hi Cyndi,
I love the expression “a master at re-writing history”.. I find this is a common problem with abusive, controlling people. And I think that with some parents it becomes habbit too. My mother often said that everyone has different memories about the way things happened and when I think about it today I wonder if she was planting the seeds early, you know, like brainwashing me to question my memories from a very young age so that if I ever did talk about it, I would think twice. I had a lot of trouble with self doubt in therapy and it had grown beyond just my relationship with family, becuase I had this air of self doubt, other people used it to manipulate me. When I ended up in intensive therapy this was a big issue for me. (I will save it for another post!)
Hugs and thanks for your comment!


You said it all. You write so beautiful from the heart. Thank you so much for sharing your life it is helping me a lot right now I feel I am going backwards I know I am not cause when memories come it does not mean I am going backwards it means another step to go forward. Thanks again..


I was on this “recovery journey” for many years before I started to do this “belief system” work. I felt like I was going backwards many times too, but when I figured out the foundation of HOW my belief system developed, that was the key for me to stop that backwards/forwards/backwards motion. Hang in there,
Hugs, Darlene


Incredible post. Thanks for sharing your healing journey with us.

My mom died almost two years ago. I had foung a bag of her journals and got rid of them without reading them thinking these were her private thoughts and that it was wrong to read them. Then I found two older ones in the trunk of her old car and I did read them. I wish I hadn’t.

These writings were during the time my daughter was a toddler and we lived with my mother.

The journals do include her private thoughts nd dreams and I felt very compassionate and sad as i read them…but they also contained page after page of her accounts of our interactions and almost 100% of these portray me as my mom’s severely emotionally abusive daughter and also portrays me as emotionally abusive of my daughter. I was astounded and angry and confused when reading this. It was as if every interaction we had she interpretted me as being aggressive and hostile toward her.There is not one positive account of our time together. There isn’t one passage where she expressive any positive emotion towards me at all.

Its all about how horribly and cruelly I treated her. I clearly remember while living with her that so many times I couldn’t talk to her without her interpretting what I was saying as being hostile or blaming to her. She was going to be ‘my victim’ whether or not I was victimizing her or not. And I wasn’t.Page after page- daily remarks on my demeeanor, my words to her, my appearance(did I seem depressed, angry, irritable etc..)It seems like she was totally focussing on me and what I was ‘doing’ to her. Something is just so off about this.

During this time my toddler daughter was molested but I never found out by whom. There is not even any mention at all of this in her journal, only a notation that I had removed my daughter from daycare.

I went thru fear, confusion and Hell, not knowing who abused my daughter, and my mother knew this yet all she writes about is my ‘picking fights’ with her and ‘being mean’ to Her.No words about what my daughter went thru or how it must have frightened her, what it all meant. No wondering who did this to my little girl.Mom didn’t even mention it.I don’t understand this.

I don’t know what to make of this. She writes ‘my children are a monument to my failure as a parent and a person’.

EVERYTHING was about her.I feel so sorry for her and her life. I am also so confused about what actually went on.

Its so confusing when so many things are attributed to you when you honestly don’t see it that way. I guess I just have to start with; the whole family was sick and start from there. This theme of believing I was a good person and then hearing or reading how my family saw me as this really mean person who emotionaly victimized them is very disturbing. By family I mean my sister and my mother.My sister did basically the same thing. How did I wind up being this horrible person in their eyes?

I have this sense of digging for the truth about so many things and everything seems so much like a big spiderweb and dead ends.

If I believe and take to heart the things I read in that journal, which do reflect alot of her interactions with me, I would just throw my hands up and give up.Is this kind of thing common in other people’s families?


Reading about your family often reminds me of other stories I have heard and I think that it would surprise you just how common this is. When you wrote about reading your mothers journals, reading that your mother wrote daily accounts in such a twisted up way, like she believed that you were such an abusive person and that you could do no right ~ I always felt like this is how my mother regarded me also. That she had to blame me, that she really never saw me, and she HAD to see me as the problem. So we do learn to see ourselves as the problem. We are groomed to that..
The key for me was not in understanding my mother or other abusers and controlers though. It was in looking at myself through the eyes of truth, rediscovering my identity, discarding the lies that I believed about myself and finally realizing that I could not change or understand the way that other people viewed me or how they seemed to regard me. I think most of that was about the power they had over me and how they kept that power anyway.
Hang in there Elizabeth, and keep writing!
Hugs, Darlene


Thank you for sharing I know it is not easy,my heart goes out to you.

My mom who I call this woman also felt bad about me. She told me I was crazy as I was growing up the older I got she said it even more.

She let me get abused and knew about it. She told me so when I was 30 years old. She said that she wanted me to learn how to have sex and not have problems with sex as she said she had problems with sex.

How sick is that? to let your child have sex as a toddler on up until I was 17 and got away from it on my own. I was messed up and I did get violent on her. I used to hit her and try to make her madd. I was in need of profesional help when I was a kid and in my adult hood. This woman adopted me so she was not my real mom thank God. She should not of been allowed to adopt a child she was emotionally abusive and allowed me to get sexually abused. I wont get into everything but put it this way when I saw the movie Mommy Dearest the mom reminded me of the woman who adopted me, except for the parts of being in a closet and being beaten. I was not beaten or locked in a closet but the emotional abuse in the movie reminded me of the woman who adopted me.

I do not feel she deserves to be called mom. I have written about my childhood if anyone wants to read more about it on my websites one of my websites is linked just click on my name and it will bring you to my home page called Angellady’s place.

Once again thank you for sharing this part of your story I find writing is healing share like this is very healing for me.
Thank you.


What a nightmare! Thank you for sharing this with us, I am sorry that happened to you.
I always say that abuse is abuse, so I can understand why you relate to the movie. I related to so many types of abuse, and some of them didn’t happen to me at all. Abuse attacks and tears down the spirit, takes away the individual and damages the core and I think that is what we are all relating to with each other.
Thanks for your sharing.
Hug, Darlene



I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope your healing journey is going full steam ahead. Yes, it is helpful and healing to hear other’s accounts.

One of the themes of my thoughts about my life and how I apparently was peceived in my family is that of being in some kind of a bizarre play, where it just CAN’T be real. I mean,if I was THIS horrible, and truly had this much of a negative effect on people in my family-would I not even realize it? Is it possible to truly WANT to to the right things, to be fair to people, to be working on yourself and still be some kind of ogre in other’s eyes?

I guess I am playing devil’s advocate here in a way because I do NOT believe I was mean and cruel to my family-

I was in a 12 step recovery program, and seeing a counsellor alot of the time when living with my mom. I was consciously trying to eradicate the negatives about myself and praying, and going to meetings. I was also overwhelmed with those feelings from childhood in my family where if there was a problem, it was usually me….

My mom and I just apparently carried on with our old interactions just as I did growing up.She was the victim, ALWAYS.You could do anything innocently, without a bad motive toward her, or NOT do anything and you were ‘victimizing’ her and she could also apparently read your mind and determine your…You didn’t even have to be present for her to believe you were against her…..I didn’t realize how much that was going on on a daily basis till I read those journals of hers.

The bad thing about being perceived as the victimizer in a family is that you can never prove that you are not doing something you never did to begin with. Sort of like that old ‘when did you stop beating your wife’ thing.

If my family didn’t and couldn’t see each other clearly, then we were all reacting to each other but not really seeing the other person.I am assuming my mother had good intentions towards me.At least I want to believe that.

I look back on my life in my family and it was as if I was living a life in a ‘mistaken identity’ scenario- as in the way they treated me was not based on anything I had really ever done ‘to’ them…as if they had confused me with someone else and I have never been able to get them to SEE me.

No wonder I was so confused and scared all my life. No wonder I kept trying to ‘get it right’ and be good enough, and stop angering and upsetting my parents. I never realized that was an impossibility.Now I do.

I also now understand why I finally just kind of gave up on myself and agreed with them to be a ‘failure’….

Its a crazymaking thing to do to someone because no matter how hard one tries you can never get ‘good enough’ to stop the attribution of negative motives these people attribute to you.You wind up feeling hopeless, useless, not just damaged but literally garbage, without hope, redemption or understanding…till you start to recover.

My sister does the same thing. Only with religion. She tells people in her church I have demons. She still tells people not in her church that I am angry with her but she doesn’t know why….no matter what I am going to be the bad guy in my family and it doesn’t matter if its reality or not.Again I don’t even have to be present to be identified as this really mean cruel person who is also ‘nuts’ who is victimizing my sister.I know she learned that pattern in the family.

I have had discussion after discussion with my sister and asked her over the years to come to counselling with me.She always refused.

What I believe is that this family destroys its members. If I had killed myself my family I believe would have used that to gain more sympathy for themselves….Msybe I am wrong but….I believe there are members who are so incredibly self protective that anything was possible to believe about them.

That is why I have to work so hard to detach myself in a healthy way not just from the family who is still living, but also from some weird hurtful memories of my parents who are dead.I only go there to try to figure things out but its still incredibly painful. Whether I can do it with love and compassion or not, I don’t know…there is still anger there I don’t know what to do with….But I’m getting there.


Thank You Darlene and Elizebeth,

It is hard my heart goes out to you Elizebeth and Darlene with all you both have been through. Some times I try to figure out all of it but for the most part I don’t cause it just makes me crazy. I just deal with what memories come as they come. I dont force myself to remember more like I used to..

Darlene I hope to be able to listen to you on your interview I saw on another post you had. I was not able to understand it said it was $4.99 or somthing in Canada? what is that in United States?

Thanks again for all your support to everyone..


The interview is no charge if you listen live in any country. That charge (which is in Pounds, not in Canadian Currency) has to do with something else. Go ahead and register and you will see that there is no charge. Click the box that says “ticket for interview with Darlene Ouimet”
Hugs, Darlene
Here is the link ~


Thanks again Darlene, I went and registered.
Looking forward to hearing you. I also put it on my facebook to invite friends.
Hugs Angela

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