I thought of something else when I read your post. I was not the most angelic teenager that ever walked the planet! And look at me now! My journey has been tough also, but I think that it is being put to the most excellent use now and my life is really a happy and full one.
Thanks for commenting!

Darlene

Jeanette, Thanks for adding your insight and comments too. It is so hard to remember that EVERYONE has a journey that is unique to them!

Hugs, Darlene

My son, just turned 18, used his to “fit in” when we moved to the city. He was alway unique, I allowed him a tatoo when he was 15, it was a cross with “faith” in a shash across it. He got his ears pierced when he was 11 and 12 years old. He loved his hair long and LONGER And when we moved from Rural Nebraska to Omaha….he started sagging his jeans and wearing certain colors that made me wonder??

And here’s the thing, we all KNOW our children and what’s going on at some level. I KNEW he was searching to be accepted, not expressing his individuality. Big Difference. But I didn’t know what to do about it. Of course I asked and he lied when questioned about gangs.

I didn’t want to tell him he COULDN’T wear that stuff because of the reasons Darlene suggested, yet I didn’t want him to get hurt either. So I did the best I knew how. Bottom line, that’s all we can do. I could have forbid him to dress a certain way, but he would have found a way.

He’s now just been sentenced to 4-6 months in a minimun security prison. His luck ran out and he was finally sentenced as an adult. He got involved with drugs and gangs within the first 2-3 months we were here and snatched a ladies purse. He’s been locked up for most of a year, and his sentence involves treatment, getting the last two credits to graduate and work ethics. He’s got three years probation and has to wear a monitor the first 90 days he’s out. But NOW I believe he gets it. I asked him if there was anything different I could have done to keep him from this…..he said “Mom, whatever you would have tried, I would have found a way around, I had to do this to understand.”

Bottom line, if I believe God has a plan for MY life; then I have to believe He has one for him too. No matter what he wears, the decisions he makes will determine which direction he goes and how many lessons he learns along the way. My job is to love him no matter what. And as crazy as this sounds, we’ve never been closer then we are today.

I am a woman who is struggling in this area, having been raised in a critical and religiously judging environment, and having absorbed all of that into my being, feeling wholly unworthy and filled with self hatred and heavy judgment of myself and those around me. It is a long, hard process to be free from this, but the end result will be that I will be free to love myself as I was created to be, and that will flow out into being free to love others as they were created to be. And of course, we all know this is a growing process for all of us, and the young people have plenty of time to find themselves, and it will be a wonderful adventure for them if they can do it in that spirit of freedom without criticism from those whom they depend upon to love them the most!

Thank you for all of your thoughts and wonderful insights! I’m thrilled that Cindy was able to ask the questions she did, it will help all of us in this area!

Hugs,
Jeanette

I love both of the pictures of your daughter and I want to cry when I think of the way I have looked at “punk” dressed kids in the past. How many times have I looked past a child because of my own fears? Hopefully not too many, but to think one of them could have been your sweet daughter makes me sad.

Thank you Darlene for reminding me of what God has called me to do…love others without judgment. Individuality should be celebrated and affirmed, not judged. Looking at God’s creation you can see how creative He is and how much He loves uniqueness. So really, accepting a child that is brave enough to show their individuality should be affirmed and enjoyed.

I hate that it has taken me this long to understand this, but that’s ok. I used to get down on myself when I realized I was still having to learn so much at my age (52), but not anymore. I have learned to celebrate it. So today I am celebrating the liberating lesson that you and your daughter have taught me…the lesson of not only should I not judge anyone for their choice of style in the way they look, but I should enjoy the difference! Who knows…maybe I will be inspired and “tweak” my style a bit.

If you see a middle aged woman with a purple streak in her blonde hair don’t judge me…CELEBRATE ME!!!!

Loving your blog,
Cindy Leigh