Comments on: Punk Goth Rock Star Faces Society ~ a story about my daughter

By: Darlene Ouimet

Darlene Ouimet — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 17:03:09 +0000

Hi Marie
Welcome to EFB!
Thank you for your kind words! I was a survivor ~ now I am a thriver! I agree with you about finding the original! I never thought I would get there, but wow, I did and wow I am pretty cool.
AND now I am being who I really am too.
Thank you for sharing! Hugs, Darlene

By: Marie McRae

Marie McRae — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 16:38:13 +0000

Darlene,
I have been following your blog for several months now. It is very helpful to charting my progress on this journey. Thank you for your boldness to speak the truth in love.
I also have a daughter who dressed this way (no, she did not shave her hair, but wanted to!)
I, too, encouraged her and all my kids that they could be anything they wanted to be, but the most important thing was/is to be themselves!
This is such an important lesson for “survivors”–I personally prefer the term Overcomers–we are NOT who THEY decided we are!! We are who God made us to be, and true healing is rediscovering that unique person hidden under the rubble of the abuse.
What an awesome thing it is to raise children as who they are, and not who we think they should be.
Thank you for sharing this with us. This made my day!!

By: Darlene Ouimet

Darlene Ouimet — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 14:01:42 +0000

Hi Ravin,
When my daughter graduated grade 12, she won a scholarship for being an individual no matter what anyone else thought. Tears filled my eyes. (she was never very accepted by very many of the kids in the school she finished in but the teachers took a closer look at her because of her marks.) It was hard because I knew that I was judged by many for the way she looked and dressed… people very often didn’t give her a chance but that was their loss. I learned a lot about people by watching all of that and I am really proud of her for sticking to the way she wanted to present herself to the world, and for me for not trying to get her back in some kind of “accpetable box”. Love your last sentence “It’s a mother’s wonder when their child goes out and makes it their own world.”
Hugs, Darlene

Hi ushudnobttr
Yes, wouldn’t it be an amazing world if everyone could embrace (and was encouraged to embrace) their individuality!
Welcome to EFB
Hugs, Darlene

By: Ravin

Ravin — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 03:11:49 +0000

This is a great post!
Our son also did the goth route and many other reinventing of himself. We supported each of his styles, even for school pictures. To us it was like you spoke of our way to let him be himself and not in a box that anyone put him into including us.
Congrats on your daughters success!
It’s a mother’s wonder when their child goes out and makes it their own world.

Ravin

By: ushudnobttr

ushudnobttr — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 01:15:05 +0000

Very beautiful story..what a beautiful young lady..she embraces her individuality and presses forword despite the world point of views are and hurrah to her mother ..not a lot of families support their”blacksheep”and that tends to further push them away..although trying to protect her daughter …she was reliving her own pain and fears..parents should be the ones children run to when there is a problem and rejection and forcing conformity tends to hinder that ..wonderful post !!!

By: Darlene Ouimet

Darlene Ouimet — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 15:06:38 +0000

Hi Lisa
Welcome to EFB
I worried about all that too. My daughter did get shunned and some people never gave her a chance and I found it hard to stand by also.. but just a quick update; it has been well over a year and a half since I wrote this post. My daughter has since graduated high school with honours. She won a scholarship for “being who she is” and not caring what everyone else thought about it while still maintaining excellent grades and being nice to others. She is leaving for University in 2 weeks and she is going to study Neuro Science. She no longer has black hair, she toned down the makeup, and she wears bright colours however her outfits are still unique. She does have a lot of strange piercings but mostly in her ears now. I think she is going to be just fine.
Thanks for sharing, I think we are going to be just fine too!
Hugs, Darlene

By: lisa stan

lisa stan — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 22:18:12 +0000

I love what you wrote, my 15 year old daughter dresses so crazy, has been for years. colored hair, lots of black eyeliner, she loves to modify her clothes. it is hard, she is so pretty and I feel like she misses out because peolple will shun her. appearances shouldn’t matter but they do! I try and accept her, but sometimes it is so hard… she is so beautiful and a very nice person, i feel that she might go down a dark path because of the music, etc.

By: Cindy Leigh Garrett Wilson

Cindy Leigh Garrett Wilson — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 17:53:56 +0000

Hi Darlene,
Wow, my response was long wasn’t it? I think I need a lesson in brevity! Thank you so much for being sensitive to my initial request not to publish my comments. I am happy to change my mind about it being published since you think others might have similar questions.

I am enjoying everything I’m reading as I catch up on past blogs. There is no doubt in my mind that God lead me to your site.

I’m looking forward to your blog on Friday…

Happily staying tuned,
Cindy Leigh

By: Darlene Ouimet

Darlene Ouimet — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 19:38:57 +0000

Hi Cindy Leigh,

Thanks for giving me permission to publish your comment after all. I also want to thank you for your concern and consideration for the readership. I thought your comment spoke clearly of your sincere interest and not of judgment at all.

I believe that many parents share this same fear, so I value the opportunity to expand on my thoughts about teenagers and their chosen style. I started a response to your comment, and it is almost 400 words already, so I am going to use it as my next blog post. Carla is posting later today, so I will post on Friday.

I hope you stay tuned!
Hugs, Darlene

By: Cindy Leigh Garrett Wilson

Cindy Leigh Garrett Wilson — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 01:33:22 +0000

I love this post and appreciate how you were able to articulate the difference in what you had strived to learn and do for yourself…yet found yourself reverting back to past wrong thoughts when guiding your daughter. I am glad for you both for the lessons you learned and thank you for sharing them with me.

I am curious though about your daughter’s gothic style. Don’t misunderstand me, I love when anyone shows the freedom they have when they express their difference in how they look. But I wonder about the goth look. Is it my upbringing that makes me think it leans towards a Satanic look? I have come so far in my own life in getting past thinking certain music is “of the devil”…yet I guess I am slow to get there in the “gothic” style of clothing. I am genuinely asking for my own education. Two of my four sons are still at home and in the middle of their teens. I don’t want to suppress their creativity or freedom to express themselves, yet I am stuck in my thoughts about the look of this style and what it appears to represent.

I am new to your website and am reading as fast as I can because it speaks to me on many levels. I don’t know how these comments work. I would never, NEVER want to hurt your daughter or offend you…but because this website is about helping others I feel the freedom to ask for my sake…in no way being critical. And I am in no way implying that your daughter is into satanic practices.

I don’t know if I’ll get a response or not but I thought it was worth a try to ask. Thank you for sharing yourself with all of the fellow sojourners in this life that have found the road a bit hard at times and are in need of a helping hand.

A new reader,
Cindy Leigh
PS. I am hoping this will not be published, but if it is I ask again that anyone who reads this take it as a question from a mother that cares and wants the best for herself and her children.