Comments on: Mother Daughter Relationship Lies http://emergingfrombroken.com/mother-daughter-relationship-lies/ from surviving to thriving on the journey to wholeness Fri, 18 May 2012 01:25:30 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Teresa http://emergingfrombroken.com/mother-daughter-relationship-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-69059 Teresa Tue, 20 Mar 2012 19:44:07 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1328#comment-69059 *Rollo May concluded this: Daughters who were out-and-out rejected were far more confident, and had far higher self esteem, than those daughters who were raised in a lie. Daughters who had mothers who claimed to love them, who did the 'right' things, and yet had no actual affection for their daughters - well, these grown daughters were the very troubled ones. *Rollo May concluded this: Daughters who were out-and-out rejected were far more confident, and had far higher self esteem, than those daughters who were raised in a lie. Daughters who had mothers who claimed to love them, who did the ‘right’ things, and yet had no actual affection for their daughters – well, these grown daughters were the very troubled ones.

]]> By: dysfunctional relationship My parents treat me like a child :: Emerging From Broken http://emergingfrombroken.com/mother-daughter-relationship-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-13731 dysfunctional relationship My parents treat me like a child :: Emerging From Broken Fri, 15 Apr 2011 15:27:44 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1328#comment-13731 [...] of being treated like a child, what comes to your mind? One of the commenter’s on my blog post Mother Daughter Relationship Lies said that she was sick of being treated like a child, and caused me to think about the meaning [...] [...] of being treated like a child, what comes to your mind? One of the commenter’s on my blog post Mother Daughter Relationship Lies said that she was sick of being treated like a child, and caused me to think about the meaning [...]

]]> By: Darlene Ouimet http://emergingfrombroken.com/mother-daughter-relationship-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-9071 Darlene Ouimet Fri, 21 Jan 2011 15:54:43 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1328#comment-9071 Hi Lana, Welcome to Emerging from Broken, great to have you here. Thank you for sharing your story, so much like so many of us have endured. It really does hurt! Hugs, Darlene Hi Lana,
Welcome to Emerging from Broken, great to have you here.
Thank you for sharing your story, so much like so many of us have endured. It really does hurt!
Hugs, Darlene

]]> By: Lana http://emergingfrombroken.com/mother-daughter-relationship-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-9047 Lana Fri, 21 Jan 2011 05:34:21 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1328#comment-9047 You are not the only one sweetheart, I feel so bad for you. My mother and whole family chose to believe rumors and they all stopped talking to me. Noone tried to help. Stacks of cash are never the answer. My family told me to tell the truth and everything will be fine. When I told the truth, they decided that I was lying. It really hurts. I am a grown up now but that thing affected all my relationships. I always get scared to trust people and get close to people. But always remember it is not your fault, they were mature people and knew better, yet they decided to throw a child away!!! You are not the only one sweetheart, I feel so bad for you. My mother and whole family chose to believe rumors and they all stopped talking to me. Noone tried to help. Stacks of cash are never the answer. My family told me to tell the truth and everything will be fine. When I told the truth, they decided that I was lying. It really hurts. I am a grown up now but that thing affected all my relationships. I always get scared to trust people and get close to people. But always remember it is not your fault, they were mature people and knew better, yet they decided to throw a child away!!!

]]> By: Darlene Ouimet http://emergingfrombroken.com/mother-daughter-relationship-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-3191 Darlene Ouimet Thu, 29 Jul 2010 23:42:37 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1328#comment-3191 Hi Laurie, I have read your comment three times. No matter how many times I read things like this it stuns me. So sad. He offered you money??!! And all your mom wanted to know is why you didn't call her to say goodbye when you called others? WOW. This is the kind of thing that I am always talking about when I talk about being devalued. Both those things serve to remind us of our low value in their eyes. OUCH. It was like my mother went out of her way to make sure that I knew I just wasn't that important. As for my father, he was so disinterested in me that today I feel as though I never really had a father. I am sure that he is a nice guy where the rest of the world is concerned. One of these days I will write about the father daughter stuff. You know what though? One of the unexpected benefits for me that came as a result of doing the work I have done to really look at the truth about my life, abuse, mental health issues and my parents is that I no longer do want their approval. That is a freedom that I never expected! Thanks for sharing so honestly Laurie, it really makes a difference to the readers when others are willing to share this kind of thing. Hugs, Darlene Hi Laurie,
I have read your comment three times. No matter how many times I read things like this it stuns me. So sad. He offered you money??!! And all your mom wanted to know is why you didn’t call her to say goodbye when you called others? WOW. This is the kind of thing that I am always talking about when I talk about being devalued. Both those things serve to remind us of our low value in their eyes. OUCH. It was like my mother went out of her way to make sure that I knew I just wasn’t that important. As for my father, he was so disinterested in me that today I feel as though I never really had a father. I am sure that he is a nice guy where the rest of the world is concerned. One of these days I will write about the father daughter stuff.

You know what though? One of the unexpected benefits for me that came as a result of doing the work I have done to really look at the truth about my life, abuse, mental health issues and my parents is that I no longer do want their approval. That is a freedom that I never expected!
Thanks for sharing so honestly Laurie, it really makes a difference to the readers when others are willing to share this kind of thing.
Hugs, Darlene

]]> By: Laurie Johns http://emergingfrombroken.com/mother-daughter-relationship-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-3186 Laurie Johns Thu, 29 Jul 2010 19:18:58 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1328#comment-3186 Darlene, I too was abused as a child but by my father. I didn't remember til almost 2 years ago and when confronted with it...a letter, He waited til after my mother was asleep and called me,not knowing he was on a speaker phone, and didn't deny it but instead offered me money and/or a new lawyer. I kinda wish I had told him "Ok, 5 thousand a month til I say when." He lives his life for his reputation and money. Hit him where it hurts is what I should have done. He and my mother and the rest of the family chose when I divorced my ex,who was also abusive,to take his side. After listening to my pastor preach on father's day I chose to call and leave him a message. All it said was that I loved him. I chose to honor him simply for his "office" cause because of him and my mother I am alive and here and Happy with my new husband. Two days after that he called and left me a message. He doesn't seem to realize that Yes, I will forgive him but I DO NOT want a relationship with him. Yesterday was my birthday and he had to call and leave a sappy message that tore my heart to pieces. I think no matter how old I get somehow I'm always going to want my fathers approval although he and especially my mother made it clear that I was not wanted...I was a replacement baby for the son they lost the year before. I overdosed 5 years ago due to deep depression and the only thing my mother said to me at the hospital was "why didn't you call me to say goodbye?" because I HAD called a couple of my best friends to say goodbye and they had notified my ex who rushed me to the hospital. I still sometimes struggle with my mind and thoughts of unworthiness but know that I am loved first by God and second by my husband. Darlene, I too was abused as a child but by my father. I didn’t remember til almost 2 years ago and when confronted with it…a letter, He waited til after my mother was asleep and called me,not knowing he was on a speaker phone, and didn’t deny it but instead offered me money and/or a new lawyer. I kinda wish I had told him “Ok, 5 thousand a month til I say when.” He lives his life for his reputation and money. Hit him where it hurts is what I should have done. He and my mother and the rest of the family chose when I divorced my ex,who was also abusive,to take his side. After listening to my pastor preach on father’s day I chose to call and leave him a message. All it said was that I loved him. I chose to honor him simply for his “office” cause because of him and my mother I am alive and here and Happy with my new husband. Two days after that he called and left me a message. He doesn’t seem to realize that Yes, I will forgive him but I DO NOT want a relationship with him. Yesterday was my birthday and he had to call and leave a sappy message that tore my heart to pieces. I think no matter how old I get somehow I’m always going to want my fathers approval although he and especially my mother made it clear that I was not wanted…I was a replacement baby for the son they lost the year before. I overdosed 5 years ago due to deep depression and the only thing my mother said to me at the hospital was “why didn’t you call me to say goodbye?” because I HAD called a couple of my best friends to say goodbye and they had notified my ex who rushed me to the hospital. I still sometimes struggle with my mind and thoughts of unworthiness but know that I am loved first by God and second by my husband.

]]> By: Twitted by LoriThrives http://emergingfrombroken.com/mother-daughter-relationship-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-3181 Twitted by LoriThrives Thu, 29 Jul 2010 15:41:07 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1328#comment-3181 [...] This post was Twitted by LoriThrives [...] [...] This post was Twitted by LoriThrives [...]

]]> By: Darlene Ouimet http://emergingfrombroken.com/mother-daughter-relationship-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-3180 Darlene Ouimet Thu, 29 Jul 2010 15:29:28 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1328#comment-3180 Hi Dee and welcome !! I had huge problems with relationships too. (and not just because of my mother; my father too) When love means what can I get from you, it isn't love. If I do what she wants, she loves me; that isn't love. I got so mixed up when I realized that this definition of love is NOT how she loved me... which is really how I was able to crack this code. I looked at the definition of love according to my mother. ie: Love was doing what she wanted. Then I looked at how that applies to me. She never did what I wanted. I don't think I wanted much because I was too busy trying to be what she wanted! She doesn't love me by the definition of love that she believes in. Her own history is the same with her mother too. She thinks because she tried harder and harder with her mother, that I should do the same.. as though she paid her dues and now it is her turn to be the queen.. I am not in that fog anymore. Thanks so much for your comment! Hugs, Darlene Hi Dee and welcome !!
I had huge problems with relationships too. (and not just because of my mother; my father too) When love means what can I get from you, it isn’t love. If I do what she wants, she loves me; that isn’t love. I got so mixed up when I realized that this definition of love is NOT how she loved me… which is really how I was able to crack this code. I looked at the definition of love according to my mother. ie: Love was doing what she wanted. Then I looked at how that applies to me. She never did what I wanted. I don’t think I wanted much because I was too busy trying to be what she wanted! She doesn’t love me by the definition of love that she believes in. Her own history is the same with her mother too. She thinks because she tried harder and harder with her mother, that I should do the same.. as though she paid her dues and now it is her turn to be the queen.. I am not in that fog anymore.
Thanks so much for your comment!
Hugs, Darlene

]]> By: Darlene Ouimet http://emergingfrombroken.com/mother-daughter-relationship-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-3179 Darlene Ouimet Thu, 29 Jul 2010 15:20:23 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1328#comment-3179 Paulette, I don't think that my mother can face any of it so she believes that she isn't the problem. It is like 'her' survival mode. I think it is more about her then it is about me. That is what I came to realize ~ the fault is in her, not in me. The healing keys were in realizing that the ways that she convinced me that it WAS me, were not true. She said and did things to keep me off balance, to keep me trying harder because I believed that I had a problem, and it started when I was pretty young. Getting stronger was about owning the truth. One day I just realized that I didn't need her approval. I didn't need her to "love" me. Realizing that was freeing.. it was like WOW.. I am my own person. I approve of me. I like me! I am good enough for me! Hugs and thanks for sharing with the depth and honesty that you share with! Hugs, Darlene Paulette,
I don’t think that my mother can face any of it so she believes that she isn’t the problem. It is like ‘her’ survival mode. I think it is more about her then it is about me. That is what I came to realize ~ the fault is in her, not in me. The healing keys were in realizing that the ways that she convinced me that it WAS me, were not true. She said and did things to keep me off balance, to keep me trying harder because I believed that I had a problem, and it started when I was pretty young. Getting stronger was about owning the truth. One day I just realized that I didn’t need her approval. I didn’t need her to “love” me. Realizing that was freeing.. it was like WOW.. I am my own person. I approve of me. I like me! I am good enough for me! Hugs and thanks for sharing with the depth and honesty that you share with!
Hugs, Darlene

]]> By: Dee http://emergingfrombroken.com/mother-daughter-relationship-lies/comment-page-1/#comment-3175 Dee Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:28:37 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1328#comment-3175 Wow. I am crying as I read this. It's time to heal. Thank you for sharing. Although I can say it does feel really lonely because I have a hard time with relationships as a result of my mother. She is only loving to me when I am giving her something or when she is taking something from, at times without my knowledge. It really hurts. Wow. I am crying as I read this. It’s time to heal. Thank you for sharing. Although I can say it does feel really lonely because I have a hard time with relationships as a result of my mother. She is only loving to me when I am giving her something or when she is taking something from, at times without my knowledge. It really hurts.

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