Freedom and Self Worth ~ More on Family Dysfunction

I got a lot of emails and private messages about my last blog post “The longing for Family, Love and Self Love” some of our readers misunderstood me, and offered comfort and even therapy. I think the title was misleading.

I want to (hopefully) clarify a few things. I am not writing these blog posts from a victim’s viewpoint, but from the magnificent vista of freedom and wholeness that I enjoy and embrace in my life today.

I am sad that my relationship with my parents is what it is, but the message that I want to deliver is, that while I used to be very conflicted and held back by the knowledge that I was just not important to them, I am not held back by that anymore. I have become my own person and have risen above the need for their approval. I approve of me today; I define myself and believe my value to be equal to every other human beings value.

There is so much freedom in the acceptance that my parents are not likely going to change. They have their belief system, which is not related to mine anymore.  Their definition of love is not the same as mine. Their definition of family is not the same as mine either. There is even greater freedom in accepting that I don’t need them to accept me or approve of me or even for them to KNOW me in order for me to be valid, valuable or right. My existence does not depend on what they think or how they view the world with me in it. I no longer live under the rules of obligation ~ and respect is a two way street.

When I told my mother that she could not treat me with such disrespect if she wanted to continue to have a relationship with me, she dismissed me. That fact alone tells the story.

Freedom is no longer living with the expectation that one day I will do just the right thing and magically, someone will notice me and believe I am worthy of interest. I am worthy. My worth does not come from someone else. My worth comes from somewhere deep inside me; the acceptance and acknowledgement of my self worth grew out of the process and the work that I did to become whole and to overcome the mental health issues that I struggled with.

Freedom and wholeness is knowing who I am and living each day to the fullest! I like who I am today and my life isn’t missing a thing!

Please add your comments or suggestions! I would love to hear from you.

To your freedom and the continued pursuit of wholeness!

Darlene Ouimet

P.S. On this same subject, I plan to write some articles about the power we have as parents when we notice our children and the results we get when we love, encourage and acknowledge them for who they are. If it were not for my past, I would not be so sensitive to this issue, but I would also not be so knowledgeable about how to use my power to empower others instead of using it to control others.