Exposing the Belief System ~ Coming out of the fogBy Darlene Ouimet
Continued from my previous post, “The Beginning~Emerging from Broken“
Once I began to realize the beliefs that were at the core of my belief system, I was able to start to understand that they were not actual truth. Once I realized this, I was able to take a look at why they were not true, (or at least not true anymore) and then I was able to start the replacement process. Replacing the lies with the actual truth is a fairly long process, because in my case there were so many lies I believed about myself and each new thing I encountered on the other side of the fog, was something that I had to look at through my new lens of truth.
Take this blog for instance. I had another blog several years ago. I wrote about the same message that I write about in this blog but I did not do anything to publicise it. I didn’t post my links on Facebook. I didn’t use key words or tag the posts so that I might be found by search engines. I was afraid that someone would actually read it! I put the URL in my email signature and I deleted it before I sent each email. I had little confidence in myself, and I certainly was afraid to own my message. This is a common problem for those of us who have a faulty belief system; our self esteem and confidence is compromised as we are told in so many ways that we or our feelings are wrong, and in many ways told that we don’t really know ourselves.
I was also afraid that my parents would read the blog and get mad at me. I didn’t want to hurt their feelings but deep down my fear was more about the fear of losing them. It was as though I had to pick between my truth and having them in my life. Somehow I believed that I could not live without them if they rejected me. I think that belief comes from childhood where it is in fact true and we carry that false truth with us well into adulthood. Another reason that I was afraid my Mother would read the blog was because she had threatened to take legal action if I wrote a book. (Why she thought that my book would be about her in the first place is an interesting observation in itself, although that is another story for another day.) Deep down I was afraid that my new truth was somehow wrong and on a slight level still believed that the way I was treated and devalued as a child was my own fault, that I was indeed still valueless and that I was a high maintenance and emotionally unstable person. All these things kept me from sharing that other blog with anyone except for a few close friends.
I could not own my message because I still believed that I was not really as valuable as I thought I might be. My old belief system was still operating in that department. I was sure that others would think me vain if I were to write with such conviction. I was sure that they would sneer at me and say “who does she think she is, with that crazy message? It’s ridiculous.” Although on a conscious level I knew that my message of wholeness and freedom was valid, important and exactly what people wanted to hear, on a subconscious level, where my belief system operated, I thought it wasn’t valid. Below the surface of my mind there was a war going on!
I kept pursuing wholeness and freedom from the false truths in my belief system and I kept working on replacing the lies in my mind with the truth. When I started speaking in mental health seminars, and realized the impact that I was having on the people in those seminars, it helped me to accept that there were a lot of people who really liked my message and welcomed hearing it. Eventually I was able to unveil the war going on inside of me, and start to set it straight.
Fight the fog! Love Darlene