Emotional Healing by Understanding Psychological AbuseBy
Every day I realize more and more that if the world is going to change at all, it is going to change through the emotional healing of the victims. I think that victims of emotional abuse and all the other forms of abuse that stem from emotional and psychological abuse including sexual abuse, domestic violence and spiritual abuse, make up the majority of the people in the world. We have a voice; it is time to take our voices back, to heal and to take our lives back. Abusers can only be truly stopped when victims heal. When the people that they have hurt, realize the truth and realize that we can overcome the pain, oppression and rejection we have lived with and finally take a stand against it in our own lives. When victims emotionally heal, we are strong enough to stand up to the abuse and we are no longer fooled by subtle manipulation. There will be a ripple effect and we will raise our own children differently then we ourselves were raised, and the abusers will lose some of their power because the psychological abuse, lies and manipulation highlighted in the points below, won’t work the same anymore.
~ Abusers and controllers run the show;
~ They insist on and instigate cover ups, communicating that loyalty and respect is “not talking”
~ Emotional abusers misuse their power in order to get what they want and to have things the way they want them.
~ They misrepresent “right from wrong” teaching false truth out of the desire to control
~ Psychological abusers teach that submission, compliance and obedience are love
~ The power they exert over you is “for your own good”
~ They don’t respect or encourage individuality because that would limit their control
~ Psychololgical abusers demand that we don’t question them and teach that doing so is disrespectful
~ They are always right, they know best
~ They demand that their authority is respected, but they don’t model respect
~ Emotional abusers teach that we have NO value outside the value THEY give us.
~ They do not live by their own teachings and values, rules, or standards
~ Psychological abusers do not live by their own definitions of “respect” “love” or “truth”
And the minute I made “a mistake” or did something that the abuser or controller decided was “wrong”, they declare that they now have “the proof” that I am a failure, a liar, crazy, a misfit, just as they said I was all along. They will often do this publically, twisting the truth and making sure that others agree that I am is the crazy one. Always making sure that the blame never falls on them. This is a very big part of how psychological abuse works.
They taught me and shaped me; mistreated and devalued me, all of which broke me. Then they rejected me because I was broken.
Labeled by their psychologically abusive actions as not good enough, not lovable, not the way that “they” wanted me to be. A disappointment. A failure. In convincing me that I am responsible for the results in our relationship they can make it my own fault that I am not lovable or good enough. And it is easy to do because the training starts young. I was even more compliant because I was constantly trying to prove that it wasn’t me! I had become so confused in believing that I wasn’t’ good enough and so brainwashed that I believed that unless they agreed that I was worth it, and validated that I was worth loving, then I wasn’t. They defined me in the first place and I didn’t realize that it was up to me to take my identity back, to redefine myself by deciding that they were wrong about who they convinced me that I was. I didn’t even know I could define myself because I was so lost in the fog that they encased me in. And I doubted that I had the strength to take my life back when I found out that emotional healing was possible and that part of the solution was in taking a stand against being falsely defined. I had to find the real me and a big part of how I did that was in first realizing that I was not who they said I was.
They kept me in the spin. Psychological abusers have to keep us in a spin because if we break through the fog for one second, we might realize that they are wrong. They know we just might recognize how pathetic they are so controllers and abusers quickly defer to a statement or event that proves their point, but that statement usually has nothing to do with the current situation and because psychological abusers create such a fog storm, victims rarely resist being led down the rabbit trail that the “proof or statement” is designed to take you down. We don’t resist because this conditioning begins at such a young age.
This description of emotional abuse and the abuse tactics used by controlling and manipulative emotional and psychologically abusive people apply to all people who desire to control others. These tactics are used by teachers, bosses, spouses, aunts, uncles, grandparents, parents, and even siblings and are based on the abusers belief that the all people are not created equal. Abuse and control is made easier when the self esteem is damaged.
You are most welcome to share your feedback, stories, victories or pain with us.
Exposing truth in order to inspire emotional healing;
Recommended reading: People of the Lie by M.Scott Peck (the hope for healing human evil)
Coping methods and trying to escape myself (with Discussion here on EFB)