Comments on: Controlling Parents and the Questions Abusers Ask http://emergingfrombroken.com/controlling-parents-and-the-questions-abusers-ask/ from surviving to thriving on the journey to wholeness Thu, 17 May 2012 23:23:17 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Darlene Ouimet http://emergingfrombroken.com/controlling-parents-and-the-questions-abusers-ask/comment-page-1/#comment-83534 Darlene Ouimet Wed, 09 May 2012 12:34:45 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1312#comment-83534 Hi Ariel Welcome to EFB Thank you for sharing your story. It isn't easy to be in a situation like that. It sounds like a lot of the stiuations that we share about here so I think you will find community and understanding in these pages. Hugs, Darlene Hi Ariel
Welcome to EFB
Thank you for sharing your story. It isn’t easy to be in a situation like that. It sounds like a lot of the stiuations that we share about here so I think you will find community and understanding in these pages.
Hugs, Darlene

]]> By: Ariel http://emergingfrombroken.com/controlling-parents-and-the-questions-abusers-ask/comment-page-1/#comment-83455 Ariel Wed, 09 May 2012 07:49:08 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1312#comment-83455 Hello, my name is Ariel, and i was raised a Jehovah's witness. My parents constantly made me feel like a disapointment to them in many ways. They would get upset over my grades, my clothes, my friends. They wouldn't let me out of the house after dinner time while i was in high school. I was not allowed on the computer at all, but my little sister was. I am now 18, and they kicked me out for standing up for myself. I live with them again now, and they still take things from me that i buy with my own money. They try to pressure me into going to church, saying it will improve my life and i need it. I wanted to kill myself in grade 10, honestly. My mom would tell me i need to lose weight, and that i needed to wear make up. She would tell me i looked like a guy.. i was a size 9 then. I just hope my sister dosnt go through the same thing as me. Hello, my name is Ariel, and i was raised a Jehovah’s witness. My parents constantly made me feel like a disapointment to them in many ways. They would get upset over my grades, my clothes, my friends. They wouldn’t let me out of the house after dinner time while i was in high school. I was not allowed on the computer at all, but my little sister was. I am now 18, and they kicked me out for standing up for myself. I live with them again now, and they still take things from me that i buy with my own money. They try to pressure me into going to church, saying it will improve my life and i need it. I wanted to kill myself in grade 10, honestly. My mom would tell me i need to lose weight, and that i needed to wear make up. She would tell me i looked like a guy.. i was a size 9 then. I just hope my sister dosnt go through the same thing as me.

]]> By: Darlene Ouimet http://emergingfrombroken.com/controlling-parents-and-the-questions-abusers-ask/comment-page-1/#comment-56445 Darlene Ouimet Tue, 31 Jan 2012 17:19:27 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1312#comment-56445 Hi Sarah, The abuse or childhood problems that our parents had has nothing to do with what we have gone through. It is so damaging to be told that your abuse is less than someone elses. I am so sorry that this was the response from your father. Glad you are here, thanks for sharing Hugs, Darlene Hi Sarah,
The abuse or childhood problems that our parents had has nothing to do with what we have gone through. It is so damaging to be told that your abuse is less than someone elses. I am so sorry that this was the response from your father.
Glad you are here, thanks for sharing
Hugs, Darlene

]]> By: Sarah http://emergingfrombroken.com/controlling-parents-and-the-questions-abusers-ask/comment-page-1/#comment-56293 Sarah Tue, 31 Jan 2012 02:36:57 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1312#comment-56293 I can really identify with this. I am 35 with a child of my own and my parents are still very controlling to me. I used to try to bring up the abuse they did to me and my brothers and my dad just said he thought it wasn't anything compared to what he went through growing up. I'm still in therapy because on top of all I went through as a child they were instrumental in diagnosing me with bipolar disorder when I tried to leave the house at 19. My dad is a narcissist who is also a preacher and even though I've moved away from them they hate my fiance and always tell me I need to be in church and refuse to approve of my independence from them. I still keep in touch just to be nice but they still try to act like I'm 16 even though I'm pregnant with my second child. I'm in therapy still. I feel like they got away with murder, and I never confront them anymore about the past. I can really identify with this. I am 35 with a child of my own and my parents are still very controlling to me. I used to try to bring up the abuse they did to me and my brothers and my dad just said he thought it wasn’t anything compared to what he went through growing up. I’m still in therapy because on top of all I went through as a child they were instrumental in diagnosing me with bipolar disorder when I tried to leave the house at 19. My dad is a narcissist who is also a preacher and even though I’ve moved away from them they hate my fiance and always tell me I need to be in church and refuse to approve of my independence from them. I still keep in touch just to be nice but they still try to act like I’m 16 even though I’m pregnant with my second child. I’m in therapy still. I feel like they got away with murder, and I never confront them anymore about the past.

]]> By: Ian http://emergingfrombroken.com/controlling-parents-and-the-questions-abusers-ask/comment-page-1/#comment-15122 Ian Sun, 08 May 2011 20:51:33 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1312#comment-15122 EXACTLY. I have the "symptoms" but mother was the problem all along !!!! cannot ask politely, always has contrived, fake smile, full of sarcasm and thinks she is being cute when she complains that the cat purrs too loudly. HAS NO BUSINESS with cats if she is like that !!!!! Is not my mother anymore. I am so sick of pretending.... made depression worse. will not do it anymore. she had a saying "if you can't say anything nice, say nothing." not allowed to complain, express anger, expected to put on good front all the time. nauseating. small wonder I had such difficulty with emotions of any kind. and why I developed an addiction. to escape overwhelming and uncomfortable emotions. thank heavens for treatment programs, therapists, my current girlfriend, and this community. WE ARE NOT ALONE. such a gift to find safe place with people who GET IT. EXACTLY. I have the “symptoms” but mother was the problem all along !!!!
cannot ask politely, always has contrived, fake smile, full of sarcasm and thinks
she is being cute when she complains that the cat purrs too loudly.

HAS NO BUSINESS with cats if she is like that !!!!! Is not my mother anymore.
I am so sick of pretending…. made depression worse. will not do it anymore.
she had a saying “if you can’t say anything nice, say nothing.”
not allowed to complain, express anger, expected to put on good front all the time.

nauseating. small wonder I had such difficulty with emotions of any kind.
and why I developed an addiction. to escape overwhelming and uncomfortable emotions.
thank heavens for treatment programs, therapists, my current girlfriend, and this community.

WE ARE NOT ALONE. such a gift to find safe place with people who GET IT.

]]> By: Darlene Ouimet http://emergingfrombroken.com/controlling-parents-and-the-questions-abusers-ask/comment-page-1/#comment-15120 Darlene Ouimet Sun, 08 May 2011 20:23:52 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1312#comment-15120 Nick, welcome! From what you have written, you have found the right blog and community! If you press the home page button, you will see the current posts. All my writing is about exactly what you are talking about AND I have fully recovered, so yes, lots of hope! What set me free was facing the truth about my life and what really happened to me in my childhood. There is freedom and wholeness! Hope to hear from you soon! Darlene Nick, welcome!
From what you have written, you have found the right blog and community! If you press the home page button, you will see the current posts. All my writing is about exactly what you are talking about AND I have fully recovered, so yes, lots of hope! What set me free was facing the truth about my life and what really happened to me in my childhood. There is freedom and wholeness! Hope to hear from you soon!
Darlene

]]> By: nick http://emergingfrombroken.com/controlling-parents-and-the-questions-abusers-ask/comment-page-1/#comment-15119 nick Sun, 08 May 2011 20:18:45 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1312#comment-15119 My Mother told me that I had a faulty memory then she did the very same manipulative and abusive things to me as an adult!!! i hsve ptsd with psychosis, even though I've been diagnosed as schizophrenic, because they won't listen to my past!. I have a counsellor who tells me that it is more likely to be ptsd with psychosis. Anyway, i prayed to god tonight. I kept on saying 'will you ALLOW me to' and now I realise that I am wanting to be autonomous and in charge of my life but unsure of how to go about it. Y'see I was in america with my wife, and she was emotionally abused due to the flashacks I was having, and I was so triggered by the mistakes I made, that I didn't think clearly enough to see that she was different and her crying wasn't like my Mother's manipulative crying... When i said that i didn't want any more contact with my Mother, she responded to the nurses at the hospital that she 'would like to come and bring my things' - how innocuous sounding, but in fact it was very subtle manipulation and a need to control... my dad asked me if I 'had any problems son'? I hate this it really irks me!.Ihate the way he speaksa nd everthing about him.... My point for writing ithis is to ask if there is any help out there? Medication, therapy, hypnotism anything! I heard you healed and that's great pleaes share what you did to get your life back please? and btw my parents are now as good as dead to me, but I hear tham in my mind and am metahorically 'mentally handicapped' due to their control! My Mother told me that I had a faulty memory then she did the very same manipulative and abusive things to me as an adult!!!

i hsve ptsd with psychosis, even though I’ve been diagnosed as schizophrenic, because they won’t listen to my past!. I have a counsellor who tells me that it is more likely to be ptsd with psychosis.

Anyway, i prayed to god tonight. I kept on saying ‘will you ALLOW me to’ and now I realise that I am wanting to be autonomous and in charge of my life but unsure of how to go about it. Y’see I was in america with my wife, and she was emotionally abused due to the flashacks I was having, and I was so triggered by the mistakes I made, that I didn’t think clearly enough to see that she was different and her crying wasn’t like my Mother’s manipulative crying…

When i said that i didn’t want any more contact with my Mother, she responded to the nurses at the hospital that she ‘would like to come and bring my things’ – how innocuous sounding, but in fact it was very subtle manipulation and a need to control…

my dad asked me if I ‘had any problems son’? I hate this it really irks me!.Ihate the way he speaksa nd everthing about him….

My point for writing ithis is to ask if there is any help out there? Medication, therapy, hypnotism anything! I heard you healed and that’s great pleaes share what you did to get your life back
please?

and btw my parents are now as good as dead to me, but I hear tham in my mind and am metahorically ‘mentally handicapped’ due to their control!

]]> By: Darlene Ouimet http://emergingfrombroken.com/controlling-parents-and-the-questions-abusers-ask/comment-page-1/#comment-13408 Darlene Ouimet Mon, 11 Apr 2011 20:42:24 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1312#comment-13408 Welcome SC It really does get better. If you read more of this blog and my story, you will realize that I was a mess struggling with multiple depressions and all sorts of other stuff and today I live a full life. I am happier then I ever dreamed possible and my family is happy and functional as well. My marriage is 100 times better and I have not had a depression for years now. In this blog I write about the healing process, how I came to live again, how I mended from a life time of broken. I don't know that I had ever been really happy in my life prior either. Hang in here, keep reading and you will discover there are MANY here, (this blog gets hundreds of views a day and hundreds of comments a month) are also finding hope and healing. Hugs, Darlene Welcome SC
It really does get better. If you read more of this blog and my story, you will realize that I was a mess struggling with multiple depressions and all sorts of other stuff and today I live a full life. I am happier then I ever dreamed possible and my family is happy and functional as well. My marriage is 100 times better and I have not had a depression for years now. In this blog I write about the healing process, how I came to live again, how I mended from a life time of broken. I don’t know that I had ever been really happy in my life prior either.
Hang in here, keep reading and you will discover there are MANY here, (this blog gets hundreds of views a day and hundreds of comments a month) are also finding hope and healing.
Hugs, Darlene

]]> By: SECarter http://emergingfrombroken.com/controlling-parents-and-the-questions-abusers-ask/comment-page-1/#comment-13407 SECarter Mon, 11 Apr 2011 20:36:28 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1312#comment-13407 I read the article and can relate. I am only at the beginning of this process. I am only now looking back at my childhood and recognizing that it was so abusive. There is so much that I took for granted and thought it was normal. I am suffering from depression, low self esteem, anxiety now. My question to everyone is "does it get better"? Is there really a way to heal so that I don't feel so broken? Is there a way to be happy? I don't know if I've ever been happy in my life. SC I read the article and can relate. I am only at the beginning of this process. I am only now looking back at my childhood and recognizing that it was so abusive. There is so much that I took for granted and thought it was normal. I am suffering from depression, low self esteem, anxiety now. My question to everyone is “does it get better”? Is there really a way to heal so that I don’t feel so broken? Is there a way to be happy? I don’t know if I’ve ever been happy in my life.

SC

]]> By: Darlene Ouimet http://emergingfrombroken.com/controlling-parents-and-the-questions-abusers-ask/comment-page-1/#comment-12580 Darlene Ouimet Wed, 23 Mar 2011 18:24:01 +0000 http://emergingfrombroken.com/?p=1312#comment-12580 Toorsie, I am not sure how to answer your question. Do you think you are abusive to your daughter? I don't have enough information to answer that. I am not surprised that she has emotional and psychological problems, she has been sexually abused by her father. The exact details don't matter if she was abused. That causes a lifetime of problems. When I wasn't heard as a child, I constantly sought being heard as an adult. (Today it is resolved for me, becasuse I found a way to validate myself, but I understand what your daughter is going through still) I think that if you read more of this site, you may get a clearer understanding of your own questions. There is a lot of information about healing, abuse, dysfunction and relationships. I hope that my comments help a bit. =) Thanks for posting. Darlene Toorsie,
I am not sure how to answer your question. Do you think you are abusive to your daughter? I don’t have enough information to answer that. I am not surprised that she has emotional and psychological problems, she has been sexually abused by her father. The exact details don’t matter if she was abused. That causes a lifetime of problems. When I wasn’t heard as a child, I constantly sought being heard as an adult. (Today it is resolved for me, becasuse I found a way to validate myself, but I understand what your daughter is going through still)
I think that if you read more of this site, you may get a clearer understanding of your own questions. There is a lot of information about healing, abuse, dysfunction and relationships. I hope that my comments help a bit. =)
Thanks for posting.
Darlene

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