Choosing Like Minded Friends and the Belief SystemBy
I decided to do a search on Google using the key words âbelief systemâ and one of the first things that came up was the instruction to âchallenge your belief systemâ (not much instruction on âhow to do the howâ) But one of the suggestions on challenging your belief system struck me as odd; it said ~ âchoose like minded friendsâ
That is an interesting directive; I chose like minded friends most of my life. And when I thought about that statement, choosing like minded friends was actually natural and also a part of the problem. Â Like minded isnât always a positive thing!
~ As a child at school I chose other kids who were withdrawn like I was. I fit in better with them.
~When I was a young adult, I chose other survivors of dysfunctional families who were in denial. We stayed in denial together.
~ I chose men who thought that they were more important than I was. I didnât think I agreed with them, but my actions and the acceptance of the way that they treated me as âless than themâ shows that we were in fact like minded.
~I chose friends who like me, were pretending that their lives were wonderful. We were like minded in our denial.
~ Sometimes I chose girlfriends that âused meâ and took advantage of me to baby sit their kids or to drive them somewhere. They used me and I thought doing what they wanted was âloveâ. I thought that their needs were more important than mine were and they agreed with me. We were like minded that way.
The point is that I chose like minded people without realizing what was mixed up in my own mind! I didnât realize that âlike mindedâ was not necessarily a good thing!
The only way that I could change anything about my life was to find out what my belief system WAS and where it was on the wrong track.Â That is not the easiest thing to do because the belief system forms when we are very young and we donât realize in childhood when our normal is in fact a âfalse normalâ~ meaning NOT normal or healthy at all.Â It was a challenge to figure out what was dysfunctional IN my own thinking. âI had to expose âmy normalâ to myself and reject it as the âfalse normalâ that it was.
So many âself help booksâ and âself help programsâ focus on changing the thinking by using will power. Positive thinking, affirmations and âacceptanceâ of the past i.e.: it happened now let it go. I tried that for about 25 years before I found out that the real changes in my operating system came quickly when I found the roots of how the dysfunctional beliefs got there in the first place. I was not born broken. I was not born with a false normal belief system.
Choosing âlike mindedâ people to hang out with and to have mutually respectful relationship with was a lot healthier for me once I found out the beliefs that were dysfunctioning and dysfunctional in my âmindâ in the first place and then changed them; then it was much easier to choose âhealthyâ like minded friends instead of the like minded unhealthy friends I had gravitated towards in the past.Â Itâs obvious to me now that when friends and associates exhibited abusive and devaluing traits that were so familiar and even comfortable to me that it was only natural to connect with those people who seemed so âlike mindedâ.
I am happy to say that have a much healthier idea of what âlike mindedâ is today. I pursue mutually respectful and mutually valuing relationships.Â I try to be aware and to resist dismissing any âred warning flagsâ that I get when I meet a new friend. Â
I have also discovered that âtrueâ self help is actually helpful and does not add more confusion.
Please share your thoughts about looking at the topic of âlike mindedâ through a new grid of understanding.Â The truth set me free, but it was not that easy to find it.
Another little snapshot of truth;
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