Archive for Freedom & Wholeness
I saw a quote that said, “I’m exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel.” And it really hit me; we live in a world that teaches things like “fake it till you make it” and “love heals all wounds” but the truth is that those lovely little phrases didn’t work for me. Pretending that I was fine and “believing” that LOVE would heal all wounds when the people who had done the wounding were telling me to “get over it” and “stop making such a big deal out of nothing” didn’t assist with the pain that I was in. It wasn’t until I realized what love really is that I was able to understand how love could heal my wounds. It wasn’t until I acknowledged where the exhaustion came from and how the wounds got there in the first place that I found healing.
I was exhausted too. I was exhausted from trying to be happy and from trying to be grateful for a life that seemed to be getting harder and harder. I was exhausted from being who other people wanted and expected me to be. I was exhausted from always trying harder and exhausted because nothing I did ever being enough.
I was exhausted because nobody heard me and because nobody cared that I was exhausted.
And I just couldn’t understand it. I believed that I might be the only person in the world that didn’t know how to make simple “gratitude” work for me; although I was practicing gratitude, it wasn’t working. I felt defeated. I felt stifled. I felt oppressed, I was weary and plain down to the bone tired.
I believed that I had nothing to be unhappy about. And that made me feel guilty and ashamed of myself. I believed that I was living my dream; great husband, three amazing kids, ~ living on a huge farm/ranch with my own horses and the best dog in the world.
But I wasn’t happy. I was exhausted. Read More→
Emerging From Broken –
‘The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing’ is available NOW.
How many times have you heard the instruction “Just Let It Go”? How many times have you personally been commanded to “let it go and move on”? How many ways is that statement communicated to people who are simply trying to justify their pain? How many insensitive people tell hurt people to “forgive and forget” or to “stop living in the past”? Last week, someone on the Emerging From Broken Facebook page directed ‘everyone’ on the page to “get over it and just let it go” and this sweeping, careless statement inspired me to write from a slightly different view point about the directive “Let it Go”.
In my view today, letting go is no longer about trying to simply forget injustices done to me. It is rather offensive to have been directed to let go of wrongs that had never been acknowledged in the first place. I was being told to ‘forget’ events that were mean, wicked and sometimes even illegal and to stop trying to have my pain validated. I was being told to let go of things that most of the people in my life were denying ever happened to me.
And you know what;
I did let go. Here is what I let go of;
I let go of the idea that successful relationship depends only on me.
I let go of the expectation that things would change if I just tried hard enough.
I let go of the belief that if only I could figure out how to be who they wanted me to be, that they would love me.
I let go of the hope that I would one day be good enough to be seen as an individual with valid thoughts and opinions of my own and I realized that they don’t get to decide how valid I am OR how valid my decisions and opinions are.
I let go of the idea (that I had been brainwashed to believe) that I had no choice. Read More→
When I began to see my life through the grid of “what happened to me” instead of through asking myself (and others) “what’s wrong with me” I was able to see things with new eyes and a new understanding based more on the truth instead of the lies I believed about myself that formed from the ways I was regarded and disregarded growing up. I write about how I accomplished that here in this website all the time. But what about after we have realized that it’s what happened to us, and not what is wrong with us? Although the healing process isn’t an overnight thing, there are a few things that I learned to do in order to pull myself back up when I felt weak or when I started thinking that maybe it really was me that was the problem after all.
When I began to see things through that more truthful grid of understanding, I was able to change those self-doubts into the understanding that I deserved and always had deserved better treatment. Every time I tried to understand WHY these people did this stuff to me or why they didn’t see me or hear me, I reminded myself that their actions and disregard of me was about them and it didn’t define me; I reminded myself that that I deserved better. It doesn’t really matter what is wrong with them, I just have to know (through looking at the truth leaking details) that I am not who they said I was.
And even though I built a really solid new foundation for my new self-esteem, something that I got stuck in on and off for a while was constantly questioning if I was being too judgemental of the people in my life that were discounting me. I kept going back to that old belief that maybe it was me.
Once we have begun building a new foundation based on the truth about who we really are instead of based on how we were taught who we are, we can bring change to our self-talk as well but just how do we do that and really stay strong in the new belief that we are worthy and just as valuable as every other human being?
And this is the subject of my new Video interview with Abuse Survivor, Coach, speaker, blogger and facilitator Svava Brooks for the Journey to the Heart Online Summit.
This video summit interview is no longer available.
In my interview I talk about how I went forward on the journey back to me on those days when I had self-doubts. After I realized that it was the false definitions of who I am and who I was that were at the root of the problem there were some key things I did in order to move forward and I share some really great tools that I developed and used to move get unstuck and get stronger and you can use those tools too.
Register for the Journey to the Heart Summit and listen to my interview. I am going to talk about how I still use these same tools to get over that particular stick point of thinking that maybe I am the one who is wrong or that maybe I really did deserve the way I was treated and I use these tools to help my clients to do that too.
This complimentary Summit starts on Friday Jan. 15th 2016 and you can listen and watch the videos at your convenience, but it’s only free for a limited time.
When you register for the Journey to the Heart online Summit you will have access not only to my interview~ there are over 20 other healing experts participating so for a limited time you will be able to listen to them all at your convenience.
Please register today ~ The Summit goes live on Friday Jan. 15th 2016. Remember; I’m sharing some specific tools that I still use to this day to put myself on the fast track to getting over any stick points that may come up. There is no cost and no obligation. See all the details here. Journey To The Heart Online Summit
The Last Summit I participated in with Svava was a huge success! This one is all NEW and I am really excited about it. Will you join me and all the other experts?
Are you aware of the The Emerging from Broken book “The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing”? If you find that the subject matter I am writing about resonates with you, get this book today! This 197 page, downloadable, printable, live linked e-book will put you on the fast track to busting out of the fog and to healing. Get yours here through the upper right side bar or click this link~ Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing
I am excited to welcome Christina Enevoldsen, founder of the popular blog and facebook page “Overcoming Sexual Abuse” and published author of the book “The Rescued Soul” as my guest writer for Emerging from Broken. Christina has a wonderful message and I am thrilled to have her voice on my blog this week. I hope you will help me welcome Christina and please feel free to share your comments with us. Darlene
The Best Advice for the Healing Journey by Christina Enevoldsen
At the beginning of my healing process, my pain oozed out of me. I didn’t seem to have a shut off valve to contain the memories and emotions that were surfacing. Consequently, without intending to talk about my abuse, words or tears would leak out before I knew what I was saying or feeling.
My friend, Claire, had been abused as a child and had been raped as an adult. At the time, I thought someone who had been so wounded and violated would be a good source of the understanding and compassion that I sought (without knowing that’s what I was looking for).
Unfortunately, that’s not what I found. While I sat across from Claire, crying and trembling, she cited scripture and told me I needed to put things in God’s hands. She believed that if I applied my faith to my abuse, I wouldn’t have to waste my time being so sad or negative.
The way Claire dispensed her rational information left me feeling like there was a barrier between us—like I had shown up at her doorstep with a contagious disease and she reacted by throwing her religious rhetoric out on her lawn, quickly slamming the door behind her, hoping I would go away.
Claire didn’t want to hear about my past or about my pain. She wanted me to put a smile back on my face and to be “fixed”. I was left feeling empty and frustrated. Sharing my pain with Claire only added more pain.
I know that Claire was trying to be a good friend and was only passing on what she truly believed. Coldly offering me that empty advice, the same “wisdom” she tried to live by, was all that she had. The trouble was, her advice wasn’t even working for her. Her own life was a huge struggle. Read More→
“Could the cause of most of our problems be that we live with expectations? Live without expectations and accept things for what they are? No expectations, no disappointments.”
Lets talk about this.
This brought up so many things for me and it isn’t the first time I’ve been told that my expectations were the root of the problem… “my problem”.
The first thing that came to my mind was the child, (and not just ‘the child’ but the child who was ME) who is abused, molested, discounted, shamed, hit, blamed, neglected, … is being told that he or she should not have ever expected to be loved, cherished, nurtured, respected, protected and taken care of.
Is this person suggesting that “Most of my problem” is that I wanted to be loved……….??
Then I thought about how this is the same ‘self -blame’ that I talk about all the time; if only I had never expected to be loved, then I wouldn’t have been disappointed.
This directive suggests that asking for simple respect and regard is expecting too much.
And what about the part that directs us to “accept things for what they are”. It’s interesting to me that this writer didn’t realize that accepting things as they really are is exactly what this blog is about; the difficulty is that actually ‘doing’ it is not nearly as easy or simple as it sounds and we are NOT trying to accept that our expectations are too high in the first place because they aren’t. Here is a tiny list of the things that I accepted for what they are which resulted in the freedom I enjoy today; Read More→
Victim mentality is the wish, hope and belief that by accepting nasty behavior and even covering up or excusing nasty behavior, that love will be the end result. I can’t think of one time that compliance led to love. Not even once.
As a Victim I believed that my love could heal others.
I believed that if I could prove to them that they were lovable, that they would love me back. And I put a lot of effort into proving that they were worthy of love. I cooked, I cleaned and I complied. I was quiet and polite or I was funny and bright; I kept the secret, I didn’t ‘bring shame on them’, I turned a blind eye. I accepted what they dished out as it was the normal that they taught me. I thought that was love. I thought that my love was ‘unconditional’.
I tried to ‘earn’ love.
I tried to prove my worth so that I would BE loved.
I didn’t really understand love.
As a victim I believed that if I was compliant, and if I did what they seemed to require from me that I would be appreciated. But the rules always changed. Instead of realizing that their rules always changed, I thought I was stupid.
I believed that if I jumped through their hoops and proved that I was ‘trying’ to be who they wanted me to be, that they would SEE me as worthy. Nobody ever saw me… Read More→
I am excited to announce that my first e-book ~ “Emerging from Broken ~ The beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing” ~ is finally ready! The original articles from my early work have been edited, cleaned up and some cases, re-written and I have re-ordered them for better flow and readability. The e-book is 197 full pages, printable and live linked to the associated website articles~ and it’s a steal of a deal for only $9.97
It’s been well over 2 years since I first got the idea to reorganize, edit and compile some of my key blog posts into e-books after receiving thousands of emails and comments through the blog and questions on the Emerging from Broken-Facebook page from people asking where to start reading and how to navigate through the EFB website. Thousands and thousands of people want to know “where to start” this healing process.
I share the “Where” and “How” answers in the ‘Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing’ collection of my writing. The way that I write shines a light on a path that I have travelled. The answers that I have found are available for you to find in your own way, in your own life and in your own time and thousands of people report that this light I am shining has lit up a path for them as well.
If you are anything like me, I thought I was alone in the way that I felt and the way that I experienced life. I even thought that I might be a little “crazy”. I thought that it was me and that it was my fault and since I had been “told” through the actions and inactions of the people in my life that it ‘was me’, I believed it. But it wasn’t me. Their actions were not about me but I couldn’t see it. I just kept trying harder and I explain why in the book. Understanding the ‘why’ about me went miles towards overcoming the damage.
Majority doesn’t rule when it comes to the way that people define people and just because everyone says it’s you, doesn’t mean it is you. Emerging from Broken is kind of like overcoming brainwashing. I wasn’t born with low self-esteem and through looking at the ways that it got damaged I was able recover it. I found out that it wasn’t so much about what was wrong with me, as it was about what was what was communicated to me about me.
This e-book is available for download on your computer or laptop. There are versions for Kindle and iPad as well as other e-readers. Your choice! (All of these options will be available to you when you get the book!) AND if you like to write in the margins, print a copy for yourself!
AND I have included a special feature in this e-book; Read More→
My birthday is this week and I have a special request. I am about to publish the first Emerging from Broken downloadable e-book; “Emerging from Broken ~ The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing” Signing the movie contract to appear as an emotional healing expert in the new self-help film “The Secrets of the Keys” got me all fired up to get my book done and I am really excited about being so close to the finish line! There is one very important thing left to accomplish on my “to do” list and it involves YOU!
This e-book is an adaptation of the first third of the work I published here in the EFB blog and I am collecting ‘endorsements’ and any positive feedback for what I have presented in this website, for the book. I am asking my readers to post something that can be included in book itself, and for the promotion here on this page so that they are all in one place and easy for me to cut and paste into the manuscript and the other places they will be used.
For example you could share how reading my website, or the Emerging from Broken Facebook page has made a difference in your life, or how my work has impacted you on your journey.
I am going choose several of these quotes for the inside cover of the book, some for a page on “what people are saying about Darlene Ouimet and Emerging from Broken” and some for the sales promotion.
I am going to publish a work book later this year and I will use some of these quotes, blurbs and endorsements on that book as well. Read More→
My work and my message here on Emerging from Broken have been discovered by a movie producer and I have been invited to co-star in the next “Key” movie as a featured “Key Expert.” Writer/Producer Robin Jay, an award-winning filmmaker, has just signed me to be a featured expert in her newest film, “The Secrets of the Keys.”
The film will star icons of the personal development industry including Brian Tracy, Michael Beckwith, Dannion Brinkley (Author of “Saved by the Light,”) John Assaraf, Gloria Loring, (author, singer, songwriter, actress) and will feature special guest don Miguel Ruiz, author of “The Four Agreements.” I am beyond excited and extremely honored to have been invited to co-star with these amazing messengers in the field of self-help and personal development.
The ‘Secrets of the Keys’ is a prequel to Robin Jay’s first movie, “The Keeper of the Keys,” which stars Jack Canfield (co-creator of “Chicken Soup for the Soul” and author of “The Success Principles”), Marci Shimoff (author of “Happy for No Reason”), and Dr. John Gray (author of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”) “The Keeper of the Keys” was the first funny self-help film. It won the Las Vegas International Film FestivalAward for Best Independent Film and The INDIE Fest Award for Best Documentary.
The first thing that caught my eye on the Key Movies website (www.TheKeyMovies.com) was their tag line: “Taking the Hell out of Self-Help.” I am ALL for that! The second thing that caught my eye was that these are “real” movies, hybrids that incorporate a fictional story line and characters interacting with the film’s experts, as opposed to the more traditional “talking head” style of documentaries that typically identify the self-help genre of films. In “The Keeper of the Keys,” personal development experts interact with fictional characters by sharing deeply personal stories of transformation. As viewers, we find ourselves rooting for the main character, a man who is feeling victimized by his Read More→