Jun
14

A Poem about Self Love, Self Talk and Reconnection with Self by Karenina

By

I have had great responses in the past when I have shared poetry! This poem was sent to me from Karenina in response to my article about “self talk and self care” While reading this poem it really helped me to understand and to keep in mind that Karenina is speaking to herself. Her older self is speaking to her younger self similar to some of the ways that I talk about “re-parenting” the self and re uniting with herself. Please share your thoughts with Karenina and I about this poem she has written. ~ Darlene

 “All is lost, and it seems to haunt you, I know  self esteem self love

You were always sure of yourself,

Now I see you broken and bitter

I hope we can patch it up together.

 

Chiquitita, tell me the truth

I’m the shoulder you can cry on,

You’re best friend,

I’m the one you must rely on.

 

Chiquitita, you will not cry

While the sun is still in the sky and shining above you

You’ll be dancing once again, and the pain will end

I will be the one to love you.”  ~ “Chiquitita” by Abba

 

***

 The Old Time-Traveler  by Karenina

 

I am your elder and though I was born from you,

I am your real true mother and cannot but love you.

 

I know your soul, and I know your good intent.

I know how hard you try to understand the thoughts

   or thoughtlessness of others who claim to love you.

I know how sincerely you strive to make yourself understood

  by those whom you love, and

I know who of those you love, you love in vain, and who will never hear you.

I hear you and I understand.

 

I am your true sister and I am the essence of your brother.

I am the strengths of your father

And I am all the expression of your ancestors

Coming through you, coming to you.

 

I know when the tears have threatened

And I know when the tears will not come.

When you weep, you need not explain

When you rage in silent explosive frustration within,

I bear it with you.

When your eyes fill with tears from the stress of holding that anger,

I squeeze your hand, tight.

For I know what you know.

I know all of your reasons.

I know your sorrows true and deep, yes,

Even those you do not admit to yourself in utmost solitude.

 

For you only, I am the great fortune-knower.

I know how most things will turn out.

When you don’t know how you will make it through, I do.

When you wish to die to ease the pain, I know you will live on with strength.

When you are guilty, I know the true purity of you and the flaws.

 

And I, your guardian elder, have judged you and found you innocent,

So that you are free and need not hold yourself in a prison of false shame.

Free to go and grow, moving forward, wiser.

 

I know the depths of kindness within your true heart.

I wish I could tell you truly that it shines out too bright for others there to see it clearly.

I wish I could hold it for you untouched and tell you that you are never foolish for kindness.

As a pearl is made from the irritant in the oyster’s shell,

the more the oyster gives of itself the smoother it becomes, the less it hurts.

Thus it is the kindness you give out that is your priceless pearl.

 

I wish I could tell you why you are never alone when you feel so lonely in your world.

I wish I could answer, when you ask “Is there no one out there, no one like me?”

But my answer would be cold comfort. No. No one there like you.

Just here, me.

There are no true mirrors there, but there are hazed reflections that can shimmer and delight.

There are some worth loving, some worth trying to love.

This is the source of joy and it’s conjoined twin, sorrow.

 

I am your guardian, though I am no angel.

Although you cannot know me,

and although you sometimes dread me,

I know you better than you know yourself,

And I love you better too.

 

I murmur to you,

I warn in spirit to protect you.

I love you without expectation of love,

Fully truly deeply.

I am the knowing of your conscience,

And the surety of your future.

 

I know the fruits your tear-watered labors will bear,

Some diseased, bitter and full of worms, unfit to nourish, but ripe to wisdom.

Some ripening to sweet fullness, awaiting harvest, bringing short sweet seasons of joy.

And joy is wizening too.

 

I rejoice with your joy. I love your honest loves.

I share your triumphs and hold you steady there, willing you not to be over-modest,

Telling you to trust in your honest pride.

 

I tell you to trust your intuition, for it is my voice in your spirit’s ear.

 

I tell you honestly, you are not old, you are still so very young!

When you turn 21, when you turn 30, when you turn 40 and  50 and, yes 60 even.

For if life is brief, old is illusion.

I hold your memories, and you are among my own.

 

I take your sorrows in, and grieve with you.

I hold you in my heart, I bring you comfort, back there.

I hold you in my arms, I stroke your smooth and youthful brow,

Your tears are welcome upon my understanding breast

When you think you cry alone into your pillow.

 

My heart breaks for you so that yours can remain strong

Enough to carry you forward to me, here.

 

One day you will join me and the all of us there is.

We will catch up to she who walks a bit up ahead,

And we will, whole at last! alone, all-one,

Walk right out of time.

 

By Karenina  (Kbroscoe)

(Published with Permission from Kbroscoe)

 

Please share your thoughts

Related posts: Self Care and Nurturing; What is your self talk like??

My Freedom Rocks

I want my Mommy and Re-parenting myslef

Categories : Freedom & Wholeness

25 Comments

1

Karenina
Thank you for sharing this poem with me and for allowing me to publish it here on EFB so that others can share in it too.

So much of my healing has been about learning to value myself and learning how to validate myself through talking to me, nurturing me, listening to me and reassuring myself. Reading your poem reminds me so much of doing all that. It reminds me of how I had to tell myself over and over again that I have all I need within myself to heal. That I know the truth and that it was always there, covered in layers and layers of lies that I was fed from such a young age that I had no choice but to believe them. Your poem reminds me of how far I have come, how much work it has been, how much persistence played and still plays a big role in my life.

I like the feeling that I get about my own healing when I read this poem.
Thank you again for sharing it with all of us.
Hugs, Darlene

2

Poetry is a tool of healing for me..I have one published with Safe Horizon of NYC, a non profit..I write poems of healing from domestic violence..poetry allows me to express myself in a safe way, but also to bring awareness to the damages that abuses does to a person. I have more poems that will be published along with a poetry book some time in the near future.

3

That is awesome Lela!

I think that it is important to use (and highlight) as many tools as possible when it comes to healing as each of us use different tools along the way. Some things work better than others for each of us.

Hugs, Darlene

4

Wonderful, Karenina! I knew you were a writer from our conversations. I was thinking of asking you if I could publish a comment you left on my blog and Darlene beat me to it!lol! I really enjoyed reading your poem.

Pam

5

Karenina….there is something about poetry that can touch a heart like nothing else. Your words are so meaningful and touching….and inspirational! I am so happy that you have shared this. You are VERY gifted. To be able to touch a persons life and emotions with words like you are able to is so beautiful!

6

Very beautiful poetry karenina.. poetry is the music the soul sings and angels whispers.. love it.

love,

Joy

7

Thanks Karenina with all my heart !!!! I just had to CRY….CRY …..AND CRY but after i was not sad but HAPPY that at least we all VICTIMS can read your Wonderful poetry and recognaise ourselves in what you express preciously and with this we are not anymore ALONE , but we feel togheter schearing the same FEELINGS, WOUNDS and HOPES!! THANKS TO EXSIST!! LOVE AND LIGHT!!! Roshani

8

Thank you for the lovely poem. To express the heart of us all and the solution in life is a gift!! Most people get lost in the pain and do not seek. You understand life and the Race. Thank you

9

Karenina,
Beautiful Words! You express the heart of the matter that we can mother ourselves in our healing journey. I like the way you describe the act of mothering that starts with, “I take your sorrows in, & grieve with you…I hold you in my heart…I bring you comfort back there”….This got me teary eyed. I think of my daughter & how I mother her by being there for her emotionally. I listened to the song link you posted & that was heartfelt too. It expresses the mother/dtr bond in that what is mirrored to you is a reflection of our own mother. Being a Loving Mom is the best gift in loving ourselves! It’s sad to think about how my mom gave me mixed messages, by keeping me close & then pushing me away. My broken self was reflected in her mothering! Your poem was thought provoking & emotional.
Thanks,
Sonia

10

Oh my goodness, thank you all for your support of my efforts to express myself in this! I am so glad that you like it and I hope it helps each one who reads it.

Sorry I didn’t respond individually and sooner; my computer service went down yesterday and has just now been repaired.

I also want to say that the first part that is in quotation marks is the song “Chiquitita” by Abba. It was released again more recently in the play and movie “MamaMia.” I feel sure most people would recognize this song, but just in case someone did not, I want to give proper credit for that.

This song inspired the poem that follows, which I wrote after hearing it again.

11

Oh, one other thing. “She who walks a bit up ahead” is also part of the self, and if we can go back for our younger selves…she can come back for us now. Trust her.

12

Thanks for telling me who that song was by Karenina! I didn’t catch that but I have amended the post now to include the author of those words.
Hugs, Darlene

13

Thanks Darlene. I am so glad that my work reaffirmed your process in healing, and that my words spoke to you too.

And oh, Darlene, you should really download “Chiquitita” and listen to it. It is both sad and upbeat at the same time, so I think you would really like it. You can dance to it, even, waltz-like rhythm. I am not sure I quoted it exactly, but it’s close.

You know, maybe sometime a post on songs that have helped various people work through things would be interesting too. I know that songs, which are really poetry put to music, can really touch the heart and help with discovery and healing too. At least it was and is true for me. Sharing our feelings about enlightening or healing songs, whether they are songs that make us cry or songs that speak of strength, might be helpful too. Just a
thought. :)

14

Lela, I would love to read a poem of yours! Looks as if we share that in common.

Pam, I am enjoying your Boomer blog! You are a good writer yourself, so it means a lot that you liked my poem!

15

Diane, I am very happy that my words touched you and inspired you. For someone who was not heard, having my words not only heard but appreciated this way means so much!

Joy, You sound like a poet with your words in your comment, “music the soul sings,” and angel whispers.” I like these expressions!

16

Roshani, you speak so passionately when you speak, that I know my words reached out to you in a special way! That makes my heart glad!

17

Shirley, I was ” lost in the pain ” too for some time, and it seems most of us were. Your own comment and choice of words is poetic too! “Understanding life and the Race.” How eloquent! Thank you for your comments.

Sonia, I agree! When ABBA first came out with this song I was a recently divorced single mom with a three year old daughter. I used to put my ABBA record on and play “Chiquitita” while dancing her around the room, thinking that when she was older I wanted to be there for her like the person in the song. Then when my daughter was 30, she told me ,”Mom, you just have to see Mama Mia, it makes me think of you, you and me.” I asked her if she remembered dancing to the song, and she said ” I WONDERED why it seemed do familiar! ” Later , listening to it alone, I thought it would have been so nice if ever someone had sung or said such words to me as in “Chiquitita.”
The I decided I could time travel and say them to myself, in my own way, in my own words…

18

To Karenina,
Go to facebook search for ‘Lela Albert’ that is my professional page, you must like the page first, then scroll down the page, I have some of my poems there. It’s great to read fellow poets poetry..
Lela

19

Karenina,
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing this.
with love,
Mimi

20

I really needed to hear this tonight. Thank you for sharing it. After another mind trip yesterday with my Mother followed by her calling today to exacerbate the issue further, I thought. I thought about her and her wanting happiness blaming me for not letting her have it. I thought about how I didn’t phone her. I thought how I live half a country away and her being one of the main reasons in my heart for wanting it. I thought about all the times I never felt safe when I should have as a child. I thought about all the times I NEEDED protection and she gave me nothing, taking from me for herself. I thought about all the times I was never important enough for any reason. I thought of how she took from me often making me feel less. I thought I didn’t want to go down that road ever again. I’m 30 and I was still traveling with her down it in my head. I wanted to. I still do. But more than wanting to be in that familiar place with her I want the pain to end. I want the hurt to go away. I want sunshine and happiness even if it comes with some clouds sometimes. With her it’s always raining. I can’t do it anymore even if I wanted to. Today I called her and told her to never call me again. I told her I was done with the mind trips, the games and the merry-go-round. She called less than 20 minutes later, but I didn’t answer. I broke up with my Mom. Today I am going to allow the rest of my day to wallow in pity and feel the pain and hurt then tonight I am going to put it away. Tomorrow I am going to rise and start to clean out my heart and my house. Tomorrow is the new beginning of life with out her. A part of me is completely afraid and another part can’t wait. I finally opened the box. It’s not what I thought it would be – it’s better.

Thank you Darlene for everything. I really don’t think if I hadn’t happened across your blog about a year ago I would be where I am. It’s new and scary in this place but for the first time I am taking responsibility for myself beyond measure. I’m having a rough take off, but I’m not quitting ;)

21

Hi Jessie
my heart goes out to you ~ both in joy for the self love that you show in your comments, and in sadness because I know this is so painful. I hope you continue to share here. Yay for not quitting! (because unlike what everyone says, it isn’t that we are quitting on our parents, it is that finally for once we are not quitting on ourselves!)
Hugs, Darlene

22

Jessie, I am honored that my words are what you needed at this time. I hope you will continue to honor your own self while remaining unselfish. It sounds like it is what you are trying to do. I hear you.

23

Thank you Karenina, for sharing The Old Time-Traveler. It was the perfect poem at the perfect time, and no coincidence I’m sure. I recently found my own Wise Woman and this poem speaks so directly to my soul. Thank you Darlene for your understanding and comradery and sharing your light. Peace.

24

Thank you so much for those heartfelt words filled with beauty beyond expression. I have recently cut communication with my mother. She does not know how to help me as I go through a very long and anxiety producing divorce…Her words are filled with criticism,negativity and her comparisons to my situation. I am compared to a younger sister who is just like my mom… she is incapabable of hearing me on any level and I do not mention other ways she has interfered and destroyed lives with no understanding of why there is not tons of love coming to her from her eight children…I have been recovering from a verbally abusive marriage of almost 20 years. I am emerging from broken slowly but so enjoying the gifts of creativity and talents that I have been blessed with without the negative echo and put downs from people who are manipulators, controllers and who want others to live in their world of misery.. It is wonderful to be able to grow in self esteem and self care without hearing…why I would never do that for me… Yes and that is why you live in a cloud of misery and self hate. I am thankful for knowledge from Patricia Evans books on verbal abuse, as they gave me the courage and knowledge to identify the abusers in my life, validate me and take the action to respect myself and not tolerate the abuse anymore. It is still a difficult road but I can say life is getting better and I feel better too without the people who live solely for themselves while discounting me with their words and actions. Darlene thank you so much for this sight, it has been a tremendous help to me, more than you will ever know. Lynn

25

Hi Lynn
Welcome to EFB ~ I am saddened when I hear about an unsupportive and critical parent. I know how hurtful this is. I am glad that you are growing in self esteem in spite of all that you have been through! I love Patricia Evans books too!
I am so glad you shared these comments today. Thank you for your support and encouragement!
Hugs, Darlene

Leave a Comment